how to deal with the g friend of my daughters dad???

Felicia - posted on 04/20/2009

Ok ... after reading the other replies and listening to your initial question this is what I'm going to say here:

Leave it alone. The girls don't get along - ok fine - teach your daughter how to deal with those situations. The best thing you can do is to educate your children on the best way to handle the stressful situations at their dad's. Teach your older daughter to be aware of situations when the younger one is being singled out. Teach the younger one how to communicate. It's not that you don't care - it's that it's their dad's house and he needs to be made aware of the problems from the children and NOT from you. I can tell you from experience a thousand times over on both sides of this thing that expressing YOUR feelings/concerns/ideas/thoughts about ANYTHING that occurs at HIS house will only piss him off. It will cause him to immediately jump to the defensive as to why and how you are wrong and don't know anything. It will also cause him to talk to her about what you had the audacity to say and if your emotions/thoughts/feelings about her perspective of your daughter is right - she will only make it even harder on her. If they are being taken care of and the worst they have to endure is an emotional hardship while they are there ... leave it alone. Like I said - teach them the best way to respond and how to approach their dad with the problems but don't put yourself in the middle. Flip the script a minute and think about how you'd feel if he came to you telling you how he didn't like the way your choice of partner was talking to his daughter ... our mates are our choice and none others and unfortunately who is right for us isn't always who is best for everyone else in our lives ... it's part of life and adaptations must be made.

Jamie - posted on 04/19/2009

Quoting Vanessa:

I would talk to your ex as well express your concerns. I know that conversation can lead to an arguement, with that, practice on not ever using the word YOU instead say "I " like instead of you did this or you think that he wont think you are blaming him for anything. Rather say things like "I Feel/I'm worried/I'm concerned" ask for his input.

Sometimes the other girl thinks she should be involved in conversations like this which is NOT the case. When it comes to your children, it should be between you and your ex. It is then up to HIM to make sure she follows through with what you both had agreed would be best for your children.

Hope this helps!

I have to say I cant agree with this. I am on both sides of the street I am a bio mom and step mom, plus I work int he court system with child custody. And yes, the other woman will be involved, your not going to get a choice. She is a part of dads life and thats not likely to change and trying to act like it only involved mom and dad will actually make things worse and harder to deal with and cause more drama. I can at test to this, my step sons mom fought with me and my husband on everything, that basically I should have nothin to do with any decision with my SS or the time he spends with his dad. Once we went to court and the judge explained to BM that her and I were in a new relationship and we can either learn to work things out and be civil or just keep having issues and affecting my SS she finally got it. She knows Im not his mom, but I will treat him like my own. And BM is probably jealous that your child is getting daddys attention, or shes mad at you for the fact that your still in her mans life even though you arent techinally with him and she is feeling threatened by you and taking it out on your child, yes its dumb but thats probably the case. Just remember to be civil and talk to your ex about his gf treating your daughter like crap.

Vanessa - posted on 04/19/2009

I would talk to your ex as well express your concerns. I know that conversation can lead to an arguement, with that, practice on not ever using the word YOU instead say "I " like instead of you did this or you think that he wont think you are blaming him for anything. Rather say things like "I Feel/I'm worried/I'm concerned" ask for his input.



Sometimes the other girl thinks she should be involved in conversations like this which is NOT the case. When it comes to your children, it should be between you and your ex. It is then up to HIM to make sure she follows through with what you both had agreed would be best for your children.



Hope this helps!

Cassie - posted on 04/19/2009

Explain to your ex that you will not tolerate your child being treated the way she is being treated. Explain to your ex that your child comes first over anyone else and that if he does not do anything about the situation then you will reject him from seeing your child. This worked against my ex.