How do you tell people that you don't want anyone to touch or hold your newborn?

Kayna - posted on 04/25/2011 ( 77 moms have responded )

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This includes some friends, church family, and a few family members? Also I don't want to sound rude or mean, and I want to explain that they wont be able to hold him for a minimum of 6 weeks.

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Jessica - posted on 04/26/2011

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Geez people it's her baby! If you don't want people handling your child,just polietly tell them that you aren't comfortable with your baby being handled until 6 weeks. You are the mama, do not let anyone make you feel like you are wrong for your feelings, or make you feel like your odd. Your baby. Your rules. End of story. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Church family, and reg family members should understand, and if they don't guess what? OOOOOhhhh Well. You are not odd, or neccessarily depressed, you just know your limits and what you are and are not comfortable with.

Jenn - posted on 04/26/2011

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There is no danger or reason why people shouldnt be able tpo touch or hold a baby for six weeks. The people that go out of their way to avoid people touching their baby or over sanitizing everything are the ones that end up with babies who are sick all time because their immune systems aren't allowed to develop and be exposed to common illnesses etc. It does more harm then good. Babies are much more resilient then you think, there are babies that grow up in terrible conditions who turn out fine. Plus, wouldnt you want your baby to forge connections and bonds with other family members etc...Youi may end up with a baby that freaks out everytime anyone comes near them. Just saying. That being said I am not really sure what you can say,regardless or what you say feelings are bound to get hurt and there may be some resentment. Even though its your choice, thats the truth. I think you should speak to the doctor about your feelings, it could be related to PPD or such.Just wondering what the logic behind the six weeks rule is, what do you feel is different between say seven and eight weeks or six?

[deleted account]

If you feel like that perhaps you should speak to your doctor, maybe you are suffering from depression. The problem with acting like that is that when you start wanting help from family and friends they wont be there to give it because they think you want to deal with it all on your own.

[deleted account]

Just tell them that when the baby is 6 weeks old they could touch the baby. I was so paranoid when I had my son. Every person that came to contact with him hand to wash his hands and put hand satitizer. I didn't care who it was. My FMIL's friend gave me an attitude when I told her to do it and she got pissed off and I told her that if she didn't like it then don't come near my son. Since then she wouldnt touch him at all. I don't give a damn. Respect what iI say.

Jo - posted on 03/21/2012

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I completely understand. This is your baby and you should be the one to decide who holds him/her and how long they have to wait until they can! I had 16 (thats right) 16 miscarriages before I finally had my, literally, miricle daughter. I held her first then my 14 yr old niece who had spent the last month of pregnancy with me. I had a few friends visit me in the hospital and I quickly realised that ALL of them wanted to hold her. It left me feeling uneasy and insecure about health issues. When I got my daughter home I didn't let anyone hold her for nearly 8 weeks! I never had to explain anything to anyone. My friends and family were close enough to me to know and understand how I felt. ♥ Good Luck and don't let these ugly comments get to you. Your right when wanting to keep your child from harm! :-D ♥

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User - posted on 04/10/2012

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6 weeks......wow. that's a long time. I guess you just tell them. But be ready for the whys and what's wrong with you looks. if a family member said this to me, I would definitely be hurt. If you are scared about germs have them use hand sanitizer. if they have had colds, then I understand not letting them around the baby...but 6 weeks is an awful long time for only physical contact from mom.

Miriam - posted on 04/10/2012

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Just tell them. Firs of all I wouldnt take him/her to any functions were there are a lot of people, try to stay home for the first couple of months. I was the same way , even when I was pregnant I did not like people (other than a few; husband, son, mom, bff) touching my tummy!!

Dianne - posted on 04/02/2012

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I took my son to Kmart the day after he was born, in a sling, and while I had a few ohhhhh look at the baby glances no one even attempted to touch or get heaps close, which I wouldn't have allowed anyway but close family n friends have been getting cuddles since about 8hrs old, strangers and acquaintances no, he is now 5wks and that rule still applies in general, and the only ones to ask for a hold or touch have been people I am fine with holding him anyway, my ob for example (his first hold btw) asked if it was ok to pick him up as he was crying n I was getting dressed behind the curtain. It's completely up to you as to what contact you allow and to whom you're the momma and when you know your rules have been set you will probably find you don't have to explain as people will pick it up subconsciously

Jo - posted on 03/21/2012

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BTW My daughter has only been sick with the common cold a few times in 10 years and nothing else. SO not exposing her to these germs didn't effect her at all! I breast fed her. Thats all you have to do to ensure her having a good immune system. Good Health to you and your child :-D

Amy - posted on 05/09/2011

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just tell them that for your babies safety from germs please dont touch him/her

Sarah - posted on 05/09/2011

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The best thing to do is to be upfront and direct, if its so important to you the true friends will understand!

I feel it is as simple as that!

Mrs. Sarah Dightam
Support Pelvic Dysfunction.co.uk

Melanie - posted on 05/02/2011

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stand up for your beliefs....but the chinese dont leave their homes for 1 month after a baby comes home...just a thought...

Rachelle - posted on 05/02/2011

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Just like that. "I am not ready to let anyone hold her" If they are any kind of parent or adult they need to respect that... YOUR the mom, hold on tight! (The feeling will eventually pass when they get heavier LOL)

Heidi - posted on 05/02/2011

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My daughter was held by everyone and anyone from the time she was born until now. She is now one year old and has had exactly ONE cold that she got directly from me. An ordinary child has no greater risk of getting ill from other people than you do.

Now if your child is sick, or was a premie or whatever, that is understandable. But just a normal child needs physical contact and to get used to other people.

Sara - posted on 05/02/2011

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if the baby is a preme just tell em u dont feel confortable holdin or tochin the baby until u feel its rite

Christina - posted on 05/02/2011

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just say no. its your child and it is your job to keep them safe. i let people hold my son but made sure they weren't sick and i would offer hand sanitizer. little babies are delicate and can pick up germs quick. dont let anyone make you feel bad for being protective. you are just a concerned mommy and that is a good thing :)

Alexis - posted on 05/02/2011

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I think if you don't want someone to hold your child until 6 weeks, then tell them I'm sorry but we are not letting everyone hold our child until 6 weeks. I would hope they would understand. But other people are right, after a while they will not want to offer any help for you with your newborn. You usually are offered all the help when the baby is new. So you may want to think about who and who you do not want holding your child, if it's someone you would like to accept help from. But in the end this is YOUR child and YOU and the baby's daddy make the decisions about YOUR child. No one else, period.

Allison - posted on 04/30/2011

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Just so you know my mother did the no touching my baby with me and she also kept me inside the house for 6 months and I have to tell you that as a kid and an adult I'm usually the first one sick and the one that ends up on rounds and rounds of antibiotics to get rid of it. Specialist have said that being exposed to germs is good because it builds up the bodies natural immunities. I would honestly just keep them away only if they have been sick recently or currently with the flu virus or respitory illness. But this is your choice and you'll just have to tell them why you want them to stay away.

OhJessie - posted on 04/30/2011

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Guess everyone said it for me. I brought my baby to see 4 separate people (including their kids) on the way home from the hospital lol. Even let the very gentle cat sniff and gently pat her. (He never, ever put out his claws.) So...what's the basic hangup here? I knew one mother whose doctor told her not to let people handle the baby withinthe first 8 weeks,but he was a weirdo and so was she.

Seek help.

Nikki - posted on 04/30/2011

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I just told them please don't touch. I only allowed certain people to touch, hold and help care for them

Elizabeth - posted on 04/30/2011

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Hi Kayna,
I agree with most of the posts here, you should just be open about it and tell them your reason. They should respect it and if they don't then that's their problem not yours. It doesn't sound as if you would stop the grandparents, siblings, or aunts and uncles and I think that this is good, because I think if you did there could be irrepairable damage done to some relationships.
Good luck, I hope that it all goes well for you.

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2011

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A lot a pediatricians offices have little tags you can place on the car seat that have a cute little saying about not touching without washing hands. I know it doesn't say not to touch but it did help me with my 2 kids because it seemed to make people stop and ask if they can touch the baby. Good luck!! Bottom line, you are the mom and have the right to say who touches and doesn't touch your baby.

Stephanie - posted on 04/29/2011

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it is quite common for mothers and/or father not to want anyone to touch hold, or even come into their home for the first 6 weeks of the baby's life. It is to promote bonding with the family, and some people disagree with it, however it is a perfectly normal thing, at least here in Ontario anyways.

Kristina - posted on 04/29/2011

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I agree with many of the posts, just be honest with them, and if they don't like it, too bad; its your baby.

Personally, after nursing every 2-3 hours, changing bums consistently, settling her after a feed etc (the God for my husband who took her a lot of the time to settle her)., I couldn't wait to pass her off to someone else for a few minutes.

Also, when someone else was holding her, I was able to look at her from a different view and it was nice to see; especially when she starting interacting.

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2011

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I totally get it I to this day don't let many people touch my kids. For one I dont know the last time they washed their hands and two I dont want my kids to get too spoiled. If people ask why say that it is your decision and you would appreciate it if they would respect it. Your baby is not a toy or an accessory and the first few months you want to bond with your baby not pass him around like a commodity.

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2011

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it is your choice like a few people down below (or above lol) said...and you just need to let people know how you feel...but i am curious as to the why noone is to hold him/her? :) i like to know people reasons behind what they do for their babies...children...family :)

Narelle - posted on 04/28/2011

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I had 2 babies that were 6weeks early. When I finally took them home they were still very tiny. The nurses told me that too much holding and swapping around would actually cause the babies to lose weight that they so desperately needed. I had to tell people that they were unable to hold them for a while. I did let my parents and a few family members hold them but not all at the same gathering. Once I explained this to them all they were really good about it. I don't know if your reason is similar to this but people will understand if it is a valid reason. It is nice for family to get to have a cuddle though otherwise they can feel excluded. Good luck and enjoy your baby!

Tori - posted on 04/28/2011

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It is your baby do whatever you want as far as how long you do not want people around! Just be polite but firm on what your decision is. With my daughter it was jsut a constant stream of people in the hospital and at home and the both of us and my husband were all very overwhelmed and hwen she wound up in the hospital from being jaundice at 3 days old, I was pissed I didn't take the time to relax in the hospital. This time around only my family came to the hospital, no friends this time. And even now when people come see him they don't assume they can hold him which is nice, our children are not new shiny toys to be shown off to anybody and everybody like some people seem to be making it seem, they are people and if you are not comfortable with your child being held till 6 weeks, then don't let them. You are their mom :)

Jane - posted on 04/28/2011

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1) Just say it, politely, of course. If you need to, blame it on your doctor's orders.

2) Do what I did, stay away from other people until your baby is 6 weeks old. My daughter had immune system problems (still does although now 18 years old) and so that was my reason.

Louise - posted on 04/28/2011

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Well its entirely up to you but if a child is going to get ill it will get ill regardless,My son got meningitis at 4 months and was criticaly ill at first ( now 11 today) So 6 weeks means nothing.He was a very healthy happy baby who never cried or anything.After this he got ear infection 1 after the other,chest infections, developed reflux ,you name it he got it.When bradley got meningitis we hadnt been out all week either,and you probably wouldnt meet any one cleaner than me so germs arnt anything to do with illness as such.As long as people have clean hands there really isnt a problem.I have been told by many friends that im to clean and dont let my kids pick up germs in order for them to build up immunity.Now i have 6 kids and 1 on the way i am a little more relaxed.I allow the play room to get a little messy in the day.I also allow the little ones to eat something if they have dropped it on the floor at home.I know they are hovered several times a day and mopped twice a day so i realize its not dirty.This allows a few germs for there immune system.Ive always let people hold my babies only in my presence though,i would never let them take them in another room and i would never leave any one with my babys either.I was always frightened of someone hurting them so never went out without them untill they were 2 years old.

[deleted account]

i'd offer the same advice as some others have, politely explain that the baby is fragile and susceptible to illness and you would rather not have him exposed to various and assorted germs. i'd add that you don't mean any offense its just that this is what you prefer. he's your child, you don't have to explain your reasons for wanting to parent in your own manner. other parents will understand. the first child is always the most protected in that way. i refused to even take my daughter out of the house until she was a month old. the first time we went anywhere other than a doctors appointment was when she was 8 weeks. we went to the library lol

Lisa - posted on 04/28/2011

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im sorry but 6 weeks seems an awful long time not to want anyone to hold ur baby u should be wanting to show him/her off to everyone let him/her soak up the attention plus give u a break, i really agree with susanne i think it might be a good idea for u to go to the doctors it does sound like depression, i really hope u do trust people with ur baby eventually because not only is it good for u but its good for ur baby too it helps ur baby learn and get to know people and learn peoples faces. i hope it all works out good luck

Cyndel - posted on 04/28/2011

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My moms best friend when I was a child, wouldn't let anyone besides family hold her babies (she had 8 all together) outside of her home until they were 6 months, or if it was flu season. If you weren't sick and visited her at home you were welcome to hold her babies.

Patrice - posted on 04/28/2011

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Okay...I need more information...Do you mean 6 weeks after you initially had your children or do you mean 6 weeks from whatever age your child is? If you mean 6 weeks from when the child was born, I can understand that. As a matter of fact, the child is supposed to stay in the house during that time and as to adapt it their new surroundings, etc. But if you mean lets say no touching for 6 weeks when the child is already 4-5 months old, then I that doesn't make much sense to me. Children's immune systems have to adapt to the world that we live in and we don't live in sanitized cages with organic foods openly given to us (haha). I think that we as mothers (and fathers too) stand more of chance of getting our babies sick than other people simply because we are around them more. If one is sick, then by golly no..don't touch my baby. But if it is a person who you know and how doesn't have a contagious disease or something, I don't see anything wrong with it.

[deleted account]

I love that sign! my son wears a do not feed shirt...mainly out of humour because he eats everything but we also bought a "do not touch baby bites" shirt :P he doesn't bite but theyre funny and the old ladies touch his feet and he snorts...not on purpose he has adenoid problems but they get scared :P

Daniellecherees - posted on 04/27/2011

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just say, sorry, i dont want anyone to hold him yet. if they cant respect that, they dont respect one's individual boundry. you dont have to come across as "mean" just smile. this is your baby. and you are the watchtower for this precoius little one. and also, trying to minimize the "outings" helps.

Whats funny, i used to live in the island of oahu, and take the bus. there was this women who had her baby in a carrier, and on the front, a taped message reading( DO NOT TOUCH MY BABY) the first thought, "thats strange",
untill i had my own, does it make so much sense.

we as mothers, are protectors, and it is a naturalresponse as to someone who we dont know or trust so much to take the baby, when it is so small.

god bless you. n jesus' name.
love danielle

Bobbie - posted on 04/27/2011

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Exposure is permission. Meaning, if you don't wish people to touch the baby, then stay home with the newborn for 6 weeks. No visits to stores, or any place other than the doctors office. When at the doctors keep the baby close to you rather than in a carrier. Being against you is a sling faces the baby against your body and doesn't allow for "may I hold" questions. It is also great for free hands to complete office visit check out and to comfort them after shots.
When a very young infant is in public it sends a mental unspoken message, to me anyway, that the mother is okay with the real possibility of germs. When my children were first born I stayed home, and requested all visitors to wash their hands when entering the house. I also kept visits to scheduled ones, no drop ins allowed. This ensured the baby received the peace and quiet needed for good restful sleep. You'll need it to.
I posted a store bought sign. "Please do not knock, mother and baby resting"
I would set the tone and the message now by inserting gently in conversations that you look forward to being home alone to bond and rest with the baby for the standard 6 weeks. Mention to friends and church fellowship members in conversation that you are looking forward to showing the baby off but wouldn't dream of bringing him/ her to church until they are at least 6 weeks old.
Oh, and when in public, many do not know that they shouldn't touch a baby. For that clear message keep a thin receiving blanket over the full carrier.
Congrats and best wishes!

Schyla - posted on 04/27/2011

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Since its RSV season if you don't want to hurt anyones feelings you can just stay home and not expose your little one at all My son had health issues after he was born and we wouldn't even let his sisters get too close because we did NOT want to end up in the hospital he's 5 months old now and we are letting the kids hold their brother now but we were observed a hands off policy and we just told everyone sorry no ones holding him except parents and grandparents

Keshia - posted on 04/27/2011

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just tell them straight up but Im pretty sure you wont feel that way after the baby is born you will want some sort of break from holding the baby

Brianna - posted on 04/27/2011

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ummm.. think ur going over bored thats for sure. when my daughter was born everyone held unless they were sick.. but they did have to wash there hands first

[deleted account]

Your baby, your decisions. First of many choices you will make. Make a stand now. You just state it now, to everyone, kind of like you've done here. Nothing strange about keeping newborns away from people although it sounds like you have certain people in mind? Protecting your child will be your main role in life now so trust your instincts. I was like a Momma bear with mine! Good Luck to you.

[deleted account]

Well, I am sure that you have your reasons. If you don't really want to explain it to them and you aren't looking to your family and friends helping you out then before the baby is born or just after ask them if they would mind waiting to see they baby for a few weeks so that you can have some time to bond as a family. They may be more receptive to not seeing your baby at your house period if you aren't inviting them over. With our second child we asked that no one visit us for the first few weeks so that we could have time to adjust and bond and they took this well. Though it wasn't that we didn't want anyone touching the baby it was more we knew we were going to have our hands full for the first few days we didn't want to add juggling visitors to it.

Lynette - posted on 04/27/2011

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Hey girl I understand where you are coming from...people don't seem to understand that a newborn is very delicate and can get sick easily....just tell them listen...my baby hasn't had his or her shots yt and she can easily get sick even if you aren't having little kids around my newborn could be tough and if she gets sick I will have to be the one holding her or him and taking care of her and waking up at nights to make sure she is okay...If they understand then theyv'e never been through that.

Krystle - posted on 04/27/2011

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I agree with you! There are just WAY too many germs and illnesses out there right now. You don't have to tell people anything it's your baby and your decision. Just say that it's a personal choice and you'd rather wait till baby is a little older!! Good Luck!! Your real friends will understand!!

Candace - posted on 04/27/2011

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My son was a preemie so when he came home I told everyone that I didn't want anyone but close family holding him until he had his vaccinations. I can understand you not wanting anyone to hold the baby so soon. My sister just had a baby and everyone wanted to rush and hold the baby and she wasn't ready for that either so she just told them to give her a few days which no one had a problem with. She didn't make them wait six weeks but hey it's your baby and if you don't want someone holding your baby then they will just have to accept that

Melissa - posted on 04/27/2011

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I did almst the same thing, well, I planned to do the same thing. When my son was born, I just emphasized that I wanted my maternity leave to myself to get use to being a Mother and learning all that I'll need to on my own, and emphasized that when I need help I would not hesitate to ask. My close ones respected my wishes and were there as soon as I called. Make yoru reason clear why you want this, and others can only be respectful. Your child, Your choices.

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2011

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I don't blame you. I didn't want a bunch of people holding my baby. Who knows what kind of stuff people touch with their hands. I didn't take my daughter anywhere until she was over 6 weeks old. Don't worry about people saying anything. It is your child not theirs. If you think you have a problem then you should seek help but if your just worried about germs and her getting sick it is okay. Your choice.

Melissa - posted on 04/27/2011

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Its your baby your child do what you want and dont feel bad about it . But close family members it really shouldnt be a problem in my opinion .

Rachel - posted on 04/27/2011

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I agree. Your baby is your baby. I didn't want anyone holding my baby. I also agree that it is rude to just ask "can I hold your baby?" After my babe was born, even before I was out of the burth tub, my MIL asked "Can I hold her?" Even before my husband held her. I'm SO glad my midwives said no, otherwise I don't know what I would've said. Anyway... in the weeks that followed, I felt like I HAD to let other people hold her, for fear of my husband thinking I was too.... I don't know... too clingy? Too paranoid? for just wanting MY baby. I also regret not speaking up more than I did. It is SO important for a new baby to be with its' MOTHER. You carried that beautiful for so long, keeping YOUR BABY for 6 weeks, if you choose, is OK. If they really want to hold your baby, they can wait. And if they don't want to at the end of that 6 weeks, then they must not have wanted to very much in the first place. :-p
I would say... be nice, be firm. "Not right now." could work. Good luck! Do what you know is best.

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