I am having trouble giving my daughter to anybody else

Dee - posted on 12/28/2009

the Last three comments were great - Thanks so much guys for making me not feel guilty!! I only plan on having one child, and i dont like palming her off to everyone. I love having her on me and needing me, and i know that wont last long. yeah i do need my odd days of just me. but majority of the time she is with me and i love it. i guess her getting used to others will just be a little longer than everyone else.:)

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/28/2009

i was told by my midwife, obgyn, and pediatrition that in the first year you are not spoiling your baby by reacting to their cries because this is their only way to communicate their feelings and wants and needs to you. reacting doesnt mean coddling, it can mean talking from across the room or on the phone. but dont let your baby lose faith in you. you want her to have the ingrated knowledge that mom will always be there if i need her

Amy - posted on 12/28/2009

Quoting Linda:

i completely understand! everyone always tells me to let my daughter cry a bit and not pick her up..she is 4months old and i HATE to here her cry i really do so i pick her up but i just cant

THAT IS SO TRUE. YOU ARE NOT SPOILING YOUR DAUGHTER. when they are young they do not know the difference. and they do not know how to take advantage. but when they get alittle older i would not reccomend picking them up all the time.

Jessica - posted on 12/28/2009

choose the same very very few people, maybe with young children, i am at an at home mom but i do need a break once in a while and my mom babysits and she has my 2 year old daughter(she adopted her) and my brothers and that makes my baby very comfortable and that is basically all i leave her with, children dont like being away from there moms and my mom i know does everything i ask her too with the baby even when she was a few months old if i wanted things done specifcally she did it, you need one or two people you trust that will come around when your there too to get your baby used to them

Octavia - posted on 12/27/2009

I would suggest taking her around other people and giving her time to warm up to them.The people u take her around should be understanding and realize that she is going through separation anxiety and they have to be patient with her.As far as people not respecting your wishes when it comes to her,if they won't do what u want them to do,try to find someone else who will to watch her.

Renee - posted on 12/27/2009

When my son first started going to a baby sitters at 6 weeks old when I had to go back to work, I was beside myself every day leaving him. I knew darn well the baby sitter didn't stick to my schedule that I gave her for my son. Well, after about 6 weeks, I ended up getting laid off from my job and basically became a stay at home mom because there were no other jobs that were around that would be worth taking and paying for a babysitter. My son is now just shy of 20 mos old and I still hate leaving him with anyone, even family for just a few hours. He does fine after about 10 min after I leave...but I still have him screaming and crying in my head the entire time I am gone as his little face is pressed against the window watching me leave. But when I get back he is playing and happy...I RARELY have a babysitter for my son. Since I was laid off I can count on 1 hand the number of times we had a babysitter for him. I am almost always alone with my son as well. My husband works 3rd shift (12 hour shifts) and sleeps most of the day. Some days our son only sees his Daddy for 10-15 min, depending on his nap schedule.

Dee - posted on 12/27/2009

Thanks Tamika. I know what you mean. thanks for your help! started it already....

Tamika - posted on 12/26/2009

Quoting Dee:

Hi Tamika, oh i definatley think that picking up your child when they are crying for NO reason makes them spoilt. But this isnt my problem, its more when other people have her, as not alot of people are around her in the first place, only myslef and my husband. So when she does see people every now and then and they take her, she stresses and looks around for me. i know she will eventually get over this, i am more venting the situation. lol - thanks for shari

The people that are around your daughter, you trust them right? If so then let her cry, she has to learn that if mommy and daddy think its ok to sit in someones lap, then she has to deal. If you let aunt laura hold her and she crys, taking her from aunt laura tells your daughter ,A) if i dont want to sit in this person lap all i have to do is cry and mommy will come get me, and B) it also shows her that she runs u and your household. The only way she will learn its okay is if you make it okay.  

So you see the spoilt child issue is what you are dealing with. It started as seperation anxiety, but the cycle you are spining in is turning into spoiling. My oldest is 8 and he never went to daycare or had babbysitters. It was just me him and grandma, so I delt with the seperation anxiety too. If a friend came to the house and I let them hold Dezmond he would fuse and cry also. I felt bad letting him cry also but my mother told me what I am telling you. Stand across the room and say "Bella mommy is right here and your ok."  Evnetually she will get it, that mommy will come back an its ok to stay with the person mommy left me with. U have to break the cycle and the only way to do it sis by doing things differently.

Linda - posted on 12/25/2009

i completely understand! everyone always tells me to let my daughter cry a bit and not pick her up..she is 4months old and i HATE to here her cry i really do so i pick her up but i just cant

Dee - posted on 12/25/2009

Hi Tamika, oh i definatley think that picking up your child when they are crying for NO reason makes them spoilt. But this isnt my problem, its more when other people have her, as not alot of people are around her in the first place, only myslef and my husband. So when she does see people every now and then and they take her, she stresses and looks around for me. i know she will eventually get over this, i am more venting the situation. lol - thanks for sharing.

Lydia - posted on 12/25/2009

I think its difficult to let others make decisions for your child - but when you ask someone else to take care of them for a little while that is whats going to happen. You need to pick your battles and pick a couple of really important things that you need them to stick to and negotiate or let go of the rest. Just make sure that you trust them and that will give some peace of mind. The only way for her to get used to other people is to be with other people - babies pretty much learn by doing. If you/Bella are having trouble with letting go then maybe try easing into it - start with a couple of hours apart and work your way to a full day and then (if you have family or friends who are willing) maybe overnight for a special occassion.

Tamika - posted on 12/25/2009

I did not experience any of this with 8 or my 2 year old. While serpation anxiety is real for some chlildren you all are making it worst by living your life around baby instead of making baby adapt to life.



Its like mothers who tip toe around the house so they dont wake the baby. Now the baby can only sleep in dead silence, how are you supposed to cook, clean or just live. I vacummed my house when my boys were sleeping so they could have a normal sleep cycle.



There is nothing wrong with letting you child cry, you have to develop a thicker skin, cuz even at infancy if you baby sees you pick they up everytime they cry they will become cry babies. How is you child supposed to learn to comfort themselves when away from you or in someones eles arms if you just come and scoop them up everytime they cry. That is called a spoiled child and you will lose a lot of babysitters.

Maria - posted on 12/24/2009

I am with my daughter Lorelei literally 24/7
And for most of the weekdays I am by myself with her, while my sister is at school and her dad is at work.
So from 7am till 6 pm I am alone with her, and I love being with her so much but sometimes I need a break.
But I find it hard to let her go to anyone else.
I was watching a educational program on research of babies and babies do go through a stage where seperation anxiety is an issue but normally it starts at about 5 or 6 months, my daughter is only 5 weeks and wheever I'm not around or she can't see me she freaks out.
And I feel terrible so I take her from whoever is holding her or I pick er up, even though everyone says sometimes I should just let her cry, but I can't take it lightly like everyone else can because I know she's crying for me.

Amanda - posted on 12/24/2009

I have the same problem. I have a 4 month old daughter and it seems like when ever I am not in her sight unless she is with daddy she will start freaking out and dont calm down. But once she knows Im there then she is good. Me and my husband went out the other night while his sister who has a little girl herself watch her for us. When I came back she said all she did was cry while we were gone. She had finally cried herself to sleep before we got back. I feel so horriable for both my little girl and my sister in law because Jen (my sister in law) tries so hard and does everything right just Emillia ( my daughter) just doesnt want to be with anyone except mommy and daddy. I think it is because I dont ever get to leave her side because I am a stay at home mom. I'm hoping things will get better for the both of us. :)

Amanda - posted on 12/23/2009

yes, i am a mom to a 11 month old and she did the same thing for a while. when i would leave the room but not the house she would cry until i came back but if i left the house she would calm down after a couple minutes. if the people you have watching YOUR baby wont follow your requests get a different baby-sitter. i worry about that all the time when i leave my little girl. know that she will cry because you are her primary caregiver so when you leave it's a little scary.