How important are manners?

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2011

#21 is my favorite! yes very much needed

Andrea - posted on 03/03/2011

It is great and so heartwarming to hear a child use their manners. My youngest is only 2 and 1/2 and she does most of the things on the list. She especially knows that she will not get what she wants unless she says please and always says thank you when getting something. I sometimes have to remind her that we use these to show respect but not very often.

Rozana - posted on 03/03/2011

I totally agree with you, Im always reminding my kids to remember there manners, and im not just talking about the please and thank you ....Whatever happened to old fashion respecting your elders....good old fashion manners should never be forgetten.. I love the whole list ....but yes your right, how often do you see manners like that being displayed ....lol .....

Rozana - posted on 03/03/2011

I totally agree with you, Im always reminding my kids to remember there manners, and im not just talking about the please and thank you ....Whatever happened to old fashion respecting your elders....good old fashion manners should never be forgetten.. I love the whole list ....but yes your right, how often do you see manners like that being displayed ....lol .....

Eleanor - posted on 03/02/2011

Its amazing how good you feel if a stranger is polite to you, like holding doors open. I'm big on it at our childcare, just because children are allowed to be rude at home doesn't mean we have to put up with it! My almost two year old says "peese" and "tan koo" and "beep beep" for excuse me (ok we'll work on that one next!)

Megan - posted on 03/02/2011

I am big on manners. However, there are some there that are a bit outlandish. Number 6 for instance really bothers me. I, personally, want to hear everything my daughter has to say and if she does not like something to tell me. Children have their own minds and are able to form their own opinions on things. I would never want my child to keep something to herself because she was afraid to tell me that she did not like something. That doesn't even sound right.

Happie - posted on 03/02/2011

I think this article will work best for me becos i got this one 3 yr old daughter,.very stubbon..She needs to b taught some manners.

Stephanie - posted on 03/02/2011

I do the same with my kids, I ignore them until they ask the way they are suppose to

Stephanie - posted on 03/02/2011

I totally agree with all of these although my 2 older kids have problems with #3 but they are better than some adults at please and thank you

Robyn - posted on 03/02/2011

We have a saying in our house. It goes... Yes mam, no mam, thank you, please. Always smile and say these. Then we turn around and do it with sir. I have 3 kids and they all use it. I'm not saying they have perfect manners but lots of parents always tell me how polite they are.

Robyn - posted on 03/02/2011

We have a saying in our house. It goes... Yes mam, no mam, thank you, please. Always smile and say these. Then we turn around and do it with sir. I have 3 kids and that all use it. I'm not saying they have perfect manners bit lots of parents always tell me how polite they are.

Tina - posted on 03/02/2011

yeah I agree! My daughter is 1.5 and she knows how to say please, thank you, and excuse me. When she does forget, she is reminded! We are currently working on knocking. Like when she crawls out of her bed, we are teachig her to knock on mom and dads door before she enters. (there is nowhere she can go besides the hall everything is blocked). this morning she knocked on the daycare door and said in please. Its a daycare inside my school so we just walk in. It was cool. some of them she is a lil young for like keeping negative opinions to yourself but we are working on asking instead of whining.

Mely - posted on 03/02/2011

Difinitely agree! this is serious and kids now days needs refresher course for sure!

Evelyn - posted on 03/02/2011

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this article. Great reminder to us adults !

Chloie - posted on 03/02/2011

I expect most of these from my 3yo and he is quite good when hrs not over tired, I feel its adults that seem 2 have problems with manners n respect for others but thats my opinion

Vicky - posted on 03/02/2011

good manners others remember you by but bad ones they never forget either ,love kids with manners ,its a complement to the parents also ,it is missing in society ,other cultures dont have a lot of these things in their language,so are lacking i think ,we all need good manners

Keri - posted on 03/02/2011

Yeah, I think a lot of people could use a refresher, but kids are kids. They're not always going to remember to say/do these things - especially even if their adult parents can't! My son says please, thank you, bless you, excuse me, and a few others, but h'es FOUR. Parents of kids under 12 really shouldn't be hounding their kids nonstop about manners. It's not polite ;-)

Kendall - posted on 03/02/2011

I agree large with everything listed. And I strongly agree with number 13, I was raise with the belief once you begin to express your self using foul language then the point you are trying to make is void and people will stop listening. My parent also stress using foul language show a lack of education. Not trying to sound snobbish or anything

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2011

I agree most of the people i know don't have any manners yet they expect their kids to have them. they learn from what there parents do so if they dont have any manners then neither will the children!x

Lindsay - posted on 03/02/2011

Oh I'm so on the manners are important. People need to think about the future as well. Do you want to be the one who raises an adult with no manners? I don't think so. Personally I think good manners are important in more than one area of life. When a person deminstraight good manners towards others they get more respect in the long run

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/02/2011

My 6 year old has really good manners. She gets shocked when kids her age don't do things like say excuse me, please and thank you. Of course she's not perfect all the time and will sometimes say 'give me' instead of May I please have' but she's good about them for the most part.

I'm shocked that so many adults lack basic manners, people don't even say thank you half the time when you hold the door for them or even bother holding the door for you. I've had people allow the elevator to shut in my face as I'm approaching! I do tell people 'you're welcome' when they neglect to say 'thank you' because that's what my 90 year old grandma does. It throws them off pretty good.

Does anyone besides myself believe that good manners should extend to driving on the road? Because there are quite a few people who need some road manners as well.

Bernadette - posted on 03/01/2011

I think manners are important. It is nice to be treated nicely, and to have people show appreciation towards the things that you do or to care about how you are, etc - so why wouldn't we do the same for others and also teach our kids to do the same? My little girl is not even two yet, and already people are impressed by her manners. She says please when she wants something (well, most of the time - we are working on it!); thank you when she receives something (and she also adds the name of the person if she knows it - "thank you, Mummy" - which I think is a nice touch as it's more personal); she says excuse me if she wants to get past; sorry if she bumps into you or does something she knows she shouldn't. She also 'asks' permission before doing things or touching things if she's not sure she should. When i say 'asks', I mean that she doesn't necessarily pose it as a question (she doesn't quite have this mastered yet, but she's not even two so I'm not nit-picking about it just yet) but for example, yesterday we went to the doctor. He had a table full of toys and she desperately wanted to look at them. She knew that it was him she needed to ask, not me, so she stood in front of him and said "I want to look at the toys". He didn't hear her the first time, but instead of going over to look at them anyway she stood and looked at him and repeated herself. This time he heard her talk, and turned to look at her so she pointed at the table and said again "I want to look at the toys". He was very impressed with her for seeking permission before going near them, and of course told her that she could. She then thanked him and went and looked. We are still working on her interrupting when I'm talking to someone else, but she is having a little more trouble comprehending this one as she usually has my undivided attention all day. So on weekends when we we are doing things with Daddy, she loudly tries to interrupt us while we're talking. If we don't pay attention, she repeats herself over and over, getting louder and louder until we are left with no choice but to respond. When this happens though, we just gently interrupt the noise she is making, explain that we are talking to each other and will get to her when we have finished. Then when we are finished our conversation, we make a point of turning to her and saying "see? Now we're finished, it's your turn." While she hasn't quite grasped this yet, it is slowly sinking in.

I think it's important to enforce it from as young as possible, so that by the time they are speaking fluently it is already a part of the way they speak and doesn't then need to be taught separately. And I can see by the way other people react to her how pleased they are to be spoken to this way by a child. It's always nice to feel appreciated and respected.

Cathy - posted on 03/01/2011

Tosha, Vicki, and Tammarah, I completely agree. My 2 yr old says thank you and please and exused when leaving the diner table! And when she is rude and demanding things like milk, I ignore until she is polite about it. If a 2 yr old can do it.....there's no excuse for adults

Sarah - posted on 03/01/2011

Vicki - I always say thanks if someone opens a door for me...even the door bitch at a night club despite the fact its their job

Tammarah - posted on 03/01/2011

My boy says 'please', 'thank you' or 'ta', 'more please' and such. My neice says those plus 'excuse me' and 'pardon me'. And yes they say it to each other, 'ta bb (my son's nickname)' 'thanks amy'. If we teach kids to be polite to everyone I think that is all that is needed. May I add these kids have just turned 2. If a 2 year old can do it so can others.

Tosha - posted on 03/01/2011

I love this quote: "Use good manners. It confuses those around you." This is so true. I can't tell you how many times I've offered to help someone who was struggling with something and they just looked at me funny.

Vicki - posted on 03/01/2011

My daughter was 2 in January and she already says please and thankyou! For me, manners mean a lot and they don't cost a penny so why not use them? I love the look on people's faces when my daughter thanks them for something they do for her, it's like they don't expect it from a toddler.

I'm 21 and was brought up with manners as were my siblings and plenty of times my mum was told how polite and helpful her children were. To me, if someone holds a door open for me I automatically say Thanks, it's just my natural reaction now lol.

It just annoys me when other's cannot do the same! Especially people who are older than me as they're the ones who expect the younger generations to be polite!

Cathy - posted on 03/01/2011

Sarah I don't know what the proper way is to answer the phone. My Mom always answere "yellllow" or "what". Some times if my cell rings and I dont know the number I answer "Hello This is Cathy"

Tosha - posted on 03/01/2011

I absolutely agree that manners are important and that they seem to be used less and less in today's society. When I was a child and still today, these things were considered common courtesy. I am only 31.
Right now I am trying to instill #3 into my 5 yr old. I would not mind if she were trying to join the conversation, but that is not the case. All of these are important in polite society for everyone, not just kids. I totally agree that by the time a child is 9, they should do most if not all of these automatically.
As far as the 'do a favor for an adult without whining or complaining', it should include,'within reason.' It is our responsibility as parents to see to it that our children know what is and is not an appropriate "favor." If I ask my daughter or even one of her friends to bring me the box of wet wipes because I am in the middle of changing a diaper and can't reach them, I don't think that is unreasonable.

Sarah - posted on 03/01/2011

They are all extremely important! Thank you for posting the link!

Sherry - posted on 03/01/2011

i totally agree with Kayleigh Liddell these are SO old fashioned and very unfair to children. A lot of them are right but some are just crazy.

Stifler's - posted on 03/01/2011

I love the episode where they get lost on the way to the QE2 and Richard makes Hyacinth get out and push and she's like "I'll get you for this RICHARD BUCK-ET!"

Sarah - posted on 03/01/2011

so do i even though she pronounces it "boo-kay" i do love brit comedies i think i even learned some manners from them

Stifler's - posted on 03/01/2011

I looove Mrs. Bucket she is awesome!

Sarah - posted on 03/01/2011

here's a question on manners. What is the correct way to answer a phone? my mother answers with "Hello" however her grandmother answers "Duran residence, Lady of the house speaking" (much the same way mrs bucket answers on keeping up appearances) annd also if you answer the phone and the person wishes to speak to you (ie i say hello and they say hi is ms stevens available to speak to) do i answer with "this is she" (even though i think she is the cat's mother) or simply just "speaking"?

Jacqui - posted on 02/28/2011

I agree that society these days lacks a great deal of manners!! However, I disagree with number 6 completely. If my son dislikes something, I want him to tell me! I do agree with number 13. Using foul languag in front of your elders shows massive disrespect! I might say shit in front of my parents, but I don't use works like f^%k in front of them (I'm 27). And if I do slip, I apologise immediately. Even my dad, who's been in the army for over 30 years (and swears like a trooper!) doesn't use that kind of language in front of his mother! My son is 11 months old today, and I am already teaching him to say "Ta" when someone hands him something. Manners are important and it shows a level of respect that everyone should have for each other!

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2011

I would just like to point out...these are not manners that ONLY children should be expected to follow, these manners that everyone should follow...that means adults too.

I was raised with these manners, I never felt like it was a "children should be seen and not heard" I understood it was about respect, common courtesy and politeness...perhaps because my parents followed the same manners they instilled in me...the same manners I am instilling in my daughter. I am currently working on the not interrupting rule, it's not about telling her she can't say her piece, it's about making sure she understands she needs to wait until Mommy, Daddy or whomever is done with what they're talking about before she tells me that the kitty went to sleep or whatever. She is certainly not ignored, but I don't interrupt her when she's speaking, and I expect not to be interrupted when I'm speaking...something most adults these days weren't taught.

I wouldn't teach my daughter any manners that I didn't expect from an adult...even if most adults fail miserably at them...and I certainly wouldn't expect her to learn any manners I, myself, don't try to follow. I was loved, understood and never felt like I was lesser as a child, I certainly don't think my daughter is, or ever will, feel that either. Manners are important, they reflect on yourself, on your upbringing, and on your character. You don't have to make your child feel lesser, or ignore your child, or live in a past era to instill good manners in your child...just saying...

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/28/2011

I say sir or Ma'am to a lot of people. But I do agree with being able to express negative as well as positive feelings. Sure beats your kid breaking down and screaming later.

Elaina - posted on 02/28/2011

i agree with most of these except that children should be able to express their negative opinions as long as its not hurting anyone else.. also, i dont think mam or sir is necessary these days

Brittney - posted on 02/28/2011

We make our daughter say please, thank you, welcome, sorry, etc for everything!! At Christmas and her birthday party, she said thank you to every gift that was handed to her, and she said this all on her own. It's all about parenting and being consistent about it. There's too many RUDE people in this world and it's ridiculous....

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/28/2011

I'd say a few adults need to get a refresher course on manners- especially #19, I can't tell you how many times I've had someone let a door shut in my face! Someone did that to me when my first child was still in her stroller and I looked right at the guy and tasked him if his mom ever taught him to hold the door for a lady. Yes, that may have been rude of me, but sometimes you just have to call people on things.
My daughter knows most of these, but everyone has trouble with one or two of them. I'd say society as a whole needs to relearn their manners.

Meredith - posted on 02/28/2011

I've noticed that the people who disagree with these or take issue with some of these have had a difficult past. I disagree w/ the statement that "a child should be seen & not heard". However, I think that manners are important and that they show others respect. It's also a way to show people that you have self-discipline, self-respect and are considerate of them. I know that I'm offended when I hear adults cursing. It's one thing to have one or two random curse words in a convo, but I'm from the school that there are much more tactful ways to express yourself. Cursing can make you come off as angry, disrespectful and at times uneducated. Children should respect those who are older than they, but showing respect does not mean you have to bow down to someone. Respect is simply willingness to show consideration & appreciation or regard them w/ honor & esteem. As an adult, do you not want that?

Allie - posted on 02/28/2011

They left out no elbows on the table when eating meals, thats a big one I'm trying to teach my two year old, and my husband....
But I think #3, not interrupting adults, is a very important manner that tends to get over looked.

Jessica - posted on 02/28/2011

Manners are very important! Knowing them will help our kiddos succeed in life!!

Bonnie - posted on 02/28/2011

Society is desperately in need of a lesson (or ten) in manners! Although, it's not just manners... It's discipline too!
It took me 2yrs to get my son out of the habit of kicking people on the train (I don't drive) because everyone kept telling me (& subsequently my son) that it was fine, he was just a kid. It took an elderly lady pretty much growling at him that I had told him to stop kicking her & he should listen to his mother, & she really didn't like being kicked. That was about a year ago now & my son hasn't kicked anyone since!
My son also recently knocked a lady in the supermarket (running!) & I made him walk back & apologise to her. It took a minute but he eventually whispered "I'm sorry" to her. She stood there patiently & said thank you to him for apologising & thank you to me! I also thanked her, for allowing me to teach my son that it's not ok to knock someone & then not apologise.
I was a little shocked though, because I have very rarely had anyone back me up (that was only about the third time)- most people just brush it off & say "it's ok, don't worry about it".
However, on the other side of the coin, I've had people jump down my throat for disciplining my son & trying to teach him manners. A woman screamed at me on the train one day because my son threw a tantrum after not getting something- he had tried to snatch it & hadn't said please. Apparently that made me a "bad" parent!
If there were more people like those first two women, then perhaps parents wouldn't be so scared of disciplining their children & teaching them manners to begin with.

Sarah - posted on 02/28/2011

I'm big on manners! call me old school but if you don't say please i won't give it to you and ill take it back if you don't say thank you.

and my grandmother always taught me "Manner #8
When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are." but as an extension always so you are well even if you are not nobody wants to hear your whining

Victoria - posted on 02/27/2011

I am all abou the manners My son at 22 months know to say please and thank you already i live in toronto and alot of people don't even the words that my son can say

Stifler's - posted on 02/27/2011

No I think it applies to everyone. I'm not interested in people in general's negative opinions on everything especially if they don't know what they're talking about.

Alexis - posted on 02/27/2011

My son is only 16 months and has please and thank you down...in sign language. He also knocks on the door first, but doesnt wait for someone to open it though. The only 'manner' I didn't agree with was Manner #6
The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults. This is almost as if we don't want to be bothered with what our kids think, not everything is going to be positive and I would like for my kids to come and talk to me about all of their feelings and thoughts, now if its about how grandmas dinner is yucky, then yes they can keep that to themselves until later, but thats more like if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

Emilie - posted on 02/27/2011

I absolutely think manners have been disregarded recently. I try and try with my step kids to get them to use their manners (ie saying please and thank you, simply asking for things instead of demanding, biting their tongues when they have a rude opinion) but its not an easy thing to teach on the weekends when no one they deal with throughout the week makes them use them.