Help..advice needed..bad behavior

Kristen - posted on 06/26/2010

Well said Sarah! You bring up many great and valid points. Thank you for offerng the advice/answers that so many moms seek.

Sarah - posted on 06/25/2010

Babies at this age often throw tanty's because of a reason and as the other mum's have said don't understand consequences to actions so there isn't any need to punish - this lets you off the hook.... The most common reason for tanty's at this age is hunger or thirst so try to load up on a drink before nap time and offer a few snacks. Usually if bub's has got to the point of losing control and getting into a tanty it's too late just to offer food or a drink so use distraction - chucking her straight into a pram or the bath usually does the trick. The good news is that these "stages" are usually short lived and when their brain growth balances again you will get your happy baby back AND they have usually learnt a new skill like walking etc. The bad news is that this will happen from time to time until bub's is about 3 and prob last a couple of hideous months at a time. Something important to remember is she doesn't like being like this, it's really scary and she would be feeling horrible through out it. Comfort and distraction can be used for all tantrum's until you know it's being put on for your benefit - prob after age 3 - and trust me you will know when they are in control but using a tantrum just to get what they want. Comfort and distraction will NOT spoil your child or encourage more tantrums as long as you don't just give in to the original want. Good luck I know these times have you confused and pulling your hair out just keep saying "it will pass" "it will pass" "it will pass".

Nikki - posted on 06/24/2010

I dont believe a 10 month old can understand what a time out is, I also don't believe in hitting your child, especially at a such a young age where the only thing she is grasping is its okay to hit because of she does it you do it, so hey it must be okay.

Kristen - posted on 06/24/2010

Children play with hair because it's a sensory stimulation for them . . . not to be mean, well at that age anyways.

I do not believe in any form or corporal punishment but I would understand more if someone only popped their child if they were about to do something that could cause serious harm.

I believe that a child development course should be mandatory for everyone leaving the hospital with a newborn. At least then people could make educated decisions about why they want to use corporal punishment. Babies are not trying to hurt you when they do these things, they are just exploring their world.

September - posted on 06/24/2010

Lacye you can disagree me, that's just fine :) I never criticized her I'm just confused, that's all. If you're trying to teach your child not to hit it seems as though hitting back would not be affective, but obviously it is for some children. My son has hit me and pulled my hair but I've never had to lay my hands on him, but like someone mentioned above what works for one child does not necessarily work for all. Totally off subject but I love the way you spell your name :)

Lacye - posted on 06/24/2010

Kristen and September: i just saw what you had said about the spanking, and i have to disagree with you. i do pop my daughter's hands when she does get into trouble. not all the time but when it is necessary. when she was about 10 months, she had also started to pull my hair. i would tell her no but she wouldn't listen, so yes, i started popping her hands and telling her no because it had gotten to the point that she was ripping my hair out. and it worked. she soon quit.

now i'm not saying you are wrong because you chose not to spank. that's your decision. but keep in mind that this is her child, and it's her decision no matter what anybody says. you may disagree with her, but at least don't criticize her for her way of discipline when it comes to her child because nobody is criticizing you.

Lacye - posted on 06/24/2010

my daughter is 13 months old. when she was 10 months old she tried the fits. i tired everything to get her to stop. and then it clicked. i started to ignore her. if she started screaming, i would walk out of the room. when she calmed down, i would reappear as long as she didn't start screaming again. after a while she got the idea that if she was going to act that way, mama wasn't going to pay attention to her.

September - posted on 06/24/2010

Kristen I was wondering the same thing myself. How the heck is a 10 month old going to understand that it's not ok to hit if they are getting hit themselves? Seems a bit twisted...however I've never spanked my son nor do I ever plan to so maybe I'm wrong?

Kristen - posted on 06/23/2010

Oh good, so you are teaching her that if she hits you hit her back, harder, good . . .

I'm sorry what in the hell is that teaching a child that isn't old enough to grasp why she is being hit? She might be laughing but not because she is being deceptive, she cognitively is not mature enough for that either.

Tell her no. Now this won't work if you use no for everything. No should be reserved for something that will cause harm to herself, someone else, or something. This way she knows that No means STOP. Redirection is the answer for the time being. tell her what she can do and allow her to do it.

Brandi - posted on 06/23/2010

my 11 month old does the same thing. when hes throwing a fit i usually just let him throw it since it doesnt bother me lol but the hitting thing i pop him on his hand and it takes about 3 or 4 times of him hitting me and me popping him 4 him 2 finally get that he doesnt need 2 hit me but i also tell him no when i pop him bk.

Jen - posted on 06/23/2010

Be consistent with her. If she hits you take her hands and stroke you face instead. Tell her, "We have to be nice to mommy. This is being nice." She won't understand you completely yet, but it will get you in the habit and it will help her understand as she gets a little older.

Another technique is redirection like another mom said. Get her interested in something else.

As for time out. I started with my daughter when she was about 11.5 months old. All I did was put her in the hallway so that each of us could have a calm down period. As she got older and was actually put in time out for misbehaving we started explaining to her why she was there and she would have to repeat that back to us.

When you daughter throws a fit, let her try to calm herself. If she's still carrying on after a few minutes try to get her interested in something else.

Parenthood is trial and error. What works with one child may not work with another. You just have to keep trying things until you find out what works. Good luck.

Tabitha - posted on 06/23/2010

My daughter is 9 months and she throws fits too. That's her way of communicating. If she starts trying to hit, I hold her hand down and tell her no no. I might have to do it a couple of times, but she quits. Time outs won't work yet. It's almost impossible to get a baby this age to stay still. You could just walk away like another lady said. Once your baby calms down, walk back and verbalize what you THINK she's feeling~ "Are you angry? You didn't like Mama taking away that pen, did you?" It'll help her identify her emotions and let her know you realize she's thinking for herself. Maybe hand her something of hers that she can have as you take something away.

I have "spanked" my daughter, and all that is is a light tap on her leg, but it isn't as effective as talking to her. Oh, and unfortunately she could be starting the terrible twos... my first daughter was in them full blown by 1 year old. It just takes being consistent (and not giving in because it's the easy thing to do) to survive!!! My husband is in the Army and gone a lot, so I have had to do most of the parenting by myself, and I refuse to be a doormat to a toddler or a baby, so I started them off making them listen! It's worked so far... :) GL

Kasey - posted on 06/23/2010

my son does the same but has been for a while now n he is mr 11months i found if he had a fit id walk away or if was sitting beside him i wood act as if he werent ther untill he stoped it works sometimes but not every time also with th hittin he does also in the face and bitting but when he hits i take his hand fermly but not hurting him and put it against his face (nicley ) and run his and down he side of his face gentaly stroking and ssaying over and over again rember we use gental hands caleb( your childs name) at this age repetivness is a must you need to repeat every thing at least 15 times befor they even start to listn to it and 95times for them to undersatd the concept this workd great with me i was dead for ideas and needed help SOOO bad with my aggresive son i really hope this works for you to each and every child is diffrnt

good luck

September - posted on 06/23/2010

She is only 10 months old, throwing fits is a way of communicates her emotions since she is not old enough to verbalize them just yet. Redirection is key at this age. When she is doing something that she is not supposed to be doing redirect her to something that is ok to do. Time outs are not recommended until 18-24 months of age because this is when they are able to understand that there are consequences for unpleasant behavior. Our son is 19 months and I'm reading a book called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years. I do not believe in physical discipline therefore this book has been super helpful. You should check it out. Just remember that your daughter is not acting out because she wants to annoy you. It's all about developmental stages and the best thing that you can do is educate yourself on ways to handle each of these stages. Good luck Momma!