her dad doesnt care but his family wants to???

Patricia - posted on 06/27/2011

don't forget they raised him as well. blood relatives are nice if it's positive. you will know the answer for yourself and it's good to ask for help and food for thought but e.g. my sister had her children stay in touch w their birth fathers family. it seems to have worked out well. my nephew was not a happy kid but my niece is so, who knows?! good luck and mom's love.

Chelsea - posted on 10/05/2009

well, you have to think of your daughter and whats best for her. personally i would never keep my child away from family they may not be your family but they are hers and i dont think you should be made the bad quy when shes older because you didnt let her see them. If they want to be in her life then you should let them because in the end its not about you its about her and only her.

Heather - posted on 10/05/2009

I understand your feelings toward the father, I went through the same thing. But you have to think about the child also and if the fathers family truly wants to be a part of her life I think it would be a good thing. It would be good for her to know her family and know that she is loved and it would be good for you to know you did what was best for her in letting her know that part of her family regardless of what her dad is doing and you wont have to worry about answering questions she may have in the future like why did u keep me away from them or why didnt they want to see me? Hope I could help with this advice!

Amelia - posted on 10/05/2009

ur lucky to av ur boyfriend! i fink u sud speak to the dad n lay down the law. clearly u can do it without him n she has a role model. do e pay for ur daughter?

Missy - posted on 09/18/2009

Okay, when I was little my parents split on pretty good terms but we lived in Iowa and he went to California to be in the marines. Instead of everyother weekend visits with him I went to stay with my grandpa and see other family too. I have some of the best and most loved memories of these weekends. I'd say if you don't want his family there then work around it. Dedicate one day a weekend or everyother weekend for them to spend time with her. Take her to them instead of them coming to your house. This could turn out to be a terrific thing so don't shut them out. I hope this helps you!

Ariana - posted on 09/18/2009

Hi.. In my opinion I think u should allow his family to see ur daughter but in saying that it has to be on ur terms. Her father has made it pretty clear he doesn't want anything to do with u and ur daughter but in saying that him and his family needs to understand how uncomfortable it is for u and her... She deserves all the love she can get and if his family is willing to provide a little bit of it then good. It won't make thing any less frustrating but ur little girl will one day grow up and understand that u tried ur best to giv her the things she needed(etc: lots of love and her biological father and his family in her life).... Hope it eases ur mind a bit

Krystin - posted on 09/18/2009

I think you should let her get to know her dad's side of the family. If she finds out that she does not know any of her father's side of the family she might resent you for it. My dad was not always around but I still stayed close to all of his side of the family and I respect my mother for not trying to shut them out or talk bad about them like she did my dad.

Alysha - posted on 09/18/2009

I'm on the same page, I beliebe you should let them see your baby...and I;m in a VERY similar situation...my baby's father really doesn't see him very often at all because he hates my family, but i love his family, so i take my son to see him all the time, they have the right to see their family, and honestly, when she gets older you will regret it because she may resent you for not letting her see them.



like someone else said, his family cannot control the douchebag of a son/brother/whatever that they have, it's not your fault nor theirs...and you could probably use the extra support as well :)

Katie - posted on 09/17/2009

thank you to everyone who has given me advice on this situation. I would like his family to know her and be able to see her but for the last nine months he has lived her life through his family. they ask me how she is and then they tell him. that is my only concern. I do not want him to know anything about her if he doesnt want to take the time to find out for himself. he has recently decided to consider giving up parental rights which is why i am worried about allowing them to be close to her. I already do not allow them to take pictures or receive them from me because of the situation. he has no right, in my mind, to live her life through others even if it is his family. I guess im just stuck in a no win situation right now until he decides what he wants to do.



thanks again!

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2009

i agree with everyone else let them come. from my own experience my father was an in and out type of father he only saw us when he wanted to! and his family was the same way. i was upset growing up and having friends who grandparents who spoiled them and i did'nt! my moms parents lived far away and they were there but i didn't stop the hurt from not having my other grandparents and great grandparents there also.

Stephanie - posted on 09/11/2009

I think it is important for your daughter to know all her family. It may be hard for you at first because of the feelings involved but that is between you and her dad, not your daughter. His family is just trying to support your daughter and they have a right to. Just set boundaries. Good Luck!

Amber - posted on 09/11/2009

It is good your daughter will have some type of father like figure in her life with your current boyfriend...however, despite the fathers lack of wanting to be around...I too think his family should have the right to see her....maybe not overbearingly....but enough so they get to know your daughter, and your daughter gets to know them....I think only if they are not good people, and would put her life at risk than you not wanting them to see her would be alright....however....the more the family the better...dont keep family away from her if they dont want to be!



best of luck!

Kelly - posted on 09/11/2009

I think that you should let her father's family come and see your daughter. I don't believe that you should keep her from them. They have every right to want to see her and I think you should respect that. At least someone in his family cares enough to want to see her and be a part of her life. My sister has four children and just got divorced from her husband and he has the 3 oldest kids and she has the youngest and he wont let any of my family see them or speak to them and it is hard on us because we love the kids but he is an a**. I think if you don't let his family see the kids then it is going to be hard on them, you and your daughter. When she gets older and wants to know about them and you let her go and see them and they tell her that you wouldn't let them visit her when she was little then see is going to be pissed at you. I think you should let them see her for all of your sakes and you never know when you are going to need help and I think if you let them in your life then they might be there for you and your daughter. But it is all up to you so do what you think is right. I just wish that my ex-brother-in-law would let me see my niece and nephews.

Lauren - posted on 09/11/2009

I think you should realize that its not your life... its her's. Its her family. You should be happy that they choose to be apart of her life even if hes not. My ex lives on the other side of the country and his family lives here. They are very much apart of my sons life and I wouldn't change it for anything. You don't know yet, the impact they will have on her life if you just put your feelings aside and realize they didn't do anything to her. Just because you don't like someone or something someone does doesnt mean its your life.. shes your child.. be happy for her that she has SO many people to love her. 22 is a hard age with or without kids and im not in anyway trying to put you down so please don't think that.

Abidjan - posted on 09/10/2009

I am 23 and my daughter is almost 5...her father has never really been there for her, but his family wants to be a part of her life....I can understand u have pretty strong negative feelings towards her father, but at the same time, his family is still her family. My daughter knows all of her aunts and uncles and her biological grandparents and even his stepmom!! Her eyes light up when she sees them and vice versa. I thought him seeing his entire family being so supportive of me and loving her would make him want to, but it hasn't....who knows, yours might actually feel that way and start wanting to visit more. Plus if you keep her from them, she may start to resent you when she gets older....I chose to be the bigger person so no one can say anything negative about me when it comes to this situation. you would be surprised at how much better you feel if you know that you're doing everything in your power to let your child get to know and love her family. I know it makes me feel better. They want to love your child and I think you should most definitely let them :-)

Sara - posted on 09/10/2009

I would let them see the child. Unless they are harming her in some way. Set boundries and rules now. They will be a source of support now and later. She will need that support. How would you feel to find out that your family didn't care enough later down the road. Let it go nice and smooth. Never bad mouth them. She will form her own opinions later in life and you will have no choice in those opinions. Never make it harder on them or her. She will have memories and it will hurt your relationship down the road.

Nikkita - posted on 09/10/2009

I think that you should let them come. She's their family too. Just because he doesn't want to be there for his daughter, doesn't mean you have to push his family away. (not trying to sound harsh). I'm 4 months pregnant and I don't think the father has told any of his family. I deperately want them to know so that they'll have the chance to be in the child's life if they want, even if he doesn't want to be there. I feel like it will benefit your daughter, and my baby to have that family in their lives b/c it shows that their other grandma & her family love them as well. Just don't push them away. PLEASE! I don't want you to do something you'll regret later. Plus, they can be another means of help to you & your daughter. God bless you during this time and always.

Ashley - posted on 09/10/2009

i think they have every right to see her. that is her grandmother and aunt. just because you and her father have a falling out doesnt mean that his family shouldnt be able to see her. family is important and she should know her other side of the family as well. if my partner and i ever split i would never keep my boys from his parents. i think it's great that they want to be a part of her life.

Tash - posted on 09/10/2009

I think it would be a good idea for his mother and sister to visit, express them your feelings on the situation though, lay out the boundries, let them know your concerns if you have any, she is your daughter so you have every right to. And im sure the mother will understand since its her son that isnt interested in visiting. Do you not like the mother and sister for some reason or is it just the fact that they are HIS mother and sister? Is your partner bringing up your daughter as his own? Possibly her biological father feels there is no place for him in her life since you have moved on and have had another father figure for your daughter since the day she was born, or quite possibly he is just not ready to be a father yet, is he the same age as you? But all and all i would say as long you all know where you all stand in this little girls life then it should be fine, just remember whatever decision you make will impact your daughters life either way. I hope this helps in some way and good luck with your decision.

Lisa - posted on 09/10/2009

i agree you should let them come and see her when they would like, her father may not want to know but she has a grandmother and an auntie who obvioulsy care about her. i dont think its fair to punish them for his behavour you child needs all the family and love she can get

Tanya - posted on 09/10/2009

I think your daughter has a right to know her relatives no matter what went on between her dad and you, you shouldn't take away her right to that expecially since these people want to know her and seem to love and care about her...

Morgan - posted on 09/10/2009

I agree you should let them visit her as much as they like. It is not their fault that her biological doesn't want to be a part of her life so why should they be punished. I mean what would you have done if you two had been together when she was born and broke up a few years down the road and she was seeing them. But after you broke up he all the sudden decided he didn't want to be in her life would you take away their right to see her. Family is important and if they wanna be a part of her life they should be able to be. What is your reasoning for not wanting them to be a part of her life is it solely because of her dad or is there some other reason? People shouldn't be punished for others mistakes.

Valerie - posted on 09/10/2009

In my opinion, you should let them come see her as often as they'd like. It's not completely their fault their son is such a douche bag. Besides, I've always felt that the more family my babies have to love and love them, the better and happier they are. :) Is there any specific reason you don't like them? I hope this helps.