How far apart should your babies be?

Alison - posted on 01/16/2009 ( 30 moms have responded )

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I have a baby girl who is almost 1 year and I hope to have 2 more but I'm not sure how far apart I should have them and I would like to hear some advice on the subject!

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Jenni - posted on 01/17/2009

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my kids are 16 months apart... i found out i was pregnant when my daughter was only 7 months old... it was very challenging & scary. Having two kids in diapers is a challenge too. I was lucky enough that Raven caught on really quick. Now that my kids are older & potty trained it is the greatest that they are so close in age. They play together all the time, learn from each other & are the best of friends.
In short... it is totally worth the grueling time with babies to have them all grow up together. I wouldn't have it any other way

Elizabeth - posted on 01/17/2009

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I have worked in the Ob/gyn field for over 10 years now. The recommended time frame is at least 1 year apart. If it is under 1 year than you are considered a "sipy" pregnancy- Short Interval Pregnancy. This diagnosis makes you high risk.  I think ultimately it all dpends on what you feel is good for you.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2009

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I have a two yr old and a new born exactly two yrs apart, and I find it difficult as my eldest is viously thegoing through terrible twos and obviously my six week old is demanding, I found it difficult to breast feed as my daughter got very jealous so stopped after a few weeks. At 2yr oldthey are still babies and require a lot of attention and discipline and love and guidance, i am a childcare worker and still find this hard to do. I would recommend at least 3yrs apart, but obviously its your choice, I dont have any support from my family which is probably why i struggle, but if you have plenty then you should be ok!

Leannewhiteside - posted on 01/17/2009

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hiya I've got 3 boys my 2 eldest r 19mths apart and then i had a 3yr gap but i want 2 be pregnant again by august so i can hav another 19/20mth gap i think it's better ahving them closer 2gether cos they learn of each other.

Nathalie - posted on 01/17/2009

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I think that there's no perfect distance as well. I think it really depends on what you and your hubby wants. Our kids are 19 months apart... both complete surprises but I honestly love it. They are so funny and entertaining that I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Davinia - posted on 01/17/2009

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I have 8 month old twin boys, would love to have another baby, my body seems fine ( well my back could be better lol) i just want to spend time with my sons first watching them learn, crawl, walk, talk etc, but then i have got two, which are totally different ,me and my sister have a 10 year age gap and are like best friends now but when i was younger we did'nt really get on, i surpose what i'm trying to say is 2 mins apart 12 months, 2 years, only you know, and when your happy and ready to do so, you never know you might have twins next time,

Amanda - posted on 01/17/2009

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well theres only 11 months between my 1st and second child and there no trouble i dont think it matters im already 14 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and love every miniute off it

Ez - posted on 01/17/2009

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I think it's better for your body if you don't have children too close together. Remember that pregnancy causes a huge amount of stress to your body, even if you've had a really easy pregnancy.



My son will be 15mo when Baby 2 is born and it definately wasn't planned. We were originally going to wait until our son was 1yr - lol!



Peace.

[deleted account]

Claire, I don't think anyone is frowning upon big age differences :)  I think those of us who have them really close are noticing and enjoying the sibling bond right now, while when kids are farther apart (like me and my siblings) the bond just seems to appear closer to adulthood!  And I got along with my siblings fine, I just wasn't super-close to them like I see my kids are right now.  Something that was neat for me being so much older than my siblings is that they are young enough to really enjoy my children instead of being on to the stage of their life when they are wrapped up in their own families.  My kids have amazing bonds with their aunt and uncles!

Sara - posted on 01/17/2009

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This is a great post...I have always debated this as well. My sister and I are 6.5 years apart, and even though we are close now, we didn't really become close until I turned 21. My little boy is going to turn 1 next week and I am very excited to have another one when the time is right. I was originally thinking 3 years apart, but 2 years now sounds a lot better :) I like the point of not worrying about having 2 in diapers at the same time, because you're truly not "done" dealing with diapers until your last is out of them.

Sue - posted on 01/17/2009

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at the end of the day u should have ya kids wen ya ready altho i will say give ya body a chance t recover after each 1 it takes 9 months t grow a baby its gonna take 9 months t a yr t recover

Claire - posted on 01/17/2009

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Well reading all the comments people have posted, the age gap between my 2 children seems a bit frowned upon. I am 27, i had my daughter when i was 17, she's 10 this year and i have a nearly 2 year old son - making a 7 and half year age gap. I don't think you can ever truely 'plan' age gaps as you just dont know what is going to happen. My son and daughter get on so well, they love each other to bits. Circumstances change and in an ideal world i would have loved to have had more children inbetween them, but you can't just make babies appear on a time schedule - not unless you know a very good doctor!

Alison - posted on 01/17/2009

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thank ya'll so much this is all great! i've always thought i'd like to have them close together so their sakes as well as my own. One day i'd like to have my own bakery so with them all closer together I can stay home with them untill they are all in school and then prusue my own dreams!! babies first!!

Nicole - posted on 01/17/2009

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Well so far I have two children one 4 months the older 18 months old there 14 months apart and it can be very hard taking care of them in the begining but I really enjoy having them close together we are going to try for are next when are DD is 18 months old.



I had 2 c-sections close together and had no real complications due to having them close together.

Melody - posted on 01/17/2009

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I have 3 children. The first 2 are 21 months apart and the next 2 are 23 months apart. It is perfect for us. They all get along great, for the most part, all kids have their moments! I wouldn't do it different! But that's what worked for us. I know some people that prefer spacing them out 5 or more years.
As for waiting til your older child is out of diapers til you have the next one.....no matter how hard you try, there is no guarantee that he/she will potty train at the age of 2. Although it is great when they do! My middle son didn't want to go potty in the toilet, didn't care about it at all. I did decide not to push him because of potty training his big brother at 2 1/2. I tried off and on for a year!! 2 months after his third b-day he said he wanted to wear big boy underwear and never had an accident!! My third child started potty training herself a month after she turned 2. So they're all different. But now they are all out of diapers and we can do anything we want without having to stop for feedings and diaper changes. SO much freedom!! lol I'd double them up in diapers any day if it means they will be out of them completely sooner! But that's me, everyone is different! : )

Demetria - posted on 01/17/2009

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i think it depends on your personality. i have one child, and i dont wanna have another until he is 5 years old.  i know its a long span, but i cant imagine me taking care of two babies!  and then having to buy 2 cars at the same time, 2 college tuitions close together..... its just tooooo much! but everyone is different. follow you heart, its about you in the end, right? lol!

Kat - posted on 01/17/2009

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I think if you want another, go for it! Mine are super-close, and until this last pregnancy, it's never been an issue. This time around was my fifth child [sixth pregnancy] in six 1/2 years, but I was assaulted during the first trimester, so I'm still not sure it's the closeness of the pregnancies that caused the few complications I did have.

I also believe that every conception happens for a reason, so go ahead and try, and if it's meant to be, you'll have a baby at just the right time!

[deleted account]

Jennifer, it's great hearing from someone else with kids who are extremely close!  I'm glad you love it too!



I also had no complications whatsoever, and I had C-Sections for all three.  So I was even fine having 3 babies and 3 major surgeries in 28 months.  As long as you are healthy and take care of yourself, there shouldn't be many additional risks. 



Alison, as far as lifting your daughter, would it be considered like excerise is during pregnancy?  You know how it's fine to keep it up as long as you had already been doing it for awhile so your body is used to it?  I don't have a small frame, so it's not something I have experience with though.

Christina - posted on 01/16/2009

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I've always wanted mine 3-5 years apart.  I would prefer for Mycah to be out of diapers by the time I have another child.  My sister was 12 years older than me and we were always really close except for a few years while I was a teenager.

Lisa - posted on 01/16/2009

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This is a rough area for me, Idealy I wanted my kids 2 1/2 years a part. I had 2 miscarriages this past year one in May and the second in September. So, that spacing didn't work. So now we will be happy if they are 3 1/2 years a part by the time I get pregnant again. I think anything over 2 years and under 5 years is a good spacing. I told my husband, One in diapers at a time. :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2009

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Just to let everyone know - I had my last three babies all in less than two years and I never had any complications with any of the pregnancies. I think it depends on the person. My doctor was also very understanding and said as long as I keep myself healthy, there shouldn't be any problems and there wasn't.

Ashley - posted on 01/16/2009

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NO matter what you'll love them all the same... but enjoy them... mine are 3 months shy of 5 years apart... and a part of me wishes i wouls of have them closer together, so they could grow up together, but big brother is also a big help and loves to help, and knows when its "baby" time, and when he can't throw a fit over something...

Rebecca - posted on 01/16/2009

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My oldest was 3.5 before the next one came along so he was spoilt and now can't understand when someone says no! but the younger 2 are only 12mths apart and all 3 boys get along play reasonably well together.

Kim - posted on 01/16/2009

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My husband and I are expecting our first in March. We plan on starting trying for the second when this one is about 6 months old. I think its a personal choice. I know that when you deliver within 18 months of your last delivery there are health risks. 

Rachel - posted on 01/16/2009

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I have read that for the sake of your body you should wait 8 months after you gave birth to get pregnant again. So you are good.

Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2009

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My oldest and second are 2 years apart. 11 months later came the third and 12 months after that came the fourth. That makes 23 months between the three. The closest three are inseparable. My oldest sometimes feels out of their loop! I love having them close together!

Sharon - posted on 01/16/2009

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Hi Alison!! I'm Sharon. I only have once child at the moment (Richard), but my parents had 3 children all 2 and a half years apart. Looking back, it was really cool being the middle child with an older sibling old enough to teach me new things, and hang out with, and being able to do those same duties as an older sister for my younger brother. It was a wonderful experience, and as older teenagers, we all hung out, looked after eachother, and are extremely close as adults.

I'm a single mom, or else, I'd have many more...lol...Good luck, I love big families!! =)

Alison - posted on 01/16/2009

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thank ya'll so much! I've thought before that the closer the better but I wasn't sure how my oldest would react, also I'm a small framed person and while i was preggo the doctor said that i shouldn't lift very much weight so i always worrieed about that too.

Margo - posted on 01/16/2009

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well, i dont think having them to far apart is a good idea...my brother and i were 6 years apart and we never really bonded. Originally i wanted to have my youngest child potty trained before i had another but now that im getting old i plan on getting preggo when each kid is 6 months until we are done

[deleted account]

There's no perfect distance, I don't think.  I've had my three so far very close together, and while it is a little chaotic and stressful I absolutely love it.  My kids are so close and truly enjoy each other's company right now.  My first two are only 11 months apart, and the next two are 18 months apart (for a total of about 28 months' difference between the first and third).  They are just able to enjoy so much and experience so much together.  When we are ready for more they will be close together.



I was 4.5 years older than my bro, and while we are good friends now I wasn't close to him growing up.  I babysat a lot and found him annoying.  My brothers are 2 years apart, and they have always gotten along and had a special bond.  My youngest sister is 2 years younger than the younger of the two brothers, and while the three of them get along in general, they do bicker a lot (they are 18, 16, and almost 14).  I definitely enjoy my siblings now, but I really wasn't close to any of them growing up as I was 4.5, 6.5, and 9 years older than they.  I know I was a huge help to my mom, though :)



I think the key is what is right for your family.  Whenever you feel ready for more, you'll just need to prepare your daughter and nurture the sibling relationship.  The book "Siblings Without Rivalry" is a great resource for the future!

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