Rosa - posted on 03/04/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
Why do I constantly feel as if I am a bad mother. Every night I put my son to sleep, I am overcome with sadness and guilt that he deserves so much better. I am going to be honest and say that there are times when I cannot stand him. He is extremely loud, vivacious and full of energy. He is very curious about EVERYTHING and is constantly asking questions about every little thing you can think of. He talks like there is no tomorrow and is very demanding and stubborn. Sometimes I wonder where he gets it all from because his father and I are quite the opposite.
All that said and done, it is all these qualities that I also LOVE about my baby. He is smart and shows empathy. He is funny and extremely gifted, musically and academically. (It is these qualities that he gets from myself and my partner) Despite this, most of the time I find myself feeling quite deflated of energy and patience to keep up with him and those feelings are replaced with annoyance, irritation and sometimes anger. I know there is nothing wrong with him but why don't I feel the feelings of "motherly love" that you always hear about. Dont get me wrong, I have taught my son right from wrong, how to spell, read and use his manners. How to treat people, how to be kind and caring and what t do if he is bullied. But there is more that he needs from me and I just dont know how to give it. I dont know where to start and the thought that he will one day grow up to resent me sends a chill down my spine.
I have my own problems that Im dealing with, which I am trying to get sorted out for his sake more than my own and I am back at university with the hope I can give him a stable future. Why do I constantly feel like I am not good enough for him and that God made the mistake of giving him the wrong mother?? Please help!!