Rosa - posted on 09/07/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )
My husband and I have a child together who just turned one, he also has another child from his first marriage who is 7, his father and I have been together since he was 4. My dilemma is I am starting to dread his son coming over. The custody agreement is every other weekend and still to me sometimes it seems like too much.
Evertime he comes over me and my husband wind up in an argument and usually over something his son has lied about. For example I was cleaning the kitchen and he asked me for something to eat I asked him to give me a couple of minutes and I would get him something. He then goes to wake up his father and tells him he's hungry his father tells him well ask Rosa and he said I did and she said no. So my husband gets all angry and we have an argument over this when clearly I asked him to wait a few minutes and I would get him something I was elbow deep in oven grease at the time he asked.
My step son will literally play me and my husband against each other and the end result is usually he gets what he wants. He throws tantums like a two year old screaming and jumping. We have to watch him around other children because he will hit them and also tell them to do things. Another example this weekend we went to a park with our friends the guys were putting up a volleyball net and he kept pulling on it while they were trying to put it up. Finally we got him away from it...he then proceeds (while he thinks no one is watching) to tell our friends three year old to go up to the net and pull it. Needless to say the other childs mother and I were watching the whole thing and he told his father we were lying he didn't say that.
It is not that my husband necessarily believes everything his son says it's just that he only gets so much time with him so he spoils him and gives him his way in everything. I don't believe his mother pays much attention to him and I think he uses it as a way to get some kind of attention whether good or bad he just wants it. I am at my wits end as to what to do with him. Other people around us also find his behavior disturbing and in most cases extremely annoying they have actually pointed it out to me. We also have friends that double check with me as to whether or not or step son will be with us on the weekend they plan an event since they do not want him there. I am starting to feel bad that I am also starting to feel like I can't plan functions at my home when he is there, for fear he will act out.
His mother was told he had behavioral and attention issues, but she swears up and down he is just fine (obviously she is smarter than the Dr.)....he was held back in kindergarden because he hadn't retained anything since most of his time was spent being disciplined and sent home. I just need some help I tried time out, talking to him, spending one on one time with him with out my other son or my husband...or vice versa with my husband and him spending time together, I am really just don't know what to do....can any one help?