How often do you have sex?

Bianca Suhey - posted on 03/31/2010

wow....im 23 n my husband is 27 .we have sex at least 2 times a day on weekdays, but on weekends its alil bit more...sometimes we have to not do anything because i need to attend my baby first (hes 10 months) n im pregnant(6 months)....i know sometimes it bugs him cause men do need loving n pampering too (lol) but i find ways to get him interested again....i know sometimes hes tiered from work so i pamper him with a message which later turns into a intimate moment for us

Francesca - posted on 03/31/2010

I can't keep my Dh off me. We had sex a 3 times a week right up until the day I delivered (geez was that uncomfortable in the last trimester!)...and now, its once or twice weekly. (He works out of town five days a week so he is only home on weekends). But I have to say, since having the baby I have no sex drive at all. Part of it is being so tired because of the usual day to day, then taking care of the baby almost entirely by myself, sometimes its hard to find time since we both dote so much on our little bundle of joy, and I think there is still a little bit of body issues since I still have a few pounds to loose. But then again, I never really had a big sex drive. But if it were up to my Dh, we would be at it five times a day. He will try hours after we have already done it. I seriously wonder sometimes if its normal for him to want it so much.



I only do it because I know he feels rejected if we don't. I also know he has this crazy idea that if a women withholds that men cannot be responsible for seeking it elsewhere. We have fought about that several times. So, whatever. Besides, I know I make him do things that he doesn't want to do and he doesn't complain. Like spending time with my sister or mother (He hates them) on the weekend when all he wants to do is play with the baby when he is home.



We need our men to switch sex drives. Too bad its not possible.

Ashley - posted on 03/31/2010

I am 26, and my husbands 36 and he has no intrest in sex either... The doc says he has no problem, but nothing is working.. Its not like he watchs the kids I do everything, and he has truble in that department.. I dont know what to do with that part either, tryed everthing... I would just get toys, it helps.. Good luck

Andrea - posted on 03/31/2010

hi im sorry to hear your strugling in that department, i was the other way round when i was pregnant i didnt have sex i had hyperemisis which ment i was constantly sick. i was in and out of hospital right up until i was due to give birth, my partner who is 44 found it a bit of a problem at first but kinda had to get used to it. afta i had the baby i was back on track sex all the time and is still the same. Have you tried using a virbrator to satisfy your needs untill he comes round. it might turn your partner on and bring back the spark good luck.

Amanda - posted on 03/31/2010

I can't relate. I am 25 and my husband is 30 and we have sex at least 3 times a week. We have two kids a 7 month old and a 4 year old, and nothing has ever changed.

Gina - posted on 03/31/2010

HE DIDNT LOOSE HIS SEX DRIVE! same thing happened with my husband and we talked about it! the way he explaines it is that now we are paying more attention to our babies than them, and actually we may be the ones not thinking about sex as often. also we are not trying as hard as we used to to make them interested in us because now our main priority is our baby!REMEMBER: they like to be teased and reminded of what they have, so just start wearing sexy outfits more often, or do whatever it is he likes to get him turned on! also it helps if you let your baby spend the nite at ur parents one night and just devote that time to him! they like to feel wanted, and they like to be the center of attention and if they arent they loose interest! also dont just tell him that you want sex, play a little hard to get, like tease but let him do the moves to get you to sleep with him.. like the hunter and the prey!!! they love that! also talk to him, ask him what motivates him... communication is very important at this point so if you dont tell him whats on your mind, you may never fix it!

Meg - posted on 03/31/2010

Well I have the opposite problem, My sex drive is gone (breastfeed and baby is only 3months and soooo not sleeping through the nite lol) and hes always wanting it...

Some men just lose interest in sex after children as there mind pretty much informs them that they have done what the deed was supost to do... and that you are now mom first now and not a sexy girlfriend etc...

Get a sitter and rock his socks off, change the picture hes not got and make him remember what a relationship is... and as I am informed lots sex if part of a long lasting one. lol :)

Danielle - posted on 03/31/2010

When my daughter was born for about the first year, her dad lost interest in sex also. I asked him why and he said because he didnt realize everything that went on "down there" and it freaked him out. We didnt have sex very much while I was pregnant and it was until our daughter was atleast 13 months before we got back into things. With guys they are either on top of things or they have no interest.

Gina - posted on 03/31/2010

I am in the same boat (w/ Sara L.P. )...I could actually live w/out it most of the time and my husband still wants it all the time. I'm 30 and my husband is 35..our son is 3.5 ...and I've felt this same way ever since I got pregnant. We still try to get to it at least once a month tho. Glad I read these posts b/c Iwas feeling really guilty...glad to know I'm not the only one going thru this.

Jessica - posted on 03/31/2010

Oh my! I had no idea things like this really do happen! I mean you see the tv shows where the parents have no time for sex after kids come along, and you can laugh at that, but this is no laughing matter! I honestly don't know how to help, except for maybe lay in bed and talk to each other with the lights out. Talk about sex, and your fantasies. Then act on them! Maybe not that night, but try it sometime. Grab a plastic or paper bag or an unused hat, slips of paper, and a pen. On each slip of paper come up with something different, i.e, positions, what type of foreplay, anything that you as a couple enjoy. Fold the pieces of paper up and put them in the hat or bag, mix it up and draw one every night. See what happens from there.. Hope this works for you! I know life is stressful, but sex is great! It's one of the strongest bonds that hold my marriage together.

Leatonya - posted on 03/31/2010

im 30 and my hubby is 28 and we have been married 10 years and have 4 kids.We are still doing like 3-4 times a week.I agree with most of these posts you need to get some couples therapy! my hubby and i started couples therapy about 3 years ago because we lost a child and we where both hurting so bad for our loss that we lost ourselve.I guess what im saying is there is no shame in needing outside help on your relationship!

Rachel - posted on 03/31/2010

You're very brave to post this! I don't even really want to say much, but I know what you mean. I have tried everything... all the suggestions people have given. Having kids is stressful.... starting marriage and having a home to take care of.... all the things that go along with beginning a new life together, it's all stressful and can be extremely overwhelming. Hang in there! Hope things turn around for everybody going through this soon!

Meaghan - posted on 03/31/2010

Once or twice a week.. we're 29 weeks pregnant, during my first trimester it was my only craving but now I mainly only do it for him as it's uncomfortable most of the time.. though I do orgasm more easily. I will take all I can get before baby comes because I'm sure this will change!

Z - posted on 03/31/2010

It depends on ur husband. U need to talk to him and ask him what make him have no desire to have sex. Maybe he is to tired because of work commitment. If the explanation is acceptable, then he just need more time.

Lisa - posted on 03/31/2010

May 17th will be 2 years since I have had sex! That's way sad! lol But I guess that's what being a single mother is all about...there is no me time and when there is, there is better things to do than hook up with a random stranger! lol

Teghan - posted on 03/31/2010

To me this does not sound like an issue that resulted from the pregnancy. I had this issue with myself. My fiance has always had a great sex drive, but me on the other hand not so much. This started to be an issue very early on in our relationship. Thank goodness my man was a trooper and stuck by me. We almost never had sex, not because he didnt try TRUST ME! I just didn't feel like having sex...I could count on one hand how many times we had sex in a couple of years. It then became awkward to me because it became such a big deal in my own head...it felt so forced instead of just comming naturally. It was only after we had our son that we became really into it again. I really just had to let things go.....stop forcing it. I know that I had issues, I still do not really know what they are. But I do know that it is something I should have dealt with a long time ago. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is something going on with him....emotionally maybe? Something deeper than just "not feeling like it" or the pregnancy. Good luck :)

Yolande - posted on 03/30/2010

My husband sex drive also kinda died after my first child was born - even when i was pregannant he would come home for lunch to have sex and then boom dead. 2-3 times a month was regular. He recently had a vasectomy after our second child and it seems to have done the trick?! He wants it ALL the time. Im not keeping up with him!! But no complaints... Maybe he is scared of u falling pregnant again? I dont know if the vasectomy does this for all men? Apparently sex is better too? Anyway hope this helps?

Joi - posted on 03/30/2010

Im glad you have posted this my sex drive was extremely high before I became pregnant and after, but once I received mirena it has decreased although my fiance and I still have sex 4 times I week with a 5yr old and a 8month old my sex drive isnt where it use to be. Maybe I should get the mirena removed and see what happens???

Chantal - posted on 03/30/2010

i certainly feel for you it would be very hard, i will be honest and say that my sex life began 4 weeks after ahving our son and my husband watched the whole birth and he also watched our son come out and for him it ment even more to him. by what u have said jumping him is not going to work and he works long hours to by the sound of it and tried everything under the sun, i have a suggestion maybe get some counciling for u both that has to do with a sex counilor that could possiable work, if you love him and he loves you he will be willing to try anything to make your sexlife get back on track, cos maybe he just needs to talk about things to do with whats happening, he may feel ashamed and also feels like hes letting you down tread carefully cos a mans ego been bruised by themselves is one this but to be by another person its a kick in the guts. i hope it makes sence and nto a load of crap. i hope things do work out better for you soon.

Ashley - posted on 03/30/2010

well the only thing i could suggest is trying something new with him.. maybe get a cute little outfit for after the baby falls asleep.. i had that problem for a little after my son was born but i did it and ever since then my husbands been into it.. maybe just try something new that you know he would like some thing you guys have never tried.. just a suggestion hope it gets better..

Stacy - posted on 03/30/2010

oh wow thats odd that men lose there sex drive. the men are the ones that beg us for the sex. me and my boyfriend have sex like twice a week. maybe your husband is drained did you try to get some time away for the two of you?

Carly - posted on 03/30/2010

I also aggree with joanne, maybe go and see someone about it...maybe he has some underlying fears he hast gotten over yet.

Carly - posted on 03/30/2010

Me and my fiance have aweird sex life...he works opn a prawn trawler so is away for 3 weeks out of every 4 weeks for 9 months of the year, before we had my son who is now 17 months we would go without for 3 weeks and then when he came home we would do it sometimes 2 times a day. Now though its a different stry, we would be lucky to have sex even once when hes home. Its both of us that have lost or 'libido' I dont know why..im on the mirena so im just not that in the mood, or we are both just too tired etc. Maybe try some herbs to increase your libido...eat some oysters??? lol. Or watch a sexy movie together while the bub is being babysat? experiment and try new things...dont give up though...hopefully it will get better. It could just be all in his mind from bub being born and he needs time to get over it.

Ricky - posted on 03/30/2010

I know how you feel. My son is 11 months old and I yet to have sex with my boyfriend. The last time we had sex was when I was 1 month pregnant. We currently live in a bachelors apartment and he says his excuse was he couldnt get in the mood with our son in the same room. We are moving in a couple days to a 1 bedroom so hopefully our sex life comes back. I wish I could help you out but at least you know you are not alone.

Chelsea - posted on 03/30/2010

i agree with misty paul maybe its not that he doesnt want to he might just be to exausted to do it im 25 n my husband is 26 we have sex 4-5 times a week on a good week but sometimes we might go 2 weeks without it usually cos hes that tired from working so much or if im exhausted from the kids being so full on there 3.5yrs n 2 yrs our dughter has adhd n odd there is light at the end of the tunnel try talking to him again hope this helps

Shannen - posted on 03/30/2010

Its all me in my relationship. I am 25wks pregnant and have NO sex drive at all! My poor hubby I feel for him cause it has been ages since we did anything. I do though think it is a bit strange that your hubby doesnt want it! i would look into why. Raeally really talk to him about it!

Trenia - posted on 03/30/2010

im 22 and my husband is 28. if he could have sex everyday he would. truly thats our biggest problem. my mind is focused on the kids and school. there's very little time for the late night stuff.

Joanne - posted on 03/30/2010

Honestly I dont think the problem has anything to do with wot your doing or not doing. Ive read through all your posts and this was a problem in your relationship b4 u got married or even had kids. It is not normal for a male to go for that long without wanting sex for his age especially. There is obviously something going on with him that he doesnt want to face and its ruining your relationship. I would seriously think about couples counselling or for your hubby to see 1 on his own, this is not your fault.

Jessie - posted on 03/30/2010

Sorry to hear about your problem. My husband and I have spurts where we have sex alot then some where we don't really b/c we are tired from our hectic schedules. but we only go like 3 or 4 days without. I was worried we wouldn't have a sex life after but so far we do. Oh I am 24 and he just turned 25. I wouldn't worry about it though b/c the more you stress it prob. won't help. Maybe it's psychological and not physical. Sorry I can't be of more help. Good luck!

Christina - posted on 03/30/2010

We have sex probably once a week. We are both 21, and its my problem. I dont know why but it is really hard for me to get turned on.. I have a 5 year old daughter and I have no worries about getting pregnant or anything. I want another one.. Usually Im participating because I feel bad that we cant do it more. I feel his pain. I dont know if that helps..

Kali - posted on 03/30/2010

My husband is 31 and I am 25..we just had a baby in october and we had sex for the first time a couple of days ago. he works in the oil field so he is gone for like 3 weeks at a time....I didn't even want to, but I gave in just to make him happy!....I have to say that before the Kenna was born my husband and I had sex every chance we got sometimes several times a day (had to make up for the days he would be gone to work) ha ha lol!...my husband lost his sex drive right before the baby was born, when I wanted it the most. Have you tried doing different things to see if you can "tempt his tastebuds" so to speak!...try waking him in the middle of the night, I know my husband liked that when we used to have sex

Misty - posted on 03/30/2010

I wish I could be so lucky ,we have been married 5 years and have a 3 year old son ,when we meet i was a size 10/12 and threw the years i have went up to 22/24 and now am back to a size 16,however its never stop his sex drive ,I wish you the best of luck ,maybe he is just over worked and tried.

Denay - posted on 03/30/2010

At least once a week, my boyfriend is only home on weekends as he works away and we try to do it at least once while he is home. I am 28 and he is 39, and has a very strong sex drive as do I which makes it hard when he is away so often. Best of luck to you and your husband.

Schyla - posted on 03/30/2010

awww honey my husband is 30 I'm 26 we have two kids age 2 and 4 and my man although he is amazing he doesn't always want to have intimate relations with me. I believe that at 28 some men hit a peak we have a VERY loving relationship and we still love each other, there is just more to our marriage then the sex, Now I wish we were more intimate but it's not necessary for us to be happy, I like some of the suggestions people have given try having a date night send him dirty messages leave him a dirty voice mail sometimes that's all it takes. Contrary to stereotypes not all guys are hound dogs who like to make it like rabbits

Jennifer - posted on 03/30/2010

my husband freaked out after he saw the birth. it took him a while to get over the whole "the babies head is coming out of the vajaja" thing! but now it's better. took about a year. talk about it! it helps alot!

Ashley - posted on 03/30/2010

My husband and I used to have sex pretty much everyday, but recently it's only been about 2 or 3 times a week. Now, I know I really have no room to complain here, but I don't want either of us to lose our sex drive. Our daughter is 7 months old, and we were actually separated for the first 4 1/2 months of her life during which time, obviously, we didn't have sex at all. My point here is, sometimes a break is a good thing. You don't have to separate or anything like my husband and I did, but maybe this dry spell you guys are having is just the calm before the sexy storm! lol!

Lacey - posted on 03/30/2010

My hubby and I rarely do it. I lost my sex drive. Have you seen it? lol no seriously, I try to do it with the hubby once a week so he doesnt stray lol... how pathetic am I LOL

Lauren - posted on 03/30/2010

my little girl is 22months old and we have sex serveral times a week. i feel its nice to keep myseld and my fiance happy and its the least i can do for him. once you get over the initial few times, it gets easier to do it more often. and dont be shy to experiment, so it doesnt get boring.

Lexus - posted on 03/30/2010

Sorry to say.. ( please don't hate me) .. I see all these posts of women struggling with this and all I can think is 1. you are entwined in this relationship. 2. The children are exposed to the actions, and moods in the home AND are learning the basics of life from these first experiences. Which brings me to 3. How long will you pull to the west while he pulls to the east before one of you has had enough. ... :(.... Everyone wants to keep the family together, and "work on it" and be understanding. ...



I say do what you can, seek out professional help if need be. Just be ~willing~ to recognize if it is not going to work out. Also, be willing to accept reasonable changes your partner may ask of you to make things better between you. PLEASE Do not waste your happiness in life, on trying to punch a square peg in a round hole. There seems to be so much unhappiness on this string.



I am not with my baby's father, and I am not ashamed of that. He was not right for me, and I walked away. I will have to explain that to my baby one day, but I will be happy and healthy to raise him. Not an unhappy mess of nerves, and anxiety. Things like this do effect you, and how you respond to the world around you. Including your kids.



May life's richness saturate you. Be well, and kind, and full of wisdom.

Skye - posted on 03/29/2010

I agree with the previous post. Especially if you had a vaginal delivery! Although, there is nothing better in this world, then having God give you and him a child, he might have some images that he seen during your birth that just might take time, before he has a sexual desire again. I don't know if this helped or not. But I have heard of this happening to a lot of couples.

Laura - posted on 03/29/2010

We have been married for going on 4 years and have a 3 year old and one on the way. Our sex life has not changed much from during pregnancy or after children. We do good if we can have sex once a week. Occasionally we are lucky and get it in a couple of times in a week but for us it has nothing to do with sex drive its just that our schedules are complete opposite and the opportunity doesn't present itself very often. Hope you can get it worked out...some of the people above sound like they have some good ideas (i.e. the date night). Good Luck.

Donna - posted on 03/29/2010

I seem to be in the same tur as you. Out boy is almost 2 and we hardly ever has sex. Just like you its not me its him. He just has no interest. Always says he too tired or stressed out from work..I hate it!

Christina - posted on 03/29/2010

I am sorry that you are having troubles. I am 24 and my husband is 25. I had our daughter 7 months ago. We now have sex on a very regular basis 4 or 5 times a week. It was a little strange for the first couple months, but when I talked to him about it, he said that it was because he was scared he would hurt me. (she was our first) I explained to him that everything was healed up (by this time I already had my IUD in place), and that he was not going to hurt me, after a few days,things got back to normal. I agree with Misty Francisco, I believe a date nght is a great idea. I hope things get better for you soon.

Lauren - posted on 03/29/2010

It varies with my hubby and me. Sometimes none, once, or every night depending on our moods. We have 6 kids and we find the time even if its when they are all sitting down for lunch, lol. Im the one with lil sex drive, where he could do it 20 times a day. Its not becasue of him, how he looks, or anything like that. When we were first dating everything was exciting and new but after being together for 7 years and after 3 births in 3 years I have lil left to give but I try my hardest to make him happy. I dont know what to say to help you out because all of my suggestions have already been said in previous comments. But you really do need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart and tell him how you feel. It wont get any better if you keep these feelings locked up inside.

Xandria - posted on 03/29/2010

Atleast once a week. He works overnight so we have to wait until he has the night off otherwise it would be every other night. that's since our daughter has been born. it was every other night before she got her and she is now eight months old. I would say talk to him. Odd as it sounds some guys look at it as, "she's a mother she can't do that" ignoring the fact that doing that is what made her a mother to begin with. Take your daughter to your moms or a friend have a date night and try to remember that you guys are people as well as parents.

Jenifer - posted on 03/29/2010

Great I married a mechanic too, maybe that explains it, but I do in home daycare and watch kids for 16 hours, but I still want to please my man when he gets home... I just don't get why he won't let me...

Sarah - posted on 03/29/2010

sex? what is that? lol. my husband lost his for sure. of course stress and monsy and me g aining weight certianly doesnt help jsut adds feul to a flame that wont ignite . i look forward to the future when he doesnt feel so not in the mood

Sherri - posted on 03/29/2010

Yeah lisa I knwo what you mean. My husband is a mechanic also and that is pretty much our routine here. He gets home around 6:30 takes a shower, we eat dinner I put the kids to bed like 7:30 8:00 then we usually watch a movie then are in bed usually before 10

Sara - posted on 03/29/2010

see i don't ever want sex but he does all the time i am 24 he's 32

Lisa - posted on 03/29/2010

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My husband and I had sex regularly before I got pregnant. But, what is regular for us may not be to another couple. My husband has been a mechanic for a number of years. We found that his job was SO physically demanding that hje just wanted to shower, eat, and go to bed. After I had our Son 7 months ago (today), our sex life is not what it used to be!! But, I'm pregnant again (planned). A woman's sex drive is supposed to drop before a mans. Maybe he feels uncomfortable with the chance your daughter might walk in. I have a friend couple who dont have sex while their choildren are there because of the fear of them walking in. Just a suggestion. Maybe lingerie and a babysitter would spice it up!
http://www.lingeriediva.com/
Just A thought :)