how is your relationship with your childs father after the birth?

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Mandy - posted on 02/15/2010

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My relationship with my husband has definatly changed i feel we have drifted apart, I get much more irritated with him than i used to and we hardly ever talk but we didnt really before either. Now all my attention is focused on our daughter and i am constantly wanting to do things that involve her but he doesnt so I dont really have a lot to offer him and he seems to be ok with it, we still love each other it just doesnt feel like we have anything in common anymore

Tracy - posted on 02/16/2010

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Well I've had both good and bad moments. It took me a while to realize that my husband was capable of being a parent without direction from me, unless he asked of course. I was protective of my children, especially when they were infants, and I just felt like no one was capable of being the parent that I was to my children (including my husband). I learned to appreciate his parenting and the effort he made, even though eating chocolate at 1 in the morning with our son because neither could sleep wasn't something I would have done myself! I learned that dad's love their children just as much as mom's do, they just show it differently. We settled into our "roles" of parenting and learned to accept each other and things are great now. He entertained the kids more, physically played more, made the silly jokes, and had a few general rules or things he expected from the kids and my role was nurturer, care-giver, healer, etc. I cooked 90% of the time. I washed the baby's clothes and blankets because I just wanted it done a certain way, not because he wouldn't do it. I did most of the care-taking and he did most of the playing and entertaining. My husband worked a lot and most of the time I felt like a single parent until I learned to appreciate his role as husband and father. We both had to learn to balance things but for the most part it was good. We still don't agree perfectly all the time about parenting and sometimes I have to just give in but I'm lucky that he genuinely does care about my opinion and how I feel and he'll listen to reasoning and explanations before he makes a decision. Also, if he makes a decision and it doesn't work out so great, he's the first to say he's sorry and we compromise, and try to work out whatever the issue is. I've learned to be patient. I try to build him up and encourage him, even if it isn't something I personally would do. I tell him that I appreciate him getting up at 1 in the morning with our child so I could still sleep. If he does feed our child sugar at 1 in the morning and my son wants to excitedly tell me about how he had cookies with dad, I truly appreciate and are proud of my husband for making the effort, and for having that special time with our son. I'll respond to my son "That sounds like you had fun with daddy!" I never ever put my husband down in front of the children, no matter how upset I get, I do not want to confuse or hurt the children. There are just a lot of things I've learned during the births of our children and I've also learned to appreciate every moment of it.

Danielle - posted on 02/21/2010

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Well, what i suggest i have learned with having a child is that its easier to have children when you're married. simply because it reduces drama

Linda - posted on 02/21/2010

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my partner was brilliant my daughter is 7 now and i had very bad post natal depression for a year and a half he minded me like i was made of gold and stepped in with the child when i wasn't able family were great aswell especially my dad. hen we had our second it was brilliant like having a baby is supposed to be truly magical and my partner is my best friend and confidant, the relationship has its ups and downs as it should but all in all its reat and having kids braught us closer

Ashley - posted on 02/21/2010

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mine changed alot! from the time we were just teenagers to when were a young couple with a baby. i remember having all his attention, i guess you could say i was a little jealous in the beginning. but i was just so used to the 2 of us, i didnt think having a child would change our relationship but only bring us closer cause we had sumthing to share. we would constatntly fight about everything! frm who gets up at night to feed the baby to MONEY problems. who thought a new mom at 18 would have to go through money problems with her significant other...but.. it took alot of getting used to. i had to open my eyes for the first time. ive learned that everything cant be about me. and if thats the way i wanted everything hen i shouldnt have had a baby. which i dont regret my son at all. i love him with all my heart and i m happy how things are now for the better. my son taught me what life is all about. he is the one who helped me grow. and as for my bf which the technical term is my fiance. we are both 21 with the worlds most handsome 2 little boys/toddlers. i couldnt ask for anything else. me and my fiances relationship is great. we learned that it takes two, two as in teamwork. i guess everyone is just scared of change. but know one ever knows whats in store for them. u just have to take it day by day and see everything in a different perspective. change is good if you let it take its course.

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Our relationship has been good! I can't complain; he's a really good dad and we don't have any more issues than we did before our son came into the picture.

Samantha - posted on 02/21/2010

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I do not have a relationship with my daughter's father. Everything was fine when we first found out that I was pregnant. He has 3 boys under age 16, and the older 2 did not like me. We started fighting almost everyday, and I decided that I didn't need the stress from him or his kids, so I moved back in with my family. He was going to tell his kids that I was pregnant until I starting acting like a mother to them, but he finally told them the day I left. He called me about once a month, sometimes longer than that. He always expected me to call him. When I did talk to him, he always talked about himself, his kids, and his new girlfriend. I had only been out of his house for less than 2 months and he already had another girlfriend. I called him the day my daughter was born, but he didn't come see her until the day we were leaving the hospital. She was 2 days old. He held her for 2 minutes and gave her back to me. He hasn't called or come by to visit her since then. All throughout my pregnancy he kept saying that he wants to be a part of his daughter's life, but he has made no effort to see her. He hasn't bought her anything, not even a package of diapers. My daughter is now 2 months old. I have met another man through my best friend, and he accepts my daughter as his own. He was there with me when I gave birth, and he makes sure that we have everything we need. He is her daddy. It's just sad that her own flesh and blood wants nothing to do with her. I couldn't have asked for a better miracle in my life. My daughter means the world to me, and nothing will ever change that.

Stephanie - posted on 02/21/2010

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am not with mine and it sucks so bad all we do is fight all the time and it seem like a never ending battle.... ...

Georgina - posted on 02/21/2010

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The relationship between my childrens father n I quickly went down hill.. after have our 2nd child I found no relationship at all and also descovered he had been dowloading child porn from the internet... needless to say I am now a single mum and he now has nothing to do with us

Jackie - posted on 02/21/2010

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nothings changed in my sex life etc, we just make time for eachother, our relationship is still the same as before we had our son, its all about makinf time and putting the effort in

Danielle - posted on 02/21/2010

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Well, what i suggest i have learned with having a child is that its easier to have children when you're married. simply because it reduces drama

Dakota - posted on 02/21/2010

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my husband never wants to spend time at home....well he didnt spend that much time at home before but i really thought that would change after Wyatt got here but it didnt. I also thought he might help a little more around the house being that we both work but he dont do that either i really feel like i am a single mother at times!!

Kristy - posted on 02/21/2010

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The relationship with my childs father after birth has been very stressful , my sons 5 and im still trying to get child support out of the guy..

Jessica - posted on 02/21/2010

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My children have 2 different dads, The 1st and I were in the middle of a divorce when I had our child, the baby didn't make it better, My son was the best thing that happened to me at that time of my life because I realized that my ex would never change who he was and that left me wide open to love my son with all my heart! My daughters dad on the other hand, we were engaged when I got pregnant and had her, He was so amazing that I fell more in love with him even after the baby was born, he was great, I believe having her when we did made our relationship so much stronger and we are still together and have been together for almost 4 years!

Linda - posted on 02/21/2010

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well no one ever said it was easy it takes genuine hard work and everyone falls in and out of love, as long as you both don't fall out of love at the same time you'll be ok !! I'm sorry that things arn't reat for you riht now but i'll tell you what works really well for me and my partner is (cleche comeing up) talking i mean really talking to each other, tell him how you feel about stupid little things et him to tell you about his day and who annoyed him and what funny things happened put the effort into the conversations and everythin else will fall into place, fun light hearted natter aswell as those hard relationship chats. and don't forget to et out and socialise toether or even just sit in and have a few jars together, enjoy him and allow him to enjoy you.

Katie - posted on 02/21/2010

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I'm not really sure. For some reason, things have gotten worse for us, but I think it is only because he was in school for the whole time I was pregnant, plus the 9 months after. So not only do we have to learn how to completely be around each other again, but now we have this whole little life to take care of! I'm hoping it will get better soon...

Sheri - posted on 02/21/2010

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I can honestly say I am lucky. My hubby has been there for both me and baby all the way. Though there are times when I just want to knock him out (because of his smart behind comments that he tries to make funny but they really aren't). I have to say though after the birth of our son, it has brought us closer together then before. He does actually get up sometimes at night and helps with the baby. And sometimes watches him so Mommy can nap. Everyone's relationship is different. Some people can talk tee total crap to each other and still love each other.

Leslie - posted on 02/21/2010

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the daddy is been here evey sente he was born he is great with him i had my baby at 18 now we are married at 18

Ashae - posted on 02/21/2010

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Our realtionship has its good and bad. More good then bad. Right now its the sex thing. Im to tired for sex. At then end of the day i need a hot bath and sleep and he doesnt understand. and thats are biggest problem but other than that we have come closer and come to and understanding that this family is first and everything comes after, and now that we have our little one we defintely have to work harder at making it work not just for her but for us too

Kayla - posted on 02/21/2010

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Our relationship has took a turn for the worst. It has gotten so bad were i told him this is the last chance. I have told him over and over again that things need to change. They havent. I had plans to move out and take my son with me. He has his own son. It is a long story. But this is his final chance to fix things and if he doesnt he knows i will move out.

Rhonda - posted on 02/21/2010

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VERY Pitiful, considering the fact that we have 2 kids 2gether! But oh well, Wut dont kill u only makes u stronger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

April - posted on 02/21/2010

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The father of my son and I broke up when I was 8 months preg so after my son was born it was VERY tough emotionally but eventually I worked thru it...Needless to say we're still not together now but it's cool..He wasnt a very good boyfriend but he's an EXCELLENT father to our son. Hope this helps somewhat

Samantha - posted on 02/21/2010

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i think every couple has their ups and downs after having a baby and the sleepless nights. when our baby got older and in more of a routine we dont argue as much.

Danielle - posted on 02/21/2010

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At first we struggled...we argued a lot and we were learning about being parents for the first time together. Now it's great.

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2010

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I fell head over heels again with my fiance the day my son was born. I grew up with a father that wanted nothing to do with me, so seeing how much he adores our son just melts my heart. I knew he would be a great dad, but i didn't never imagined he would be this great. He helps me so much with our son and also housework, without even being asked. Our personal life is still amazing too. I had a long recovery (10 weeks) both physically and emotionally from a vaginal birth, and there was no pressure from him to to anything until I was ready. I thought I would be self conscious about my post baby bod, but he seems to love it, and tells me I'm beautiful every day! God, I could ramble about how amazing this man is forever..I can't wait to call him my husband (Aug.21/2010!!)

Dorothy - posted on 02/21/2010

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stressed but thats not becAUse pf the baby its because of our living situation andhis job being a tow truck driver he's constantly working so he's missed quite a bit and it makes him mad.. not at us( me n baby) but at himself. hes a wonderful daddy. n i know he loves me and opur son more than anything :) ( sorry for any misspellings my son is pressing the keys too lol)

Nikki - posted on 02/21/2010

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Like every relationship it has its ups and downs. I think that we actually have grown closer. He tells me he misses me when we're together because we don't get much time to ourselves, but that's the sacrifice we make when we decide to have children. We're so blessed and happy with our little girl though as we should be. But we hug and kiss g'night, and Grandma takes our daughter one night a week as well so we can have a "date-night". We're pretty fortunate to have that time. You learn to appreciate the small things more. At least I know I do :).

Janeshia - posted on 02/21/2010

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It's been really good. At first it started off really bumpy because he didn't seem to want to do much but after talking about it (one I got frustrated enough) he admitted that he was nervous and didn't want to do anything wrong especially since she was so small. How cute?! LOL! The older she's gotten, the better it's been. We are engaged now and moving to Texas soon. :)

Charlotte - posted on 02/21/2010

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It's been up and down, A LOT, tbh. Some days it feels like our DD and I are what he wants and others, it feels like he'd rather be anywhere but with us 2.

I have/had PND and was on anti depressants So I know I probably wasn't the easiest person to be around.

Kelsey - posted on 02/21/2010

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i broke things off w/ the "sperm donor" (as my family, friends and i call him) when i was 6 months pregnant... after a brief period of psycho calling about 20 times/day, has not tried to contact me or be in my daughter's life at all (thank God!!.... he's a sick excuse for a human being).... but, i have been blessed w/ an amazing 'new' man whom i've known since jr high and FINALLY got together with and married in April of '09 =D he was there for me through the last couple months of my pregnancy, the delivery (in Oct of '08) and ever since.... he's the only father my daughter has ever known and i pray it stays that way.

Alisha - posted on 02/20/2010

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I have to say that i believe all relationships have ups and downs as everyone is different. My hubby and I don't really fit. . we more get a lil pissy here and there. We have had 3 children in 3 yrs so it can get a lil crazy around here with a 3.5 yr old, a 2 yr old and a 4month old. but most of all it has brought us closer as a family unit. we have been together for 7 yrs and you both have to give 100% on everything. some days u don't always wanna give 100% and thats when things maybe a lil crazy but in the end after the day is over its just us time and how its just so great♥

Allie - posted on 02/20/2010

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with my first childs father he left and never returned so no relationship. with my other childrens father he is wonderful. we are married and our relationship got stronger after each child. he is very loveing and helpful.

Kara - posted on 02/20/2010

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Immediately following my son's birth (whose now now 3) my husband completely withdrew. We discussed divorce. He just wasn't as "ready" as he had thought-(Too late now, huh?!) I was miserable because I just had no support. At the time we did not live around family. We really went through a very difficult period of time that lasted months. He is just now getting more involved and taking responsibilty now that my son is more of a "kid" as with a baby he was very hands off. We are just taking it one day at a time. If its meant to be then it will be. We have been together 7 yrs and married almost 5.

Alie - posted on 02/20/2010

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Having a baby def can change a relationship with a spouse or partner but if you work together and dont take your frustrations out on eachother it can be great. my husband and i are very close but do get short every now and then. i have found if we can have one night alone a month and reconnect and talk without the distraction of diaper duty and sreaming siblings it makes it all that much better. they say you have to work on a marriage but i didnt realize it untill we had out babies. it is exhausting and trying at times but like all parents it is so worth it in the end:)

DeShannon - posted on 02/20/2010

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I totally agree with most of the moms that the relationship is a mixture of good and bad moments. I have been married for 6 years going on 7 years, and it was at our 6 year mark that we decided to have a baby, prior to the baby, we traveled abroad, purchased two houses, made a mark in our careers, live life and love another deeply. We had the time to enjoy each other and the marriage for the baby, and now, it's wonderful. At first, he was reculantely to get involve with the baby, but parenthood takes time and adjustment. Now, we have more good days than bad. Point is, to find that happy media for you, hubby, and baby!

Good Luck

Danielle - posted on 02/20/2010

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Our relationship has gotten 100 % better! We are stronger and Closer since we had our daughterr! i think it just depeneds on the people!

Candace - posted on 02/20/2010

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My relationship with my boyfriend is up and down. Good days and bad days. We love each other but have had a real hard time since before i had our son. It was worse when i was pregnant. He is trying though. I have just learned to take it one day at time!!!

Charity - posted on 02/20/2010

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we drifted apart long before our daughter was born and it really took a toll on me because now im a stay at home mom and do everything for our daughter and he doesnt do anything except come see her once a week if he can..and its hard but i deal with it and it only makes me stronger and a better parent to my little girl!

Cyndie - posted on 02/20/2010

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Honestly, in any relationship there are ups and downs. My Baby's dad and I ware still VERY proudly together. We definately have our bad days. But in the end we are so proud of what we have. You will both be doing things with your child in your own ways, and at points on or the other won't like how it's being done. But you have to take the good with the bad. You'll realize there just petty disputes. If it seems to be something more, than maybe it's an issue that needs to be addressed. That's how we do it. And it honestly helps the tension stay to a minimum!

Marqita - posted on 02/20/2010

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FROM THE MOMENT THE CHILD ARRIVE I FELT THT MY FIANCE AND I WERE CLOSER. THIS WAS THE CASE FOR BOTH OF MY KIDS. I THINK THAT WHEN WE LOOKED DOWN AT THE BEAUTIFUL CHILD THAT WE HAD MADE WE REALIZED THAT WE REALLY ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. SOME RELATIONSHIPS HAVE THE OPPOSITE AFFECT BECAUSE CHILDREN ARE A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY. AND WHEN YOU GO FROM CHILLIN TO CONSTANTLY ON THE MOVE... ALWAYS HAVING TO BUY THE BABY SOMETHING, NEVER GETTING SLEEP.. IT GETS HARD AND YOU TEND TO GET CRANKY. I DONT BELIEVE THT EITHER OF THE PARENTS ACTUALLY CHANGE... THEY JUST NEED TO GET BACK IN THE HANG OF THINGS!! TRUST ME, THINGS WILL GEET EASIER!!

GISELLE - posted on 02/20/2010

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It's definitely different..I find it a lot easier to fight back, whereas before I would stay quiet, or sit in a corner and cry to myself. I still love my husband to death, but the thought of him not being around doesn't terrify me like it used to. I feel like I'm a stronger woman now than before the baby. And if I had attitude before the baby, after her birth I've definitely gotten a lot snappier..stress of being a new mom? Who knows..

Toni - posted on 02/20/2010

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Not that great. Our daughter was planned and it was something we decided to do after a lot of thinking. But after she was born he wouldn't take on any responsibility. I was the one up all night with her, bathing, feeding, changing her. Finally by the time she was 6 months I had a talk with him about paying more attention to his daughter and actually playing with her. He said I was right and tried to change. But it seemed like he would rather just go out to the bar whenever he feels like it and not have to deal with either one of us. I recently asked him to leave, and he did. We've been together for 5 years and although I don't know what the future holds for us, I will still have my daughter to make me smile everyday.

Melissa - posted on 02/20/2010

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When it comes to our son, we sort of get along but we are no longer married. We got a divorce after he decided that our relationship wasn't worth saving. Our son has suffered because his father is never around, of course the military isn't helping with that. Hopefully things will get better.

LISA - posted on 02/20/2010

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It was really hard at first but after working on it and adjusting to three of us instead of just two of us... we are much closer than we were before... My son is 1.5 yrs old and we have finally got it all down and straightened out... just be patient and most of all talk about the huge change that is going to take place... and work through it if there are issues

Charmaine - posted on 02/20/2010

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My partner and I were doing really well for the first month or so and then it all went down hill. We are now 4 months after birth and we can barely last half an hour without breaking out into a fight over "how tired we are", "who does more, the stay at home mum or the working dad" and so on and so forth. But I wouldn't change having my baby for the world. I just wish he wasn't in the middle of all of this hostility.

Jackie - posted on 02/20/2010

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To be honest? We barely ever sleep together anymore. Between my caring for our EXTREMELY energetic (almost) 2 year old, and his crazy work schedule, we only get a few hours together, and one or both of us are usually too tired for any messing around. We love each other very much but sometimes it seems like we just live in the same place. I adore my daughter and I'd do anything for her, but sometimes I miss the closeness that her father and I used to share.

Jaclyn - posted on 02/19/2010

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i read some of the responses, all i have to say is our relationship is better, we fight less bcuz theres no pt ilove him n he loves me n we r nt goin anywhere, u have to communicate n sorry but need to let loose w drug of choice when the kids asleep aka boozefor me rum or jager, sometimes u talk honesty n get things resolved if anything mommy feels like bad girl again n that spruces things up, sometimes things gets frustratin but thats only natural. u have to talk bcuz men dont c it from ur pt a view like we can. communication is the key to any relationship

Sherrie-May - posted on 02/19/2010

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It is so sad to see just how many relationships are going badly. We have worked very hard to keep ours going, but we do not see ourselves as a couple. We are FAMILY, like all families we do have our problems, but we never ever think of leaving. Relationships are HARD WORK! & they dont happen like in the movies or books. Firstly, we never let the sun set on an argument, I never knew what that saying meant untill about 3 years ago, but it does make all the difference!! What we do is say or yell what we are feeling, get it off our chest, then we get on with being parents, which is so much more important! Secondly, DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!! Think about it, dont get worked up about stuff that is not dierctly going to hurt your family. As fighting all the time WILL!! Be the ADULT, so what if he spoke to you in a rude way, didnt take the rubbish out or help you with the house work, just bite your tounge & go do something else, its not worth fighting over as that will damage your children more. Spend time AWAY from each other each day, I go up the street for an hour & do the shopping. Spend time TOGETHER each day, we do each night after the boys are in bed. Even if we just watch tv. Some nights we dont even talk, but we dont need to. PLAY with each other, he is always chasing me around & playing, the kids love watching it & joining in. Be a TEAM!!! Neither of you should be in charge or control anything!! Its a team effort!! & REMEMBER, there will be good patches & bad ones, hang in there!! Its hard work, now you have a baby you cant give up on YOUR CHILDS FAMILY because the going gets tough. Its upto you to get through this rough patch!! Unless its an abusive relationship, then you OWE it to your child to leave. We have been doing this for almost 10 years & its been amazing to grow together. I wouldnt change a thing!!

Brittany - posted on 02/19/2010

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omg ours suck we cant get along for nothing were always fighting dont no what to do

Sharon - posted on 02/19/2010

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I think that ever since i found out i was pregnant, we have drifted apart. I had absolutely no sex drive when i was pregnant, and the thought of having sex made me feel sick. After, i wanted to have sex all the time. My daughter is now 5 months old, and we have sex 1 time ever 2 weeks. And its not only sex, we barely talk to each other now, and i am very unsure about myself now. I know that he loves our daughter, its just some days i question whether he still loves me or not. I feel like he doesnt see me the way he did before. Its a terrible feeling.

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2010

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There is no real change my husband and I love each other very much he is a wonderful father to our son. We have never really fought about anything before our son and there isn't much to fight about now. He has seen me at my best and when we were in the hospital and the weeks after our sons birth he saw me at my worst but he told me everyday I was beautiful even though I didn't believe him ha-ha. There of course is always stress somewhere and in the beginning it was about paying all of our bills but we never let it get to each other because that is the worst kind of stress. Thank God for Tax returns now we are doing so much better and can actually take a night out with our son or just the two of us...when it's just us we have a wonderful time and can talk for hours and of course we want to rush back to our son. Life is wonderful and I couldn't be happier :)

MarQuita - posted on 02/19/2010

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I Met my Boo in Dec and that March I was pregnant. I was only 17 He was 20. We lived 3hr apart and made it work I would stay with him for day-months between my parent's house and his apt until the TWINS were about 3 or 4 months and then I moved in permanently. It's now been 2 yrs for us and We are still in LOVE. It works I think because we are mature and we share some of the same goals in life, we get along GREAT and WE DO THIS LOVE THING BECAUSE WE LOVE EACH OTHER NOT BECAUSE OUR KIDS WERE BORN.

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