How will I ever be able to explain to my daughter why her father didn't want her?

[deleted account] ( 105 moms have responded )

My daughter is 3 months old now and I haven't heard from her father in about 5 months. The last time we spoke he said nothing more than I want to give up rights. When she gets older, I know she will ask questions about her father. How can I ever tell her that he didn't want her or even want to know her?

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Amanda - posted on 06/20/2010

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You don't really want to tell her that he didn't want her, try something along the lines of he couldn't take care of her. When she's old enough to understand tell her that he wasn't ready to be a dad and that he knew she would be okay because she has a mommy who loves her enough for both a mom and a dad. NEVER TELL A CHILD THAT THEIR PARENT DIDN'T WANT THEM.

Soleil - posted on 06/20/2010

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my biological father abandoned me, and to be honest, nothing my mom ever told me made it better until I grew up and realized it made my life better. Now if I were to talk to him, I would honestly thank him for stepping out of the way and letting my amazing dad (he legally adopted me) take over. Blood does not make family, love does. Just do the best you can to give her all the love she can, because there are going to be many years she is angry about this, and guess who she's going to take it out on... you. Stay strong, and have faith that one day she will be okay with everything. I know that doesn't help much right now, but it will. good luck!

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2010

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My situation is not quite the same but it still hurts just as much.



there is nothing more hurtful then knowing your parents did not want you. Even though i had both of my parents when they divorced my mom left and would never come around to get me as i had to stay with my father as part of the divorce. i had to stay as my sister got to go with my mom. then i didn't realize my mother did not come around because of my father i thought she did not want me.



at 16 i would end up in heated arguments with my father he was Abusive , mostly emotional abuse there was the rare physical occasion though. one day he told me he wished my mom had aborted me when she had the chance. and that i was unwanted and unplanned. it was a sad day, i was told the only reason i was not aborted was because of my mothers parents.



i brought this up to my grandmother and she about fell over and cried. it was something her and my grandfather had promised to take to their graves. that i would never know. it sucks because it still crosses my mind like what if i wasn't here? it took alot of time to come around and make amends with my mother it caused alot of inter turmoil.



to this day i do not have a good relationship with my father when in conversation with most people i refer to him by his first name. he seemed to turn around with the birth of my child but now he has not seen his grand child really since she was 4 weeks old and she is now 16 weeks... he treats my step mothers grand children better then his own blood one so far. but you know what its fine. she has my mother and her step grandpa and they will love her better.

the way i look at my situation is it will be the other persons fault if all of a sudden they come back and the child has no clue who they are and not want to be near them. and if they don't come back then you tell them the person that left their life has missed out because they are a wonderful child.



Because my father is the type to pop in and out i can not say that is not your grandpa. he has come over once for a few short moments and addressed him self as such to her. so as to tell her why he does not come around i have figured that i will tell her grandpa has his own family that he prefers. and she will grow up and she will see it for her self. i wont have to say bad things. children make up their own reasoning after a certain age.

Ashley - posted on 06/21/2010

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hi anna, im ashley, im 23 and my daughter is 6 1/2. she has just recently started asking me about her father. When i first had my daughter he was there for the first 3 months. then i broke up with him, and he no longer wanted anything to do with her. since then he has contacted me once, not to ask about his daughter, but about our possibility of being together again! but she recently has staryed asking why ke didnt come to her K graduation, her soccer games, or other things like that. i tell her that one day she will get the chance to talk to and ask her father herself, but for now i love her and she shouldnt worry about it. it sucks because i dont care about him but i care about how he is hurting my baby girl. stay strong for your baby, and giver her unconditional love.

Sabrina - posted on 06/20/2010

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My prayers go out to you and your little girl! She is lucky to have you as a mom! At such a young age, you are already trying to help her be ready to cope. She will definitely feel your love. My neice went through the same thing, and when she asked, my sister told her, "You're dad was very young and immature. He didn't realize what he would miss. And one day, he will regret it. I'm the lucky one, cause I don't have to share you!" Good luck!

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Angel - posted on 06/24/2010

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Well I'm sure she'll ask questions but I'd be honest with her about it instead of sugar coating it so you don't hurt her feelings when she finds out the truth later. Who knows maybe it'll be better this way.

Angela - posted on 06/24/2010

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my son is 22 months old and i haven't heard from his father since i was about 30 weeks pregnant he now calls my fiance dad and hasn't known anything other but we do plan on telling him when he is older i feel it's not our place to tell the full story but to support them if they choose to find their biological father and be there if it goes bad but allowing them to meet him with an open mind

Tiffany - posted on 06/24/2010

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Speaking from personal experience meaning i dont know my biological father, dont lie to her thats what my mom tried to do to me. it will make her resentful, and kids are really smart. wait till u feel shes old enough and comes to you and asks you. i know its hard and you want to protect her feelings, but its not your fault he's a loser. and its his loss not to know his daughter. im 25 now i found out my bilogical father died when i was about 18. it is kinda rogh but im sure with you to help her she'll work through it. hopefully that helps a little. good luck :)

Amber - posted on 06/24/2010

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never say they gave her up, it will make her feel abandoned and worthless. you just let her come to you if she ever has that question and reply to her what your heart says. when the time comes, you'll know what to do.

Kerrie - posted on 06/24/2010

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hi there
my biological father(or sperm doner) didnt want to know me or my brother from when i was 3...luckily my mum met a great man who took us both on when we were 5. as we got older the biological father did contact when he felt like it now im the one who has chosen to have nothing more to do with him..
i cant understand men who do this but its there loss big time!!! sorry prob doesnt answer what you wanted but hope it helps in some way x

Brodie - posted on 06/24/2010

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You'll figure out your own way to tell her, but the best thing to do is not worry. Don't tell her bad things about her dad and when she does ask... reassure her that it has nothing to do with her. It's not her fault and it's not your fault. Start by telling her that the man who was her father wasn't mature enough to handle fatherhood. It's a hard path to take.. but she will grow up loving you and know she has a solid family to stand behind her. whether daddy is there or not. best thing is to keep on telling her that there was nothing she could have done to change the outlook. good luck!!!

Breanne - posted on 06/24/2010

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I don't know if this will help....But my husband passed away this January and I have been thinking of what to say to the two youngest when they get old enough to ask. It's hard to try and figure out what to say. But the one thing I can tell you from experience (my oldest has never met his bio dad) is to tell the truth. They may be upset at first, but it's better than being a liar. My son and I have a great relationship. Kids will start asking the questions around the age of 4-5, so what ever you do, don't lie, and tell her age appropriate explanations. I promise you will be proud of your self later. Just don't bad mouth the other parent. Believe me when i say it is very hard not too. I hope this helps.

Becky - posted on 06/24/2010

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My husband does not know who his father is, and i his mother isn't even sure who he is! He grew up knowing that he was a) loved b( would be supposted if he wanted to trace his father (long story but more than one option).

I think all you can do is be honest, and you can do that with out 'bad mouthing' your daughters father (even if the bad words are correct(.

You see i have a friend whose father disappeared 15 mins after she was born, he just walked out of the hospital and left, never collected his things or contacted my friends mother.

My friends mother was (and had every right to be) very angry and was full of hate for a long time towards him. When ever my friend asked about him she was given every negative thing he had ever done and her mother used every bad name you can think of.

Finally when my friend was getting married at 24 she decided to ask her mum to help trace her father. Well her mother hit the roof, a huge family arguement happened and for months they did not talk. It lead my friend to trace her own father make contact with him. Lets just say his side of the story was a little different and left my friend in a state of confusion and hurt.

In the end my friend decided she wanted a relationship with both parents and had to slowly build trust in both of them. It turned out that not only had her mother been having an affair behind her fathers back (so he was not sure it was his child) the other man involved had attacked my friends mother whilst he was at hospital supporting his wife through child birth. Also it turned out her mother was not so innocent and had done things to avoid him making contact later in her life.

Now i am sure that is a million miles away from your situation, but i would suggest and open discussion which should be age related.

Make sure that your daughter knows that everyone in her life loves her, tell her who her father is, how you met. But i would suggest you don't tell her that he wants nothing to do with her, i would suggest you say taht you do not know for sure why he is not in her life and that you will support her if she ever wanted to contact him. It is his choice not to be in her life he should be the one to explain. I'm affriad all you can do (and of course this is only my opinion) is to be there to support her if and when she does contact him.

It must be very hard for you, and i am sorry you are in this position when it is his choice to walk away.
Becky x

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2010

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Me and my sons father split years ago and I got him to writh my son a letter explaing that he will always be around even when there miles apart........I think all you can do is writhe your daughter a letter for her to read when shes old enougth to understand, include what dady was like (good hopefully) and that she is well loved and yes you dont see eye to eye, but your the only parent she has now and that until a man is willing to step up to the responsibility. Good luck.

Keisha - posted on 06/24/2010

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Hello Anna,
My daughter is 9yrs old and I do not tell her anything about her father she has only seen him a couple times since I have had her. In my opinion it is best to not say anything disrespect about the other parent to the child. When she asks questions just let her know she was conceived in love, but your father decided to chose a different path in life.

Mindi - posted on 06/24/2010

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I know the feeling that you are going through. All though my situation is a ton different. My oldest son's (who is now 5) biological father was killed in a car accident when he was 11 months old. But before that there was an incident and I won't go into detail but it was a major situation with something he had done to hurt my child. So needless to say my son hadn't seen him since around 8 months old. I bet my husband and the father of my other children around the time he was 14 months old. He carries my maiden name and keeps asking why he doesn't have the same last name. I know that deep down he needs to know the truth of the matter but I don't think he is old enough to understand to the fullest extent that his biological father was not only a piece of crap but no longer is with us. This makes it really hard on me because everyday I look at my child I feel regret and hurt for him that he will never get to know the sperm donor who didn't pay much attention to him anyways. But you know you must do what is right for your child you daughter's father is still alive and you need to make it clear that he may love her just not the way you love her and when she is older she can try and contact him. She isnt the one getting hurt he is. You will provide a great life for your child every women alwyas does what it best for their child. Good luck!

Brittany - posted on 06/24/2010

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I know how it feels...my daughters father took off right before her first birthday and she is now 4 and has tons of questions that I don't know how to answer. I guess the right thing to do is to tell her the truth and don't lie because you don't want her to be upset with you if the lie goes wrong....just tell her that he wasn't able to be a good dad and decided the best thing for him to do was to let you find someone who would be a good dad!

Stacy - posted on 06/24/2010

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god does everything for a reason mabye this person will not be the best for ur child to be around my exhusban and i split up while we had a five year old and five month old. we quit talking he has nothing to do with the boys and im fine with it i now have now a wounderful man who has stepped in and taken on my boys as his own and my boys love him to death! last month he asked me to marry him! god does everything for a reason and he will bring in what and who u need! i know its hard but use ur friends and family for support and trust in god all will work out. when she ask just let her know that its not her fault that u love her enough to be momma and daddy and that there are plenty of ppl that love her

Amanda - posted on 06/24/2010

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I wouldn't tel her until she is goo and ready to know about the truth. Your daughter needs you more then ever and right now don't worry about her father. She is too little to understand what is going on right now. Just love your baby and when the time feels right (when she is older that is) then you can tell her what has happened. I'm praying for you.

Lori - posted on 06/24/2010

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You definitely don't ever want to lie to your child, but at the same time you don't have to tell her, her father didn't want her. You can explain to her how much you love her and that you will always be there for her. Then explain to her that sometimes mommy's or daddy's are scared to be a mommy or daddy and instead of risking messing up they choose to leave. Hopefully you will have someone in your life who has sort of filled that void and it will be up to your child as she gets older whether or not to confront her father.

Rachel - posted on 06/24/2010

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everything happens for a reason... You were with her father for a reason.. to have her.. and you got her.. and she is what makes you such a wonderful peron. Family doenst always have to mean daddy. good luck! we are rather on the oppisite side of the story... my fiance has a daughter that he didnt find out about until she was 1 1/2.. and the mother wants nothing but a pay check.. we send gifts cards everything never lets us visit or anything . we never get emails calls or anything for a thank you. we dont even know if she says its from her or from us. ... so we are really hoping when she's older that she asks why she doesnt have a dad... good luck!!!

Samantha - posted on 06/24/2010

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You dont. You explain to her that life is about choices and sometimes people make choices that affect others for a lifetime. You hold her tight and tell her you love her and that you will never leave. Depending how old she is when you do have that conversation, you grap a tube of ice cream, you cry and share memories and help her deal. Thenif she chooses to reach out to him, you allow it and then be there to pick up the pieces. She will relize that you love her and that she does not need him to complete her life. Good luck and God Bless.

Carla - posted on 06/24/2010

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It will be very hard but unfortunaly it will have to be done, but don't do it till she is older and can fully understand what you are saying, then only she can make up her own mind weather she wants to know him or not, you have years ahead of you before this happens, so i would relax and spend as much time watching your baby grow up instead of worrying what will come in years to come! Xx

Crystal - posted on 06/24/2010

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my daddy met and married my mom she had 3 daughters they were 5, 3, 2 then they had me and my brother my daddy raised them as his own they will tell u he is their father not the other ones it takes a real man to be a father my mom told them when they were old enough to understand u will find away to tell the child

Laura - posted on 06/23/2010

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You just sit her down and tell her that it is his loss. Any guy can have a baby but it takes a real man to become a father. Someday you will find someone who will love you and her like she is his own. That will be her father. It might not happen today or tommorow, but it will and then she will have a father. As for her "donor" it is his loss and he is not a real man if he just gives up rights like that and doesn't even care.

[deleted account]

Tell her the truth when she is old enough to understand it. That is all you can do. When you tell her let her make up her mind if she wants to meet him or have anything to do with him.

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2010

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i was raised by a single mother after she left my abusive father. my father claims to this day that i am not his child (i am, there's proof). you cannot make up for the lack of a father but you can love your child with all your heart. there may be some difficult questions later on in life but when your daughter grows up she will appreciate how much you loved her to have raised by yourself and she will understand that she and you are better off without a man who obviously didnt deserve to be in either of your lives.

[deleted account]

Well hi there im in almost the same situation with the difference that in my case my son's(who now is 22 month) father left me on the street when i was 4 month pregnant, and i had a boyfriend latter who now is on my son's Birth certificate, a few month ago i had problems with this boyfriend and i try to get hold of the biological father, he decided that he wanted a DNA test and then he wanted to take responsibilities as a father, said and done, we toke the test and of course 99.99 % he was the dad, i was been called names at the moment for his girlfriend who demanded me to stay away me and the baby from him, a month latter i called him to talk to the baby, and next day he disappear on me leaving me wth no clue of him or his location or number, nothing, now i have my lil one asking every day to call dadda on the phone and it brakes my hearth....... and like you i dnt now what to tell him when he start asking one day about dad. i will have to make a story, dnt matter but for sure will never tell he ddnt love him or wanted to c him, i would not be able to make my son suffer wth that is not worth it, for now and always i will give him all my love and show him that to me he is the world im momm and dadd

Lauren - posted on 06/23/2010

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just never lie to her about it. i was your child still am my dad has never had anything to dowith me just make sure she knows u love her and that is all that matters and if later on u remarry u might see if he will adopt her

Tina - posted on 06/23/2010

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my biological father abondoned all five of us kids. i was eight when he left....i blamed myself for many years...my mom and stepdad kept telling me it was not my fault that he is the one who chose to be nothing but a sperm donor. none of what they said helped me i blamed myself and would not let any man love me because if my own dad dont love me then why should anyone else. well i got in contact with my father at eighteen and realized they were right. i wish i oculd have saved my sister and oldest brother from the same hurt. but like me they dont listen to anyone. my sister recently turned 18 and found out for herself and my brother is 17 and still saying he wants to talk to him. the second boy is 15 he was three when our father left so he dont remember him. he has some developmental dissabilities and when he sees a pic of him says i hate him but cant tell us why he hates him. my youngest brother is eleven. my mom wa four months prego when our father left. he was 5 when they told him about our father and my brother says i will always respect my father for one thing only he brought me and my brothers and sisters into this world but my daddy is the one who has taken care of me taught me everything i want and need to know and is there to tuck me in at night.
with that said my advice would be to explain to her that her father chose not to be a father but that you (and anyone you may be with at the time) love her very much. be patient with her because she is going to go through many things. denial, anger, sadness, blaming self. she may even blame you. remember yourself that these things are normal and that she doesnt really hate you (no matter how many times she tells you she does.) then again she may not go through these things. my youngest brother never has. when i talk bad about my father he says that he cannot fairly judge him because he has never met him but at the same time never wants to meet him.
when i got prego i told the father if you are going to walk do it now otherwise you will be this babys dad forever. that does not mean that we have to be together forever but you will always be with her

Jacqui - posted on 06/23/2010

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i know how you feel the father of my daughter didnt even care when i said i was preg with his child. i know its gonna be hard for me to tell her but its got to be up to them to ask about it. i have a partner now and he has taken on the roll of dad so it makes it a bit easier as my daughter will only know my partner as dad and my not ask about her dad and if she does i will jut tell her wat happened its really the only way to tell them the truth

Dana - posted on 06/23/2010

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Im so sorry her father said that. My father didnt want to be in my life. I always wanted him in my life so bad. When I was a kid I'd ask my mom for him all the time. And he was only worried about paying child support. He didnt want to. Even when we dropped child support he wouldnt see me. I had a hard time with this. How can a father not want his child, ya know? Two months before I was going to see him he passed away. It was tragic and very painful. And I have issues to this day about this. but my mom did everything to protect me and she was there no matter what. And I love her for doing that. You tell her that no matter what you'll be there. Just be a good mother to her and always protect her and she will be grateful that you did all you could done.

Ashley - posted on 06/23/2010

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first off, ur better off without him. my son is now 5. he has never seen his dad, and never will. and im happy to say we are doing just fine without him. someday u will find a man who loves the both of you, just like i have. its better for him to be completley out of the picture then only around sometimes.

Lynne - posted on 06/23/2010

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I wouldn't really worry about it until the time comes. I am adopted knew my biological mother but did not know my dad. I was told it could have been one of two people. I met my dad when I was 18. Needless to say just because you have a baby with someone does not mean the other person is a parent. When you meet the person whom you will spend the rest of your life with then your little girl will have a father. When the timing is right the words will flow from your lips to explain the situation. Best of luck hun

Jessica - posted on 06/23/2010

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Well although it's going to be tough for you to do, you need to be honest with your daughter. Honesty will go a long way with her and help her to understand and at first she might blame you but in the end all you can do is be honest to her and as gentle as you can be. Little girls need their father's and it's tough when that isn't able to be given to them. I have a neice who is 5 and her father hasn't had anything to do with her since before she was born and it's hard because now he wants to see her but her mother doesn't want to introduce them if he's not going to stick around. So in the end just be kind, gentle, and honest and your daughter one day will thank you for the honesty you gave her.

Danielle - posted on 06/23/2010

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If you make sure she's loved and taken care of, when the time comes, it will be easier for her to learn that her dad isn't there. I wouldn't say he didn't want her, My sister's dad was a deadbead dad (my stepdad) and he disappeared when she was about 2. When my mom finally told her that he left, she wasn't thrilled but she also wasn't devastated because she didn't remember him anyway. She just knew that she had people who loved and cared about her, and she didn't need him to be happy growing up.

Destiny - posted on 06/23/2010

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I was in the same situation with my sons father. My sons father hasn't seen his son since he was 5 months old and he's about to be 2 in july. I use to sit and wonder what I myself would say to my son. I was real fortunate that my husband was there since before my son was born and has been his daddy ever since. I always say anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy. I wouldn't tell your daughter that her father didn't want her I would just say he helped make a miracle. Theres no easy way of telling a child that their biological father is not gonna be there. I am sure you meet someone that can be a great father to her. He'll regret it one day and have to face what has done and maybe one day have to face your daughter... I wish you the best sweetheart keep ur head up... Just be blessed he gave u something special regardless if hes in her life or not u still have her in urs...

Hollie - posted on 06/23/2010

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I agree with the others, you definitely should not let her feel unwanted. I know it is hard to not show her the resentment you feel for her father. If you let her know that when she was born he was not in a good place in his life she may ask what about now and want to contact him. I feel that it would be best to just tell her the good things you remember about him and tell her that he just is not capable of being in the picture at this time. When she is older she will come to her own conclusions about him and she will be the one to "dump" him. Just keep being a wonderful mother and the rock in her life and that is what she will always remember. Good luck. I know this is not an easy situation but if he doesnt want to be there it is better that he is not.

Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

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This is a bad situation & unfortunately a common one. I would focus on how you love her and want her and always have. Explain to her, in age appropriate language, that her biological father wasnt in the position to be a "Dad" and that it wasn't about her at all, it was about him and where he was at in his life. Makes sure you dont make it about him not wanting her specifically. Good luck. I hope this helped.

Anna - posted on 06/23/2010

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It's hard to tell a child that even why they are older, I wouldn't explain it in a way that makes it seem like she was unwanted because that would do more damage then good.
I have been through the same thing, when I was 4 months pregnant my boyfriend left me to go back to his ex-wife the one he claimed to hate so much. After I moved out of the apartment I found out that he was claiming she wasn't his because she was too big on the ultra sound. For awhile I sent him pictures and kept him updated on her even knowing what he said, but now after almost five years of no contact with him. I have resolved to write a detailed letter to give to my daughter on her 16th birthday, explaining the situation, and giving her all of her dad's information if she ever wants to find him.

Kristy - posted on 06/23/2010

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Just be thankful he made his decision before she was old enough to realize. My daughter was 2 before he realized that he didnt want her anymore. She remembers him and still asks for him from time to time. But now she has a fantastic daddy in her life. My finacee has taken over that role for her and she could not be happier. I dont try to explain anything to her, she is 5 now. When she is older and asks then i will try to explain if she wants to know.

Cynthia - posted on 06/23/2010

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i dont think you should tell her that she was not wanted by her father i think when the time comes you should sit her down and tell her that her fanther did not know what he was and is missing out on kids understand things if you explain thing right!!! or with profesonal help by your side!!!

Sharon - posted on 06/23/2010

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tell her the truth in kids terms! Telling stories just now will only come back and bite you on the bum later. Dont make a big deal if it (although it is a big deal), just speak matter of factly with her. Try not to dwell on it, im sure your doing a great job on your own anyway

Tamara - posted on 06/23/2010

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My suggestion is never to paint him in a bad light, allow her to come to that conclusion on her own. The simple explanation is that he wasn't ready mentally or psychologically for a kid and left. If she seeks him out on her own she may learn the same or different. Allow her to learn on her own when she's old enough.

Sarah - posted on 06/23/2010

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You don't you smile and have your chin up and explain that life isn't easy and people have all different reasons for doing what they do and when she is big enough she will find out why her father chose that path for her and him.. Don't put him down just wait and give her choices. My son is ten and asked about his father and i have done just that. and told him what he wanted to know... but you have to remember that he is apart of her and it reflect back to her when she is growing up... plus i am nine months pregnant and in the same situation as i was ten years ago and it sucks but we have to smile and chin up!!!!!! hope it helped!!!!!!!

Aimee - posted on 06/23/2010

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i have that problem my son is 3 and his dad dont want to know him he hasent seen him since he was 9 months old so my new partner is his dad and 1 day i will have to tell him but when u do tell her its upto her if she wants 2 see him but if this other man has bought her up like my son then she might say that i dont want to know my real dad . this is my real dad as hes bought me up and been there 4 me.

Crystal - posted on 06/22/2010

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dont take this the wrong way but f!@# him..We are strong and they (deadbeat dads) dont deserve our angels

Malia - posted on 06/22/2010

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GiRL DN'T WORRY ABOUT iT..WHEN SHE BECOME'S OLD OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND EXPLAiN iT TO HER..AND DN'T HOLD BACK.i SPEAK 4RM PERSONAL EXPERiENCE..i'VE BEEN DOiNG iT FOR 2 yEARS By MySELF.."WHATEVER DN'T BREAK yOU ONLy MAKE'S U A STRONGER WOMAN AS WELL AS MOTHER...AND BEiNG A MOTHER iS THE BiGGEST BLESSiNG..HANDS DWN. EVEN iF THE FATHER iSN'T PLAyiNG A ACTiVE ROLE iN yOUR CHiLD's LiFE..JUS' THiNK ABOUT iT.. "MAyBE iT'S BEST THiS WAY" SERiOUSLy CUSS' @ THE END OF THE DAy; ATLEAST HE's NOT AROUND BRiNGiNG yOU DWN AND SUPER NEGiTiVE TOWARDs THE BBy..JUS' TRy TO BE AS POSiTiVE AS POSSiBLE.. KEEP yOUR HEAD UPP & TAKE CARE!..

Julie - posted on 06/22/2010

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I am in a simalar situation... My daughter is now 8 months old and her dad has seen her twice since she has been in the world..... I have been with my current boyfriend since before she was born and he is known as her dad... My daughters biological father said he wanted to be in her life and when he had the chance and not taken it... so i have just accepted the fact that he isn't going to be in her life and that my boyfriend is her dad... I have decided that when she gets older and wants to know why her biological father isn't there then i will simply tell her the truth and hope for the best... So if anything she is always going to have her mommy that loves her with everything that i have in me...

Kristin - posted on 06/22/2010

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I think the best way to tell her is that its not her fault her father was not ready to have children and its not that he didnt want her it has to do with him and not her i think as long as your there for her she will have a great life and when and if one day she would like to meet him then he will have to explain to her why he didnt want to be her father as mothers we worry about things like that but she will grow up knowing at least you loved her

Tawanda - posted on 06/22/2010

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U JUST DO. THERE IS NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULD HIDE THE TRUTH FROM HER. LET HER KNOW THAT U LOVE HER AND SHE HAS FAMILY THAT WANTED HER AND TRULY CARES FOR HER. AND LET HIM KNOW THAT HE NEEDS TO RIGHT A LETTER BEFORE HE SIGN OVER HIS RIGHT TO HER EXPLAINING HOW AND WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID AND WHY HE NEVER WANTED HER. THAT WAY WHEN SHE GET OLDER YOU WILL HAVE PROOF OF WHAT U R SAYING TO HER

Crystal - posted on 06/22/2010

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I was told that for 21 years that my mom didn't want me, I finally contacted her and found she was exactly what everyone said but honestly giving me the information to find her gave me closure....I would tell ur daughter that she would have to ask him why he didn't want her and give her his information. Just be there if things ever go wrong....because that will make the bond between u two stronger....

Crystal - posted on 06/22/2010

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I am the same way....I am curious...to know what if someone tells my son that his dad didn't want him even though my husband has adopted him whole heartedly....from his other relationships he has 3 others but didn't want mine due to being a father to a 4th at the age of 26?! I understand ur fears and I wonder the same thing.....how can u look ur child knowing they look like someone else and tell them their dad doesn't want them and why he doesn't.....its horrible....

Karley - posted on 06/22/2010

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I had a similar problem, but mine was my daughters dads wife didnt want him near me so kept him away from my girl. I just had a photo album of him and his family that was just hers ,shes 10 now and he left his wife and is back on the scene here and my daughter couldn't be happier, she was a bit scared at first but now theyre pretty close. Just tell your baby the truth when she wants to know. If you have photos make her an album .Telling her the truth is the best thing to do but I wouldnt tell her he just didnt want her because that would hurt her. You never know later on he may "wake up" and want to see her. good luck

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2010

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U MUST TELL HER IN A STRAIGHT UP WAY..BUT NOT MEAN OBVIOUSLY ...BUT TAKE IT AS A CHANCE TO TEACH HER A LESSON ABOUT HOW U PICK A REAL MAN...DNT SAY OH HE JUST DONT WANT YOU ..DONT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU OR HIM IT CAN BE GOOD TO LEARN THE IRRESPONSIBILTIES OF PEOPLE...JUST BE MORE CAREFULL WITH ANY POTENTIAL MAN IN THE FUTURE...& DNT INVITE ANY OL MAN IN HER LIFE=D STAY [OSITIVE & DO YOUR BEST U DONT NEED ANYONE...MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIVORCED AT THREE AND WELL HE IS CRAPPY...BUT I AM FINE...IT IS JUST MORE REASON TO STRIVE FOR BETTER!!!=) HOPE THAT HELPS

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