how do you nicely tell other kids moms your issues with them?

Tania - posted on 06/22/2011

Hey,
Have you considdered putting your boy in Scouts? They have the right kind of games and stimulus, and positive parental supervision. If you have money troubbles they will also subsidize his membership and going to camps. that way he meets other kids with parents that care about values, and is being taught valuable social skills

Ashley - posted on 06/21/2011

The boys aren't crappy, but they clearly make for crappy friends based on their environment. So I pose the question again, why settle? You can find like minded moms and introduce your son to their kids, if your kid doesn't have any friends then go out and make some! But don't just sit around waiting for crappy mcCrapperson's next door kids to conveniently swoop in and undermine your parenting.

Teresa - posted on 06/21/2011

You don't. You can't dictate how another family raises their kids. What you CAN do is not allow your son over there and invite the other boys to play w/ him at YOUR house.

It's up to you to decide what's more important. Your son having ANY friends, no matter what he ends up exposed to... or getting him somewhere that he can possibly make friends w/ the same standards that you have.

If you bring up these issues w/ this mother.... chances are pretty good that he'll lose those friends anyway... and you may make an enemy out of your neighbor.

Brittany - posted on 06/21/2011

I have some what of the same problem. My daughter is friends with a neighbours two children, my daughter is 3 and her little boy is 4 and daughter is 7. Their house is a mess, they have no discipline and they can be quite rough and use bad language. If my daughter is invited over for a play, she is only allowed over if I may come along as well. That way I can supervise her myself. I know your son is passed the age that parents normally tag along during play dates, but if you want your son to remain friends with these children, you may want to make friends with their mother and ask if it is ok for you to tag along. If their mother isnt comfortable with this, then suggest that her children (younger) come to your house for a play. I know you mentioned that they do not want to come over since you do not have all of the fun things that they have, but use your imagination and come up with some fun things! organize a treasure hunt with clues and a little treat at the end, or buy some cheap water guns and let them know that they are for fun play not violent play. There are many ways to keep kids entertained, it may take some thinking and a little bit of time. Maybe the other children will even learn something positive from you!

Allison - posted on 06/20/2011

I am eager to have him keep these friends because he has had a hard time making them. also i don't think its fair to call these two little boys crappy they are a product of thier environment, they are polite with exception of some language issues and picking up. I can't blame them for not wanting to hang out here we don't have as much fun stuff and i don't let them get away with whatever they want. I need to find a way to tell the mother my issues so it doesn't come to that point of the kids aren't allowed to play together because i think she's irresponsible and believes a little to much in permissive parenting

Ashley - posted on 06/20/2011

A better question might be, why are you so eager for your son to keep such friends... don't you want your son to have quality friends? Why settle for crappy ones?

Alisha - posted on 06/20/2011

I agree with having the YOUNGER boys at your house. 1) the 12/13 year old are too old to be playing with your son 2) if they're at your house, you have the control 3) if your son wants to go over there, then explain to him he why you don't want him over there, but they can come over, play board games, get some footballs/soccer balls, watch movies, make up games, play sharades. Unfortunately there are many many irresponsible parents out here and there's nothing you can do about it, but you can control whether your child is subjected to that type of behavior.

Good Day! - posted on 06/18/2011

I just read where the boys won't play with your son because you don't have the fun things they have. Those do not sound like the type of friends your son needs.

Good Day! - posted on 06/18/2011

Invite her younger boys to YOUR house to play with your son. That way your son can play with his friends and you maintain the parental control you seek.

Allison - posted on 06/18/2011

your lucky. We dont live anywhere close to a nice park. the parks closest to us are sadly over run with teens who are to say the least disrespectful. But when we have the extra time and gas we do go to a nicer park about a half hour away. he loves it. I just never thought it would be so hard or that a woman in her late 30s-early 40s would be so irresponsible

Sadie - posted on 06/17/2011

You sound like you're a great mom... I'd go with the gut instinct. While we want our children to have friends, we as moms need to make sure that they are the right friends. Andrea has a good point... you can't tell someone what to do in their own house... but you can request that your child is safe and well behaved by your standards, and if the only way to make that happen is to not allow him over there, then so be it. We have sort of the same issue. It's just me and my boy, so without a lot of money, we live in a 'not-so-good' neighborhood. When he wants to play outside with the neighbor kids at our apartment building, I suggest going to the park instead. I can relax in the sun, and he can find some nice kids to play with. He's never even whined about not being able to play with them since the park always has lots of kids!

Allison - posted on 06/17/2011

I have done that but the boys dislike our house. We don't have all the fun things they have and i have this rule of its nice play outside. Its a hard thing where if i say he can't go there they wont play with him and they are the only friends close by. All his other friends are at least a ten minute drive away. I'm just feeling like the only option i have is telling him he can't hang out with them any more

Andrea - posted on 06/17/2011

Yup a free with Melissa, if you have issues with her standards then only allow your son to visit with them at your house, put on a movies feed them on popcorn and lemonade or whatever, make it a rule (even if an unspoken one) that he isn't to go there but they are welcome at your house.

Don't try to tell the other mom how to parent in her own home, that is the fastest way to ensure your son looses his friends permanently.

Melissa - posted on 06/17/2011

you could try allowing your sons friends at your house instead of hers.

Allison - posted on 06/17/2011

sorry ment to say i have asked her to