How do i handle my boyfriends ex calling him and texting him?

Laurenemily - posted on 05/12/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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He is not responding at all but they do have a child together.any other details just ask

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Melissa - posted on 05/15/2011

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I think he needs to stand up and be a man about this. He needs to tell her point blank that he has a family, and she needs to respect that. He needs to tell her that he has every intention of being in his kids life (the one he has with her) and that he would like to maintain a civil and respectful relationship with her, but she needs to aknowledge and recognize the boundries. If she needs to speak to him about their child, that is understandable. Outside of that, there is no need for contact what so ever.

Hannah - posted on 05/13/2011

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I agree that they should keep contact for the childs sake but as long as she knows the lines. And doesn't push them.

Gina - posted on 05/12/2011

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if they have a child together then she has all right to call....they should be civil towards eachother for the childs sake..

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Angel - posted on 10/23/2012

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I have the same question. I have a similar story, my boyfriend now happens to be my ex-husband. when we divorced he later re-married as I did also. both of us divorced in the same year and now his ex-wife harasses him constantly. we have a son together and they have a daughter, my son is 14 and their daughter is 5. She constantly bad mouths our son to her 5 yr old which I find obserd, because she doesn't understand what her mom is saying and I have to eat crap because I'm not stooping to her level. I dont feel you should bring your kids into any drama, they don't deserve that, but his ex won't stop, anything and everything you can image she does and says just to try and ruin our relationship. Personally I'm real tired of the drama and I want it to stop, but he doesn't know what to do to stop it. She works for law enforcement so she knows just how far to push it without breaking the law. I told him I don't and won't play this competition game, thats its not healty for us nor the kids.. I'm lost, please give me some insight.......

Savona - posted on 05/15/2011

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if the texts and calls are about the child then yeah, but if theyre sexual as you have put in one of your posts, I dont feel its appropriate and I dont think its out of line for you to ask him to tell her to stop and if she doesnt listen for you to speak to her outright, in front of him and maybe even someone else as a witness so that if she tries to start something legally, youre covered.
*HUGZ* things will work out for the best.
Goodluck and best wishes to your and your family =)

Jenni - posted on 05/15/2011

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When I first got together with my hubby, his ex (mother of my SD) started making suggestive comments while talking about their daughter. My hubby nipped it in the bud right away and told her he was only interested in discussing their daughter. He told her he wasn't interested in flirting with her and if she didn't stop, he would just end the coversation.
She also tried to flirt with me (some lame attempt to break us up?) I told her basically the same thing my SO did. That I knew what she was trying do and I wasn't having it.

If your SO is clear and adament about his intentions and what he will not tolerate. She should stop?
My SD's BM did.

Fiona-Rhiannon - posted on 05/15/2011

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She obviously still has feelings for him and is trying to pressure your relationship.
Shes using the fact they have a child together as an excuse. I had a similar problem a few years ago. But the father of my children went off with someone else and she had problem with me contacting him. In the end i told her, im only talking to him about our children.
As long as it stays about the child, then you should take a back seat. He needs to tell her where she stands.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/14/2011

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make sure she sticks to the child itself only!! anything other than that CLICK hang up!

Kyleigh - posted on 05/14/2011

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you will have to allow him to talk with her for the child s sake, if not he can be in contempt (if he has custody)

Andrea - posted on 05/14/2011

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It's good that he's not responding to the texts if they are just junk (and that's all this is, junk!) but I hope he responds to stuff about his little one?

In terms of it stopping he needs to get firm, the not responding to texts is good, not much you can do about that except keep a record of what's written. Regarding phone calls though what he can do is tell her that if she tries to talk to him about stuff other than their child he will hang up. Then when she starts he needs to do that. Say "I told you if you started talking about stuff irrelevant to little Johnny then I will be hanging up, so goodbye". But the trick will be consistency, he needs to do it EVERY time she starts.

Another thing is tell him you don't want to know, he slept with her, she's his problem. And then ignore her.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/14/2011

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They're all right....... You have to tell your husband to end her crap so that it doesn't put prolonged undue stress on you and your relationship. Tell him you just don't want to have to worry about it, and yes.. make notes! Take valid info down and if necessary, you can press charges. Very good advice - you have to document these things to have any validity in court, period

Charity - posted on 05/14/2011

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He needs to talk to his ex and set up boundaries (No calling or texting unless it's about the child, etc), and let her know what will happen if she crosses those boundaries (Hanging the phone up, not answering anymore text, etc). If she crosses those boundaries then he needs to follow through. As long as he doesn't stand up to her about this behavior then she is going to continue it. Good Luck!!

Bonnie - posted on 05/13/2011

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If they have a child together than she will likely be in his life forever. If this is truly bothering you, you definitely need to talk with him about it.

Shannon - posted on 05/13/2011

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Have you asked him to say something to her? as far as asking her to stop contacting him unless it is in regards to their child?

Jodi - posted on 05/13/2011

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Have him respond to please stop . Keep a diary on it, keep copies of all text messages (both hers and his) and file for a restraining order. I had a restraining order on my ex based on threatening text messages, so I am assuming you can get one for this beahviour.

Laurenemily - posted on 05/13/2011

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Your all correct...but I didn't add the fact that she says very very sexual over the phone n texts there has not been one phone that was strictly re: the child.....having a child with him is simply an EXCUSE to talk and about what ever. She wants...lets face it he's a man he's prob not perfect either

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