How do you handle rude comments?!

Amanda - posted on 11/14/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I'm a mother of 4, and am 24. I hear a LOT of crap from people in stores, resturants, schools I mean you name it! I've had people stare at me, if I ever go into a store, school or resturant alone. Older people will smirk and ask "why do i have so many kids so young?" And they bet that I'm "living off the state"...etc. I have NO tolerance for this crap and it really offends me at my sons school. Teachers will even give me looks, and say things like, "Can you believe she has 4 children already? I mean how does she divide time?" I am very hot-headed but will grin and bear it if my children are around, but you can bet your bottom that when I'm with no kids I'm going to call someone out! I've lost friends or so called friends by having my children. I LOVE my kids and NO I Don't live off the state! My fiance and I work for our money, and provide all we can to our children! I don't care that these people think they know me, I think what gets to me is that they say these things knowing that I'm not giong to say anything back, ecspecially since they say it when My children are present. Ugh!!! How does anyone else handle comments?

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Jodi - posted on 11/15/2010

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I completely ignore any and all comments. If people aren't criticising you because you're a young mom, it's because you breastfeed, or chose to stay home, or you're too old, or you have too many, or you're not married, or havn't been married long enough, you spank or you dont' spank, you have x amount of money or you don't...people like to judge. I get comments all the time for breastfeeding, staying home AND being young. It's just par for the course in being a parent. My advice is to not waste energy getting upset, just smile and ignore it. People are ignorant and nosy, and that's fine by me. I let it go!

Savannah - posted on 11/18/2010

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I don't have four kids, but I am a young mom of one, (planning on a couple more before I'm 30) and old fashioned people do talk crap if you're a young mom... the way i see it... I may be "missing out" on things that other people my age are able to do with no worries, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I would rather be young, and be able to run around and really play with my kids, and have my fun later on when my kids are grown enough than to have a lesser amount of energy for my kids when I get older. I think as young moms we sacrifice more than people who wait (which it's perfectly fine if you wait, just my opinion). Regardless... you having 4 kids doesn't affect their personal life so it's really not their business!

Rachel - posted on 11/16/2010

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I totally understand where you are!! I had my first daughter in 1999, my second in 2000 and my son in 2001. I let the negative and nasty comments of others get to me and began to disconnect from the outside world other than family. But then I got older and realized the opinions of others were irrelevant. I am a good mom yes my children are "doorstep" as they would commonly say, but we do just fine. Now that mine are older and people see we are doing quite well for ourselves they have to eat their words and I like it. I just ignore negativity. Best of luck to you and your family.

Tiffany - posted on 11/16/2010

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Ever heard of 'kill em with kindness'? People are going to judge, just ignore them! You have 4 wonderful kids who I'm sure love you very much and that's all that matters! =) If you do feel like you need to say something while your kids are present though, I would just turn around and say 'Yes I am a young Mom and proud of it! I have more energy to play with them and wouldn't change it for anything' or something like that lol. I'm not the type to sugarcoat things though, so it's not easy for me to be nice like that. I literally just tell them what I think. But, my daughter is only 13 months so I don't know what I'll do when she is older lol. Just try to ignore it. =)

Christina - posted on 11/15/2010

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The next time somebody makes a rude comment to you, look at them and politely say "Yes I'm young and yes I have 4 children but that is my business and my business only so if you don't like it then that's just to bad. Please just mind your own business." If you let people know nicely that you get offended by their rude comments and your not going to tolerate them, then they'll back off! Good luck!

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Trish - posted on 11/17/2010

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i understand where you are coming from i am 23 with 3 kids 6, 3, and1 and i look a lot younger than what i am and what i have found works for me is i make jokes about it cuz i would never change having my kids u make a joke of whatever they say and they cant say anything

Sara - posted on 11/17/2010

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i dont tolerate it i dont care if my kids are around because if think that if they see me let people walk all over me then they will think it is ok...when people make comments about me i simply reply who asked you or its none of your business. But you know that is just my opinion i do not want my kids to grow up and think that it is ok for people to treat people like that just because of how many kids they have at their age.

Marisa - posted on 11/16/2010

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Hi just want to tell you something I am 22 I have two little boys and I am pregnant my oldest is almost 2 ans youngest is just shy of 8 months we decided to have our kids close in age so they have more in common growing up I am married and I talked to my mom before we decided to have naother baby and told her I was unsure if I should try so soon I didnt want to be known as the girl who is always pregnant she told me to do whatever makes me happy and everyone else didnt matter so soon after that chat I was pregnant we were going to share the news in december when me sister had her baby meaning it was her first but we decided we couldnt keep it a secret any more we didnt get many congrats except from my parents we were a little hurt and sad but we thought it dont matter we are happy we are having another baby and since we found out we brush rude remarks and rude looks off I could careless what people think anymore its my family and we are all very happy even our oldest son seems excited about it he even comes up to my belly and says baby alot and it always makes me smile so if I were you if you hear something rude or see a rude face say to your self you are happy and that all that matters your kids are healthy loved and well taken care of and its no ones place to judge you no ones at all I hope it gets better keep your chin up and remember you love your family no matter what

Iysha - posted on 11/16/2010

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I have one child and at a yard sale I was having with my mom and aunt, our neighbor said that i was too young to be a mommy. i just said that I'm not that young. She still insisted that I was too young at 21 to have a baby...I told her she looked too old to have kids the ages that they were and told her to leave if she wasnt going to buy anything.

She was a person that my family didnt like...so i didnt feel bad about saying anything to her...in fact my aunt laughed at me and said I was too polite. lol. If it was a stranger, I would have just smiled and kept it at "I look younger than I am."

Stefanie - posted on 11/16/2010

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I get this a lot too. When I'm alone I get comments like, "So your parents make you do the shopping now that you can drive? What a great daughter you are!" (I look 10 years younger than my 26 years I guess...) They are totally shocked when I reveal that I am actually married and have 3 children. In the past it was much worse, when I was 22 with 2 babies under 2 years old, but has since gotten much better. They see that my children are intelligent, well behaved for their age (sure, they have their moments like all kids), are adored and likewise adore us, etc. We normally get stares walking into a diner or store but almost always get compliments walking out about how wonderfully happy and cheerfully polite our family and children are.
There are mean people, you can never win. Families who don't want children get crap for not having any, parents of an only child get crap for not "giving that child a sibling", parents of two have high expectations to live up to as the "Ideal family", parents of more than two are asked why they would want more than two (if they have one boy and one girl) or if they are "trying for a girl/boy" (if they have all the same sex), single parents get crap about why they divorced and left their children without a father/mother, married parents are expected to uphold some idealized concept of "traditional family values", the list goes on and on and ON. What's the most annoying in my opinion is all the expectations placed on all families to behave, believe, interact and child rear the same as the rest of their "kind". If you are even mildly counter-cultural you are singled out and ostracized as THAT family. It's really quite sad. That happens to us quite often as we are about as counter-cultural as you can possibly get. LOL!
Even so, I try to always respond with kindness and understanding. 1) Because I know they treat me that way out of ignorance. Most people today have been raised to say too much and control themselves too little, so it's difficult to get mad at them when they don't know any better. 2) Because I want to show them that I'm not the demon they assume me to be. If they see that I am kind, good humored, tolerant, etc. I have a very important chance to build tolerance and understanding in my community. :-) Perhaps if they see me more as a person they like, and less as the labels I've been labeled with and labeled myself with, it will have some effect on changing their prejudices against others like me.

Anyway, I rattled on way too long. Hang in there. If nothing else, it will get better as you age. ;-)

Chrystal - posted on 11/16/2010

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Honestly I would just be the bigger person and turn the other cheek. People can be so mean and judgmental.

Beau Shonelle - posted on 11/15/2010

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I know how you feel. I have three children with the forth on the way. I have people telling me that this should be the last one and that either me or my husband should get something done permanently after this one is born. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I'm 25 with my oldest being 4 and we are supporting our kids pretty well if you ask me, they don't go without anything.
I have had one old lady say to me no wonder why you are skinny running around after three kids, and others say well you must be very busy but I don't let it get to me. I know quite a few people that are alot older than me that have done the same sort of thing so they can't judge me and to the rest of the people i say get a life.
Hope everyone starts to leave you alone.

Leah - posted on 11/15/2010

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People like this are very immature! So they have to talk crap to make themselves feel better. Just ignore them. Doesn't matter how old you are or that you have 4 kids at your age. I bet your a wonderful mother and if your happy that's all that should matter. Don't pay attention to these shallow people.





Everyone is going to say alot of things you won't like,it's at that moment when you decide to let it go in one ear and out the other.

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2010

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I agree with Jodi, people judge and feel the need say things no matter your age or what you do.

Jackie - posted on 11/15/2010

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I'm a hot head myself and I get the looks too. Heres my situation. I'm 29 and I have 3 kids living with me. My 13 year old niece, my 11 year old stepdaughter, and my 3 year old son. We go places and I get tons of looks. I dont look very old myself and I've had people comment about me where they thought I couldnt hear it or even to my face. One night I took the kids to a restaurant here in town that is kinda high end. (I work 40 plus hours a week in a factory where I'm in middle management and my hubby owns and runs a restaurant. Were not rich but definately dont live off the state.) I had no clue that this would be said but I heard "O it must be the day she can get her money off her vision card" (Vision card is how Kansas pays food stamps and cash assistance.) Being the hot head I am I told my daughter to take my son to the bathroom for a minute and when I turned to say something I was too late. My niece (who is a mini version of me) had already beaten me. She said it alot funnier than I had planned on it because I'm kinda fiery when mad but my niece said "It sure is. We's eatin steak tonight. Did social security send your check yet or is you eating jus a salad?" She said it in a total hillbilly voice and it was hilarious. My daughter overheard this and couldnt stop laughing. Sad thing is that some of my hubbys employees were there eating and know how I am and were already calling him to come bail me out but ended up telling him the whole funny story instead.
My point is that instead of getting bitchy now I make it a joke. I pay for everything with a debit card since I dont carry cash and people rubber neck to see if its a vision card so now I tell them to back off. They cant get any of my hard earned food stamps. Laugh it off. Makes them look like the ass and not you.

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2010

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Old people are a bit different like that. They respect being a SAHM more. Just saying.

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The simplest and most fun way that I've been dealing with it (I'm 20 and have a one year old) Is I ask them when THEY had their first child. My gram had her first baby at 18 just like I did except one MAJOR difference. Only ONE person in that family worked. Now usually both parents work and bring in an income (I'm not saying anything bad about being a stay at home mom since I am one.) The rudest comment I ever had was an elderly woman accused me of living off my parents and ruining my life. Very calmly I started laughing, I told her that at 18 I had already finished college was in a profession (I'm an esthetician) and most likely made more than her or her husband ever did. My husband also had a well paying job and she shouldnt assume such rude things.

Merry - posted on 11/15/2010

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I realized the reason no one ever mentioned my pregnancy, like asking me when I was due or if it was a boy or a girl, was because I looked so young they assumed it was an accidental pregnancy.
I am so mad I missed out on the general public attention over my cute belly just because people assumed it was unwanted or something.
Fact is I was married, and he was very much planned.
I wanted the typical pregnancy experience with mosey people bugging me about my baby etc, but they all just assumed wrong.
I was 20 when he was born. Now I'm almost 22 and I'm pregnant with another greatly wanted baby who we planned and I hope when I get bigger people will not assume badly about me but I think I still look like a teen ager so odds are they will just assume I can't stop getting knocked up or something.
It sucks that the general public wants to assume badly about everyone, I mean why does everyone want to think badly about me?
Well I know my family and friends are excited about my pregnancy and will give me attention but it still hurts that the public likes to think I'm a loose teenager who can't manage birth control.
:/

Christi - posted on 11/15/2010

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I just have one kiddo but is Autistic and alot of times when we go out into public, he does things to help him cope with the amount of new people and the noises and bright lights and such. He shakes his head alot and I have had people tell me maybe he wouldn't be retarded if I wasn't so young, or I am a horrible parent. Just let it roll off your back, They know nothing about your life. We do get money from the state since I am unable to work and take care of my son 24/7, but that doesn't matter. Is my son properly cared for, fed, clothed, bathed and loved more than any other child in this world, quirks and all? You can bet your ass. I have also lost several friends who did not understand why I didn't want to go out and party and who made fun of some of the things my son does. But who needs em? I have my husband and my son and the support of my father and sister, that is all that matters to me.

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2010

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i respond regardless if my daughter was there or not. i want to show her that i will call someone out and stand up for myself. i then explain, usually in the presence of the other party that people should judge other people, and i give her a quick lesson on that while i'm at it. ;)

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2010

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Bahaha that bit will be awesome, 40 and the kids will be old enough to look after themselves.

Erin - posted on 11/15/2010

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People always judge. Its human nature. I'm sorry you ladies have to deal with rude comments. Younger Moms have more energy to play with their kiddos. And can usually relate better to then in the teen years. AND, just think, you'll be an empty nester earlier too. The perks never end!!

Nicole - posted on 11/14/2010

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I remember I was in a mom's group once and I asked one of the leaders for advice about something and she said, "why don't you ask your social worker about it". I said, "if I have a social worker, I wasn't aware of it."

People make assumptions about young moms and it is extremely iritating. I would suggest ignoring them but some people get louder when they are being ignored.

I think the best skill any mom can have is assertiveness and the hardest skill to master.

Liz - posted on 11/14/2010

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I know what you mean. I am 23 years old and have three children. A set of two year old b/g twins and a four month old son. I get all sorts of comments and looks, but me and my husband are providing for our children. I do the best I can to ignore it even though some of the comments really get under my skin.



I've also lost several friends, because I am the first one out of my group of friends to have children. You deffinently come to realize your true friends that's for sure.

Amanda - posted on 11/14/2010

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My situation was a little bit different. I had 3 kids by the age of 25 but people still said things like that about me. I just told them don't worry about my life. I knew what I was doing when I had my kids and I knew how old I was and it's working out for us. I don't worry about their lives and they don't need to worry about mine. I'm a grown ass woman who makes my own decisions and I made the decision to have my children and take care of them. Who cares if they think you're living off the state, what's it to them? Is it hurting them even if you were (don't worry, I know that you're not). But even if you were, WHO CARES??? They're not in your every day life so who cares what they think? As far as you losing friends over it, they weren't real friends in the first place. So forget about it! Move on and enjoy being a young mom to beautiful children! Don't forget, young mom's are usually closer to their children than older moms and they're A LOT more fun too!

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