How many of you new mothers let your baby stay with your mother in law

Cara - posted on 01/11/2010 ( 150 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 month old and I let her stay at my mothers house from time to time and I am very comfortable with it because she is my mother.But my mother in law will not leave us alone constantly wanting my little girl to come stay with her.I feel so uncomfortable leaving her over there.I do have my differences with her and we do not get along most of the time but when she hears that my daughter has stayed at my mothers she gets so mad and is so rude to me and my husband bothShe also has called alot of people in my husbands family crying telling them I am keeping our daughter away from her and how bad of a person I am.My husband tells me I am just looking for something to fuss about but I feel like I am in the right here.Am I in the wrong??











OKAY LADIES HERE ARE THE REASONS I DONT LIKE MY MOTHER IN LAW...

Some of you may think its stupid bu I have several and here are some of them...1.When I got married I special ordered a mansion to get married in put down a 500 deposit and when she found out she cried called all the family saying its not right she wanted me to get married at her church and if i got married in that mansion she was not going to pay for the rehersal dinner.Okay well fine I had to cancel my reservations and didnt get my 500.00 back.2nd I HATE FERNS LOL she knows that very well so I decorated this church the night before my wedding and it was just like I wanted it well the next day trhey open the doors for me to walk down the aisle and guess what there are 20 ferns all over the platform where I said I do..I was soo upset I dont even like looking at my wedding pics.3rd When I was in the hospital having Madilyn she made me a bow for the door well it had a porcelin doll on it I am terrified of porcelin dolls and she knows that.4th I asked her please dont put a bow on my mailbox when I had Madilyn because I didnt want to advertise I had a baby (Okay I admit I watch too many life time movies!!)But hey anything can happen right so I get home from the hospital and theres a HUGE pink bow on the mailbox.5th My mama kept her for us to get our tire changed when she was 3 days old because we were stranded on the side of the road she got mad because we didnt call her to come get the baby my mother was down the road and she thinks she is supposed to get her every weekend and she does not want her at my mamas and everyone will say my mama is a GREAT person!Okay Im tired of typing theres many more reasons though!





THE REASON I DONT TRUST MY MOTHER IN LAW.....



When my daughter was 2 weeks old we went to my husbands aunts well his grandmotehr lives across the street from hus aunt.I went outside with his cousin I came back in and my child was gone I asked my husband where she was and he said his mother (my MIL) came up and took her across the street to his grandmothers.I went over there and my child was screaming she would NOT give her to me jjust kept insisting that she weas okay (SHES A KNOW IT ALL)..I finally got her and she stopped crying later that night I was bathing her and she had a HUGE knot (the size of a golf ball) on the back of her head.I touched it and she screamed.I took her to the er and they said someone dropped her on her head.She was only out of my sight for 5 minutes

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Quoting Brandi:

Your mother in law raised your husband. If you feel she is so incapable of looking after your child, do you also feel she did a lousy job with your husband??? She has raised kids before and has apparently done an ok job (as you CHOSE one of her children to make more children with). Relax. Grandparents LOVE LOVE LOVE to be with their grandchildren and mostly wouldn't let anything bad happen to them. I have never had any issues with letting my children with my in laws (if i had any distrust toward them, I wouldn't have married my husband). It's just my opinion, but I tend to agree with your husband. It may be that you have a lot of hurt feelings caused by your MIL and subconciensly (sp) you don't WANT to do anything to make her happy?? You had a child with her son and she wants to see her. I don't see anything wrong with that. You are not doing your daughter any favors by keeping her from her grandmother. If you are uncomfortable leaving your daughter with her, start little. Drop her off for an hour or so while you get your hair done or s.th. and work up to longer periods of time, but I think you should reconsider not letting your child with her GRANDMOTHER. It isn't fair to you daughter, your MIL, or your husband. As I stated, this is just my opinion, do whatever you think you should.



Uumm, what does trusting his parents have to do with marrying him....you don't marry a person based on what their family is like because you are not marrying their family, you are marrying him....as for "keeping her from her grandmother", she never said anything about keeping her from them. It sounds like she takes her to see her grandmother...that isn't keeping her from her. It's her daughter if she feels like she shouldn't let someone watch her child then maybe she has a reason for it!

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The first thing I heard when we told his mom that I was pregnant was how my daughter would be staying with her every other weekend like her cousin. My daughter is 7 months old and I haven't let her stay with anyone even her father for more than a couple hours at a time(I'm a stay at home mom). His mom lives 30 minutes away and has been wanting to take my daughter overnight since she was born. I don't feel comfortable with leaving her with anyone overnight and I'm not going to drive that far for a babysitter especially when we have friends that live down the road from us. Anyways, I personally have seen his mom with her other grandchildren and don't agree with a lot of things that she does or allows them to do(like letting the 4 year old call her mom and not correcting him). I see that she's being pushy about the issue(I deal with the same thing)...Idk about you but I would probably be more likely to give her a chance if she would back off about it. Do what you feel is best. Don't let her pressure you!

Angela - posted on 01/13/2010

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I feel that as a parent- you alone are responsible for your child's life. Is it more important for you to feel as if your child is safe or for your child to have a relationship with his g'ma right now? How will this decision affect him down the road? You can read all of our advice, but it all boils down to you (and your hubby) choosing what you feel is best for your child. God gave him to both of you to raise- not to me or anyone else. Good luck and God bless.

Sandra - posted on 01/13/2010

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i have 4 children. and they constantly go to my ex mother in laws house. yes i have my differences with her and her son but why should my children suffer. she is after all their family also.and children should be given every opportunity to get to know both sides of their family.if u marry a person or get with someone and have kids with them u have to accept their family as well as ur own. i got used to feeling comfortable with her taking my children. as i let her from the time they were born.

Tamara - posted on 01/11/2010

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nope ive been there. heck im still there. you have to do what you feel comfortable with. it sounds a lot like she just jealous of your parents and wants you to feel guilty. dont. its ok. your husband has to side with his mother just like you have to side with yours. just dont let him know how you feel and find someone who will listen to you since he wont. thats bout all you can do. oh and dont let her get to you or she wins.

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Carla - posted on 01/13/2010

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Hi Cara! I know you have a million replies but I thought I'd add mine in case it helps. :) I have issues w/ my MIL too. I have seen her drop my baby twice (and almost drop her a handful of other times), she always feeds her things she shouldn't and lets her play w/ dangerous things when there are tons of toys around. That said, I don't feel very comfortable letting her watch my daughter. However, I know that she raised my husband and he is a wonderful man so I do have that in the back of my head too. What I have decided to do is to sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk with her (maybe with my husband there, maybe not). Sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand how careless she can be and it's better to be up front and honest so that it might be resolved and we can move on. She is, after all, going to be in my life and in my children's lives for a very long time. If she shows after that she can't respect my wishes as a mother (because after all, God gave ME that child and she is mine and my husband's responsibility and not anyone else's) then I will explain to her that I can't have her watch my children. I don't really think it will get to that point but it might! Even if nothing is resolved, my conscience will be clear as far as my relationship with my MIL and her relationship with my daughter.

Chris - posted on 01/13/2010

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O I know the [pain] anger that stupid good for nothing MIL's cause. My fiance's mother is one of the most useless women I have ever met, n on top of that I lived with her while I was preg. n I know how she didn't watch her other grandchild (yes this child is a demon, but still). I don't trust her as far as I could throw her, n I wish her harm...Alot of harm.



She did a horrible job with her 2 kids, n all her relationships, n marriages...she will not touch my son, I hope she dies soon so I can be happy again sometime soon with my fiance. This woman faked getting hurt at her state job to collect the money n get paid to stay at home on her fat ass, then she takes sleeping pills, pain pills, anxiety pills, and caffine pills...hello.



I don't care if noone has any problems with this woman but me... that's not ok around my son! There are sooo many four letter words I love to use about this woman, can't use em here, but u get the point....She lets us all live there, makes us pay rent, n other shit, then tries to play nice when I was still preg. I wanted to kill myself even having to walk next to her or her daughter, all they did was come unbetween my fiance and I. Yes I am angry, n sometimes a little extreme, but when I had this baby she wanted to be there in the room??? What are u stupid?! I don't like strangers seeing my vagina, let alone his mom...no, you can't be in the room I'm in right now an hour or two away from giving birth...Bite Me! And ever since then it was on.



She was up my ass every day, didnt talk to me, just wanted to see the baby after we came home. She was upset since she couldn't be there... she ruined the best day of my life by making a scene n causing my fiance to get upset. I just kept my mouth shut...I had nothing but four letter words to say to this woman... I then leave one day to the store, when I come back with bags n baby my animals are gone from the house. My 3 guinea pigs whom I have spent hundrends of dollars on who I raised 2 from shortly after birth, just gone... Now it is war. Some time after this the new roomate she brings into the house starts smoking in the room next to us n the baby. Then this woman threatens to call child protective services on me! His mother could care less, she just stood there, this woman gets in my face outside of the house while I have my 2 month old in my arms n starts tellin me how I'm a bad mother n I should have him taken away, Runnin her mouth n pointin her finger at me... The war is going to be over soon...I am now going to kill her n this drunk woman. I got myself n my son out of that place as fast as I could...noone is going to tell me I'm a bad mother, n no one is going to take away my other babies( furry or not) without a fight.



I now can't live with my fiance because of her, n I'll die before she ever sees this baby again. It really feels like I'm single now, n its all her fault, this little boy doesnt really know who his father is because that evil woman. I had to move away, n I could only move 40 minutes away...n btw I have no car, he has it. I love him, n I hope like I said before she dies soon, so he won't have to keep getting pulled away from me by his mother.



My family took me back in n they are wonderful with their first grandchild. At least here he really has grandparents who will help me n do for him, not just make him into a spectacle.

Karina - posted on 01/13/2010

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I have 3 children under 5 and i will leave them with my mother in a heart beat but my mother in-law is a different story. i understand completely where your coming from, my mil is the same. some grandparents are not good for their grandchildren. i take my kids over there to see her but i feel like its a waist of my time because my mil is someone who believes children should be seen and not heard. just trust your gut feeling. if you dont and something happenes you'll never forgive yourself. do what you feel is right for you and your child

Kelly - posted on 01/13/2010

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I understand how you feel and have my own concerns and past issues with my mother-in-law too. It does add a lot of strain when there is family pressure and when M-I-L's are pushing involvement and interfering.



I believe that it may be easier when children are older but understand the concerns with an infant.



I really do feel for you with the baby bump and trust-issues! It doesn't sound like an easy situation.

Danielle - posted on 01/13/2010

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unfortunately i can't really relate ( my boyfriends parents passed away before i could even meet them) but i will say this...



i feel its very important for you both to be comfortable with the person who is going to care for your child for a certain amount of time, whether it be over night or for five minutes! my boyfriend and i always discuss it before our son goes into the care of another...if hes comfortable and im not, it doesnt matter, its a no go. we both have to agree and be comfortable...and the person who is being rejected should be understanding...you cant give your baby to someone....like my boyfriend always says... its a privilege that needs to be earned.

Mandy - posted on 01/13/2010

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The fact that you dislike your MIL should not play a part in her getting to see her grandchild. HOWEVER you have a very valid reason for not trusting her and if I was put in the same situation I would not allow her to keep my daughter

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like every person has stated in some way or form, everyones MIL experience is different i don't have a MIL i only have a FIL and my daughters love him. But also like alot of mothers have suggested if your instincts are against leaving your child with someone it's better to be safe than sorry. besides as a parent for a person to ignore a childs injury like you've stated she did is just plain dangerous and i wouldn't want someone like that watching my children. goodluck and i hope you're able to work everything out.

Amanda - posted on 01/13/2010

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Well, for me, my mother in law is my savior! She never says no to watching my son, she always take care of him like I do if not better, he spends the night there when I or my husband are sick, and when we are going on vactions she takes my son for the few days we are gone. She is absolutly wonderful. I think I am the opposite of others I would rather he be with my mother in law rather than mom. Not because of any reason its just my mom has too much on her plate to already deal with, so putting my son would not be ideal. My mother in law loves my son but then again he is her only sons child so maybe thats why? Oh yeah my father in law is always obsessed with my son too he also insists he stays over there.

Heather - posted on 01/13/2010

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i trust my mother in law she is a wonderful woman,,,,but girl if you just are not comfortable leaving your child with her yet (maybe never) then dont. tell her she can spend the day with her and you if you want etc...but it is your decision. even if your husband wants her to go there, if both of you dont ageree....it shouldnt happen.

Johanna - posted on 01/13/2010

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It's hard to find a good mother in law, before I got with my husband I didn't have luck with that. But my mother in law is great, I get along with her, I trust her, and I love that she loves my daughter. Times are hard especially with the economy, she takes care of my daughter when my husband and I are at work. I can't complain. She took me in with open arms since the day I got with my husband. Very greatful. I wish the best with the other mommys here.

Selena - posted on 01/13/2010

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I find it horrifying that your mil just took the baby across the street without permission, then proceeded to drop her on her head, refused to give her to you, and didn't even tell you about dropping her. How was she to know that the drop didn't do any damage and she needed to be rushed to the ER or something?! I would not let my child go over there unsupervised ever!

Stephanie - posted on 01/13/2010

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ok..... the reasons you don't like her are lame and petty. you're a grownup now. let it go.

the reasons you don't trust her are valid! she deliberately hid an injury from you that could have caused permanent damage.

It sounds like you need to distance yourself from her until your kids are old enough to fend for themselves, like 9 or 10. :) on the upside, no more owies. downside, one angry grama. good luck.

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Cara- I think that you have every right to trust your instincts when it comes to providing care for your baby. I think you should talk to your husband about your concerns and I think it is important that you guys support each other in what is best for your baby. I know from experience that it can be hard to get men to understand that sometimes their mom can be wrong or disrespectful to you as his wife. He does however need to be the one to step up and speak to his mom about her treatment of you. I don't blame you for not wanting to leave your baby with someone who so obviously disregards your wishes. If his mom wants to be in the baby's life she should stop trying to manipulate and guilt you into doing things her way and respect the parenting and lifestyle choices that you and your husband have decided on. Best of Luck!

Amber - posted on 01/13/2010

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I wouldn't let her keep her if something happened in just a few minutes and she wouldn't tell you I could only imagine if you left her there purely unsupervised with the woman. I am sorry to say but if you did let her go over there I would consider that reckless on you and your husbands part. Go over and visit but don't leave the baby there not at least until she is old enough to somewhat care for herself and tell or react to you in some way that she does or doesn't like being there. I would feel different if that hadn't happen but it did so I would say no. The other stuff though you are just going to have to get past, I would have had my wedding in the mansion cause that's what I would have wanted and it would have been my wedding I think she just felt a need to be involved. I guess I'm lucky my boyfriend isn't that close to his family so I won't have that to worry about.

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2010

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Quoting Sara:



Quoting Cara:

OKAY LADIES HERE ARE THE REASONS I DONT LIKE MY MOTHER IN LAW...
Some of you may think its stupid bu I have several and here are some of them...1.When I got married I special ordered a mansion to get married in put down a 500 deposit and when she found out she cried called all the family saying its not right she wanted me to get married at her church and if i got married in that mansion she was not going to pay for the rehersal dinner.Okay well fine I had to cancel my reservations and didnt get my 500.00 back.2nd I HATE FERNS LOL she knows that very well so I decorated this church the night before my wedding and it was just like I wanted it well the next day trhey open the doors for me to walk down the aisle and guess what there are 20 ferns all over the platform where I said I do..I was soo upset I dont even like looking at my wedding pics.3rd When I was in the hospital having Madilyn she made me a bow for the door well it had a porcelin doll on it I am terrified of porcelin dolls and she knows that.4th I asked her please dont put a bow on my mailbox when I had Madilyn because I didnt want to advertise I had a baby (Okay I admit I watch too many life time movies!!)But hey anything can happen right so I get home from the hospital and theres a HUGE pink bow on the mailbox.5th My mama kept her for us to get our tire changed when she was 3 days old because we were stranded on the side of the road she got mad because we didnt call her to come get the baby my mother was down the road and she thinks she is supposed to get her every weekend and she does not want her at my mamas and everyone will say my mama is a GREAT person!Okay Im tired of typing theres many more reasons though!


THE REASON I DONT TRUST MY MOTHER IN LAW.....

When my daughter was 2 weeks old we went to my husbands aunts well his grandmotehr lives across the street from hus aunt.I went outside with his cousin I came back in and my child was gone I asked my husband where she was and he said his mother (my MIL) came up and took her across the street to his grandmothers.I went over there and my child was screaming she would NOT give her to me jjust kept insisting that she weas okay (SHES A KNOW IT ALL)..I finally got her and she stopped crying later that night I was bathing her and she had a HUGE knot (the size of a golf ball) on the back of her head.I touched it and she screamed.I took her to the er and they said someone dropped her on her head.She was only out of my sight for 5 minutes






Putting everything else aside, the knot on the back of her head and her not telling you that ALONE is reason enough not to allow her to stay alone with that woman. I would be seriously pissed is someone dropped my baby and even more so if they refused to give me my child and didn't tell me about it! You have every right not to trust her if she can't even watch her for 5 minutes.






I agree, If your MIL was watching your daughter for 5 min and she was screaming cos she had been dropped on her head, and the womand did not tell you... I wouldn't let her see my child out of my sight nevermind alone for hours..  I have a bad relationship with my MIL and my husband had to tell his mom that our son was just that OUR son and that she was not going to tell us what to do and who could watch him. needless to say I stand my ground and do not let his mom watch my child..
sorry you are going tru this it is not easy but at the end of the day she is your daughter and you need to follow your gut feelings.

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2010

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Quoting Sara:



Quoting Cara:

OKAY LADIES HERE ARE THE REASONS I DONT LIKE MY MOTHER IN LAW...
Some of you may think its stupid bu I have several and here are some of them...1.When I got married I special ordered a mansion to get married in put down a 500 deposit and when she found out she cried called all the family saying its not right she wanted me to get married at her church and if i got married in that mansion she was not going to pay for the rehersal dinner.Okay well fine I had to cancel my reservations and didnt get my 500.00 back.2nd I HATE FERNS LOL she knows that very well so I decorated this church the night before my wedding and it was just like I wanted it well the next day trhey open the doors for me to walk down the aisle and guess what there are 20 ferns all over the platform where I said I do..I was soo upset I dont even like looking at my wedding pics.3rd When I was in the hospital having Madilyn she made me a bow for the door well it had a porcelin doll on it I am terrified of porcelin dolls and she knows that.4th I asked her please dont put a bow on my mailbox when I had Madilyn because I didnt want to advertise I had a baby (Okay I admit I watch too many life time movies!!)But hey anything can happen right so I get home from the hospital and theres a HUGE pink bow on the mailbox.5th My mama kept her for us to get our tire changed when she was 3 days old because we were stranded on the side of the road she got mad because we didnt call her to come get the baby my mother was down the road and she thinks she is supposed to get her every weekend and she does not want her at my mamas and everyone will say my mama is a GREAT person!Okay Im tired of typing theres many more reasons though!


THE REASON I DONT TRUST MY MOTHER IN LAW.....

When my daughter was 2 weeks old we went to my husbands aunts well his grandmotehr lives across the street from hus aunt.I went outside with his cousin I came back in and my child was gone I asked my husband where she was and he said his mother (my MIL) came up and took her across the street to his grandmothers.I went over there and my child was screaming she would NOT give her to me jjust kept insisting that she weas okay (SHES A KNOW IT ALL)..I finally got her and she stopped crying later that night I was bathing her and she had a HUGE knot (the size of a golf ball) on the back of her head.I touched it and she screamed.I took her to the er and they said someone dropped her on her head.She was only out of my sight for 5 minutes






Putting everything else aside, the knot on the back of her head and her not telling you that ALONE is reason enough not to allow her to stay alone with that woman. I would be seriously pissed is someone dropped my baby and even more so if they refused to give me my child and didn't tell me about it! You have every right not to trust her if she can't even watch her for 5 minutes.






I agree, If your MIL was watching your daughter for 5 min and she was screaming cos she had been dropped on her head, and the womand did not tell you... I wouldn't let her see my child out of my sight nevermind alone for hours..  I have a bad relationship with my MIL and my husband had to tell his mom that our son was just that OUR son and that she was not going to tell us what to do and who could watch him. needless to say I stand my ground and do not let his mom watch my child..
sorry you are going tru this it is not easy but at the end of the day she is your daughter and you need to follow your gut feelings.

A - posted on 01/13/2010

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Personally, I think 3 months is too young to spend a night away from mom and dad- regardless of who it is. My son is 8 months and he hasn't been away from mom and dad for longer than 5 hours (and that was only once) and other than that no longer than a couple hours (about 3 times)

Casey - posted on 01/13/2010

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i let my mil have my little girl but only bc i have a great relationship with her and know that emma will be safe.

if i was in your situation i wouldn't let her watch her alone... maybe have visits where you are there and can watch what is going on..

Crystal - posted on 01/13/2010

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I know you should do what your heart and mind tell you, and I know it is none of my buisness, but if my MIL dropped my daughter on her head at two weeks old, I would never let her watch her until she was older, either.

Crystal - posted on 01/13/2010

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I know you should do what your heart and mind tell you, and I know it is none of my buisness, but if my MIL dropped my daughter on her head at two weeks old, I would never let her watch her until she was older, either.

Kimberly - posted on 01/13/2010

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I would not trust her with my baby. Obviously she isn't trust worthy, if she dropped your baby on her head she needed to tell you, that is not something you mess around with she could have been seriously injured and you wouldnt have known. Secondly it does seem like she doesn't like you because she is being very passive aggressive doing all those things that she knows you don't like. I'd be a bitch right back to her and not trust her with my baby.

Nicole - posted on 01/13/2010

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i know exactly what you are going through. my boyfriends mom always wants little haley there and im so busy with working full time and going to school that i can't always please her. she will go out of her way to say stupid lies to my boyfriend to upset him and try to make us unhappy. she says i punish her cuz i don't bring her there. whatever. i don't trust her really that much either with my child. everytime my baby comes back from her place, she's really cranky. she lacks sleep and she is constantly held. but this is what ive been told by many of people. mother in laws make everything hell.

Samantha - posted on 01/13/2010

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My mother in law is a pill popping alcoholic. I do not associate with her at all and she will not be a part of my childrens lives until she cleans up her act. Even if and when that day comes, she will NEVER be left alone with my children. my husband never fought me on this subject given the evidence! My mother, I trust her, I know her, she raised me. She watched my children while I went to nursing school, and I was able to concentrate on school because even had i left them in the care of my husband i'd have been a frantic mess! I dont know too many women who do get along with their mother in laws, besides the fact that mine has issues, and even though i stood by her sons side when he walked me to hell and back with a fewissues of his own, Mothers NEVER think there is a girl out there that is good enough for their son. I know one thing, I will not meddle in my sons life and will def try my hardest to love and respect whom he choses to marry, and if they dont want me to watch their childrenm I will totally understand and not push the issue!

Amber - posted on 01/13/2010

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If my mother in law lived around here there is no way I would let my son stay with her because of how she was toward him from the beginning. My husband already had a 7 month old daughter when I gave birth to my son and my mother in law said that she wasn't going to claim him as her grandson because he doesn't look like his father. She was only sent that one picture and that was all she had to say but yet she dotes on my husbands daughter!! I was so pissed off and wanted her to have nothing to do with my son ever. She has recently apologized for accusing me of cheating on my husband but i still do not want her in my sons life because she left my husband with his father when he was just a year old. Why would I want to put my son through that?? He has enough love and attention from my mom and sisters that he doesn't need her in his life!!

Cara - posted on 01/13/2010

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Melissa Girl I have tried talking to her..She got all in my face and was screaming at me telling me she didnt do anything wrong she knows EVERYTHING..She wouldnt even give me a chance to say anything back and told me I was not woman enough.She also says she did not drop my baby but how else did that get there?She wants my child to stay the weekend with her every other weekend and Im like no were not a married couple and divorced..I think she needs to have her own child actually my BiLs 2 yearold lives with her and he calls her daughter mom oh hell no I dare her to let me little girl call her mom I would just hit the roof..They think its cute though.Anyway about the whole secretive thing.That is what my husband has been trying to do not letting her know when the baby is at my moms but I hate hiding stuff.I would rather just have everything out there so I have nothing to hide!

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2010

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My son is 2 yrs old he has never spent the night away from home and I dont plan on that changing for yrs for my parentds or his and he feels the same way. We love our parents but I just tend to think anything can happen and if it does i couldnt ever forgive myself. No one can do as good as a job with there kids then them selves. my parents want to feed him all the time and doesnt respect his scedule and his mom would give my son sweets all day if she could. i have let his stay with her for 2 hrs at most and my parents are the same.He is my baby and I am the one that is going to call the shots!

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2010

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I think you are totaly right! If you dont feel right leaving her there then DONT! What ever the reason, never leave your child with someone you dont feel comfortable with. I wont leave my kids plaace but will at others. If you have to, be strait with your mother inlaw. Tell her the reason. She has to right making you feel bad. It is your child and your choice. If you dont want to be strait with her and tell her the truth, even if it makes her mad, then I guess you could just try to be secretive about it when you leave your daughter with your mom. But I recopment the truth even if it makes her mad. Shes already mad anyway and there is agood chance she might drop it then and have a little respect for you knowing that your childs well being comes first. Hope this helps. I went throught the same thing!

Amber - posted on 01/13/2010

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Ok I completly understand now! If I had the issues you have I wouldnt let my son go to my MIL or my MOM for that matter. Thats just crazy! I think you MIL might need help, she seems as though she does know it all and doesnt let you take your role as bein a mother yourself. In which case if I was you, I would discuss it with my husband and tell him the reason you dont like her, cause those are good reasons, it seems to me like she is tryin to sabotage you and was tryin to sabotage your wedding. I know its gonna sound crazy but she almost seems like one of those moms off of those life time movies that tried to kill whatever woman tried to take her son away from her. Also that is a excellent reason not to trust her, and I would tell my husband if you havent already. Then I would lay down the law or put my foot down whatever metaphore you choose to use, and tell my husband and my MIL that she would not be keepin my child and leave it at that. If they get mad o'well they will get over it, or at least your husband will if he really loves you. I may sound a little harsh about it, and you probably think im a nut job for sayin it but its the truth. Good Luck with whatever decisions you make towards the matter!

Amber - posted on 01/13/2010

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Ok I completly understand now! If I had the issues you have I wouldnt let my son go to my MIL or my MOM for that matter. Thats just crazy! I think you MIL might need help, she seems as though she does know it all and doesnt let you take your role as bein a mother yourself. In which case if I was you, I would discuss it with my husband and tell him the reason you dont like her, cause those are good reasons, it seems to me like she is tryin to sabotage you and was tryin to sabotage your wedding. I know its gonna sound crazy but she almost seems like one of those moms off of those life time movies that tried to kill whatever woman tried to take her son away from her. Also that is a excellent reason not to trust her, and I would tell my husband if you havent already. Then I would lay down the law or put my foot down whatever metaphore you choose to use, and tell my husband and my MIL that she would not be keepin my child and leave it at that. If they get mad o'well they will get over it, or at least your husband will if he really loves you. I may sound a little harsh about it, and you probably think im a nut job for sayin it but its the truth. Good Luck with whatever decisions you make towards the matter!

Ashley - posted on 01/13/2010

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My in-laws were the only ones to babysit our son fo about the first year of his life... my mom is terrified of babies, they "always choke" when she's holding them lol, so she wouldn't take him, and everyone else has kids of their own to worry about, so we had no other option. I'm more terrified of leaving him with the mom in-law now that he is 2 years old, then I was when he was tiny because she lets him run around with SCISSORS! big people scissors! We don't even let him use the plastic kid ones while sitting lol... I don't know what she was thinking.

Brittnie - posted on 01/13/2010

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well for me my MIL is the only persaon to help me out she maybe crazy at times but i know she has the beat of intentions and i apprecite all she doeas to help out since othe me and my husband have to work full time :)

Gracie - posted on 01/13/2010

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This is somthing BOTH of you have to agree on. Its so easy for us (woman) to leave them with our moms but after all its his mom that wants her. Start off slow, leave her for maybe an hour while you run errands. That way she can't say you didn't leave her.

Argie - posted on 01/13/2010

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if u dont feel comfortable with it dont do it. i had my mil babysit for me when i was working on weekends because i had nobody else to babysit, i did come to regret it which didnt surprise me. she would just do things the way she wanted it even though i would tell her not to. then she started acting very possesive and thats when i quit working all together and never asdked her to babysit again, it also helped that mu mom moved back to the states. now my mil sees the baby one everycouple of weeks when my hubby takes her by for couple of hours. bottom line, go with ur gut instict, it never lets u down.

Desiree - posted on 01/13/2010

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i love my bfs mother! she was supposed to be in the room when i delivered Riley, but my daughter decided she didnt want to wait lol.

i do know alot of people that have this issue though. how long of a stay does you MIL want your child to have with her and how close does she live to you? if she lives close by, i suggest dropping your daughter off while you go grocery shopping - its like a compromise. she cant complain to the family that you dont let her see her grandchild, and its not an extended visit that you should be TOO uncomfortable with. or maybe go see a matinee movie with your husband on a sunday, a couple rounds of bowling with a few friends or something similar to that.



Good Luck!!! i hope it all works out for you.

Angela - posted on 01/13/2010

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My honest opinion is to just sit down with your mother in law and tell her how you feel and figure out a way for the both of you to get along. When there are problems in family life it will reflect on our children. There's so much hatred out there we don't want them to experience first hand. I get along very well with my mother in law and she does so much for my kids. I am thankful that we are so close. We're having some problems though with my husband and my brother. I get very upset and I don't want my children to see what's going on. Like I said I don't want them growing up thinking it's ok to fight with our family members. If we don't have family then what do we have. I don't want to preach and sound like a know it all because I am far from that. I'm just saying that maybe you both could possibly have a good relationship if you talked about your differences. If not, at least you can say you tried.

Angela - posted on 01/13/2010

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My honest opinion is to just sit down with your mother in law and tell her how you feel and figure out a way for the both of you to get along. When there are problems in family life it will reflect on our children. There's so much hatred out there we don't want them to experience first hand. I get along very well with my mother in law and she does so much for my kids. I am thankful that we are so close. We're having some problems though with my husband and my brother. I get very upset and I don't want my children to see what's going on. Like I said I don't want them growing up thinking it's ok to fight with our family members. If we don't have family then what do we have. I don't want to preach and sound like a know it all because I am far from that. I'm just saying that maybe you both could possibly have a good relationship if you talked about your differences. If not, at least you can say you tried.

Angela - posted on 01/13/2010

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My honest opinion is to just sit down with your mother in law and tell her how you feel and figure out a way for the both of you to get along. When there are problems in family life it will reflect on our children. There's so much hatred out there we don't want them to experience first hand. I get along very well with my mother in law and she does so much for my kids. I am thankful that we are so close. We're having some problems though with my husband and my brother. I get very upset and I don't want my children to see what's going on. Like I said I don't want them growing up thinking it's ok to fight with our family members. If we don't have family then what do we have. I don't want to preach and sound like a know it all because I am far from that. I'm just saying that maybe you both could possibly have a good relationship if you talked about your differences. If not, at least you can say you tried.

Sabrina - posted on 01/13/2010

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Trust your instincts, you have them for a reason! I read your post about your MIL possibly dropping your daughter and if that were me, my daughter would never be out of my sight with that woman again!!! I understand that accidents happen but the fact that she didn't tell you put your daughters life at risk, what if she had a concussion or bleeding on the brain or something else? NEVER would my daughter be alone with her again!!!



The reason I say trust your instincts is because of what happened to us. My daughter is 8 months old and breastfed. This past weekend we had a wedding to go to that was far away so my husband convinced me to have his parents come to our house and watch our daughter, I felt a little uneasy about it, because we have different views on how a baby should be treated, but did it anyway. I text my MIL a few times while we were away and she kept saying everything was fine. When we got home the next day she told me that my daughter hadn't taken a bottle from the time we left (1:30pm Saturday) until 8am Sunday morning, my daughter went 19 hours without a drink!!! (she had eaten her solid food though) and instead of calling me to find out if there was a trick to get her to take the bottle or if there was something else she should give her she took the approach "she'll drink when she get thirsty enough" I was SO pissed and my daughter will never be left overnight with them again until she is fully weaned. She also let her cry her self to sleep which I have a problem with and who knows what else she did that I don't agree with.



TRUST YOUR GUT! YOU HAVE THOSE FEELINGS FOR A REASON!!

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2010

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Quoting Julie :

My 9mth old son stays with my mom overnight at least once a month. I am very comfortable with that. But I've seen how my MIL is with my niece and nephew when they stay the night, and I do not want my him going through that. I do let her watch him as long as it is not overnight though, that is not a problem with me.

Also, someone else posted that she did a good enough job of raising her son for you to marry, so she shoudl be good with your baby - this is not true in all cases. Yes, my husb. is awesome, but even he has told me horrible stories of his mother from when he was younger. He turned out fine, but his mother is still a little crazy. 


 I agree with the last half of this post. Though my husband is a grea guy, and I love him very much, it has been because of other people in his life. His own grandmother had alot to do with raising him, and had she been living and able, I would've have left my son with her in a heartbeat. His mother however is a very minipulative, degrading person, who from what my oldest child has told me is incapable of caring for my youngest who is autistic with no verbal abilities. It was also brought to my attention that she puts down the two oldest as well. My second youngest is like the center of her universe. She treats him like a porcelin doll. This however does make it harder when he would come home after visits with her because he thought he was beyond the rules and didn't have to listen. There are MIL's out there that are great don't get me wrong, and for those of you who have them, you are very blessed. But if she's not comfortable leaving her baby there, then she shouldn't. Could you imagine leaving your own with someone you don't trust?? And even after learning she dropped her baby on her head and didn't tell her?? What if the poor child would've needed to go to the hospital?? Things like that cause brain injuries!! Don't leave her there if you don' trust. Do however tell her why you feel the way you do and are making the decision you are. I's unfair to leave her in the dark. Good luck.

Julie - posted on 01/13/2010

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My 9mth old son stays with my mom overnight at least once a month. I am very comfortable with that. But I've seen how my MIL is with my niece and nephew when they stay the night, and I do not want my him going through that. I do let her watch him as long as it is not overnight though, that is not a problem with me.



Also, someone else posted that she did a good enough job of raising her son for you to marry, so she shoudl be good with your baby - this is not true in all cases. Yes, my husb. is awesome, but even he has told me horrible stories of his mother from when he was younger. He turned out fine, but his mother is still a little crazy.

Veronica - posted on 01/13/2010

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My husband parents passed away when he was young but my mom is not so great so she is only able to watch them if it a emergency and only at my house.She does hang out with us here at our house and we go and vist he rnad take her to luch or dinner. She even lived with us off and on for the past 6 years. We have a very small family so no one but my BFF watches my kids and that is only if I really need to do something with out the kids. We dont go out much with out the kids only once or twice a year. It is hard not having grandparents to watch the kids so you can go out. Unless they are complety wothless or your worried about your childs safetly allow them to go out a bit my be for lunch or such. My oldest has grandparents from her father she sees them a couple of times a years and talks to them on the phone my 5 yr old is so jelous of her grandparents she say she wants a grandpa. I feel so bad I wish I could get her one and make her feel more happy when that happens but I cant get her one I have explained many times to her that we love her and we are her family and when Avery goes to Her grandparents I make sure our time together is extra special to help take her mind off of it. They are very special to kids you cant replace them and you have to commuincate with them.

Stacey - posted on 01/13/2010

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okay, I just read your post about the reasons you dont like her and dont trust her. I would now like to retract my last post. If I were you I would keep her away your mother-in-law. I get that accidents happen; however, 1) she should have asked you to take her over there, 2) the baby was only 5 weeks old so she should not have been dropped by anyone, and 3) she should have TOLD you when it happened!!!!! I would not let my daughter stay with someone who has done that...

Lili - posted on 01/13/2010

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i totally agree with , try to keep your baby 2-3 hours 2-3 days weekly or once a week youll not lose or harm your child but it will be happy and apperciate it your mother-in law and as i believe it will be helpful for your child to be socialize and learn from you 4 ..

Nastassia - posted on 01/13/2010

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Let your baby stay at the mother inlaws. My husbands family and mine are SO different. My theory is that if his parents did a good enough job of raising him so that you could marry him then why cant they take care of your baby? All people parent in different ways. By the looks of it, you are doing this just to annoy her. I know the kind of person she is but you both need to come to a point to where it needs to stop. There is nothing better than your kids having a great relationship with BOTH grandparents because one day the grandparents wont be around and you want your kids to have something to remember them by.

DEBBIE - posted on 01/13/2010

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we live 1 mile from my mother in law and she dose great with them , but if I felt uncomfortable with it they would not go over there

Morgan - posted on 01/13/2010

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My daughter is 3 months old too... we rarely go anywhere for someone to watch her.... but yeah we let my mother-in-law watch her .... for about an hour here and there when we need to run to the store.... or need alone time.



Not to be mean or anything, but your mother in law probly feels like you dont want her in your daughters life... you would feel the same way if it where you... so I think you should put whatever things you and your mother-in-law have between you and think sbout your daughter.... let her watch her for a day.... it will make her extermly happy and maybe you two will get closer....

Jess - posted on 01/13/2010

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I completely understand how you feel. I would trust my mother with my daughter in any situation... my mother in law on the other hand, not a chance !

My partner has a much older brother who is very mentally unstable and he lives with their parents. I refuse to allow my daughter to stay there without us for even a minute. My partner was attacked by his brother when he was very young and his parents have failed to get any medical help for their sick son. I refuse to allow them to put my daughter in that same danger.

You will never have the same relationship with your in-laws as you do your own parents. Follow your instincts, your her mum and you know best !

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