Rachel - posted on 10/03/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )
I hope I can get some help from some moms out there. I am 25 years old and stay-at-home/studying mom. My 18 month old toddler is the light of my life. He is highly social and fun to be around, and everyone who knows him always tells us what an amazingly adorable and bright little boy he is. He's also *very* active and curious boy, and *very* strong-willed (in terms of doing things his way). He is super attached to me and we have a very tight bond. As any mom, my biggest dream is to raise him into a strong, happy, well-balanced young man who believes in himself and is independent too.
However I need so much help I dont even know where to start. I am not living the picture of family that I dreamed of. I am not independent myself to start with, I depend loads on my mother, husband, and part-time nanny in parenting and housework. Some days Ill wake up resolved to tackle housework and taking care of my ds without anybody's help, and only after breakfast and some playtime, the house is already a disaster, Im pulling out my hair and I feel like I am drowning. It's gotten so bad that I spend much of the week staying at my mother's so she can help me with my ds. I WISH I could be like the other moms I see who have 2 or 3 kids, zero help from anyone, and a (i wont use the word perfect) stable home with a nice home-cooked meal everyday. I am sure that what I am lacking in my family and my life is routine, and order, but getting organized for me is sooooo much easier said than done. Some days are better than others but mostly I am depressed because I feel like my son deserves a much better mother than me. I have this torturing fear that my lack of organization, initiative, and zero parenting skills is going to impact his life in a negative way, if it hasn't already.
I know my husband wishes I had more control over this issue, though he is very patient with me and tries to help where he can, but I am sure he also is not living the family life he pictured. When I am at my parents house he prefers to stay at home and this has sort of distanced us as a couple and a family. We disagree and argue a lot about how to discipline him. I wish we cold see eye-to-eye more because soon my ds will be more aware of what's going on and seeing us divided about him, I fear, will undermine our authority as parents. It's near impossible to stop him from doing something, esp throwing everything he can, and I have tried time-outs, saying NO, ignoring it, explaining/reasoning with him, my husband has even tried light spanks on his diaper (though I didn't think it was a good idea), every method under the sun, it doesn't work! I think staying at my parents' is helping in many ways as there are many kids for my ds to play with in their neighborhood (whereas dh and I live in a flat) But Im afraid it has negatively affected his discipline... since grandparents like to spoil.
Lately it has been getting so bad - as DS is growing up and becoming more of his own person, and more impossible to control, and my house is becoming a disaster zone - that Ive started to think I should not have gotten married. I know these thoughts stem from frustration and I kindly ask that I get spared from comments like I should've known that I don't have what it takes before I got into it. I'm here now, and I am desperate for some advice and insights, especially from moms who have been there.
In all this darkness and chaos I have a tiny spec of hope that I can save my family and myself from this destructive situatution, somehow, at least for the sake of my ds. But I dont have the right tools right now and I don't know where to get them. I want to stop feeling like a complete failure at parenting and home-making. I wish to be the strong pilllar in my family, whom everyone can depend on. I really want to build a loving home with a solid foundation. I hope these are not merely dreams for me!