How can I get my 4 year old to stop whining/crying/SCREAMING?

Ayla - posted on 10/10/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

5

3

0

My 4 year old daughter is whining and SCREAMING and crying when she gets upset. when people try to play with her. Tonight she screamed when she was going to the bathroom because there was a spider in their. She isn't afraid of spiders. Can somebody pleas tell me how to handle this or some advice? Please help

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Noelle And Josh - posted on 09/05/2012

1

0

0

Count three times to her, leaving a space between each number so that the child has time to comprehend. Once you get to 3 spank him/her with your hand and not bare bottomed. Do not use foreign objects, no matter what, that is abuse. You just need it hard enough to sting so she remembers. You don't want bruising or bleeding neither. After the spanking, sit her on time out with her face to the wall, she must not see anyone. If one adult is doing these things already, stay out of it, The boy/girl doesn't need to be punished twice. Once you have her down tell her she can get up only when she has stopped screaming/whining whatnot. If she moves from that spot grab her, kicking and screaming, back to her time out chair. As soon as she is done crying etc. let her up and get at eye level with her. Ask her if she knows what she/he had done wrong. If the child gives a wrong answer try to clearly and easily explain to the kid what it was she/he had done wrong. Two most important things while using this form of punishment.

1. No matter what she/he says, ignore it while on time out.

And most importantly

2. Never discipline out of anger.

If you discipline out of anger than you risk a blind rage

This is different from discipline period and will also lead to more screaming because she is mimicking screams as well as rage.

I am a father and have sadly given into rage on my children so I, in the past have had to leave the room to let my wife deal with it and that is what you must do if you become angry and if you have anyone nearby. As for the whole spelling thing, Lindsey's comment must be ignored. I am an adult and have misspelled plenty especially if I am in a frantic hurry or my nerves are shot. That and some haven't had the chance to get the proper education. This doesn't mean that one person is better than anyone else. I also wanted to point out again as I was reading some comments saying spanking was abusive. I say that spanking is okay, not wrong at all however to use an object is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. You grandmas can go back to the dark ages with your wooden spoons and switches but if you loved the child than you must understand that there is no longer a place for that sort of brutality against someone who is smaller than you. Also, allow me to clarify the whole anger issue. You will get angry, what parent doesn't get angry at the child. It is just the actions that come out of that anger. It is what we do in the process. A good, stern holler, stinging spanking and chair sitting will never permanently bruise a child’s mind and body unless they are mentally challenged in some way than you have to be more patient with the kid and understandably so. So I will leave you with this, also never put the child to bed without supper as a punishment. You will also want to pick your battles at times.

Jodi - posted on 10/10/2011

26,645

36

3891

Perhaps you could explain a little better then? In all honestly, it isn't very CLEAR what you are asking if you don't think I understood.

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2011

26,645

36

3891

Ok, based on the extra information, my advice still stands. This is pretty normal behaviour, not acceptable, but she is behaving the way many kids this age do. By trying to calm her down and cater to her, you are giving her attention and rewarding the behaviour. I still say you need to learn to ignore it, make it clear it isn't acceptable behaviour, and if she won't stop, have her go into time out to calm down (whether that be a space on her own, or in her room).

I wouldn't condone giving her a "hiding", and beating a kid with a spoon is illegal where I live, so I'd call it abuse. There is no need to go to this extreme. All you need to do is be consistent about ignoring the behaviour and not reacting the way she wants you to, and eventually she will figure out it really isn't worth the effort.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

12 Comments

View replies by

Lindsey - posted on 07/21/2012

2

24

0

Good or bad advise aside, the spelling is atrocious! Honestly! We're talking about setting good example for our children! Try starting with the most basic and simple things! We're grown women! Misspelling simplistic words should NOT be an issue!

Diana - posted on 10/11/2011

3

0

0

Beating is when you hurt a person so bad, they can bleed, they have bruzes, they in pain. Hiding is what you give a child on their bum if they are naughty and tell them to stop being naughty. There is a difference. Some people use their hand, other use a spoon. Anyway, this is not helping Ayla. I agree with what you said, this is normal behaviour and not acceptable. I would do the same thing you suggested.

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2011

26,645

36

3891

I didn't call you an abuser. I said it is abuse where I live. Hiding, beating, it's all the same.

Diana - posted on 10/11/2011

3

0

0

Hey, I don't beat my child. Please, you make me sound like an abuser and I can assure you I am not. There is nothing wrong with giving a child a hiding IF they are naughty. And if you read my comment nicely, it says I will get the wooden spoon and show it to her. And its not that extreme. Every person has their own way of disciplining their child.

Diana - posted on 10/11/2011

3

0

0

Hi there. I am in the same boat as you. My daughter is also 4 and she screams and cries for everything, ex if she's upset, angry, frustrated, wants attention or just plain naughty. But I don't like to give hidings, or yell, I simply ignore her or go and put her in the room. She will then cry it out, then afterwards she will come to me and tell me what the problem is. I am a single mother and have to be the mom and the dad. So its difficult cuz he knows she can get away with a lot. Maybe you giving her to much attention, and she's annoyed, or maybe she doesn't like when people play with her to much. Maybe she's just used to getting her way and thinks crying and screaming will help every time. My daughter can put the bathroom light on, but some times she simply refuses to, she will not put it on, she will cry and scream until I do it, and if I don't do it, she will wet herself, although she can do it. And they know screaming and crying will get them what they want. Maybe you need to give her a hiding. I have a wooden spoon. Everytime my daughter starts to whine, or scream, I get the spoon. I show it to her and I tell her I am going to count till 3, if she is still crying, or whining, I am going to give her a hiding. I promise you, she will keep it in. Well, good luck and hope you find something that will work for you

Ayla - posted on 10/10/2011

5

3

0

She SCREAMNS when somebody tries to play with her ex: tickling her. She whines/cries when something goes wrong. Its mostly over little things but it just seems to get wrong. I try to calm her down and see what is wrong but she wont tell me whats bothering or why she is acting like this.

Ayla - posted on 10/10/2011

5

3

0

Your not really helping. I need advice. You do not understand what I'am asking.

Jodi - posted on 10/10/2011

26,645

36

3891

Seriously though, your 4 year is being pretty normal. They are into attention at this age. You need to just go with it and pick your battles. If it is over a spider in the bathroom, kill it, problem solved. If it is screaming to get attention, ignore it and make it clear she won't get your attention until she quits it. Go to another room, or send her to another room and ignore it, THEN when she calms down, she can tell you what her issue is.



I really don't see the issue with killing the spider to solve the problem though......

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms