HELP Frustrated MOM/WIFE

Raina - posted on 07/29/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married for 2 weeks but been living together for 6, we have 3 amazing boys who are exhausting. My husband works on an oil rig, even though he comes home every morning (he works the night shift) i feel like he is not apart of our lives. He wants to be the friend not the parent, but complains that I am grouchy all the time and dont have patience with the kids or him. He wants to sleep wake up and sit on his butt, when I leave him with the kids so I can run errands he lets them watch shows I do not allow, do thinks I do not allow them to do, and he teaches them inappropriate "Potty humor". We just got into a fight how when I get mad at the boys I go off the deep end and make a big deal out of nothing but when he gets angry with the he acts like a bully.He had a terrible childhood with a mother who was more of a psycho path than a real mom and a father who worked all the time and treated him like a pathetic excuse of a life. How can I get him to MAN up and be dad instead of friend? I read parenting books all the time I go to classes all the time I want to be a better mom than I am but i feel like i cannot implement structure because he will not follow it himself. I feel like a terrible mother because I cannot emotionally control my feelings anymore.
Please no haters I already feel like a piece of trash for being such a crappy mother.

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Amrit - posted on 07/31/2012

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you are not a crappy mother. dont ever tell yourself that. believe in yourself. things need to change, but you can't do it with a low self esteem. value and respect yourself. he might notice if you treat yourself differently. many times the way that we treat ourselves dictates the way that we allow others to treat us. set a good example and he may well follow. try to communicate well and calmly with each other in an adult setting when the kids are busy. my hubby works nights also, and i cant say I love it at all. he is tired a lot which makes him cranky which makes him unappealing to try and talk about important issues with. what are your weekends like? is he more relaxed then? timing is everything when it comes to working on things..

Stevie - posted on 07/29/2012

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I don't know a lot about this type of situtaion, but when me and my huband fight about the way he acts I compare him to somebody who did that to him. In this case it would be your husbands parents. Ask him to compare things they did to him compared to what he does to his. It may not be as bad, but any father would want their child to have a better life that what he had. I'm not saying it will work, but maybe it's a start. Try cummunicating, if he'll listen maybe he'll come around a little at a time. Something I've noticed is guys have a hard time changing who they are or what they do, but with a little time they may come around. Honestly, if he isn't going to your probably better off without him. Not ideal, but you need to be healthy and stressing yourself out isn't going to help your situation at all. Hope everything goes well! ♥

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