How do you deal with a mom who does not want their kid to play with mine or be school friends?

Camille - posted on 01/04/2010 ( 77 moms have responded )

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One mom at my daughter's school seems so against my 5 year old daughter for no reason. My girl has not done anything to her or her son. She's a very sweet girl who behaves well. She does not want her son playing with my girl and even scolds him if he plays, talks to, or mentions my daughter. I have to add that she does that, sometimes, in front of me.I know of other moms who have gone through the same situation (not in the same classroom my girl is in) but haven't asked one of them because then it would sound if I'm bad mouthing the mother who is so against my daughter. Any advice? I find it so childish of her and I have thought she's mentally ill because, come on, being against a child?

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Savannah - posted on 01/04/2010

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All you can do, if you even want to try to make the behavior stop, is talk to the woman. It could be that she is over protective. You never know. She may be insecure, or worried that her son is going to get picked on by other kids. The best way to show that you have good parenting skills and are trying to pass on good values to your child is to show that you have good values. Be friendly. Talk to her. If it doesn't work, what have you lost? Nothing. But at least you will know her and maybe understand a little better why she is so neurotic towards your child.
But don't just walk up to her like, "what's your problem?!" Go up and talk to the lady like you would if you were trying to make a new friend.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Just show the lady some kindness and see what happens.
She DOES have a reason for acting this way. It may not make sense to you or any other parent but she most likely isn't acting this way just for kicks.
Be the bigger person here. Like I say, you are losing nothing but your confusion.
Good luck

Stacie - posted on 01/06/2010

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Hi Camille!
Well, I have read your post, and I too am in a similar situation.. There is a little girl (7yrs old) that lives across the street from me. My daughter is 5, and loves to hang out over there with her other friend. Unfortunatly, the 7 yr old, only wants to play with her when nobody else is around and then hits my daughter and makes fun of her when there is other people around!! My daughter just turning 5, doesnt understand that she is making fun of her, and treating her bad, but when she tells me things that happen, I get angry. I have confronted her mother about her daughter putting her hands on my daughter, and she basically laughed at me!! Her response to me was.. kids will be kids!! can you believe that?? My daughter told me just the other day that the mother across the street turned her away when she knocked on the door, and told her that she isnt alowed to play at her house!! So, I went back overe there to ask her what the problem was (because HER daughter plays, and BEHAVES in my house) and she basically told me that MY daughter is a brat and she doesnt want her around her daughter!! so, Ive basically decided that not everyone has what it takes to be a mature adult/parent. I still alow our children to play together (under MY supervison only) and have just written her off.. I dont have much advice, because I really just ignor her, but I thought that I would share my story with you.. maybe confronting her would give you alittle peace. iIf not, atleast the school year only last another 6 months or so!! good luck, and I hope things get alittle better for your child. Just remeber that children are a product of their surroundings...
Good luck again.. Stacie

Veronica - posted on 01/06/2010

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The next time you see her and she scolds her son just politly say it is ok my daughter likes to play he is not bother her. My be she think for some reason her son is bothering your daughter.

Sheryl - posted on 01/06/2010

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i would talk to her. cause it seem like she got some type of problem. but if you do i would not do it in front of your lil girl and not the lil boy! cause there no tilling how she is going act or what she going to say. you know some people don't like there son playing with girls cause they think that it well make there son gay. i mean come on there kids. even if you two can't come to agrement then i would till her well then i would thankful. if you don't saying anything mean or rude around my child. one other thing you can do is talk to the teacher or counsler. they may be able to help you understand each other. hope that helps!

Betty - posted on 01/06/2010

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If you just want her to be nicer to you and your daughter the best thing to do is say something positive to her about her son. Moms love it when you talk about their own kids. You could say to her, "I just want you to know that you have the sweetest boy, my daughter is always telling me how nice he is to everyone." It's funny, but if you like someone's kids they naturally like yours back, but you have to show it in an obvious manner.
Maybe she is like this because she thinks you don't like her or her son. Everyone sees the world differently and some people are very sensitive and immature. It could have been because you looked at her without smiling one day.

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Jennifer - posted on 01/09/2010

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just ask her "hey do you have a problem or something?" you dont have to say it rudely but its more being blunt and straight up, she will either tell you her problem or feel like crap for acting so rude and stop doing what she was doing.

Kimberly - posted on 01/08/2010

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I'd speak to her in private. Approach the situation like an adult,...and just hope she does the same. Perhaps it is just a misunderstanding.

Rachel - posted on 01/08/2010

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hiya camille, ive read what everyone is saying and agree you should have a chat with her and carmly but if it turns out thats she's being a bitch for no reason and it shows through her child and and yours then you do have the right to bring the school into it as it is a type of bullying no matter how you want to look at it even as a adult it obviously bothers you it's intimadation you have rights too, you need to nip it in the bud as time goes on and the children get older he is going to become bigger and stronger than her where will it lead.

TIFFANY KATHRYN - posted on 01/07/2010

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maybe the issue isnt with your daughter maybe she has some issue with you that she may be taking out on your child. either way its very immature of her. what happened to just being adults and talking to one another about problems and trying to work through them. she is setting a really bad example for the kids.

Lin - posted on 01/07/2010

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I'd recommend talking to the teacher about the situation. Maybe s/he will have some guidance on how to handle the situation having a bit more knowledge about the boy's and his mother's background. Just within the little bit of time I taught there was SO much I knew about what was going on with my students and their families I could have supplied enough info to keep Jerry Springer going for an entire season; but not a single parent knew about another parent's issues unless those parents talked, and if a parent came to me with this problem, I'd find a way to suggest how to handle the problem without sharing what was going on with that student.

Eva - posted on 01/07/2010

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I don't what to tell you. My children are ALL for me I'll do anything for them and I honestly don't like nobody messing with them. If I were in the same situation I wouldn't have reacted the same way that you did. I would have probably done something else like telling the teacher or even try to change my daughter from classroom. I don't want or like nobody to derespect my child and make them feel bad with no reason. I also think like you that there is no logical reason for a "grown woman" to treat a child like that, maybe her reason is racial or maybe you daughter it's a beauty. Anyway, just tell you daughter that it's not her fault and try to make her feel the princess she is to you.

Gretchen - posted on 01/07/2010

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Camille, my advice to you is to talk to the teacher IF it's happening on school grounds and IF it's affecting your daughter. Joanne - You make a lot of good points, but maybe there are other reasons for parents doing what they're doing. The birthday party thing - esp. in these times, it's hard for parents to throw big lavish parties and afford to have more than a friend or two over. I don't stay at children's parties, either anymore, now that my daughter is the same age as your son. To my way of thinking, they invited my daughter, not me, and they shouldn't have to worry about one more mouth to feed. I do ask if they need help with anything before I head out, though.
I'm sorry to hear your kid was sick; and I'm glad he's okay now. When I hear of one of my daughter's classmates being in a difficult situation, I'm hesitant to intrude - I usually ask someone else close to the family to see if that child needs anything - that way I can help out if needed and not bother the family when they need to focus elsewhere.

Joanne - posted on 01/07/2010

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I saw your post and just had to write something....if that woman is dumb enuff to take crap out on your kid...not even you..your kid... then she's got issues! how can she justify even taking anything out on her OWN kid when your daughter comes near him??? i don't get that AT ALL. unless someone has said something about you guys around the school or something cuz i'll tell you parents are rivals too, not just kids that go there. for example...when we first moved up here out of the city, we had my oldest son's birthday in june, right before school ended, we had like 15 kids and most of the parents stayed and chatted and got to know us, a new family to the town....that was when he was 6, he's now 10 1/2 and maybe has 6 kids that show up at his parties...and no parents stay...i know that at 10 years old you don't really need to stay around to watch your kid at a party but maybe you could take the day off from your hubby and stay for coffee?? AND, he gets invited to only 1 kid's birthday party throughout the year...nice huh? it's the parents because my kid talks to his school friends on the phone and there's a clan of the 10 yr olds in his class that all hang out and my kid is popular right in it....my daughter gets invited to 2 parties out of the year...3 years ago it was 8 birthday parties that year... i feel like people talk so much gossip about crap they know nothing about, they hear one thing and they run with it and my kids have to pay for it. my point is...it could be something that someone said once and it spread like wildfire. my family has had situations happen and it seems that people find out about it and you don't even really know who they are and the story has been twisted....they're are crazy moms out there and it's such a competition in some areas, my town has a pop. of 2200 people so you can imagine everyone knows everyone and if you don't know anyone, then your a nobody and you don't fit in so then you're the outcast.
my oldest son was sick with h1n1 and bilateral pnuemonia and was transferred from two hospitals to one almost 3 hours away in november...he was out of school for a month, he's fine now..but at a christmas party i ran into a mother who i say hello to and we talked a bit and she said she had at least 8 parents calling her to ask about my kid and were asking other things...i don't even know these mothers!! it kind of ticked me off because instead of asking her for my number, they all spoke about my family stuff behind my back and god knows what else came up...i'm sorry if i sound so defensive but i hate when people talk so much stuff that they have no idea what the truth is...of course this may not even be the case with you...but just be weary that BS goes on like that....i know it sounds extreme but i've seen rivalries explode between parents...i know which parent have cheated on which parent and i know about their personal lives, only because i don't get involved, i listen to what others say...when i stay at one of those birthday parties for coffee...but i also take it with a grain of salt but it amazes me how much crap is talked about and the people they talk about have no clue who they are to begin with. i think you're strong for not saying anything but i don't blame you because why would you want to irritate the situation and have that mother take more crap out on your kid or even her own kid?? i think you should talk to your daughters teacher and maybe ask how the kids interact at school? your not asking personal stuff about her kid but you wanna make sure that her child isn't hurting your daughter either, like physically...i wish you luck hun, and again i'm sorry if i sound defensive or crazy but it makes me irritated when people use their own kid(s) to protect themselves when all that chick has to do is talk to her kid at home about it or even just let go whatever is bothering her about you or your daughter. like, be an adult, she sounds mentally disturbed, i've seen mother's like her before, and they're so overprotective and they're hurting their kids self esteem cuz the poor thing wonders if mom's gonna scream at them if they talk to anyone! man..i could debate this for hours...LOL good luck and just tell your daughter you love her lots everyday :))

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I am very picky about who my kid hangs out with and hes only 10 mths... its just a personal choice... maybe you dont have the same morals, values, or religion... its very hard to let your child play with another child when you dont agree with the parents parenting yourself... you can ask her but remember mother knows best......

Jess - posted on 01/07/2010

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If your concerned this woman is mental unstable or concerned about her reaction perhaps approaching your daughter teacher/s would be better. Discuss your concerns with them. Teachers are very observent and will probably have a better idea of whats going on. If they don't at least they will be aware of the situation and can keep an eye on your daughter when your not around and this other mother is.



The other may have expressed her own concerns to the teacher and they may be able to help the two of you come to suitable solution. I don't think I could be as strong as you though, if a stranger was singling out my child at school I would be very defensive !

Erin - posted on 01/07/2010

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Just sit down and talk to this mother, she may have some very logical reason in her head for what she does. To the rest of us it may not sound logical but to her it could be. Does she do it with any other children or just your daughter?

Kelli - posted on 01/06/2010

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Quoting ashie:

its her loss not yours.i am sure your daughter is a wonderful child so it really is there loss.she will make good friends of her own and do just fine.good luck:)i wouldn't be bothered with talking to the other mom she doesn't have the decency to explain to you why she wont have them be friends so just carry on.its better to have your child away from the other mother she sounds very odd.


I'm with Ashie on this one. If that's how she's going to behave in front of your daughter you shouldn't have her around it if it's avoidable. I understand how you wouldn't your child to be singled out this way, but confronting the other mom about her behavior could just make things worse, and you wouldn't want that. I know its hard but it could just be a chance to let your daughter know that hey- she's a terrific girl and there is absolutely nothing wrong with what she's doing, but some ppl are just different and for some reason that mom doesn't want her son playing with her. I mean... I guess that's what I would do. Well actually I take that back- my younger sister's boyfriend's mom was being super mean to my sister (she was 16 at the time) and too be honest I wanted to kick the woman's butt! LOL unfortunately you probably can't do that, like I couldn't, so I would just let it go and move on, no reason to dwell on it, it's her loss after all!

Cori - posted on 01/06/2010

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maybe she is just jealous of you or your daughter for some reason? i mean thats what happens in high school or jr high when one girl is jealous of the other she tries to turn her friends on that one other person.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Chestina,
You are right! Poor little boy...that is the worst thing a parent could do to his/her child.
Niki,
I don't think she has any preconceived idea of who my family is and stuff b/c then I would have the right to have a preconceived idea of her and her family based in what I have seen and her behavior.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Jennifer,
You don't want your son to play with the girl but you have an obvious reason.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Jennifer, you might be right. I don't want to be friends with her or anything. I just want that whatever negative she thinks of my daughter, she keeps to herself and stop her stupid behavior.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Betty,
I once (while we were waiting for the kids at pickup) said to her that my daughter mentions her son and says he's her friend and that he is a nice boy and shares with her and she gave me the death stare. I think she wants to portray my girl as evil and that she has had to take her son away from her in many instances b/c she causes trouble to her son. I don't think most of the parents would buy that. It's insane.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Veronica,
I know she's aware her son is not bothering my daughter b/c she's always takes pride of her son's good behavior (the boy is well behaved). I think she wants to make my daughter seem like she's the one bothering him. I concluded that from what you say might be her worry, thinking about it a bit, and that's my conclusion. She wants to make my daughter seem like she is the one bothering her son and she taking him away can make other parents think she is protecting her son of my daughter. If that is the case, she's crazy.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Lisa,
What you say might sound a bit beyond many people's understanding but it is so true. I have seen adults being jealous of children and being mean to them.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Lisa,
As a mother, I want to protect my daughter from mean children, not only that, also from children their parents are the opposite way I raise my daughter. I'm not saying I want people like me be the parents of my girl's friends. I say that even if they are different, they teach their children respect, good manners (among other values). I would be super vigilant if my daughter is friends with kids I have seen the irresponsible behavior of the parents. How in earth I would let my daughter go over the kid's house if their parents have a behavior that says too much (badly) of themselves??? I protect my daughter but also I teach her not to reject other kids and be mean to them. My daughter behaves well and her vocabulary does not include swearing or saying mean things about others. So, I'm not writing this b/c she's my daughter, but she's the kid parents would like their children to be friends with. I'm raising her like I want her friends to be.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Thanks, Kendra!!! Exactly! I'm starting to notice (thinking about the situation) that she's childish, immature, and her behavior is ridiculous.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Lyndsay,
I don't intervene in the situation b/c the lady never mentions the name of my daughter when she scolds him. She just goes to him when he is talking or playing w/ my daughter and says: "Don't do that" and then takes him away to play with another kid or group of kids. Not to a specific kid, just takes him to play with other children from the classroom that happen to be there. Also, I don't intervene b/c since my daughter does not notice exactly what this woman is doing, well, I don't want to cause stress in her. Sometimes she's confused and asks what the boy did wrong that his mother got mad (she asks when we are home) and I say it's something between the kid and the mom.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Stacie,
Some people, some people.... There are mothers that don't even know how to discipline and teach their children basic moral and social values. That girl is so abusive with your daughter!!! And the mom didn't even care???? Well, at least the boy is not mean to my daughter (they get along well) but now that I read your post I worry that in the future that boy could get abusive towards my daughter b/c of the behaviors he'll learn from his mother. Because know he's all innocent being a 5 year old. Thanks for sharing your story. I only hope this situation changes.

Lyndsay - posted on 01/06/2010

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If she says scolds her son like that in front of you, do you defend your daughter? I would ask her what her problem is, why she thinks my child is so bad, and where she gets off acting like that in front of the children.

Kendra - posted on 01/06/2010

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i think its important to reassure your daughter that there is nothing wrong wit her and its a life lesson unfortunately she mite have to learn early.Some people who are suppose to be adults think and act like children and its sad.i would focus on my daughter and do everything i can to reassure her that shes a great kid and anyone would be lucky to be her friend. my only concerrn is that your daughter like most kids her age would take it in a way where she feels at fault or not good enough when you as her mother knows its not true.encourage her to make friends wit all types of children its an important life lesson and i know shes young and may not understand but some people are just ridiculous. these are children not middle schoolers. its unfortunate.

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I have two boys I don't let them play with some kids. My reason would be the way they act, the words that come out of the child's mouth. Or the way the parent raises her/him. If I don't agree with there methods then I don't want it rubbed off onto my child. But I have heard of people telling there kids that other kids are beneath them money wise and not to play with them. They are stuck up and self centered. So there are some of my thoughts.

Lisa - posted on 01/06/2010

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It sounds like she has her own insecurities and may be jealous of you two or just your child in some way. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that's usually the reason why people pick on others, even if they are much smaller/younger than they are. I've been in similar situations through out my life and my 2.5 year old daughter has had it happen to her. It was not as extreme as your case, but it's just ridiculous that it even happens at all! I hope she can realize that she is being irrational and can come to her senses!

Chantel - posted on 01/06/2010

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i think u need 2 have a word wiv this mum its not right 4 her 2 have this vendetta against ur child but she may have her wires crossed that ur child has done something wrong so if i were u i would talk 2 her and if she still feels the same at least u can say u tried good luck

Jennifer - posted on 01/06/2010

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I have a feeling *instinct* that once you meet this woman you may find it may be for the best that you are not close to her? :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/06/2010

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If there is no known reason then you may just have to let it go. I know it hurts but, if you have asked her and there is still no answer then you did all you could do. The best you can do is keep encouraging your child to be nice to others and maybe the kindness will reap some coals of fire on her head? I would not jump to mentally ill though. I actually will not permit my child to play with one girl. I babysat her one day and and she started hitting my son and took his favorite book and ripped all the pages out. Then she stood on my table after I asked her to get down and pissed!! When I told her mother, her mother shot at me "Your son has sensitivity problems and will probably grow up a cry baby".. whoa! My son never did anything to this little girl and it was evident that the mom has some issues of jealousy so for our sanity and safety I had to confront her and then when she yelled at me I had to protect us by leaving. She convinced people that I was mean and hated her child. Not true!! its not that poor child's fault that her mom kinda lacked to teach her some important life lessons in manners and respect but at the same time, is it wise for me to be near them?I am not saying its you at all.. but it was apparent THIS woman had some mental instabilities. If you ask her and get no response then base your opinion.... I hate that it has to mean that children can't play together as my son loves everyone.. but you need to ask her first before basing any conclusions. I did and well.. I conclude insanity, but I confronted first!! :) Good Luck and hope your little girl continues to be a lover in a fighter world!! :)

Alisha - posted on 01/06/2010

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It is childish and I wouldn't worry another minute about it, if your daughter asks you why (if she notices it's going on too) just tell her some people are not nice and that she should show them how to be nice by not reacting or telling other people. That is weird why that mom would do that, you could always ask other mom's you know that it has happened to without telling them who the mom is that's doing it or that it's happening to you.

Amber - posted on 01/06/2010

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ask her out right what her problem is, then request that she does not scold her son in front of your daughter

Chestina - posted on 01/06/2010

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Oh yes, this is a childish type mother. She needs to grow up. She is really hurting her child becasue she is not giving him the freedom as a child to explore who he likes and what he likes to do. So its shame on her, not you. Just explain to your daughter that people are different and you are a great little girl and you dont have to worry about someone like that because there are alot of other children that will play with you.

Niki - posted on 01/06/2010

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I'm not saying this is an excuse but my guess would be she has heard something or has an idea of a certain way your family is and just doesn't want her son around your daughter for whatever reason she thinks she has. If I were you I'd just let it go and tell your daughter that she deserves a better friend than that. I think talking tot he woman might make it worse if she has preconceived notions about you.
It's their loss, not yours =)

Chelsea - posted on 01/06/2010

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some people are like that...and it's sad b/c now her son is not understanding why he can not talk to a friend from his classroom and I see this going to cause an issue later on in life. Now i can relate a little bit, I am 23 years old, and my daughter will be 6 in a few weeks, and with my age, some mom's wont let their kids come to my house for play dates, and will only let her come there(which is great when I want quiet time :) ) but it's immature, and some mothers just cant grow up, jus tell your daughter it's ok, and it's not her fault, and its not his fault, his mother just isnt a nice person right now and she's working on sharing her son haha

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Hi Kylie,

That's bullying for me but I have tried to be cool with the situation b/c, really, I don't have many options of schools b/c public schools here are horrible ( I can't afford private school for now and the private school in my area I can afford is horrible-the education is sooo bad) and that is the only one that is really good and she hasn't mentioned my daughter's name when scolding her poor son, she just says don't that and takes the kid away. My daughter hasn't noticed as much b/c her name hasn't been mentioned by her and she might think she is being like that to her son b/c he might have done something wrong. But my daughter has asked me ( at home) what the boy did wrong and I say it's something between him and his mother.

Camille - posted on 01/06/2010

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Hi, Sylvia!

Your comment is really helpful. That's what I think. The kids like each other and I have seen the confusion faces (especially the boy's). Maybe I'll approach her not talking about the situation. I'll take advantage when dropping my girl at school to start conversation with her about other things. Another mom suggested this but to talk to her specifically about the situation. That would give her the opportunity to know I'm nice (although she should have noticed a long time ago b/c I have always been nice to every parent I have met at my girl's school). I should convince myself that if it doesn't work, well nothing's wrong w/ me b/c some people just don't welcome nice people ( that is beyond me b/c nobody wants to be treated not nicely).

Amanda - posted on 01/06/2010

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Amber...and how old were your child and her child at the time? Im just curious because im middle eastern and I would never say that to anyone and find it so rude she had the guts to actually say that to you.

Kylie - posted on 01/06/2010

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Hi, this sounds like an aweful situation. I think you should try to speak to her like the others have suggested. If she doesn't give you a reason, or tries to brush it off, I would just say matter of factly that you would like her to stop making your child feel as if she has done something wrong and if she can't do that then to please not speak to your child at all. It may seem harsh but your poor daughter is being treated horribly by an adult and that is bullying in my books, so you have a right to speak up and ask her to stop.

Kryss - posted on 01/06/2010

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I think i would confront her and ask wht was wrong? And see if you could agree on them playing ..if not its her loss....this has happened with my son and other parents just bc my son was not the same as them...talking sometimes helps;

Sylvia - posted on 01/05/2010

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Hi Camille,

I think you should have a talk with her and politely ask her what the problem is. tell her that the kids like each others company and her behaviour is causing confusion among the kids yet they are innocent and know nothing of the issues arising.

If she still insists on being sturbon then let her be. Your daughter has her whole life ahead of her and pretty sure she'll make plenty of friends in her lifetime. But at the same time still treat the other Kid nicely and always be welcoming and caring to Him, since He needs it.

Camille - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Nikki:

If anyone ever said anything negative about my child right in front of me, the first thing I would do is ask what the problem was. I dont understand unnecessary ugliness, especially to or about a child. I would just pull her to the side and ask if there is anything going on that you dont know about. Maybe that will give her an oppurtunity to let you know about anything... for all you know her kid may have used your daughter as an excuse for him to not get in trouble at some point and shes just trying to eliminate their contact to avoid it further... who knows. Either way, dont let someone talk ugly in public about your child, regardless of your child doing wrong or not.

Good luck


Well, she doesn't say negative things about my daughter, she just scolds her son if he plays or talk with my daughter.  She gets mad and says: "don't do that". She has never said: "Don't play or talk with Natalia". Saying "don't do that" can't be referring to other thing b/c if a child is simply playing peacefully with another and a mom comes and say don't do that and then grabs him and takes him to play with other kid or group of kids, well, it is that the mom does not want her child to play with the other kid. Also, almost everyday I approach the teacher and ask her about my daughter's behavior and she tells me everything's fine. I started to do that not because my daughter is a troublemaker is that in the first days at school she wanted to do things differently but it was just concerning to schoolwork. Like trying to paint things a different color to the color the teacher said. The teacher never complained (nor she was mad) about it but I wanted to fix that problem b/c that would become a problem later in other grades she needs to do things as directed.  Another mom told me to explain the situation to my daughter but as much as I want to, I don't want to say: "hey, don't play with [child's name] because I don't want you to get in trouble". That would create a weird environment since I am teaching my daughter not to make distinctions and get along with everybody. That's what makes it more difficult.

Camille - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting Janice:

I would try to be walking beside her leaving the school and simply ask her what her problem is. Let her know that you've noticed. It could possibly be that she's old school and doesn't want her son playing with girls. It could be many things like that and nothing against your daughter at all. Could there have been a possible conflict between the two children in the classroom that maybe her son talked about and your daughter hasn't mentioned? Checking with the teacher may help. I also have a five year old daughter but have no run into this yet.


No conflict between my daughter and her son. She was not nice from the first day at school but began to show this behavior [giving it more emphasis] since she handed some birthday invitations to others kids at the school's playground and didn't invite my daughter and other kids too. But when she was handing them out, she made more obvious she didn't give an invitation to my daughter. And kind of got mad that my daughter didn't care or give attention to the situation since she was distracted playing with other girls. But other girls did and I found it unfair.My husband and I thought about talking to the teacher about this since there were a couple of girls (not my daughter) who were crying b/c she didn't give them invitations and it's just plain wrong for a parent to hand out something and not give that something to the other kids as well. I'm not hurt that she didn't invite my daughter. What hits us as wrong is that she did that and that someone (a teacher) should have told her not to do that. The girls who were crying did not know those were birthday invites but they felt excluded from it. A child might think that it is something that is being handed out to other kids and that they have the right to receive as well. It's like if I stand and start giving stickers to some kids and not to others. Well, it seems that she doesn't have the same feeling towards other kids and I swear I had paid attention looking for situations that could show me it is not my girl in particular. Another mom in other post mentioned race, religion, and social status and I think it's not that. I'm middle class and I have seen she has less than me (financially) and that she's on welfare but it is not much different in the end b/c although I don't qualify for welfare, I live paycheck to paycheck and she doesn't have a car but mine is not fancy (it's not even new. Concerning to race, we are the same race. Religion? I never talk about that. I have my faith but I never talk about that. Thanks to all of you for helping.

Nikki - posted on 01/05/2010

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If anyone ever said anything negative about my child right in front of me, the first thing I would do is ask what the problem was. I dont understand unnecessary ugliness, especially to or about a child. I would just pull her to the side and ask if there is anything going on that you dont know about. Maybe that will give her an oppurtunity to let you know about anything... for all you know her kid may have used your daughter as an excuse for him to not get in trouble at some point and shes just trying to eliminate their contact to avoid it further... who knows. Either way, dont let someone talk ugly in public about your child, regardless of your child doing wrong or not.

Good luck

[deleted account]

I would try to be walking beside her leaving the school and simply ask her what her problem is. Let her know that you've noticed. It could possibly be that she's old school and doesn't want her son playing with girls. It could be many things like that and nothing against your daughter at all. Could there have been a possible conflict between the two children in the classroom that maybe her son talked about and your daughter hasn't mentioned? Checking with the teacher may help. I also have a five year old daughter but have no run into this yet.

Betty - posted on 01/05/2010

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Sounds like this lady is nutty. I would just ask her why she behaves that way. It won't cure her mental malfunction but you could get a real kick out of her response and it might make you feel better.
If you are worried about your daughter being around this woman than you should talk to the teacher and principal about it. Maybe a few of the other moms have the same problem with this lady and are just too nice to speak up. Someone needs to let her know that this is not ok and you shouldn't have to be that person.
Could this have anything to do with a difference in race, religion, social status, or creed? Some people are very old school and just plain hopeless when it comes to that. It's sad.

Camille - posted on 01/04/2010

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Quoting Dawn:

I agree with a few of these ladies, You should just ask her. Maybe you feel that she has an issue with your daughter, but really there is some other issue in her own life that causes her to act that way, Maybe she is not living in a good enviroment or situation, and takes those feelings out on your daughter. Maybe becuase it seems that you have a pretty happy life with your child, maybe she is jealous.


I agree with you. I don't know what is going on in her life and if she's going through a bad situation maybe she feels she has the right to be mean towards my daughter and me. Who knows?

Dawn - posted on 01/04/2010

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I agree with a few of these ladies, You should just ask her. Maybe you feel that she has an issue with your daughter, but really there is some other issue in her own life that causes her to act that way, Maybe she is not living in a good enviroment or situation, and takes those feelings out on your daughter. Maybe becuase it seems that you have a pretty happy life with your child, maybe she is jealous.

Danielle - posted on 01/04/2010

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I would just ask her straight out... Just say why do you not want your son playing with my daughter!!!!

Camille - posted on 01/04/2010

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Quoting Amber:



Quoting Camille:




Quoting Amber:

You know, Camille, some people are just sick in the head. Period.

I've had the same sort of issues and when I learned the reasons, I was utterly sickened. Once it was because a Middle Eastern woman didn't want her son to play with white girls because she was worried he might find them attractive. Yes, she said this to my face. Another time it was because we didn't attend the same church they did. And mostly recently, it was because they found out my husband is part Asian and they don't "approve of interracial marriage".

Whatever her reason, it's probably her trying to impose her close-minded views upon her son.

The best thing I can say is to tell your daughter that it has noting to do with her. Explain to her that some people believe things that are wrong and it makes them do silly things. Just make sure that she in no way thinks it has anything to do with her.







You are right, many sick in the head people. I'm really sad with all this partly b/c when I became a mom it never crossed my mind I would deal with situations like this. Sometimes, that keeps me awake b/c I don't want my girl to suffer the crazyness of other people and how am I going to deal with this. I hope the holidays recess take away whatever negative thing she has against my daughter or me.









I so understand how you are feeling. I don't want my daughter to learn about racsim or any of that nonsense until she was much older, but honestly, I found that she has become much more accepting after I explained it to her. 






It was such a difficult conversation (the birds and the bees was cake in comparisson), but I simply explained that some people believe that anyone who is different from them is bad, for no real reason. I said to her, "My favorite color is pink, but your favorite is blue. Does that make m a bad person?" She sai no. I said, "Daddy has darker skin than I do. Does that make him a bad person?" She said no. "Well, some people would have said yes to those questions. But the truh is as long as you don't hurt other people, you are a good person."






Maybe if you explin it that way and end it with, "just don't play with that boy anymore, sweetie, because his mom thinks bad things" she'll pick up on it and not let it bother her. It sucks that you have to demonize the other mom, but she put herself in that position.






Oh, and I know some of the other moms suggsted talking to the crazy lady, but I really wouldn't. I did to that one mom who told me about not wanting her son to like white girls, and it was like getting slapped in the face. The only thing that made it tolerable was that I could say, "My kid's only half white, you racist pig." :) So, unless you have a good arsenal of quick-witted comments ready to fire at her, proably best to lt crazy lady be.





When that suggestion was made, I wrote that I haven't talked to her b/c her behavior is so irrational that her answer might be as well.

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