HOW DO I STOP OR CALM DOWN 2 YEAR OLD TANTRUMS LIKE EXTREME TANTRUMS?

Randi - posted on 12/09/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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my daughter is two and thow really bad tantrums and in the middle of stores too what can i do?

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Candice - posted on 12/16/2009

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my kids never threw tantrums but they would whine and nag the whole time in a grocery store.. they ask everytime we go into a store if they can have a toy.. i tell them no they cant have a toy but they can pick the desert we have for dinner if they act right in the store..or maybe we will play a game or do arts and crafts.. it really seemed to work i didnt have to give them anything at the store and they would act right knowing that they would get praised later.. also.. telling them throughout the store every couple minutes how well they are being.. praising them.. thanking them for being such a good kid and keeping their hands in the cart and not touching things.. do not let one minute go by without praising them.. its all about attention.. think about how often your kids get attention.. we are constantly saying "stop fighting, quit whining.. stop doing this and stop doing that.. kids get our attention when they are doing bad things so they do bad things to get our attention... if we praise them and let them know when they do good things it makes us happy and they know that they will get our attention and its positive attention... they will want the positive over the negative..well i hope this helps you.. it worked really well for me.. good luck..

Kelly - posted on 12/16/2009

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Tantrums are a way of getting attention , give the tantrum attention , and you show them that having a tantrum works ,
I would ignore it, walk away (and ignore the people in the malls , like they haven't been there , yeah right ! ) if the audience is gone , a tantrum becomes pretty pointless , and they soon stop .
Oh , and don't ever give them treats to try and make them stop , that just rewards bad behaviour .

Heather - posted on 12/10/2009

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My husband and I are started very early to teach our children to be independent (as much as they could be) as soon as they started crawling if they fell and hurt themselves I would either go and pick them up to make sure they were okay then put them back down to play or if they cried to be picked up or if they had a little fall that you saw won't be worth that much crying i would make them crawl across the room to get picked up this really worked for us because by the time they got to me they usually forgot what they were crying about and were happy to get a tumy tickle and be on their way again. Now that our sons 2 he does throw fits, but usually only when he's tired or hungry, but he never gets what he wants if he's whining or throwing a tantrum, we have a time out rug that he either sits at until he's calm enough to act like a big boy, or if he did do something that he is not suppose to (like use the kitchen chair to climb over the baby gate on the stairs or sit on his brother) he gets a time out for 2 mins a minute per year. Because he knows the rules at home and knows me and my husband will follow through on what we say he's usually pretty good in stores and if he's not being good we tell him he'll have to go sit in the car with me or daddy or go home if there's only one of us there. after a few times of having to leave he has stopped throughing tantrums in stores. just remember be firm and always follow through if you don't it's 3 times as hard to get them back in line.

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Ange - posted on 12/19/2012

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Yup I just say "BYE!!!" And nick around a corner and spy on them!!!
Feelings books can be good at this age. There's a bunny one that covers anger, frustration, jealousy etc.. I've been known to chuck my madam in her room with the appropriate book (its well illustrated) and told her to come out when she's calmed down a bit. We then chat it out. Other times is good old time out. Depends on the situation and if I feel there's something else going on ie jealousy etc...

Damaris Reyna - posted on 12/13/2012

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You should get her mind off of her tantrum and let her calm down with a icecream or a toy.

Caryn - posted on 12/10/2009

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Most kids throw tantrums because they are seaking attention, wether it be positive or negetive attention. The key is not to give into this negetively. If you child wants/needs something they have to be shown that they need to ask for it in a proper maner.
I suggest for at home, use timeouts. If your daughter starts a fit, just simply put her in time out, calmy and quitely tell her that she will have to sit there until her fit is finished. At my houes our rule for time out is a minute per year of age but that is ONLY started after the fit/crying has stopped.
My 5yr old learned very quickly as a toddler that a fit would get her nothing but left alone in time out. My step-daughter on the other hand has been very testing of my patience with this. She has just recently turned 4 and still will throw quite a few tantrums (this being due to the fact that her mother gives in to them..). My son is 15months and has started them but I've already noticed he is doing them less frequently (btw..I do NOT put my son in time out- I think he is far to young for this concept- I just simply tell him mommy doesn't want to hear him throw a fit and I walk away, he usually stops almost immeditaly).
My neice is staying with us right now and is 2 and has also learned very quickly that I do no tolerate fits. She gets sent to time out just like the older girls if she throws one. Shes been her for just under 2weeks and we are already down to 1or less fit a day (she threw several at first- testing me I think!).

As far as what do in a store. Take her to the car and let her have a time out in her carseat. Once the fit is done, tell her you are going back into the store to finish your shopping and if she throws another fit you will take her back outside for antoher time out. It will probably take a few shopping trips for her to get this but she will learn. The earlier you start this the better :)

Also be sure to always stay consistent. The first time you give into a fit will just show her that it gets her what she wants. If you say no stick with it- you are her mother and you know better than her wether she "needs" a candy bar or not :)

Anaquita - posted on 12/10/2009

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If at a store, make sure you have your purse, etc, but pick her up out of the cart, and walk out of the store. May be a pain to do but usually it's best to get them out of the situation. Just plop her in the car, and wait till she gets the tantrum out. Afterwards try doing something like telling her you don't understand tantrum speak, or whining (I found telling my kid I didn't understand whine early on helped prevent tantrums). Though at the age of two I'm not sure how much your daughter actually talks.

Another way to help prevent shopping trip tantrums is make sure she's not tired or hungry before you go, and some kids just don't like shopping. So if they continue see if you can get your husband, or another family member to stay at home with her when you need to go shop.

Kelly-Marié - posted on 12/10/2009

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I have twin girls who are now 3years old. One of my twins also throws really bad tantrums. What I did was, and you have to start this at home and not in a mall because it will get worse before it gets better and you would have to realise that none of this is your doing and stay calm and a low tone voice. When she does start throwing a tantrum you take her physically out of the situation to a different room I chose the kitchen and put her on the kitchen counter and just stand infront of her looking at her. She will either keep quite or scream louder but just stand there like you waiting for her to stop screaming, then if she calms down a bit (which can take anything from 15min to an hour) you talk to her nicely and tell her that it is not nice to scream and you cant understand what she wants when she throws a tantrum. She might start up again then just stand there until she stops. This worked with my twin after about a year of tantrums that I also did not know what to do and was fed up one day of her tantrums which can be brought up by any little thing. Trust me after a while you can sense a tantrum coming on and stop it before it esculates. Good luck!

Ricki - posted on 12/09/2009

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My boys used to do that in stores so i would just walk away so they cant see me anymore ( i could always see them) and they smarten up pretty fast if they think they are going to get left behind. Or something that was suggested to me, even though i never had the courage to do it, was throw yourself on the floor and have a tantrum your self and when they look concerned just get up and continue on like nothing happened. It sounds strange but i was told it works.

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