How would you respond if your husband decided to take a vacation without you and the kids?

Rosie - posted on 01/09/2011 ( 99 moms have responded )

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We have a three month old and a three year old, and i truly do not know how i'm going to manage this alone.

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Serena - posted on 01/12/2011

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I would be sooo suspicious of this situation!!! First off I'd call his mom and check to see if this is legit. Then 2nd I'd be planning a way to get away when he got back. But ONLY if it is for real. And I really don't see how any Grandmother wouldn't want to see her grandkids. If it's fear of the kiddos not travelling well, have the Grandma travel. Again, I am super suspicious about this situation! It just sounds off.

Jesica - posted on 01/09/2011

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I don't know that I would be happy about it. I mean if my husband was going on a hunting trip I'd be OK. But a vacation-vacation. Nope wouldn't happen. Vacation is supposed to be family time. To me I would almost feel like my husband needed a break from us and I'm sure it would hurt my feelings.

Sara - posted on 01/12/2011

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Has anyone suggested that instead of him going, you trade his ticket in for his mom? Fly her over to spend 2 weeks with. He can take his mom out and about your town or sight see things that are near by...day trips...she gets to see the grand kids...who knows you might be able to get a free babysitter outta the deal, and spend some quality time with the hubs one night. ??? I am definately with everyone else...my hubs would come back to an empty house ...I would definately let him know he could choose his familyless vacay or his family. Family first in my book!

Jessica - posted on 01/12/2011

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Honestly if I was in your situation I would tell him this. "Fine you can go, but the kids and I won't be here when you get back."

See my husband is a 25 year old child. If I don't say things straight forward like that, it doesn't get through to him. I hope he see's how you feel about this and realizes that he is making a bad decision. Best wishes!

Claire - posted on 01/12/2011

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Perhaps he was testing the water? Was he throwing in a suggestion to see what the response would be? In all seriousness we don't all know the full story... I'm a firm believer in speaking my mind and all I suggest is to talk to your partner .. Tell him how u feel and also ask him how he feels too.I'm sure he would have picked a better candidate that would lie for him if he did want to cheat don't u think?

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Teresa - posted on 01/12/2011

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I think you need the vacation more than he do!!! i wouldn't be ok with it. Sometimes the dads don't know how hard it is being a mom. He should watch the kids for the whole day when he returns to give you a break!!!

Clarice - posted on 01/12/2011

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on the other hand maybe he does need a vacation.let him go fill his batteries...and when he comes back he'll feel obligated to "pay you back"
so let him wish him lots of fun...reverse psichology ;)he will be so happy to come back to you and the kids afterwords...if you trust him,let him go...you will only gain from it

Sharon - posted on 01/12/2011

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My Husband is taking a vacation to back home next month for a week. Our son is over two now, and I think it's only fair that Daddy gets a break too. He is the primary bread winner in the family, has given me the opportunity to be home longer than normal with our son and has no problem with it.
As important as it is for Mommy to have a break, it's just as important for Daddy!

Julie Ann Bringas - posted on 01/12/2011

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I don't think that's a good idea because I'm sure all daddys wants to be with their family...

Emma - posted on 01/12/2011

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Is this for real!??!?! Ummmm you just said that he is going on an international flight to see his Mom then you said his Mom doesn't even know he's coming unless the purpose of his visit is a surprise birthday?!?!? Why does his Mom not know I really hope your taking the Micky cause if your not I'd call his Bluff and ring his Mom.....

Tia - posted on 01/12/2011

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I understand he needs a break, but so do u im sure. Maybe he should take a week vacation to see his mom and then spend the rest of the time with the family.
on the other hand, maybe theres a reason why he doesnt want you guys to go, like maybe shes not in good condition to see her grandkids. And im sure he would call u thats the only right thing to do, so for everyone who sais he might be goin there for other reasons, ur caller i.d will let u know ;) also the only thing u can do is respect that he wouldnt be goin somewhere u wouldnt want him to. for example just to go on a vacation, or like some women are sayin to see someone else, which would just be darn stupid on his part :)

Louise - posted on 01/12/2011

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y did he decide to go on one alone did he not even consult u i wouldn accept it i make sure i was getting a break aswel

Lady Heather - posted on 01/12/2011

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If I had a baby that young? Oh hell no. Even with my 19 month old, things are difficult when he goes out of town on business. Maybe a weekend or something? But that's now. When she was three months old, there'd have been no way. He wouldn't have even dared to ask.

And if he's going to visit his mother, he can at least take the older one. I stay at home so I have unlimited vacation. I sometimes go away to visit family without my husband. But I take the kid. That's sort of the point of the visit - family time.

Krys - posted on 01/12/2011

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I dont know what i would say..but ask him why he wouldnt want me as his wife there...and if we had kids i would wonder and i would ask questions. And what Grandmother wouldnt want to see their grandkids. My husband would never...leave me inless the army had it where i couldnt go. If i were you , i would talk to him:)

Nikkole - posted on 01/12/2011

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I would seriously call his mom and see if he is coming to visit if he said he didn't tell her i just think 2 weeks is kinda a long time MAYBE a week i mean my husband would go crazy with him mom after 4 days LMAO but i just don't understand why she wouldnt want to see her grandbabies? My husband has gone on vacation before by himself and i had no problem with it but it was to Florida to his brothers house with a friend for ONE week!

[deleted account]

Did you miss the part about how he didn't tell his mom that he's going out there for two weeks to visit her?? Did you call Grandma to see if she was ok and if there was a reason for her son to visit her alone without the rest of the family? Does she not like you and the kids?

Claire - posted on 01/12/2011

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Ha ha so many suspicious minds. Perhaps he needs a break too... If it were me I would be planning some me time when he got back(when he can have the kids)

[deleted account]

Ok, so I've just read this whole 1st page which is about 20 comments & wow! I can't believe how negative you all are. Rosie, you can manage this alone girl (after all its a temporary separation for one vacation) be strong, enjoy the time with your kids, sprawl out in a bed 2 yourself, take a shopping trip, invite girlfriends over for chic flicks!!!....love & respect your husbands wishes. The guy says he's going to visit his own mother for heavens sake. Unless there is an obvious doubt in your mind that he's lying or cheating, I don't see what's wrong with this? All these women seem to have their husbands on leashes & wear the trousers in the house. Be a loving wife & tell him you will miss him while he's away & will be happy to see him when he returns home to u.

Tina - posted on 01/12/2011

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I don't think I would be happy about it. How would he like it if you took a vacation and left him with the kids? When my husband is off, we do as much together as we possibly can.

Jessie - posted on 01/12/2011

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I would ask who he was cheating with to be going away 'alone' without you and your children. just my thought

Wendy - posted on 01/12/2011

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I would not be happy about that at all unless he was going somewhere we didn't want to go. If he is going to see his mother what is wrong with the whole family going. My child & I go visit my mother without my husband because he doesn't get along with them but that is the only reason. I would be hurt if he wanted to leave us at home for no reason. Good luck hope things go well for you.

Jessica - posted on 01/12/2011

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This sounds like what is happening with my in-laws. My father in law is going to see his mom in Europe for a week, and he's leaving his wife and kids behind (granted they're 19(with autism) and 17). But he's going to surprise his mom for her birthday and wants to spend time with her. Maybe he wants to spend time with his mom who lives somewhere far away! There's nothing wrong with that, but communication is key. I know I loved spending time with my mom, without my husband and daughter. The only problem here is the length of time and not discussing it first. Hopefully he'll know better from now on.

Lida - posted on 01/12/2011

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Is his mother aware that he is married and has two kids? Where I am from there are many students from a certain country where arranged marriages still take place and so do scenarios like this. The parents are rarely aware of their sons' relationships overseas and do not approve. I really hope this isn't the case here but know too many girls and children who have been hurt by such selfish men desperate to get a greencard.... International flight is a poor excuse. Kids do better than grownups!

Vicki - posted on 01/12/2011

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Why is he leaving his wife and children at home to go on holiday?! He is bang out of order! What about you? You are a mummy 24/7 and cannot just pack a suitcase whenever you like and say "See ya later Love, just going on holiday without you!"

I'd put my foot down now! x

Kelly - posted on 01/12/2011

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The excuse of the flight is BS.I only have one child but I fly across the country by myself!! All I can say is I would make sure he packed enough clothes to stay at his mama's!!!

Brianne - posted on 01/12/2011

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International flight is an excuse... children do fine on that all the time.

Brianne - posted on 01/12/2011

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I would respond with anger (because after almost three years of marriage we still have not taken a trip together except our honeymoon).... I would have a hard time trusting him on his vacation and thinking that he is actually going by himself personally.

Heidi - posted on 01/12/2011

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I would be very upset, I have a 4 year old and 12 year old and it is not easy if he wants to take a vacation it should be when all of you can go or maybe just you and him but not by himself you guys are a family and you should be spending time away together as either a family or a couple not as a single individual

Stephanie - posted on 01/12/2011

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I'd make him take the kids or tell him, NO!!! But I'm mean like that.

CJ - posted on 01/12/2011

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I'm not sure. It would depend on the vacation I suppose. I mean, my friend's husband went on a trip to Hawaii without her and there daughter, and if that was me, I'd be like I don't think so! I want to go to Hawaii! But then my fiance went to a four day concert without me and our daughter and I was perfecly fine with that. And me and our daughter are going to see my mom for a week, and he's not coming with us. Personally I think he'd be bored out of his mind if he did join us, and probably will enjoy the break. As for him going to see his mom without you, I don't think that should be an issue, but I would be asking him about it. It'd be a little strange that his mom isn't bugging him to bring you guys along so she v=can see her grandchildren. If I went to my mom's without our daughter I'd never hear the end of it. (His parents only live like 20 minutes from us, so they see their granddaughter all the time, where as my mom lives in another state)

Marcela - posted on 01/12/2011

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No way. He wouldn't even mention the idea of going on a vacation without us, even to see his mom, because that just isn't the way out marriage runs. I would be suspicious as to why he is going alone to visit his mom for two weeks. It doesn't make sense.

D'Etta - posted on 01/12/2011

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I understand that he may need some time away. I need some alone time myself now and then. But 2 weeks? That's a no go. If you can afford the traveling costs for all of you, I say all of you should go. But maybe you could talk to him about it... if he needs some guy time, let him go out for a night, or take the kids out for the day and let him stay home alone and enjoy the quiet. But he should offer to do the same for you now and again. A partnership takes communication and compromise. :P Good luck.

Heather - posted on 01/12/2011

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My husband goes on a boys trip every year for 5 days. I think he is entitled to do so. I don't rule his life, and he doesn't rule mine. I went away last summmer with my mother but I took my toddler because I wanted to. He would have taken time off so I could go if I asked him to. It seems to me that many people on here have trust issues...but I figurs if I am too controlling then he will be unhappy and More tempted. Let him go.plan the time with some friends to do other thingd, and when he comes back make sure he gives you a nice break.

Ashley - posted on 01/12/2011

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Fist of all..if my husband went to his mom's it would not be a vacation. However that would never happen because she would never let him come without the grandkids. I understand it can be stressful to not have him around to help I have a 3 yr old and almost 2 yr old. If you are that upset about, tell him that..an understanding husband will listen and offer some kind of compromise to help make it work.

Andrea - posted on 01/12/2011

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I've gone a a vaca alone and I have a 1yr old and a 4 yr old and just recently my husband left for 7 days. It's all about trust if you don't have that you shouldn't be together you can't assume the worst all the time bc then it'll start happening . And anyways if hes going to cheat he will do it no matter what u can't keep him on lockdown so it doesn't happen

[deleted account]

My husband had to go away for a week on business when our daughter was about the same age, I felt really intimidated by being alone. To remedy that, I enlisted the help of my Mom. Hopefully you have a good support network of family and friends who can give you a hand.

Rachelle - posted on 01/12/2011

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Im sorri but that is wrong you're a family and you should do things as a family

Dawn - posted on 01/11/2011

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If you trust him, and this is an international flight, I would say let him go, but I would adjust the time frame a little. If he gets a 2 week vacation, he better be spending a week of that with you and the kids. If he gets a vacation, you should get at least a day to yourself for handling everything while he's gone, and then several days with him at home helping out and definitely Great Wolf Lodge!!! Only fair!

Stifler's - posted on 01/11/2011

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I don't see how he is dumping her like a doormat or not living up to his responsibility here?

[deleted account]

We have been married for 33 years, very happily. Even when the kids are little, we made sure both of us had the occasional holiday without kids and partner. I think it's one of the things that has made our relationship so strong.

Shannon - posted on 01/11/2011

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I think each parent deserves a holiday I am one to side with the idea that vacation is family time or just mommy and daddy time and kids stay with gramma, HOWEVER if the hubby goes on vacation (1week max) then mommy should go on vacation as well (1 week max) so the fact he's taking 2 weeks off and not sharing any but 3 friggin daysd with you is a load of crap. AND my mom would send me home if I didn't show up with her grandbaby, so I would call his mom and verify he is in fact going there ans question why she just doesnt come out this way that way you can all spend time together AND maybe even get an evening out alone with hubby cuz grama will be there thats just IMO

Danielle - posted on 01/11/2011

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Well in my case if it were me I would sit him down and talk to him about it and if he still planned to go then I would let him know that I was gonna be taking a girls weekend to the beach or sumwhere like that to relax...there would be no more guy trips after he had to deal with the kids alone all wkend lol

Angela - posted on 01/11/2011

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I would flip a brick! I knwo men do SOMETIMES do more than the mother but 9 outta 10 the mother is the one who needs the vacation and I personally wouldnt like to go with out my fiance. Its not fair to the mother. Hunting is a different story. I know he likes it and I dont care to much for it, and its only during the day.

Stephanie - posted on 01/11/2011

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he needs to be a man and think abt his family first not dump on you and treat you like his doormat!

Jessica - posted on 01/11/2011

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My husbands had to go off for a while (he was overseas for 3 months), and he made sure to do something special with us before he left. So I think it is nice that he's taking you and your kids to Great Wolf Lodge. At the same time I would be pissed if he decided to go and visit his grandma (who lives in Europe) without consulting with me, because I'm sure his grandma would love to see her great-granddaughter! The 9+ hour flights were challenging, but totally do-able, and the time change was hard too.

Like Alexis said, just make it clear that you get to go on a vacation without him or your kids (or just without your kids). My husband has told me, short notice, that he's going on skiing trips with his friends, or hunting, and sometimes I'm bummed out, because I want to go with. He always makes sure I have time to myself after he goes out, letting me sleep in, or just have a day at home alone.

If you're comfortable with him going on vacation and going to the water park then so be it! Just don't hold a grudge against him for anything dumb, I've done that before, and it's just annoying, for me, and drives him mad.

Nikkole - posted on 01/11/2011

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i just think its odd that he wouldn't bring his kids to see his mother and 2 weeks is a while to just be visiting his mom by himself! But i wish you luck on whatever you guys decide Rosie :)

[deleted account]

What's the issue? Always good to get a break from routine. I really don't know why some women immediately suspect their partners of cheating!

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