How to get my 6 year old daughter under control?

April - posted on 04/18/2011 ( 47 moms have responded )

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My daughter just turned 6 last month and for the past year she has had an uncontrolable attitude. She is always smarting off to me and her daddy. Yelling and whining everytime she doesn't get her way. It gets a bit much and my 17 month old is picking up on the things she does. I need help or I will have 3 children doing it. I feel that i have tried everything and it just isn't working for me. Help me out please.

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Stacey - posted on 07/07/2012

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I have a 6 year old son, who's behavior is horrible and very bad. We just got back from the beach and honestly i couldn't get home fast enough! It was the WORST week! He hit, screamed yelled he wanted to go home everyday, was bad didn't listen to my husband or I and when he doesnt get his way watch out!!! I am at my wits end. I have had all i can take. He is my step son, and I consider him my son, his mother has nothing to do with him and hasn't for 3 years! He calls me mommy and I call him son. But I also have a 2 year old daughter, that i never dreamed i would have my own kid. I had many many issues. My 2 year old is picking up on everything and is being very mean, rude, hitting and name calling as well. I have tried EVERYTHING!! The taking away his fav toy, computer time taken away, games taken away, reward charts, time out bench, getting a spanking. NOTHING WORKS. He yells names, says he hates us, we are jerks and mean, hits, kicks, screams and had a rough 1st grade year not listening or following directions. I understand he is a child a boy and 6 but I am seriously thinking he needs medicated!! He is out of control. My other problem is my mother n law. She watches both kids all summer while hubby and I work and she lets him get away with everything it seems and my daughter gets in trouble with everything cause my mother in law doesnt want her like him. REALLY?!?! I harp on manners, I think please and Thank you's are respectful, i think they should clean up their messes and put stuff away, she says they are just being kids and i am being to hard on him. I told my hubby either family councelling or a divorce is my next option. I am on nerve pills, and i cry all the time. I cant do this anymore....... HELP!!!!!

Jessica - posted on 07/22/2011

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I know exactly how you feel. We've recently moved into a new apartment and our 6 year old seems to think she's better than everyone else she's going to 1st grade this year. I was recently watching a show this 1st grader kept getting an answer wrong. Well my step daughter decided to be VERY RUDE and said "She's so stupid cause she's getting something that easy wrong" it struck a very wrong key with me and I told her that was very mean, and she shouldn't say things like that. Then I made her go in her room, sit in the middle of the floor (without the television) and told her not to touch anything. I made her sit there for about 25 minutes. But I know this won't work because it never does. She's use to living with her grandmother that would let her get away with EVERYTHING and that treated her like a queen! But I'm sorry I don't reward bad behavior. I don't see other kids shes around acting this way and I definitely don't expect a 6 year old to do it (especially mine)

I don't know what to do, but I'm a stay at home mother and it's got to where her attitude makes me dislike being around her. She's always mean to me, and rude to her peers! I need help!

Constance - posted on 04/29/2011

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@ April, Does she throw fits for a really long time I mean for 30 + minutes. Does it come out of nowhare like when you tell her that she can't have or do something? Does she stomp aroound like a two year old? I have an idea of what maybe is going on. She might have the beginnings of ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). I will be the first to tell if this is in fact what is wrong. I can help you get he back to that sweet little gil she was a year ago. But spanking and yelling isn't going to work it will only make it worse. You can't diectly battle with her. That is exactly what she wants and she will win. Everytime you engage the behavior she wins.
Establish very specific rules; About five or six the most important. Post them on the wall whee she can see them. Along with the consequenses for her. Then you have to establish a strict routine and stick with it. Everything has to stay the same and if it has to change ty to make it gradually. This even means not rearranging furniture. I know it seems like alot but I promise it does work it takes time but it works. If she has ODD it is in full blown stage right now, she will need the consitancy (can't spell LOL).
I can't tell you fom experience my 15 year old was diagnosed whn she was 8 and a really good friend her daughter was diagnosed at three. You won't have to medicate to get back control but if you want alittle help with calming her nerves you can get her and herbal teatment even at Walmart for about 3.00 dollars. It is called nerve tonic or calms forte normally on the bottom shelf by the children multi-vitimans. It is completely natural no side effects. It won't dope her up just help calm her down a little so she isn't as on edge.
I know it seems a little hopeless ight now butonce you get her calmed down so she isn't screaming all the kids will calm and so will you and her dad. You can send me a message anytime if you want to and will help as much as I can.

Christina - posted on 04/21/2011

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My suggestion even though I will probally get alot of dislikes from the "behavior chart and sticker people" is when she disrespects you spank her. Not abuse her but bend her over and spank her behind or get a switch and streak her legs. I have three children and I ALWAYS have people ask me in public how I get them to be so good and my answer is always the same. My parents spanked me and I spank mine. Not for everything but thats the point, a few times of you taking control of the situation and you wont have to spank anymore. My kids love me and I love them with all my heart, they are happy and healthy. I think that filling the house with stickers and treats like the kids are dogs in training is dumb. The old fashened way works :) Regardless of what you do I agree with some of the other moms... When she is as big as you and disrespectful then your screwed. I would rather go to jail for spanking my kids than for them to go to jail b/c I didnt :)

Karen - posted on 08/06/2012

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Also watch what they are seeing on TV. I've lost count of the number of my friends who have gotten rid of the Disney Channel because of what is being shown as appropriate behavior for kids. Sit down some time and watch what is being marketed to 6 y.o., it's a real eye opener! Frankly, media has a huge impact on our kids and if they see disrespect, etc., they will imitate it. Heck, take a look at Sponge Bob and actually listen to the words and tones of voices used by the characters. Kids see that and imitate it and think it's funny. Sadly, even though my child is probably going to be the most uncool kid in her school, I'd rather have her watching Flintstones, Flipper, and HGTV than what is passing for Kids' TV these days. I have to believe that it is impacting the behavior that is being accepted by society at large and reflected in some of these posts because I've seen it in too many kids to be a coincidence.

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Loranda - posted on 08/01/2012

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I live with my fiance for about 4 years now. He had a son with a previous girlfriend. Lets just say that when he was 2 that is when his behavior problems began. We both thought that it was just terrible 2's. Boy were we wrong it has gotten worse. He is going to be 6 and he is so uncontrollable. I have tried everything. Nothing works. We believe that he has ADHD but he has not been diagnosed. They say that he is to young. I am going out of my mind because he never listens. He hits his 16 month old sister and even pushs her down. Its bad because she is starting to act just like him and pick up things that he is doing. I dont know how much more I can handle. If anyone has any advice please let me know.

Holly - posted on 07/22/2011

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would all the mommy's needing help with their kids please email me at holly26@rocketmail.com tell me how old and what you have tried and what's not working I can help mom of three kids very helpfull lots of great idea's lets chat

Lucy - posted on 05/18/2011

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if u find ou plz let me know as i have the same problem with my 6 yr old son! x

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/03/2011

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@ Christina, well I don't have sensitive hands, but my 6 yr old laughs sometimes when I swat her too. That's when I start taking away things as well. She's a well behaived child too for the most part. Recently though taking away toys and privledges has worked better than a swat on the rear.
@April has anything on here worked yet.

Donna - posted on 05/03/2011

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goodness im having this problem with my daughter. shes about to be 6. Between the whining and tantrums, normally this happens at bath time or on school mornings. Last night she had me so annoyed that after i was done washing her i pulled her out of the tub and made her put her pjs on. Shortly after she calmed down.

Christina - posted on 05/01/2011

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@ Megan.. I have very sensative hands and when I spank my oldest he laughs at me. I also hit myself with the paddle on my leg till I knew exactly how hard I needed to use it on him. I still spank the younger ones with my hand. Yet again I will say it has been atleast six months since I have had to spank them at all. They are good kids.. I dont want it to seem like I have spankin time every day at six or something.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 04/29/2011

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Lock her in the basement and don't let her out til she's 30- that's what I'd like to do with my 6 year old. Kidding.
Various types of discipline work in different situations and for different children. If she starts running into the street and not listening a swat on the behind and a reminder that it hurts a lot less than being hit by a car might help.
If she starts refusing to help pick up toys or clothes, then start taking the toys away until she does listen.
Of course you should also reward and recognize positive behavior more often than negative. When your 6 year old helps out with her younger siblings I'd suggest telling her how much you appreciate her help. Tell her she's your big helper works a lot too. At least it does with my 6 year old.

Valerie - posted on 04/29/2011

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think of three positive qualities you want to grow in your daughter and begin to focus on these, like cooperation, caring and helpfulness, for instance. then watch for her doing anything that could even remotely be these things and acknowledge her: that was very helpful>>> when you put your shoes away...build on the positive...she sound like she is angry about something..perhaps not getting the attention she needs...it doesn't hurt once in a while to offer your lap, hold her and tell her you love her and all the wonderful things you see in her..she needs to see you look in her eyes and smile to know she is loved just the way she is...i wish you all the best

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 04/29/2011

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@ Christina. I do spank my 6 yr old, but with my hand not a paddle. I'm sorry but I find that a bit over the top in terms of disciplin.

Christina - posted on 04/28/2011

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Im done with fussing on here. My kids are not scared of me number one and number two...I will do what I please with my children. I carried them for 40 weeks, pushed them out of my vagina, changed them, fed them, and gave up my life to be nothing but a mom to them. I am doing what needs to be done in order to have control of my children. I have tried time out and taking things and it doesnt work and I will be damn if I have kids that no one can stand b/c they are out of control. So once again I could give two shits less if you drown your kids in stickers, spend your day putting them in time out a million times, or do nothing at all and let them embarrass you on a daily basis. My kids are taken care of and if you dont like it then thats your problem not mine. I am allowed to have my opinion and I will no matter what you whine about get my paddle and disaplin my children when they go to far. I dont spank them until they have done the same thing over and over after a nice explanation of why its wrong and a few chances. I am not a monster I would die for any one of my children. So do what feels right to you and so will I!!!!!!!!!!

Jodi - posted on 04/27/2011

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"@ Julianne, You said that spanking doesn't work right? Then why do I have three of the most amazing, sweet, kind children that by the way# I never have to spank b/c they know what will happen when they act badly."



Maybe because they are afraid of you? Personally I would rather my children behave because they believe in the positive lesson, than behave because they are worried they may be spanked.



"It is in the BIBLE to spare the rod and spoil the child."



Actually, the Bible says "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."



Firstly, modern interpretation of this Bible verse states that it means if we love our children, we will use our authority to guide them and discipline them. The rod is merely a symbol of authority, not a rod to spank - the verse is intended to be figurative, not literal. It is only your interpretation that tells you to spank, the Bible does not say to spank.



Secondly, the term "spare the rod spoil the child" was not even a term from the Bible, it was a line from a poem written in the 17th century.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 04/27/2011

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I try to hold off on the spanking unless she's being a real pill or about to hurt herself and not listening (ie: gas flames on the stove)

Rachel - posted on 04/27/2011

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I'm going through exactly the same thing and am at my tethers end, I never thought my beautifull 6 year old could reduce me to tears but she has, yet for everyone else her behaviour is spot on. To me she is like a little teenager the hands go on her hips, her head wobbles as she mouths off and she storms up stairs slamming doors. Recently at parents evening we discussed this with her teacher who was well shocked, and she said everytime she speaks to us like that simply reply "Would you talk to miss like that" or "Would Miss have to ask you this many times" and surprisingly enough she hates it and it seems to work, we also go on a count down system 10 mins till bed time, then 5 mins etc and give her warnings before dishing the punishments if she chooses to be naughty let her know what her punishment will be (something she really likes bedtime DVD, or not playing out usually works for me) then when she looses her treat explain to her that was her choice, I also still use the time out stair too but truthfully I think this is for my benefit more than hers, it's important to try keep your cool (I know sometimes easier said than done) I haven't read anyone else's responses yet but look forward to them. Were not quite there yet still have our occasional bouts but definately try the Miss thing, you may be as shocked as I was. Good Luck

Nicole - posted on 04/26/2011

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if she has this uncontroable attitude, and you dont spoil her then,and are at leasr semi strict, i hate to say this, but make sure nothing is going on during school or child care think about if anything has happened in the last year ,,,,, or maybe shes jeulose of the 17 mnth old ... maybe you could make her feel extra specail when she does something good ........

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2011

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Arange a time that you can sit down with her and talk. Just you and her. Talk about what she wants, what is bothering her, and what you can do to help her. She will talk if you have the time and patience to listen.

Holly - posted on 04/25/2011

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please email me at holly26@rocketmail.com I have some idea's u will love lets chat soon love holly

Keli - posted on 04/25/2011

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Have you ever heard of the book Have A New Kid By Friday? I started reading it recently and it brings a whole new perspective to parenting styles!

Christina - posted on 04/25/2011

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@ Julianne, You said that spanking doesn't work right? Then why do I have three of the most amazing, sweet, kind children that by the way# I never have to spank b/c they know what will happen when they act badly. I am a Free will Baptist and It is in the BIBLE to spare the rod and spoil the child. That is whats wrong with the world today!! People that have children then let them walk all over them. A mom and a dad is just that. I always found security in the fact that I walked a line of kindness b/c of my parents discipline. I got on here, saw a question and answered it. She is obviously not close minded if she asked for advice. so give yours and Ill give mine thanks. Oh and I don't know if Its against the law or not where I live to spank my child but if it is then O well. I never have left more than a slight redness that would be gone in less than fifteen min. I agree that abuse is wrong. For example: If I popped them in the mouth or grab um by the throat...then yea absolutely that is wrong with a capital W but taking a paddle #which they still do at my childs school# and giving them a lick does not seem like abuse to me. I tell my kids how proud I am anytime they do something good with a pat on the back..#not a sticker) and thats enough for them. They will grow up to be good people who respect adults, not in jail or on drugs b/c no one gave them consequences. Don't knock my method b/c you don't like it. As long as my kids flourish and grow happy and healthy I will do what I believe is right!!

Cassie - posted on 04/25/2011

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Hi these past few months my girls have been terrors disrespectful to us and rude and mean to each other Ive doing the time outs since day dot and the consequences of action the thing that is work at the moment is taking what they treasure most ie they got into my jewellery box and spread it everywhere I took there most favourite thing and they have to earn them back and get nothing new during the process.

Mandie - posted on 04/25/2011

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I had the same problem with my daughter. She is now 9 and out of controll! Start with the school ask if the have a school councler she can see weekly. Clearly she sounds like she is angry about something to treat u both this way. Next I know it sounds silly but give lots of positive attention. Children seek negitive attenytion for 1 reason. When u yell at them 99% of them time u are looking them square in the eye! Verses when u are just casulay talking them. This is serious don't take it lightly pls my little girl started the same way and was recently hospitalized due to behavoirs and its something I hope u never have to through. Also look up in web md the term odd u might find it beneficail. Good luck!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 04/25/2011

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At least I'm not the only one. My 6 year old goes through motions either she's happy and willing to help or I want to lock her in a closet!
I do know that part of it is for attention (You said you have a 17 month old and one other child who I guess is younger) Maybe if you make it a point to tell her how much you appreciate her help it will happen less often.
Sadly it's not going to go away- according to my mom it just gets worse. All kids act like absolute brats now and then. The main thing is to not give in to them.

Amanda - posted on 04/24/2011

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I am going through the same thing, my daughter is 6 and thinks she is 16 and does not have to do anything. She feels that if I ask her to do something, daddy will hear and do it for her. I have started recently making her do more if she fusses about putting away her clothes. I make her put mine away, if she still fusses, she has to put the dishes away. If she still fusses, she sits in time out and does not get computer time. She talks back to me too and I ignore her, she just wants attention and sees that she gets you frustrated. So if you can, ignore that and next time she asks you for something don't do it right away, make her ask nicely.

Valerie - posted on 04/24/2011

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Please focus more on what she is doing right and build on that every hour of the day. Thank you for your ...helpfulness in putting your shoes away, setting the table. You sure show a lot of responsibility...going to school every day, getting yourself ready for the day...I love your friendly....smile when you play with your friends, play witht the dog...the idea is focus on anything that she does right big or small and build on that...she needs to know that you see her as good...you can do this and it will begin to change things...also, i don't know if you are a hugger or holder, but i think we all need physical affection...if a moment presents itself to give her a hug, or squeeze her hand, or rock her on your lap...go for it. i still grab my daughters and rock them...and they are all adults! Your daughter has all of the gifts of character inside her: love, kndness, respect,....you have to see it and tell her to help it grow. Be patient, be sincere, look in her eyes and tell her the gifts you see in her and how you see them. They will begin to grow before your eyes!

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Often children are "crying out for one-on-one love/attention" It's very hard to give them the time they need, but well worth the effort. Often the need for discipline just drops when a person spends QUALITY time with children, talking to them, listening to them. We tend to drag them everywhere WE need/want to go, but seldom just spend relaxing time with them

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April, this sounds EXACTLY like what I am going through in my home!! My son is 4 and he talks back does not listen, has an attitude, yells all the time.. and is just mean sometimes! My 18 month old has picked up on it and started throwing temper tantrums, yells and screams, does not listen and even began hitting... He started of crying 80% of the day, it just got worse! My 4 year old step daughter pretty much never had any problems not even listening problems... But in the last 6 weeks she has began to not listen to me at all!!!

So yea the behaviors spilling over on the other kids is really hard! I have also tried everything and I am still at a loss. But she wants to act grown like she is in charge then remind her who is... Time outs, taking things away, giving her a couple extra small chores, do not buy her anything.... If you do figure something out feel free to let me know!! Good luck!!

Jessicca - posted on 04/23/2011

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when she start tell her big girl dont do that and if she keeps doing that then the next step is too take stuff away from her or put her in her room

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I agree with reward charts as well. Focusing on positive behavior makes children want to behave. Punishing for negative behavior makes children want to misbehave. To children, they behave in the manor that gets the most attention. If you pay attention to their negative behavior..it will only get worse. Dr Sears has a lot of wonderful articles on how to discipline your children http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100...

I would never suggest spanking a child because its abuse. Even a mild pat is considered abuse by law in 30 countries. Children have rights too. They deserve to be respected and not degraded by being hit.

Jodi - posted on 04/23/2011

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I am going to agree with the reward charts. I have a 6 year old daughter, very determined and opinionated young lady, but I tell you, reward charts work. She gets stars on her chart for positive behaviour, and I remove them for negative behaviour. If she earns enough stars she gets a reward. The reward changes, depending on what is coming up. I may reward her with taking her to a movie, I may reward her with taking her shopping, or I may just reward her with a new headband, or perhaps something as simple as choosing what meal we make for dinner. I have been using reward charts since she was about 3, and it really does work for her, she is motivated by getting more stars on her chart!!

Christina - posted on 04/22/2011

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I agree with you Dina! That works for me and my children. It was based on what works for me. I havent had my children ask to be spanked instead yet..lol I HATE spanking my kids let that be known. I go in the room holding my breath only to come out, shut the door, and cry. Yet it does I will admit bug me when my friends have kids that run the show. I dont care if you spank, timeout, take things away or put um in the corner but not punishing your kids and teaching them right and wrong and who is in control is like not brushing their teeth and letting them rot out. It is one of the biggest parts of being a parent. Good luck with your prob sweetheart I hope you find something that works for you :)

Dina - posted on 04/22/2011

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Just a comment on Christina's post....I agree with her on most of it (rewards and candy part my son doesn't get over rewarded for doing everydaythings he should be doing) but as for the spanking some kids this wont work for....at 6years old my son will say "can't I just get a spanking instead?"....why because a spanking is over with in 2 seconds while another form of punishment can last a day or two.....I know it varies from child to child, so I'm not totally disagreeing with her suggestion just saying it might not work with some children.

Savona - posted on 04/21/2011

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You and your partner have to be on the same page, if you say this is the punishment, make sure your hubby knows and sticks with you with the punishment. When my daughter is here, if she doesnt eat what I put in front of her (I dont purposely put stuff she doesnt like in front of her) then she doesnt get anything else. But when she goes over to Grandmas house she gets whatever. Kind of irritating when she gets back she has tantrums and stomps her feet and cries and screams but I gotta just keep putting her in time outs, and not give her dessert after supper and no dora treats. When she comes home she gets the idea now. (I know its a different situation, but still)
If you are out, and theres the both of you and she starts up, one of you should go to the car with her until she stops. If she doesnt stop, then just stay there in the car until your partner and other children come back. (I know its kind of a bummer, but this does work after awhile. My 2 1/2 year old knows if she starts screaming, were leaving till she calms down)
Time outs, no tv, no dessert, one of my friends has a 5 year old son and for his time outs, when he gets them, he has to stand with his nose to the wall holding a penny to the wall and if it fell, he had to start his time out over, which was a minute. He learned pretty fast he didnt want to let that penny fall. Unusual punishment eh?
You have to let her know shes not running the show, she doesnt decide whats happening you and your hubby do and thats that. If she wants to play hardball, shes gonna see how hard life can be if ya stick with it. =P
Goodluck and best wishes to you. If ya have any questions, message me, for some reason my circle of moms wont let me view postings AFTER I post mine. =/ stupid. Keeps showing me GIF and little squares, its annoying. Heh

Dina - posted on 04/19/2011

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I always give my son (he will be 6 in June) the chance to correct his own behaviour....if he starts to be rude, or show attitude I just say "Pardon?"...sometimes they don't even realize they are doing it, so correcting them quickly will help them realize their rude mannerism.

If he starts to completely lose his mind (throw a fit) then I just take something away and he doesn't get it back by just saying sorry, he has to behave good for a certain period of time...this works well with school age children as they start to get attached to certain objects more then others...example, if my son is really misbehaving I take away all and any form of video game (computer, & ninetendo), usually all I have to do is say I'm taking it away for the night and he straightens himself out, if he keeps being bad I tack on another day....Also everytime he asks to play with the object I took away I explain exactly why from start to finish "No you cannot play with _______ because you did/said ______ after you were warned not to. Remember?"

Michele - posted on 04/19/2011

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Practical methods are available everywhere!
Mine liked reward charts for a while, we made up our own reward chart together, so if they got 5 stars they got a new toothbrush, if they got 10 stars they got a trip to the playpark, if they got 15 stars they got a new toy, etc.
Then I had another chart for bad behaviour, if they got 5 crosses they had to sweep the floor, if they got 10 crosses they had to empty the rubbish out of the bin, if they got 15 crosses they had to wipe the skirting boards (boy, did they hate doing that!), etc.
Many parents have said to be giving kids chores is cruel or they like the idea but can't find any chores easy enough for the child to do. I think children should not be underestimated, and any effort they put into their chores should be praised, even if it is a punishment, I'm trying to boost my kids self esteem stamp them down into obeying me.
The charts started again every week!
Example chores for a six year old, perhaps sweeping the floor with a dustpan and brush, wiping doorhandles, wiping skirting boards, dusting anything within reach that isn't valuable, wiping the phone, vacuming the keyboard of the computer, cleaning a low window, cleaning the table, etc

My kids also had the option to help around the house for pocket money, like setting the table, folding towels, helping make beds, etc. We gave them money as they did it, when they were little it seemed too long to wait a week to get pocket money, so they got paid after each chore.

I just remembered at one point I paid my kids 10p per night to let me clean their teeth! lol. Mad! It worked though and I'm not sure when it stopped, guess it eventually phased out as they got old enough to clean their own teeth.

Now they are older they get money weekly, they don't get paid for caring for the animals or making meals or cleaning or tidying their rooms. They do for cleaning and gardening chores.

Do what works regardless of other peoples comments!

Michele - posted on 04/19/2011

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Hi, try to be consistent with whatever you choose to do, make sure you are right on top of any bad behaviour for at least a month or two, before you decide to switch methods. That way you'll know you've tried your best with that method. Chopping and changing methods quickly and letting things go because you may be busy or tired will not get you anywhere and can make things worse, as the child will feel lost or confused and will feel even more so like they have to be boss!
I'm not saying that any of you have done the above, but wanted to mention it just in case.
My husband and I had to put alot of hours into our kids behaviour, and miss events or trips that we really wanted to go to as well (due to the kids being badly behaved, we said we weren't taking them out, but we wouldn't have left them with some-one else as we didn't want our kids resenting us or being spoiled by the minder!) You can bet now they are on their best behaviour before and when we go out! (We all did housework! Worked a charm!)
We get compliments on our children often! The children do still have rough patches, but we accept it, just like we get rough patches in a marriage, we just put extra effort in as soon as we see the chance starting, and we hope for the best! They always come out of their bossy, demanding mood again. They are now aged 11 and 13 and in teen mode! But no-where near as bad as their piers, I think alot of families are put off putting time into disciplining kids and having a listening ear for their children to say whats really bothering them (often school) and to explain to their children why parents don't want that cheek and behaviour.
I started to homeschool mine 3 years ago, alot of their moods were about school. The schools weren't strict enough and let bullies away with everything! My children respected the teachers boundaries so ended up getting bullied as the other kids didn't give a toss about school boundaries. We did change schools 3 times to try and get a good one, to no success!
My husband has never smacked my children, and I have only a couple of times out of reflex in an emergency situation, once my daughter was throwing a tantrum on a road and she went all floppy everytime I tried to lift her to move her, so the smack shocked her out of the tantrum which gave me time to lift her off the road. I can't remember with my son, though I'm sure he needed one too at some point! (He was prone to trying out dangerous stunts) My family generally have a no smacking policy, but in emergencies I have used it only a couple of times and I do regret it. I have not had to smack either of them since they were able to communicate their feelings to me as we were able to avoid dangerous situations then.
If I was to have another child I would teach them baby sign language to hopefully avoid any dangerous situations in the first place.
My children don't remember being smacked though, and were shocked when I told them I had done only a couple of times, they see me as a softy mum who they can say anything too (but who would never intentionally hurt them), but know the boundaries! (only reason I told them was because they were critising a mum for smacking).
Anyway a balance of soft natured listening mum and strong clear boundaries with consequences if boundaries are broken can be done. Just takes alot of time and patience!
Good luck!

Cara - posted on 04/19/2011

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i have the same problem with my son. he will be 6 in october and since he started school he thinks he is boss and its his way or no way, i have tried everything, thinking chair, naughty step, reward charts, positive praise and we seem to be going backwards. it worries me because my 9 month old is now picking up on the temper.
so your not on your feeling how you do :-) x

April - posted on 04/18/2011

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it makes me very sorry for what i put my mom through now and thanx ill get something figured out i wont deal with this

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/18/2011

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:) yeah, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. by age 10 kids have their full personalities too so you really only have a few short years to get them under control, straightened out and how you want them because once they hit teenagers it gets even harder! Yikes. could you imagine your daughter now, at 16, disrespecting you? oh i wouldn't want those problems. Seriousssssly, good luck! :D

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/18/2011

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she doesn't respect you, so I don't know what you are doing wrong but that's the problem. she doesn't fear you either if she's doing that, and that's bad. for sure all your kids are going to pick that up if you don't figure it out somehow. you should be as serious and strict as possible. whatever punishment you give, make it severe enough to get your point across and let them know you are the higher authority that they HAVE to listen to. I don't know what to specifically tell you about all of that because your overall attitude, behavior and caring of them has to change. so maybe read a bunch of articles online about becoming an authoritative parent and get some ideas? some won't sound plausable, some won't make sense.. but you should find something that will help! it may take some time but if that is what you really want, you can acheive it :)

know this, my parents had total control over me from a very young age. my first full sentence was "Where do your feet go?" and I would say "On the floor" my parents never had to hit me either, unless it was something VERY dangerous I was doing. good luck :)

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