How can I get my kids to listen to me?

Diana - posted on 03/25/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 6 year old won't clean her room, my 3 year old yells at me and sceams, my 1 year old is picking up on my 3 y/d habbits? Any one have any answers or tips I could try?

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Trudi - posted on 03/26/2009

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try speak to them as if they were older, sometimes having an adult talk with a 2yo really works. say things like i had to do this when i was little? i think it might be cause your not yelling or whatever they just seem to agree cause your calm.  

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I find the main thing is to be consistent! If you say something - mean it! If you're not going to carry through what you say, don't say it! Kids really pick up on empty threats. When you threaten a punishment and then renege, they know that next time will probably be the same. Let them know that you are the adult and what you say goes!

Vicky - posted on 03/25/2009

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i have an 8 year old who still has a totally different idea to me on what is tidy.  i hang out with him in his room whilst he's doing it, normally when i'm feeding the baby or something. then give him clear instructions one at a time. maybe you could make it into a game, time her or something like that. also give rewards when shes done it like a trip to the park.  the 3 year old could be attention seeking, i would suggest time out for yelling or screaming because then it is not getting ur attention by doing it, i know its probaly hard with three kids but try to spend some quality time with the 3 yr old so it doesn't feel the need to attention seek. i used to childmind under 5s but like the other lady said there's nothing like having ur own, i'm sure its harder.  sometimes i just shut the door to my 8 year olds room rather than look at the mess or have the hassle of helping him tidy it.

Melissa - posted on 03/25/2009

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Do you have clear expectations with simple consequences in place? For example does your 6 year old know that you expect her to clean her room and what you consider to be clean (your expectation of clean may be different from hers) does she know what will happen if she does not pick up? Do you follow through with the consequence. Same with the 3 year old. Does he know that you do not permit him to yell at you and what will happen if he does? Simple and clear consequences such as "if you yell at mommy you will sit in time out for 3 mins." Than do it right away! You could offer a choice as well to give them some control. For example "You can clean your room now or in 10 mins which do you want to do?" That way they feel like they have some control but you are the one who is giving the boundries. A good book to read is "How to speak so kids will listen" I can't remember the author but you can look on amazon.com.

Anyway I hope this helps. I have a BS in early childhood ed and 6 years experience as a preschool teacher but my first baby is only 8 months old and I find being a mom the hardest of all jobs! Oh also try to get the 6 year old to understand she is the oldest and has the hard job of teaching the others how to behave by showing them with her own behavior. See if you can get her on board!

Kelly - posted on 03/25/2009

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try setting a few very specific rules that you expect them to follow, like no screaming, using your words instead of whining, etc.. sit down with them and go over things they need to work on. when you all have agreed on what these rules will be make a 'goal chart'. letting your kids help you decorate the chart will get them excited about what you guy's are doing! each day remind them in the morning what is expected of them. when they reach a goal that they have been working on reward them with something they really enjoy. you could do stickers, art time, movie night with Mom and Dad,  etc. this will give them something to look forward to and hopefully in a short time they will see how making better choices benifits them. the best of luck to you!!

Rachel - posted on 03/25/2009

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my 6yr old is a pain 2 and my 3yr old is picking up on her habits to wot i have started is a tickchart how it works is i giv them 3 warnings if it takes 3 they get a tick if they get 5 ticks its a serious punishment and o my word they hate gettin ticks it seems 2 be working and they are getting less ticks each day hope this helps rachel and i feel less stressed to

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