Nicole - posted on 01/19/2010 ( 118 moms have responded )
So I can't stand my mother in law more like monster in law and that makes me not want my child around her. What do you do. In this problem
Nicole - posted on 01/19/2010 ( 118 moms have responded )
So I can't stand my mother in law more like monster in law and that makes me not want my child around her. What do you do. In this problem
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Linda-Marie - posted on 01/25/2010
that is a very difficult one, my daughter loves her gran and wanted to stay with her so i decided that because i love her i will let her go. i miss her terribly but it was the best thing for her
Qihm - posted on 01/25/2010
My Mil is, special. She has advanced osteoporosis and is on a lot of pain killers that effect her memory and make her paranoid. All in all though she treats my son well and she is allowed to see him when ever she wants. That is the case now that hes 2. She has a problem with my 9 year old step son and saying things to him or around him that she shouldn't. That is a real problem and she still sees him, but her visits are more supervised and less frequent.
Chelsea - posted on 01/24/2010
I think if she isn't being disrespectful or doing things you don't want your son exposed to wait until she asks. If she doesn't ask don't worry about it. Send her invites to special events but it isn't your responsibility to make sure she is a grandma. Give her the opportunity to be there but you by no means have to pick her up and drive her, ya know?
Crystal - posted on 01/24/2010
I've been finding it funny that when i joined this group you read that everyone is entiled to their own opinions and not experience judgement. So when reading through the comments I'm shocked to see so many people judging decisions people have made and critising them for them. We love my MIL we just don't like who and what she becomes. We would love her to see us and her grandson but unfortunately she doesn't respect our decisions or choicesor respect our boundaries. My son screams when she holds him but not when my mum holds him. That is an indication to me that some thing is wrong. He would be calm and happy then she hold him he'd scream straight away and not settle. You do what you need to do. I want my son to be happy and grow up learning respect and knowing love not judgement, critism or hearing what is wrong with his parents or that they are doing a bad job because his being bottle fed not breast. No parent should have to have everything they are doing critised. And no mother should be disrespected by their family be their own or their in laws. And that goes for their husbands as well. He should never be disrespected by either family. Your home needs to be full of love and I don't allow anyone in my home that doesn't bring love or makes me feel uncomfortable. As my home is my heart and an extension of me.
Kirsten - posted on 01/24/2010
Well I think it depends on why you don't get along with your mom in law. If you just can't see eye to eye... i wouldn't let your child stay with her unless you are there. Just to make sure that she isn't allowing anything you wouldn't. That was my problem. My daughter just turned 3 and a couple of weeks ago is when I first allowed her to be alone with my mother in law. Our situation is a little different though. Our parenting tatics are not the same.
Kristen - posted on 01/24/2010
I don't like my mother in law either. She and my father in law were so excited and they visited almost everyday while we were in the hospital. Since he is a winter baby his pediatrician said not to take him out, so we told her if they wanted to see him they had to come to our house. They have only been over here a hand full of times and since he's been born (almost a year ago now) they have only come over to see him 3 times 2 while he was itty bitty and once for his baptism party. I try to be as kind as possible. My husband takes our little boy over every once in awhile.
Sarah - posted on 01/24/2010
I feel the same way about my mother-in-law. she doesnt respect me as the parent and honestly shows no interest in my child whatsoever.
For me i have NEVER let my child be around her grandmother without me there and i will continue to not allow it until my child is old enough to ask to go see her grandma. and we only visit when my boyfriend makes us which is usually only on holidays because he doesnt have the best relationship with his mother either.
Sarah - posted on 01/24/2010
Thankfully for me I live in another state lol I was best friends with my sister in law as well as my mother in law Over the last few years they have turned their backs on me and our kids. I send my kids to my parents house in CA for the summer every year and they (inlaws) want to see my kids. I refuse just because I am out of the area. They make horrible choices and resent me for not excepting how they run their lives. I do not want my kids any where near them :(
Josephine - posted on 01/24/2010
my MIL from hell, see's her only granchild three times yr if that,keeping up appearances,easter xmas n birthday's not my choice i am disgusted she puts hoovering b4 her granchild,....
thats y i cant stand her,used to look up 2her wen i was growing up,the first thing she says wen i give birth is ''poor cow'' whilst rubbbing my bk as i throw up,yeh thnks 4those kind words!
Sandra - posted on 01/24/2010
I have lots of problems with my boyfriends parents. They became complete a-holes to me after I had my daughter. They try to turn my boyfriend against me and try to control everything. On top of that, they smoke. Constant. I used to let his mom watch her when I went to college, but then my daughter smelt like an ashtray when I would pick her up. We have been in many fights about the smoking and they think that the smoke that is on their clothes is ok, and that they dont have to wash there hands before they pick my daughter up. They should wash there hands regardless if they smoke or not. I take my daughter up to my parents on Sundays all day to visit. His parents try to screw that up by trying to set up breakfast get togethers that morning, or today they just showed up at the house right around the time I leave. So now me and my boyfriend got in an arguement and i couldnt leave when I was going to.
I really cant stand being around them, but i dont trust them around her since they smoke and wont wash their hands and fight with me about ways i do things, but i make sure i am around when they come to see my daughter. They come over, which isnt much thank god, maybe like once a week, and sometimes not even that much. I do go to both my parents and his parents houses on holidays, but dont stay at his parents for long. Maybe like 2 hours. It's really hard and i hate that they try to split me and my boyfriend up. You just need to see what works for you. Everytime that they come over to see my daughter, my boyfriend and I always get into some kind of argument. They are just terrible people so i know how you feel.
My daughter is 13 months old right now.
Do you get the "Why dont you have pants on him/her?"
or "You need to do this?" or "You need to do it this way?"
I cant stand that. Im the parent, not them and i wont take advise from someone that smoked around their own kids. If you need any more advise let me know and ill try to help you out. Im going through the same things.
Rochelle - posted on 01/24/2010
Never when my partners parents turn around and say if we had to choose between u and the baby we would choose the baby but if we hd it our way u would both die then i say get stuffed and thats exactly wat we did they havent seen our son since he was a couple of weeks old he is now 13months
Jessica - posted on 01/24/2010
Halidays... My mother in law does not like my kid because it is not from her "good kid" so she sees him probably once a year
Nikki - posted on 01/24/2010
well at the end of the day it's not our kids fault. Like the saying goes you can choose your friends not your family and sadly that's even sometimes our partners family. My daughter still goes there as much as they want her or i'm able to take her there. No matter how we feel about them the relationship between granparents and grandkids is essential.
Jaclyn - posted on 01/24/2010
omg i am so glad that others have this problem and its not jsut me.. well im not happy people arent getting along but ya anyways... i hate it but i have to suck it up bc its her grandson ya know... i just cant stand her and the way she wants to do whatyever she wants and feed my son things i dont want and she wants to take him out to the mall or something.. i go to work and come home and shes out with him i wanna go nutssssssss! shes minipulative and she doesnt come to me for anything she goes thru my fiance which pisses me off even more. i dont know why she does they things she does but i dont know how much i can handle... the worst part is we live in her home my fiance was laid off and our lease was up... but she works most of the time out of town so i feel when hse is back she is entitled to spend time with my son but idk why. it really is like the movie monster in law she actrs fine in front of people but yet she makes slick comments and puts MORE than her two cents in. i dont need to traise my chikld the way she did i dont have to feed them food a week after their born .. and i get comments bc i breastfeed and bc of everything.. blah :o( it sucks bc it takes a toll on my relationship bc im "always bitching about his mom" what to do?
Katie - posted on 01/24/2010
In response to Sandra--
I can certainly see where you're coming from, but just from being on the other side of the situation I have a completely different opinion.
The hardest thing I've ever had to do as a mother was watch my mom in law hold my son. She treated me so terribly yet loved MY son so much. It was to the point where I would have to leave the room because I'd begin crying while watching her hold him, yet barely speaking one word to me. Yeah, personality conflicts may seem minor but each and every persons scenario is different. I really feel that for my personal situation it was worse for us to see my hubbys side of the family because of the stress that it put on all of us and the frustration we displayed in the car on the way home, of course meaning the kids were hearing everything we were saying.
I have a really hard time entrusting in someone who gives me, their mother, absolutely no respect. Regardless of how much she loves me children, if she doesn't love me as well that's not a person I want my kids around. It may sound selfish, but who wants to have their children hearing bad things about their mother? What child wouldn't be stressed out seeing how uncomfortable their mom and grandma were around each other.
Luckily, things have worked out between us and we seem them on a regular basis now. But please try and remember that every person's "personality differences" may not be the same.
Laura - posted on 01/24/2010
My MIL has been a thorn in my side since I met my husband. She actually threatened to ruin our wedding because we weren't planning it "her" way! She's exceedingly manipulative... even knowing that we were going to her mothers (my daughters great-grandmother) house for christmas, she purposefully left our presents at home and REFUSED to bring them in to town, saying that if we wanted them we'd have to go to her house. She's also banned from our house for taking things without asking. And for showing up when a sitter was there and trying to get the sitter to leave.
It's not just her attitude towards us sadly, she has, despite having 4 children, no idea how to raise a child. She told me to my face that I was poisoning my daughter when I had to start formula feeding when I lost my milk. She said instead of formula I should be giving her water and juice for every bottle! She was even previously admitted that "when you have 4 children you can't pay attention to make sure they actually eat"... Her youngest was only 26lbs when she started kindergarten!!
We're lucky she lives over a half hour away. My husband screens both our cellphones and our landline for her calls and ignores them. As it is, my daughter has my mom (gamy), my moms partner (papa), my father (poppy) and my fathers fiance. She's even crawled right past my MIL to get to her "nanny"'s (the great-grandmothers)!!
The rare times they do spend time together, I'm having to repeatedly state things like "you can't give a 1-year-old nuts" (tried to feed her peanut butter cookies.. like seriously?).
Desha - posted on 01/24/2010
Sounds like a similar situation I have, except that it is my sister in law. In this case what I did was have my hubby talk to his family and tell them that if they want to see the baby, they cannot disrespect me by talking bad about me around my son. My son is 4 years old so he's repeating everything. I don't go with my son to see them, my hubby does and he goes to visit them once a month or so. But it is up to your husband to speak with them about the agreement. Hope this helps.
Brenna - posted on 01/24/2010
i get along w/ my mother in law but i dont like her negative attitude. My daughter must sense something also because she screams her head of when she see's her and cries and cries (she doesnt do this with anyone else). She only see's her about once a month or so just because they live about 30 min away and we arent usually in the area. She never calls to come over and see her or anything so i figure its ok....sometimes you just have to shield your child from negative people but still let them see them enough to know who they are since they are the grandmother....
Liz - posted on 01/24/2010
I have the exact same problem and I struggle with the amount of contact question as well so I have decided that she will see him once a month whether I like it or not and when that happens I drop him off for babysitting so I dont have to hang out there! it sucks though! I wish we could have a good relationship and we did before he was born but then she got really rude making comments about me as a mother, her son as a father, etc...
Johanna - posted on 01/24/2010
You and your mother in law may have your differences, but, what you need to remember is that is not your child's fault. As long as she doesn't down grade or disrespect you in front of your child I wouldn't really put restrictions on their visits with each other. If there is noticeable tension between the two of you during these visits you may want to set up play dates with "grandma" where she takes your children out for a bit. My mother in law is a wonderful grandma but not may favorite person in the world. We have initiated grandma time and it works quite well. Not only do my girls get to see her on a regular basis but it gets me just a bit of alone time to catch up on a little house keeping or a chapter in my current book. Hope it all works out for you.
Jenny - posted on 01/24/2010
I agree with Mandy Smith...which ever you are comfortable with and she remains respectful to you and your child.
Amanda - posted on 01/24/2010
well ask yourself this... How would you feel is your husband couldn't stand your mom and said he didn't want his child around her? There are always going to be people with differences in family. That's no reason to keep the kids away from her. Set the basic ground rules about being tolerant of each other when kids are around and then let it go. Or just let your husband deal with taking the baby to see her. But unless she is a drug addict or living in disgusting conditions or is absolutely nuts I see no reason to keep a child from their grandmother because of personality conflicts.
Marie - posted on 01/24/2010
Well my mother in law don't see each other at all lets put it this way the last time I saw her my 2yr old was 3months old and let's just say awkward. My kids don't see her because she's in then out then in and back out. She doesn't bother with us anymore so we don't bother with her. It's her lose not ours, our kids have other grandparents via blood and adoptive. I guess it depends, if your hubby still see's her then I guess she has the right. Hope you get this situation resolved.
Amanda - posted on 01/24/2010
I don't let my ex mother in law anywhere near my son anymore! after I split from my ex I rang her to tell her and explain that my son had just been diagnosed with autism and she replied 'well there is nothing I can do about that', that was the last time we spoke, and that was over 8 months ago, she didn't call for her grandson's birthday, christmas or when he had surgery and hasn't seen him once. My son was really upset asking about her for a little while, but he hasn't mentioned her in months. In my eyes she is no longer a part of his family and if I ever heard my son call her Nanna again I will tell him she is Ann, but I refuse to let her get the title nanna, as a nanna is someone who loves, cares and is there to support a child especially when they are having such a tough year!
Sorry for the rant, I really don't like the woman!!!
Laura - posted on 01/24/2010
Well being military we dont live on the same coast.. However after a little over a year of fighting we started to get along. I let her see Mack often. You dont have to be in the same room... But I wouldn't go too far from it just in case she teaches him/her things you dont appreciate.
Amber - posted on 01/24/2010
Ohh and just by the way Sara.. I am NOT the only one who has said the actual FACT not OPINION about the grandparents RIGHTS .... the fact is they do NOT exist....
Amber - posted on 01/24/2010
January 22, 2:12 pm Amber Atkinson
(((yesterday, 6:08 pm and just and FYI... NO grandparents have THE RIGHT to see their own grandchildren unless the children are being neglected or endangered... it is a PRIVLEDGE and it should be earned..... you went thru hell for that child, you carried that child... you make the decisions.... if you dont feel comfortable then trust your mommy instinct...)))
What BS!!! Grandparents DO have the right to see their grandchildren...in fact there is a law that states so.....grandparents can take you to court if you keep their grandchildren from them. You are a very hateful person to say such a thing!!!! Just remember that what goes around comes around and one day you might be kept from seeing your own flesh and blood. Grow up!
obviously you havent done your research... but that law is in place only IF the mother is seen as "unfit" after either a divorce or a death of a husband.... and no im not hateful but i dont think anyone should feel threaten by your comment that a grandparent has the RIGHT to take you to court bc you dont agree with their lifestyle bc that is NOT LEGAL in any way shape or form... and i def. believe in karma...and thats exactly why my MIL doesnt get to see my children...and if i was to upset my sons wife and himself that much for them to hate me then you know what youre damn right i wouldnt deserve it but seeing as i am very open to alot of different aspects on life and plan on raising my child to be close to his family then i wont be having that trouble...
Marama - posted on 01/23/2010
My mother n law has been a nasty cow to me in the past and always made it to her advantage! There has been times when she is babysitting knowing we will be drinking and rung us up to pick the kids up at midnight! So i froze her out and showed her what a great job i can do without her..the kids dad would take them over and thats when i got a lil "me" time if you always put your kids first and be respectful things will change 7years later but hey
Sophia - posted on 01/23/2010
I use to have the same problem but thank god we get along great now. When we didn't get along I tried to remember that in my childhood I was very close with my grandma and loved her so much so I wanted the same for my kid as well. I would try to come around as much as I could tolerate but I would not stay long all the time. Try to resolve the issues if you can because it makes life easier for everyone to get along. I would say at least try to come around once a week...
Sandra - posted on 01/23/2010
you should be asking yourself why you don't like your mother in law? is it personal? or does it have something to do with how she treats your child?
she might be a monster to you... but she LOVES your child and having her a part of your kids life is important.
if she is horrible around your child i can understand, but if it is just her in general that you dont like, figure out why.
Grandparents are wonderful and children that are lucky enough to have grandparents want to be a part of their lives become enriched with the wisdom of the older generation.
i would say once or twice a month max.
but you are the mother, and it is your decision.
Kirsten - posted on 01/23/2010
I see my in-laws all the time, however, we do not see my parents. I do not have a healthy relationship with them. Both my husband & I agree that it is not a good environment for our daughter, nor is it good for her to see how distraught it makes me to be there. The child may be her grandchild, but he/she is your child & you need to trust your gut on knowing how much your child needs to be around her.
Sabrina - posted on 01/23/2010
well you see my mother-in-law adors my daughter and is very good for her and i know when i was younger my grandma was my favorite person in the world so i let cadence see her about twice a week if i have time! but i usually make the time!
Katie - posted on 01/23/2010
I had severe issues with my mom in law from the time my hubby and I started dating until about 6 months ago (so nearly 5 years). My husband is Bosnian and I am American, so that is problem #1. I'm Christian, his family is Muslim, problem #2. Those were big enough problems to cause huge controversy between us. They almost made him choose between me or them when we were getting about to be married in 6 months, he of course, chose me. She cried, sobbed, at our wedding, and when she found out that I was pregnant 6 months after our marriage, she felt she needed to tell me our wedding was the hardest thing she ever had to go through... she was not there for more at all during my first pregnancy - during which I was hospitalized 5 times. She came to the hospital once and only because at the same time I was admitted, my husband passed out on the hospital floor by my bed and had to get some testing done. At that hospital I was trying to be very positive and talk about my unborn son's room and how it'd been decorated - and she made the comment, "What if he doesn't make it?". She wasn't there for me until I was in labor after the hospital incident - and had made it clear that it wasn't a very good idea we had a child because we were too young (and that our marriage wasn't going to last.) - but yet when my son was born she immediately fell in love with him, wanting everything to do with him and my husband and nothing to do with me. After about 3 months of her not wanting a thing to do with me, but playing perfect Grandma to my son I'd had enough. Long story short we stopped talking for a good six months. They then apologized and decided they were missing out on a LOT and it has slowly gotten better. Feelings are finally being mended and we do visit them about once every two weeks... I have to say it's a huge relief and my husband and I have so much less tension between us. He always stood up for me, and was by my side when we cut off communication - but I know how relieved he has to be that he can now see his family again, and we actually enjoy ourselves. I hope things work themselves out for you - it is so stressful and there's nothing more painful than watching someone you absolutely dispise, who gives you no respect, holding your child and loving it. We know have a daughter and I have no weight on my shoulders about having her hold her. In fact they're babysitting for us tomorrow. Hang in there, know that your family is most important and you will be fine. Make sure hubby is on your side:)
Bridgette - posted on 01/23/2010
HUBBY needs to stick up for you. He should have cut the strings when he married you. He has to decide whats most important to him. You and the kids or his mom. not that mom isn't important just not most important. but he should protect you and tell her u r his wife and he won't stand for any negative comments to be made by you.
Bridgette - posted on 01/23/2010
I think this is sound advice
Bridgette - posted on 01/23/2010
I had to set unfortunately specific rules on her. and now I don't even talk to her unless its in a social situation. My kids aren't allowed to go to her house because she doesn't make wise decisions. and If she needs something she talks to her son (my hubby). By now he knows my points and its his mom and if he handles her she can't hate him. He usually arranges for meetings with the kids when I am not there. I don't talk bad about her around the kids they love her...she just is complicated and tends to be over much.
Rebecca - posted on 01/23/2010
I have the same problem...omg do i ever!
My MIL lives 800km away though, BUt my husband insists we pack up our life 3-4 times a year with 2 young children and drive there to see them...drives me nuts and we always leave on bad terms...over Christmas this year was by far the worst which resulted in a 6 page letter written to us from them and we will not be returning becuase of this past visit...in all honesty i'm glad we don't have to go back there but i'm sad that his parents made the decision not to see their grand kids. I told my husband if he wants to go back he can with the kids but i will not be returning there.
Lin - posted on 01/23/2010
It would depend on why you two don't get along. If its just a personality conflict, I'd be happy to let my kids see their Mommaw often.
However, in my case, it is not. She only seems to want to be around us when either she's a.) expecting a gift, or b.) wants to show off something she got for us or show us off like a d*** petting zoo. We've tried getting her to do other things with just us, even going out of our way to make it convenient for her, only for her to say that she has to clean her (almost immaculate) house or for her to say she's gonna make it, make an excuse at the last minute, and doesn't seem to care that we found out she lied about said excuse. So we no longer care if she can/can't attend things; for example, we're holding our son's birthday party on a weeknight (baby pending), even though her husband is working weeknights and she supposedly can't see well enough to drive on this side of the river (despite she always seems to manage to find her way to other places on this side 3+ hours away when she wants to). There's also the issue of her lack of common sense. Just at my baby shower last week, my son had a really smelly diaper and I even commented it was runny as my husband went to change him; she decides that she has to see him right that minute and turn him upside down! My son couldn't stay because he had to go home and get his clothes changed. She also seems to think that if she burns nice-smelling candles our concerns with our son being exposed to cigarette smoke are taken care of - so we just smell like strawberry-flavored cigs when we leave. So yeah, she doesn't get to see the kids often, since all she wants to do is have them visit out-of-town friends/family and chase them around with a camera, and it has always been supervised.
Kelli - posted on 01/23/2010
I have the same issue with my MIL and its not an easy situation. I think you need to determine if its a healthy environment for your child to be in when around or alone with this person, or any person really. In my situation my MIL is not a healthy person and I have made it very clear that she can see my children but only when me or my husband
are around to supervise it. It sucks, and yes she is grandma, but anyone can call themselves grandma, dad, mom, ect. but you have to act like it before you can BE that person, In my situation unfortuneatly grandma is not a healthy person and so i have to make a hard decision with the safety of my own kids. But if your MIL is a safe, healthy person with yours then I would way the pros and cons, you dont want your kids thinking you get along with grandma, if its just a prob between you two, your kids might resent you for that, My best advice, just look at the situation in whole, if your kids love grandma, and she is good with them, then look at the bigger picture...its just another person to love your child :) differences aside.
Kristen - posted on 01/23/2010
oh but usually it would be the mothers parents so far that i have seen with children taken from their parents usually who the child goes to
Kristen - posted on 01/23/2010
Like alot of the people who have posted i also have issues with my boyfriends mom... me and her have never really gotten along.. we gave each other a chance and both have reasons that that went to shit anyway... my son is almost seven months now (time goes by so fast) and she has seen him probably about 20 times... recently after our last big arguement after i tried to fix things she took it as an attack on her and thinks i only said what i said to rub things in her face that she doesnt have with my son... I felt that my letter was sincere but firm with what she could and could not do with my son so i could start to trust her so she could have some time with him... it came to the point where now we only see her at holidays at my boyfriends sisters house because his mom and dad both smoke in theirs... We did have a pleasant dinner for new years with her which made both me and my boyfriend believe she was going to start trying than we found out later as his bother wrote him a letter yelling at him because she told him we didnt let her see the baby on christmas and we ruined christmas for her... which was a complete lie because she was invited to come over christmas morning, she didnt and we saw her for dinner and she didnt talk to anyone because she was also mad at her daughter too because they had gotten in an arguement the week before... so right now since i do not trust to leave my son alone with her because she has been proven to be a liar, we will only be seeing her on holidays.. maybe at some point we can get along for my son but right now that just isnt happening until she decides to stop lying to everyone.. because she started the stuff too with telling everyone she never sees our son even though she had seen him the day before.. its up to you about how your situation is but if you really dont get along with her limit it to holidays until you can both come to an agreement on how things will be for your child... also it is a privilage for the grandparents to see their grandchildren not a right, my cousin has about the same issues with her MIL and has had to actually call the cops and have them remove her from their home because she was trying to take her son from her and when the cops came they told her MIL "look lady you have absolutely NO right to this child he is HER son NOT YOURS, so you need to leave now and what she does with HER SON is up to only HER and HIS FATHER" so really if anyone is scared that thier MIL will take them to court there is no way that they can unless there is proven neglect of the child in which point the child would be either be monitored closely by the state while still in the parents care or appointed to one or both sets of the grandparents..
Fiana - posted on 01/23/2010
My husbands mother (if you can call her that) is a piece of trash that you wouldn't try away, you would burn. She abandoned him on several occasions and when she would come back the family would keep giving her chances. Unfortunately the only thing she did with those chances is further mess up my husband and his brothers. As to how often she gets to see my son, never she has seen him once since he was born and he is now five. Don't feel just because she has family ties, however distant, she has a right to see your child. We moved out of the state and she is not even allowed to know what state we are in. Just make sure the father is in agreement with you because you don't want to cause fights between the two of you over this. I think you need to trust your judgement and talk with the father about how you feel.
Angel - posted on 01/23/2010
i think even tho you hate her your child still should be able to spend time with there grandparents me and my mother in law arent the best of friends but my son loves her so i let her see him often i dont think its fair to the child to just get one grandma and i dont think its fair to rob a grandma of there grandchildren .. i think you should put your problems aside so your child can there grandma
Jessica - posted on 01/23/2010
originally my daughters grandmother didnt even want me to have her, then she alienated her son into not being around until it was 1 month away from our court date and julia was already 3 months old! Now thought i allow her dad to take julia whenever he pleases (he still lives at home so she's there), and we have had no problems with this, they love julia now and thats all that matters. if they treat your child well, and make them feel loved and accepted, then grow up and put your feelings aside.
Erin - posted on 01/23/2010
My advise would be as long as she is being nice to your kiddo then she should be able to see them. Tell her if you want to see your grandchildren that you will not disrespect me in front of my child or say anything bad about me while you have them. If she crosses that line thats when you need to pull the rights. But by law Grandparents have rights to their grandchildren and if she was to really put up a fight you could get into trouble. Hope this helps, and hope it gets better!
Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2010
about a year ago or two ago before i was single, my ex and I got into a huge fight because of his mother and family in general, no one in my kids paternal side of the family has the time to even pick up the phone or send a e-mail to my kids to even see if they haves something to eat or anything so that matter but before that they would call all the time to see how things were doing. I never let anyone disrespect me, he did and went to Jail and since his family was always all over everything....i called her personally and let her know, hung up the phone and since that day (2 years ago) they've only seen their grandkids 4 times total.....my oldest daughter's b-day (because she called and begged her grandmother to come, something i didn;t knw and that cause another argument with Mr. woderful) and in 2009, we went over 2x because they wanted to see the girls (but i was there the whole time, just in case) and the first friday of 2010.....only one uncle from his side that actually sees the girls like everyother month, and the rest...well they're just not in their lives......they get all the love from my side (aunts, uncles, cousins. grandparents) so if you don't feel comfortable, and she's going to treat you like crap especially in front of your kids, son;t let her see them. It's not worth it...they always come back crawling....my paternal grandmother's been dying to see my girls, the only ones she hasn't seen, i tols her she needs to come and see them....she hasn't seen me in more than 20 years....don;t need her, never did, she disrespected my mother....my maternal grandmother (RIP) the best grandmother in the world, got every piece of love from her and like Jes LYn said before..we;re the only grandchildren that never disrespected, don't use drugs or drink alcohol and actually have a career and a life that any grandparent would feel very proud to bgag about....so if she doesn't want to set things aside for the grandkids, then F&@k her, ur kids don't need that
Jess - posted on 01/23/2010
I could post about my experience with my MIL but I think in this case talking as a child who lived through this with my mother and grandmother seems more appropriate.
My grandmother HATED my mother, and in front of us bad mouthed her, told us our dad (her son) wasn't our dad. She called me mum all sorts of names and would even ignore us if she saw us at the shops. It was horrible.
The final straw for my parents was when she didn't even turn up at christmas. She drove right passed our house to go see all of our cousins and ignored us. She didn't even bother getting us gifts.
My parents cut off all contact after that and eventaully all of his siblings were cut off too. Trouble found all of them and my parents wanted better for us than that.
2 year ago my grandmother found out she had terminal cancer.... she came crawling back begging my parents to let her back in our lives. My brother and I are grown now but we all agreed to meet with her. My parents played a huge part in taking care of her after that. Taking her to the hospital EVERYDAY until she died ! My mum even had to help her go to the toliet in her dieing days. Best revenge my mother ever had.... and where was her golden children and grandchildren ??? They couldn't be bothered to even visit her !
My grandmother apoligised everyday until she died for how she treated us. We turned out the best of all her grandchildren, the most successful, most respectful. We went to her funeral, we were polite, we paid our respects for the little time she was in our life and for the fact that without her we wouldn't have our dad..... But cutting her off was the best thing my parents ever did. It taught us that we should never accept being treated badly by anybody !!! My mums mother is the BEST grandmother ever... I never felt like I was missing out on any love because my wonderful grandmother told us all the time how much we were loved and that our other grandmother was missing out on the best grandchildren.
I say cut her off.... eventually she will come back wanting to know your children and you will teaching them how to respect themselves ! And you don't deserve to be treated badly !
Dyanna - posted on 01/22/2010
When I saw this I had to reply. I am a "nightmere" for a daughter in law, no one is proud of me, my MIL starts fights with my husband and I and has for the last 10 years of our marriage. My sister in law was murdered in 2003 and since then she is living in a dream world, only caring about that one grandchild. My children, now 12, 9 and 7 have refused to see her because of the mean and spiteful things that she has said to me. She even told her own son right in front of her grandchildren that he had to see a psychaitrist! She even tried to tell us who we could have in OUR house, around our supper table and what they could do. Apparently we have no self respect or anything. LOL at Christmas this year they came 10 hours and drove back 12 hrs later, not even leaving the presents for their granddaughters. They took them all back to the store and went on a holiday but not before listing everything they bought and the prices to try to make us feel bad. Don't make your child see their grandparents. Stop it before it gets this bad, especially if they are causing problems between you and your hubby. We cut off all contact and are loving it!
Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010
welcome to my world...we were able to put our differences aside, she didn;t bach about me and vise-versa.....my kids have seen their paternal grandparent 4 times in 2009....they don;t come to see them often or talk but i keep tha grandparent love alive....takl to the girls about them.....whatever your problems may be with her should not have affect your child;s relationship with their grandmother....i hope it helps
India - posted on 01/22/2010
Me and My MIL haven't always seen eye to eye but, I don't think the kids should be in the middle of our prombles...I have never been one to go to her so she comes to us...my husband and I used to go to her house every weekend but as time went on we stopped because of the things that went on at her house...now we only see her on holidays and maybe one or two other times a year...even though we live 20 min. from each other....I don't feel like it is my place to call her and see if she wants to see the kids she has my number as I have hers....If she dosen't call or come by well that is her lost...I always make sure to call and invite her to whatever it is the kids have going on and if she dosen't come than again it is her lost....Once my husband past I thought that she may want to be a bigger part in their lives....still things have not changed I have taken the kids to see her more than I would have if my husband were still here....yet she still has no need to put forth an affret to come to us....so if don't get along for any other reason other than the Kids...and she is willing to come and be apart of their lives...suck it up and deal....my kids will never realy know their dad's side of the family......I think that is ashame....I hope you can work at getting along for the kids...but if not ....things could always be worst