How do I get my husband to understand and help out more?

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm the parent who does EVERYTHING! My husband has even gotten me out of the shower or stopped me in the middle of cooking dinner to change our son's diaper! He is just there to play, and even then sometimes he's "too tired". His excuse is that I'm the stay at home mom and he leaves and goes to work each day. Most weeks it's 6 days and usually 12-15 hours a day. BUt what bothers me is that is was what we both wanted ... me to stay home and raise our children. I NEVER have time for myself. And until recently I've been pretty much okay with it, but now we're expecting #2 in late April/early May. Our son, who will be 2 in May, does help clean up after himself and is pretty well behaved. But he is also very rambunctious! Going on 7 months pregnant, it's very tiring for me to chase him around all day on top of keeping the house. One day last week I was kinda cranky and our son wasn't feeling too well and was cranky too. And my husband says "Why are you both in such bad moods? I'M the one who works all day long and you guys just sit around the house all day"! My argument was that I did 3 loads of laundry, washed the dishes, dusted, mopped, and vacuumed, AND entertained our son all day. And now I'm cooking dinner and still having to keep our son entertained while he was on the computer! He says "Oh, what was that?-- a whole 20 mins worth of work"? I may not thank him everyday for being the "bread-winner", but I NEVER belittle what he does or make him feel unappreciated for it. I don't know how to help him see that even when I don't get a lot of house work done I'm not just sitting on my butt all day. I don't know how to help him see that I need some me time too! I feel like I'm unappreciated and that I'm losing myself.

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Rhiannon - posted on 01/27/2010

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I think Tasha has a good idea. Juat yell out on your way out the door that you'll be back in an hour. Make sure it is during the cranky time (my kids are ALWAYS cranky between 5.30pm and 7.00pm) so that he can get the full experience. I must admit that I am a lucky one, who has a very helpful fiance who was never affraid to get his hands dirty changing a nappy etc. but I am fast realising he is not the normal experience for a woman with kids. Good luck! And if leaving the house for an hour doesn't do it, maybe stop doing his laundry or cooking his tea and tell him that if it isn't that hard or time consuming, he can do it as well. I am certain he will give it a go once he gets hungry and runs out of clean undies! And then he'll learn pretty quick!

[deleted account]

lol sounds like what my husband used to be like. Finally one day after our second was born and he still didn't get it I didn't give him a choice I hurried up got dressed and yelled as I walked out the door that I was going to the store be back in an hour. He called me after 30 mins and I thought he was going to cry lol. he fell into the bath tub cuz there was soap on the floor, baby powder on the bed soap in the backroom and he step on the tv remote and broke it. My youngest was like 4 months and wouldn't eat ANYTHING for him. Not a bottle not cereal nothing. Ever since that day he has helped me more. Even if you are only gone for a short walk it makes you feel apperciated when you get back and he see's your job is not eatting bonbons and watching soaps all day! Good luck!

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