How often do you have sex?

Brandy - posted on 04/02/2010

That really stinks, I am 28, my fiance is 25. I have two boys ages 7 & 9 from a previous relationship and we have a 15 month old son together. We have sex about 2-3 times a week, sometimes more. We go through boughts. Sometimes we will have sex everyday for 7 days, sometimes we only have it 2 times a week, but it is mostly him that initiates and I think he is in his prime. How old is your husband? Maybe at this point you should seek professional help/counseling. Having sex be total absent from your marriage is huge and it can draw you two apart and ultimately cause bigger issues. My suggestion is if you have tried everything is to seek a professional. Hope that helps :)

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2010

well i feel for u all because i have too kids and sex is great everyday great n if ur man can go weeks without it im sorry ladies but he gettin it elsewere sorry

Penny - posted on 04/02/2010

My son is four months old. My husband have just recently gotten back to having sex at least every other night. My son is finally sleeping through night so we actually have a little alone time at night. I am 25 and a full time college student and he is 26 and works full time so at first it was really hard to get back to having sex. I also believe it depends on how the man views childbirth. It scares some men and dont want to think about going any where near for a while. And others like my husband thinks its a beautiful process and has not problem having sex again. My psychology professor at school says in most cases men who dont want to have sex after child birth have a really hard time viewing their wife as anything but a mother and it takes them a while to over come that. Just as many of the others have said. I hope this helps.

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2010

my hubby and myself havnt had sex as often as before either but we do it just very hard for us to find time anymore im up with sara at 6 am playing and our work schedules are odd plus by time he is ready im usually dead tired` and ready for bed so it is hard to find time but also did u have vaginal or c section? did u see if maybe he feels diferently about ur body now bc i got stretch marks on my tummy and also have a c section scar so in the begining it was a problem with me not wanting to get naked not feeling sexy

Heather - posted on 04/02/2010

Well all I can say is sex isn't a part of my vocabulary anymore.

Sarah - posted on 04/02/2010

me and my partner don't live together (looking for a place now) so we very rarely get the time.

especially with us having our son around when he comes over.

we've probably had it about 3 times in the last 2 years .. once was cuz we were away for our 2yr anniversary in paris got engaged there.

its hard finding time for sex when we don't live together and like i said when he's over we always have our son there or were both always working.

Connie - posted on 04/02/2010

wow. uhh my daughter is 6 months old and my fiance and i have had sex less than 10 times since she was born. but its me. i dont want to. i contribute it to that i may stay at home but i also have a 4 year old, so i am on the go all day. by the time i have a chance to slow down and relax im ready for bed. with my son i didnt have sex for 14 months after he was born and i mean NONE at all.

Breann - posted on 04/02/2010

There are some men out there that can feel much like women after having a baby. Both my husband and me were a little aprehensive right after our child was born because of what my body went through, but his body may have changed as well as his emotions. Some men are more turned on by their lady giving birth, while others may need time to come around-have a sit down with him. Find out what his needs are, maybe they've changed over the years, but life consumes us, we forget to ask the little questions. Good luck!

Tanya - posted on 04/02/2010

So you were 15 & your partner was 34?! eeeeek. And you shouldn't have sex with your kids in the bed-- ever!

Vicki - posted on 04/02/2010

Im sorry that this is happening to u. My husband and i have been together 12yrs. We have sex at least three times a week. Maybe you should try spicing it up a little bit. Works for me. When your with someone for so long, you gotta keep it interesting.

Emma - posted on 04/02/2010

my names emma im21 my partner 40 dont judge a book by its cover plez we have 3 kids 3 yr 2 yr and 1 yr old been together 6 yrs now and we have sex all the time luv it manxxxwe have it at least 5 times a week wen kids in bed anywhere we dont care as long as we get it our sex drives have become betta since kids weriod hurrr

Hillary - posted on 04/02/2010

wow thats crazy... i'm sorry to hear that... well i'm 22 my husband is also 22 we are both goin on 23 in a month we have sex pry atleast 1 time plus a week. we have a daughter that is 2 1/2. If it were up to him we would prolly do it daily lol.

Tanya - posted on 04/02/2010

My husband and I have 4 kids. We have sex almost every night, sometimes a few times a night. It's a great stress reliever & exercise! I know it may be awkward for some but there's no need to be shy with your partner. Ask him what he likes instead of asking why he doesn't want to. He might like to try something different on bed or maybe you could buy some lingerie to spice it up. Hell take him to the sex shop and let him pick out something fun it's not all dildos in there lol. But seriously I hope you & your hubby find & fix the problem and be happy

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2010

We had that problem for a while. I'm losing weight and fixing myself up and I want to all the time. He never wanted to and he would say it was because he was working and I just stayed home all day. This really upset me. I clean, cook every meal and take care of a 17 month old and stay up late to be with him. So we talked about it and come to find out it felt like more pressure to make a good living. With just us two we could survive anything that came our way, but now he has a little girl to support and he never wants to want for anything. So with the added stress he felt and always thinking of ways to get ahead at work, he never wanted two. What worked for us was doing things that relaxes him. We went out for massages, to dinner just us then to a hotel and we would even leave Abbi with my mom and take sunset walks.

Kathy - posted on 04/01/2010

Don't know what to tell you my husband and I haven't had any trouble actually both of us have done the opposite when we first got married we were both virgins and felt weird about it in fact I am not sure how we concieved our first son because like you I could count the amount of times in the first 6 months on one hand. But then as the kids started coming it seemed to get better maybe it is just the rush of trying to get it done before someone wakes up or comes busting through the door. But know it is like two to three times a day.

Janelle - posted on 04/01/2010

Wow sorry to hear that!! My husband and I have sex maybe 5or6 times a week..I have 2 children from a previous relationship and we dont have any together even though he wants one..I feel he might look at me different if we have a baby together, seeing me fat and the whole dellivery part...I feel that im being selfish but i like where we are now..Maybe try watching porn, that always gets us going ;) let me know what happens..

Emily - posted on 04/01/2010

feel happy it's your husband and not you! I am in the same boat except my husband wants it all the time and I have no desire at all!!!!!!!!!!!! Our son is almost 5 months and most of the times we have sex I don't want to and I fake my orgasims... I feel horrible. I love my husband with all my heart but I just don't want sex. I have a husband who thinks sex is a very important part of a relationship and the fact that I don't want to I feel like the worst wife in the world.

Angela - posted on 04/01/2010

I think it just takes time after the birth of your children, My husband and I have been together 13 years and have three children. There for awhile he wanted no more children so he backed of the "having sex" issue. It got better after awhile. I brought it to his attention and made it very clear that I wanted it, I think he likes it when I ask. Try being the one who tells him what you want and when. I still want more then we have but I think thats a whole other issue.

Brandee - posted on 04/01/2010

Usually once a week.. I have no desire to be intimate.. After a day of work, workout, and child care.. sex is the last thing on my mind.

Kaitlyn - posted on 04/01/2010

i am so sorry this is happening to you!! lack of intimacy can REALLY hurt your relationship. during my pregnancy i was VERY sick all the time ..i lost 22 lbs in my first trimester so my sex drive SIGNIFICANTLY decreased. my husband and i have been married for just over two years but have been together 7 and we still have sex at least 3 times a week. we make sure that we do because it keeps us close (even sometimes when i dont want to because im tired, we still have sex and once were in the moment im very happy i dont turn him down!) ask him to have sex anyway, maybe once he starts doing it again hell get his interest back, or do something really sexy for him! whats one of his fantasies??

Eartha - posted on 04/01/2010

Ok, so I hate to be the first person to say it, but it needs to be said. Have you considered the fact that your husband may be having sex with someone else? I mean really, either you are exagerating or he is having an affair. I dont know any guy, who doesnt desire sex atleast once a month. My baby's father has a condition which caused him to go blind and have chronic headaches (to where he needs a narcotic to deal) and he still tries to get it atleast once maybe twice a week.

Denee' - posted on 04/01/2010

I am 21 and so is he, he is the only person i have ever been with and weve been together since 2006. We have a 19month old and just recently adopted a 3yr old. We hardly ever have sex, but its not him, its def. me, i just have no drive, and i think it may be ruining our relationship, but i just cant get into it.

Lindsay - posted on 04/01/2010

I have a 3yr old and my fiance has 7 children (crazy I know haha), we have been together a year and are sex life is just as amazing and spontaneous has it was when we first started dating. Maybe it is because we don't have children together that is the key? I am 23 and he is 35 so I don't believe age has anything to do with it. He wants more children (I am def reserved about that). I really hope our sex life wouldn't decrease afterward.

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2010

Well I have 2 kids of my own and my husband has 3 and we have one on the way and we have always and still have a really active sex life there might be one day a week that we dont have it, and thats just cause were tired or dont have time.

Erica - posted on 04/01/2010

My husband and I are having the same problem. I'm 24 and he's 23. Our son is only 9 months old and we TRY and make the time for it, but it just doesn't happen as often as we'd like. It's hard to make the time because after our son goes to sleep, we're so tired and have to get up so early we don't have the time. Not only that, but we live far away from family and friends to baby-sit over night or whatever. It's really hard, but just don't give up! I'm sure after they grow up they won't require so much time and you can make the time and maybe he'll get more interested.

Breanna - posted on 04/01/2010

we try as much as we can. the sex drive has definitly increased in our relationship, he is 24 while im 19. i think it may have something to do with your husbands age

Carmelita - posted on 03/31/2010

i'm in my twenties and my husband is in his late twenties we have one son thats 5 years old and another on the way. were very sexually active but in the beginning after child birth its alittle difficult. have you tried talking to him or maybe trying different things. some men get alittle bored of the same thing and need something to spice up the love life. im sorry that your having this problem. its common too that after child birth guys do feel differently about sex especially if the guy watched the baby being born. the best thing that you can do is talk to him and try new things. their are also natural medications that you guys could try too. Good luck in the future hopefully something helps

Ashley - posted on 03/31/2010

My son just turned 1 on March 14th and since he's been born, sex became the least important thing on mine and my husbands to-do list for at least the first 4 months. We tried for twice a week at first, and now we strive for atleast 3 or 4 times a week. I am on the depo shot and that has been a real challenge for me and the number one reason for my loss in sex drive. However my husband is really persistant and that has helped a bunch. I've honestly never heard of a guy loosing his sex drive after his wife has his child. If anything, It makes my husband think Im even sexier. I'm sorry you are having trouble!

Melissa - posted on 03/31/2010

im 26 and im in the same boat my partner has no interest in sex either and they recon it has to do with how they r feelin if your man has alot on his mind they cant get into to the mood but i def no how u feel it makes u feel unwanted i wish i knew how to fix it

Christina - posted on 03/31/2010

I've been there..it could be pschological because so much of your focus is on your daughter and shes need you so much that he isn't interest anymore because your focus is on the baby now instead of him but it goes both ways his focus is on the baby too with my first child my boyfriend at the time was terrified the baby would hear us and be scared for the rest of his life its normal

Lyndsay - posted on 03/31/2010

I have sex probably a couple of times a month. My problem is that I find my sex life has become very boring and predictable over the last few years so its more like a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am to get the hubby to shut up so I can go on doing whatever it is I was doing. I've bought lingerie and sex dice and things like that, but he doesn't seem to get the hint so I'm working myself up to springing it on him that he's no longer satisfying me. Unfortunately I don't think this is an easy issue to bring up, so if you figure out a way to do it nicely then let me know!

Sandra - posted on 03/31/2010

i can also count the number of times on one hand in the past year.

I have a 5 month old. and when i was pregnant i was too sick to want it. and since my daughter has been born it just hurts too much. I had over 70 stitches and for some strange reason whenever we try I am screaming in pain where the stitches are...I went to the dr. and there is no problem, so I have no idea why it hurts.

but yeah my sex drive isnt there anymore i feel kind of bad for my husband, because if it didnt hurt i would still do it.

Marketta - posted on 03/31/2010

I haven't had sex since my daughter was born..... but not because I haven't wanted to!!!! LMAO!!!!

Cassie - posted on 03/31/2010

I'm sorry!! That sucks! 3-5 times a week.

Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

Some guys naturally have lower libidos and as a personal trainer I always suggest working out together, it gives you a chance to spend time w/out baby, get the bond back and it increases sex drive by amping up the testosterone in men, plus it makes both of you feel better about yourself and the ability to open up more. I think all relationships go through this and it's just finding the key to get out of the rut. Good luck to you guys!

Amber - posted on 03/31/2010

have you goggle anything about mens low libido it might be worth a try i know with my hubby iam always nagged cause i myself suffer low libido after havign my second child

Amanda - posted on 03/31/2010

the worst thing that you could do is whine about it...there are men out there that just think things are going to be differnent after a babt is born....you have to show them and reassure them that just because there is a bub in the house means nothing....even when he gets in the shower and bub is in bed....JOIN IN....its not forcing them but its showing them that you are still looking for a bit of intamacy too...

Amanda - posted on 03/31/2010

i have to say that i must be one of the lucky ones...i feel so bad for all of you!!!

my ex and i very rarely had sex but my new man is fantasic...hes 9 yrs my junior...but i also have 2 older sons that he treats as his own and now we have a 7 mth old.....we did it every day during the pregancy.., mind, we've been together for nearly 2 yrs now.. and nothing has changed...

i dont want to sound rude in asking this but do you do oral sex?

if my man isnt too much in the mood start at the neck and work your way down..id had a bad experience when i was younger and could never bring myself to do it until after i had bub..i felt so bad that he was missing out and thought..i trust this man with my life, what the hell....never looked back..if hes not in the mood...dont jump on him!!! for gods sake...he probably feels that you are uncomfortable!! that is what happened with jake..i had to let him know that everything was ok by the way i went about things.....that just because we had a baby that it didnt change anything.....even now i go and pick him up on his lunch break and bring him home...then run him back to work..he gets off on the time line.....lol....good luck girls

Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

I'm lucky if its once a week, but our schedules are complete opposite 4-5 nights a week. his job is physically demanding and I've had no desire, go figure, we just decided to try having a baby. I'm with someone that's not my son's father so he's still a little weird about it since i have unchallenged custody of my son.

Christina - posted on 03/31/2010

sorry to hear this too. me and my husband have sex atleast 6 times a week. i've heard around the extendz work really well. maybe you guys could try that.

Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

I cant give any advice, but I hope it picks up for you soon!!



My partner and I have a very active sex life... we have just had our first baby together though (He has 2 kids from a previous relationship and I, 1 from a previous relationship) so, it could be a little while until we actually have intercourse again... but there hasnt been any drop in our drives since the birth of our son. We've just had to resort to doing other things together!

Anastasia - posted on 03/31/2010

Im sorry to hear that, but i must say that does not sound very normal. Me and my husband have only been married a lil over a year now and we still have sex about every day. & I cant imagine not having it at least once a week.
Maybe you should try spicing things up. Hit up Victoria Secret make a delicous dinner than when he gets home let him catch you cooking dinner in it. and see if things heat up. Good luck!

Katie - posted on 03/31/2010

I'm right where you are. My daughter is 14 months old and we've had sex maybe 6 times since she was born. It's not him it's me, I have no sex drive. I asked my doctor about it and he said it is because I'm breastfeeding. It is also really hard to find the time with the baby still in our bed. I like your once a week method, I might have to try that in order to keep him happy, because that seems to be all he thinks about.

Ashley - posted on 03/31/2010

hmm.. I'm sorry for all your ladies problems with this! I really hope you get some answers and get it figured out! I couldn't go that long, lol.. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years, our son will be 2 on May 22nd. Before and during my pregnancy was a 2-3 times a day routine... after I had our son we didn't for 3 weeks. and than after that we pretty much got back into our 2-3 times a day. Right now, its about that, some days more just depends.. We take advantage of naps and times our son is out with other family. My man hasn't lost his sex drive at all, neither have I. if anything its been better because we realize how important our alone time really is! :)

Amy - posted on 03/31/2010

Yeah its not unusual, my son has just turned 1. Even before our sex life was ermm should i say sparingly.. lol..now i cant even remember the last time i had it, Weve spoken about it and kinda understand partly where he was coming from, but i reassured him about his lack of confidence but still nothing works, he says i have to try with him sometimes but i kinda got fed up of trying so my whole outlook on it has changed now i cant be bothered, feels likes its easier to go without now...even tho my libido is high!
You kinda get stuck in a rut after not having it for so long..getting back into it is harder than anything, ive been with my chap nearly 8years and still find it hard to get that spark back and get time to do it...
Talk to him, explain how its making u feel...i went through all of the emotions..he dont love me anymore, hes cheating on me, he thinks im fat, blah blah...
I have no immediate answers as im going thru the same but i kinda know where i stand now and what i need to do throu talking to him... Good luck

Brandy - posted on 03/31/2010

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully you find some help. As for me, right now, my son is 2 1/2 months old. After he was born, I bled for 2 months, then we had sex twice and then I got my period which really ticked me off because I'm breastfeeding and never got a period while breastfeeding our first child. So, needless to say, our sex life kinda sucks right now but usually we are pretty active sexually and the only time it's ever slowed for us was in the first trimester of both of my pregnancies.

Marilyn - posted on 03/31/2010

I read through all your posts and it's obvious that just having a baby isn't hte problem, he had this issue before. From the things you said I would really encourage you to seek professional help. Everybody's suggestions are great, but if you've tried them and they didn't work , I think he needs further help because that is not normal. Best wishes. Through it all, continue to stand by him emotionally.

Vixi - posted on 03/31/2010

me and my bf are 20 with a 14 month old and sex is one thing that if it happens it happens, we can go weeks without and tbh I dont miss it! Sex toys can be good when u r lonely and in the mood though lol x

Melissa - posted on 03/31/2010

I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe try to have a romantic night just the two of you. What my fiance and I do to keep our passion alive is we have a date night every week. My son's grandmother watches him one night on the weekend so that we can go to dinner and a movie or just have a romantic night in. But we have sex roughly 5-6 times a week. I am 27 and he is 30. I find that I am in the mood more often than he is as I am getting closer to the height of my sex drive as a woman (35ish) and guys are in there mid 20's. Try buying a sexy piece of lingure or play out a fantasy. For valentines day I bought my fiance a cock ring (sorry to be so out there, but we're all grown). He loved it. Try doing something like that to get him excited. Another thing that I am doing is that I am going to a photography studio to have boudior pictures taken of myself to put in a book for him. Just some ideas. I hope this helps. Best of luck!!

Veronique - posted on 03/31/2010

So sorry to hear that! I'm also 25 and my husband is 44 ( yeah i know but he doesn't look it ) lol...... Anyway we have sex every night. On weekends we try to do it 2 times. lol During the week we put or girls ( 21 months and 5 months ) to bed around 8pm and then it's our time :-). On the weekends we try to do it in the morning before the girls wake up if not it's when the go down for a nap and then again before dodo. What can i say i can't get enough of him lol ;-)