How do you tell people that you don't want anyone to touch or hold your newborn?

Melissa - posted on 04/27/2011

Its your baby your child do what you want and dont feel bad about it . But close family members it really shouldnt be a problem in my opinion .

Rachel - posted on 04/27/2011

I agree. Your baby is your baby. I didn't want anyone holding my baby. I also agree that it is rude to just ask "can I hold your baby?" After my babe was born, even before I was out of the burth tub, my MIL asked "Can I hold her?" Even before my husband held her. I'm SO glad my midwives said no, otherwise I don't know what I would've said. Anyway... in the weeks that followed, I felt like I HAD to let other people hold her, for fear of my husband thinking I was too.... I don't know... too clingy? Too paranoid? for just wanting MY baby. I also regret not speaking up more than I did. It is SO important for a new baby to be with its' MOTHER. You carried that beautiful for so long, keeping YOUR BABY for 6 weeks, if you choose, is OK. If they really want to hold your baby, they can wait. And if they don't want to at the end of that 6 weeks, then they must not have wanted to very much in the first place. :-p
I would say... be nice, be firm. "Not right now." could work. Good luck! Do what you know is best.

Vicki - posted on 04/27/2011

Just tell them! Say politely that you don't want the baby getting used to being held but at the same time, a newborn is always a joy to family n they r bound to wanna have a cuddle.

Angela - posted on 04/26/2011

I say be nice but firm! When my son was born we had an outing with the in-laws and there were people I didn't even know touching him when he was only 2 weeks old! I was secretly furious and regret not saying anything. Stand strong for what you feel! Can't beat motherly instincts! good luck.

Jay - posted on 04/26/2011

I only let my hubby and mum hold my small fry for about a week, and after that a few close family for about another 2 weeks, still using hand sanitizer.
swine flu scare was back again in the hospital i was in so made me scared.x

Kristene - posted on 04/26/2011

Honestly, I can understand where you're coming from. I didn't allow anyone except my husband and my mother (because all of our other family was out of state) hold my son when he was born. With that said, I never ask anyone if I can hold their newborn, in my opinion, it's rude on their part. Don't let anyone tell you what's best for your child. My son is three years old and I have no problems with him going to day care. He's shy around strangers, but warms up quickly. Your son, is just that... YOUR son. You're not crazy, or depressed, or "nutso" (how old is the person that used this word). Anyway, yes, you're supposed to be relaxing, but at the same time, if you don't want anyone touching your newborn for six weeks, you do NOT have to explain yourself. Just politely tell them "No, I'm sorry." If they ask why, just tell them you'll let them hold him when you're comfortable letting other people hold him. If they get offended, and you were nice about it, then that's their problem. My BEST friend is a NICU nurse (and he was in the NICU for a week) and while he was in the hospital, she held him for medical reasons only. When he came home, she did not ask me to let her hold him. I did not ask her to hold her babies either. People should let the mother offer to let them hold her baby. It frustrates me when people say you're paranoid about germs, or you're depressed. I didn't let anyone hold my son til he was 8 weeks old... and that's only because that's when I felt comfortable enough for others to hold him. for those of you that are shocked that someone chooses 6 weeks, or calls Kayna crazy because of it, your opinions are your opinions. Good Family and Close Friends, will understand and won't get mad. If they get mad, then that's their prerogative. Kayna, what I'm basically saying here, is your baby, is your baby... don't let anyone tell you that 6 weeks is "crazy" now, if your baby was almost a year old, I might agree with you might be a little crazy, but again... that's my opinion... but I would still tell you, you're baby is your baby.

Becky - posted on 04/26/2011

Just tell them what you just said and I would hope the understand your feelings

Hollyanne - posted on 04/26/2011

I don't know your case, my son was born 6 weeks early. He was in the NICU for 3 weeks and on oxygen until close to the date he was due. So we didn't let people hold him or touch him due to his weak immune system. His lungs weren't fully developed and he could get sick very easily. We just said he couldn't be around people. Like I said I'm not sure about your situation. We let close family hold him once he was off of oxygen. However we didn't let friends/family hold him for about another month. To let him get stronger.

Samantha - posted on 04/26/2011

I was finicky too when I had my child. I carried sanitizer with me and if their was soap and a sink near by I just calmly and politely asked them to please wash their hands first. Everyone was really polite about it and understanding and most of them I didn't even have to ask they did it on their own. It did bother me when someone who smokes a lot would ask to hold him, I didn't let because he has asthma and the doctor told me it still gets on them so if I had an extra t-shirt they could put it on to hold him, everyone was really nice about it. I think if you are just honest they will understand.

Emma - posted on 04/26/2011

yea i can imagine these people being quite offended wouldnt you if yu couldnt hold your neice or nephew understandably if the child is sick or premature but sorry dont quite understand its good for baby right from the start to mix with others but if its just the bonding time you want why not ask people not to visit for the first few weeks while you get to know your baby!?

Bonnie - posted on 04/26/2011

I agree with Sarojin. Some people may be offended, but really, it is your baby and you decide what happens. They have to respect your wishes.

Sam - posted on 04/26/2011

You'll just have to tell them. Some people might be offended, there's really no way around it. I probably would be. Especially if I was the aunt or something. But it's up to you, it's your baby.

Jenn - posted on 04/26/2011

I agree with Susanne as well 100%, in the first months of your child's birth is when everyone wants to help you, and you should relax and let them because after everything dies down and you realize you really do need help it isn't going to be available anymore.

Jenn - posted on 04/26/2011

I really want to know what the difference will be between seven or eight weeks and six Why specifically six weeks? Could you please elaborate:)

Jessica - posted on 04/26/2011

Geez people it's her baby! If you don't want people handling your child,just polietly tell them that you aren't comfortable with your baby being handled until 6 weeks. You are the mama, do not let anyone make you feel like you are wrong for your feelings, or make you feel like your odd. Your baby. Your rules. End of story. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Church family, and reg family members should understand, and if they don't guess what? OOOOOhhhh Well. You are not odd, or neccessarily depressed, you just know your limits and what you are and are not comfortable with.

Keri - posted on 04/26/2011

I have a cousin that was terrified of her daughter contracting any illness, and as a result the only people able to hold her daughter was her, her DH and the grandparents. As a result of this, her daughter doesn't have any bond with anyone else and is so finnicky about who she is around. She's 3 now, and she can barely be left at daycare, with her aunts, or any other family member. Not only that, but even at family functions if people say Hi to her, or ask her for a hug, she just screams and cries. She doesn't want anything to do with anyone.

Brittany - posted on 04/26/2011

I would flat out say it and why. If it's health concerns I'm sure they will at least be respectful about it. If not well then you wouldn't want them holding him anyway.

It annoyed me in church too when old ladies would touch my daughter's foot when saying hi to her. It was more because I didn't want them to wake her up, and of course one day someone did.

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2011

I know in the hospital they recommend nobody apart from the parents hold the new born for a minimum of 8 hours which i get as the baby is getting used to smells and what not but 6 weeks! hot damn we lived with my now ex-in-laws as if we'd able to tell them no for 6 weeks...theyd sneak into his room in the middle of the night to hold him im sure of it! 8 hours was hard enough...although we spent most of that sleeping anyway

Jenn - posted on 04/26/2011

There is no danger or reason why people shouldnt be able tpo touch or hold a baby for six weeks. The people that go out of their way to avoid people touching their baby or over sanitizing everything are the ones that end up with babies who are sick all time because their immune systems aren't allowed to develop and be exposed to common illnesses etc. It does more harm then good. Babies are much more resilient then you think, there are babies that grow up in terrible conditions who turn out fine. Plus, wouldnt you want your baby to forge connections and bonds with other family members etc...Youi may end up with a baby that freaks out everytime anyone comes near them. Just saying. That being said I am not really sure what you can say,regardless or what you say feelings are bound to get hurt and there may be some resentment. Even though its your choice, thats the truth. I think you should speak to the doctor about your feelings, it could be related to PPD or such.Just wondering what the logic behind the six weeks rule is, what do you feel is different between say seven and eight weeks or six?

Bonnie - posted on 04/26/2011

Is there a reason? Just make sure people wash there hands right before holding or touching the baby or keep hand sanitizer with you.

Danielle - posted on 04/26/2011

haha!
Wow, I don't see why it would be a problem if you actually let someone hold your baby.

It seems a little super paranoid/ over protective.
If it is an issue of sanitation then bring a bottle of hand sanitize with you.
Personally, I would be pissed if a friend wouldn't let me hold her baby because it wasn't past 6 weeks... no matter how you make your argument.

Are you planning on ever leaving your house in those 6 weeks? What about your other children... are those messy grimy (school/ germ infected) little people allowed to hold the baby?
If this is something you're insisting on then at least make sure you are following through.

Just a little FYI: a baby has more antibodies in the first 6 weeks of life because it still has YOUR antibodies from when it was in the womb.

Jessi - posted on 04/26/2011

I was going to say just tell them but after reading Susanne's comment I have to agree with her. I didn't trust anyone watching my son mainly because I felt he is my responsibility, no one else should have to watch him. I went back to work when he was 4 months and ended up having to pay for a daycare service because only 3 people were willing to watch him but were not available when I needed them.....my mom who works full time, my friends mom who was gone half the time, and my grandma who was 73 at the time. I am a little more fortunate now that more of my friends who I trust are willing to watch him when I have class, work, or just want to get out when the daycare is not open. You need to let go of that feeling (for the most part) because those that are willing to help you now wont be as willing when you decide you need them.

Susanne - posted on 04/26/2011

If you feel like that perhaps you should speak to your doctor, maybe you are suffering from depression. The problem with acting like that is that when you start wanting help from family and friends they wont be there to give it because they think you want to deal with it all on your own.

Veronique - posted on 04/26/2011

Wow!!!! 6 weeks! Really? Well just be honest with them and tell them why you've decided to not let anyone hold him for 6 weeks. But really why did you choose that?

Melly - posted on 04/26/2011

why dont you want anyone touching/holding your new born? Whatever your reason is you should tell them that.

Nathalie - posted on 04/25/2011

Tell sorry but the baby dont have its shots yet and i dont want him/her to get sick please dont pick them up thank you they should understand that.

Medic - posted on 04/25/2011

6 weeks??? really??? hmmm I guess just tell them sorry no touching. Why on earth do you not want anyone to hold him for 6 weeks? I have really never heard of that.