I am Selfish for wanting another baby even tho we have debt?

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2010

i think if its what you both want then you should go for it! it will all work out! good luck!

Guinevere - posted on 08/15/2010

Reading the other posts makes me sound like the crazy one. I have a reverse situation with my husband where I'm 22 and work full time and he's 24 and stays at home. Our daughter will be 6 months old in a coulple days and he's already talking about a second. Yes, my daughter has nice clothes and toys and food and a roof over her head but I don't think it's enough. And it's definately not enough for two kids. I'm a long term planner, something neither of my parents were, so I want all of our children to be set for the future. I want a house and a better paying job so that my kids won't have to move around all the time like I did. I want to pay down our debt so we can afford to go on vacations. I've already set up life insurance, health insurance and a college fund but I believe a savings fund is also in order, for emergencies and such. Plus I wouldn't mind a couple years in between pregnancies. I'm still losing weight from the last one.

To each his own, but for me I'll wait until I'm financially ready. It's easy to get them nice clothes now but what do you say when they're in middle school, when the nice clothes really matter, and you have to tell them you can't afford them?

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2010

It isn't selfish to WANT another child when you are in debt, but it is NOT smart to actually do it. I know they are cute and sweet and cuddly, but you need to be smart for the child that you do have. Imagine how many diapers you will be buying. More food, more toys, more clothes. Just think about all of the expenses. The child that you have now is what is really important. It isn't smart bringing more children in the world, if you cannot afford it. And it IS selfish if you do so. This world is too overpopulated to have people thinking like this. Think about it, please.

Summer - posted on 08/15/2010

There is never a 100% perfect time to have a child, something will always be a "what if." I say go for it, you have one child now, you'll always be in some sort of debt, a mortgage, a car loan, student loans, etc. If you wait for that perfect debt free moment in life, how old will your little one be? 5, 10? Do you want your children to be close in age and grow up together? If you do it now you're likely to save a little money, you can reuse the crib, play pen, walker, stroller, bedding, toys and more...if you wait five years you probably won't keep as many of those items to hand down to the new baby, and you'll be more likely to want to buy the newest style, baby stuff changes a lot in five years.

GO FOR IT!!!! You'll be fine.

Charlene - posted on 08/15/2010

if you think you are ready then go for it, i have a boy who is 2 on tueday (17th) and a 8 month old girl its alot easier when they are close because they entertain each other and also your used to all the baby stuff, we are thinking about when to have another i asked my mam she has 6 and she said having you 3 oldest was easier because i was used to doing all the baby things like bottles nd getting up during the night but when she had our brother 6 years later it was like starting again and she found it hard then she had another 6 years later and found it hard again but had another a year after and said it was easy x

Melissa - posted on 08/15/2010

Only you and your husand know when the right time to have another baby is. I have two boys that are only 18 months apart. It wasn't planned that way, but it happened. my first two were 2 years apart. You know if you can afford it, if you feel you honestly can't, then I would wait. If you know that you could if you cut out unnessesary spending (eating out, etc) and are willing to do so, go for it. Don't let others make this kind of decision for you. It is strictly up to you and your husband when the time is right. It is not selfish.

Michelle - posted on 08/15/2010

i don't think its anyone else's business, if both you and your partner want another baby then go for it hunni.x

Anne - posted on 08/15/2010

i can totally relate to you since my husband and i are in a similar situation and want nothing more than to give our son a playmate but we want them close enough in age that they dont remember being without the other. but i agree with everyone else, if it is something you want to do, you shouldnt listen to other people talk negatively about how or when you expand your family. that is a decision that only you and your husband can make. i say go for it!

Autumn - posted on 08/15/2010

its not about the money its a bout love n it sounds like u all have more 2give. every thing always falls n2place go wit what u fell u never no ur 1st child or the next jus may help wit ur money issues. GO4IT

Christina - posted on 08/15/2010

no your not selfish the reason i say this with all sinserity is you obviously took the time to think it over so no your not

Good Day! - posted on 08/14/2010

Ever heard of Dave Ramsey? He changed our lives. There is a class called "Financial Peace University" Google it and find a place near you that offers it.

Anyway, he's got 8 "baby steps" for getting to financial freedom. The first is $1,000 in the bank for emergencies. The second is Debt Snowball. During the debt snowball you are not putting any money into any type of savings or retirement. You are living on a strict, no frills budget and putting everything extra towards debt.

Here's how the snowball works. Pay the minimum towards each debt and put all your extra towards the smallest debt. Once that is paid (shouldn't take long to pay the smallest), put the amount you were paying for the smallest, plus the minimum you were already putting towards the next debt. And so on.

I have a very part time at home job to help us with this. My husband has a modest salary, and since January we've paid down $10,000 of debt (that doesn't include the tax return we've put towards it as well). We were able to do this because of a strict budget, garage sales, living without (we are very well fed and clothed...I'm talking living without most WANTS), and hard work. I'm currently pregnant and our debt will be gone before the baby arrives!

I'm just saying you may be able to have both. If you sacrifice now, the debt being gone very soon could be a tangible reality.

Tiffany - posted on 08/14/2010

You are NOT selfish at all! I think almost everyone is in debt now a days...we are in debt, and we still manage to provide for our daughter just fine! You don't need all the latest clothes, hand me downs are just fine...we went crazy with our daughter and bought so much and now realize how much we could have gone without. We are going to start trying for another baby in November. You are not selfish at all, it is perfectly normal. As long as you can provide for your children, then everyone else should just shut their mouths. I say go for it and good luck! =)

ASHLEY - posted on 08/14/2010

I always pay all my bills off each year with income tax.

Stephanie - posted on 08/14/2010

No, I don't think so. My second was our suprise vacation baby. My boys are 1 yr, 1month, 1week, and 1 day apart... I couldn't be happier- I am also a stay at home mom and we rely on my husband's income; however, we recently traded in our SUV for a mini van and that has saved us $220/ mo in car pmnts and $20 on insurance- which the savings help greatly. We both have credit card debt and student loans but the only hting it takes is a little extra planning to ensure all the bills are paid and there is food on the table. Love isn't the only thing you need to live on but the love that comes from a baby is unconditional. I say if you both agree you want another baby- go for it! This is your life- no one else's!!

Beth - posted on 08/14/2010

I say if you want another baby and aren't thousands of dollars in debt (school loans are an exception) have another one! I'm 21 and so is my husband, we've been married 3 years and have an almost 3 year old and a 20 month old. We have almost $1,000 in debt to pay off right now and in December I'll have student loans but we can afford the two we have plus some. They are 13 months apart and I wouldn't trade it for anything...as for your body needing time to breath, mine was fine! lol We're waiting until our youngest is 2 1/2 or 3 to have another one...we don't depend on anyone or get assistance, he's the only one working and like everyone's said, if you waited to get everything paid off, you'd never have another one. You, as a wife and mother, know what's best for your family! Good luck!!

Kat - posted on 08/14/2010

Hi,I say go for it too,if thats what you and your husband really want then whats stopping you.I have 3 children under 10 years old and im 28 yrs old,im in debt with a few things,but always make sure my kids come first.If i waited to have kids it would just be too late.Forget what your single mates say,if they dont have kids they dont understand.Good luck with your decision x

Kelly - posted on 08/14/2010

If i had waited till i could afford a baby i would never have one! Every family is different my mum has four kids we were all either 2 or 3 years apart, we learned to share never did us any harm. My kids are 5 years apart and because of it are at times not as close as i would like although there are good points as well for example i get alot of one on one time with my youngest like my oldest had when he was younger. And get time with the older one when he does stuff thats just for him. In short every family is different. Long as you both want another baby go for it. The most important thing you can ever give your child is love!

ASHLEY - posted on 08/14/2010

If everyone waited till things were perfect to have a baby then nobody would! besides most people have some debt... don't feel guilty :) love is more improtant than your financial situation it's not like you are homeless. your decision not theirs good luck

Soleil - posted on 08/14/2010

You are not being selfish. You only have so many years to have your kids be able to grow up as friends, and you should take it. As far as I'm concerned you can never really afford kids unless you're freakin Brangelina, so go for it. You have the rest of your life to pay of your debt, not the rest of your life to have kids!

Linda - posted on 08/14/2010

If people waited till they were financially stable to have children no one would have kids.

Tonya - posted on 08/14/2010

I have 5 children all of them age 7 and under and all single pregnancy's. ONLY YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND can decide when its right for you to have another baby. I concieved my last 3 children while on birth control and although I'm highly stressed and extremely worn out I wouldn't trade any of them. My children are my life. As long as your husband is happy with you and your daughter is happy then who cares what others say? no one can truly know what you go through unless they walk in your shoes. children don't have to have the nicest things in the world or the name brand stuff all the time. Love and care is really all they need. as long as your husband is happy with the idea its all good. :)

Nicole - posted on 08/14/2010

I have two kids that are 2 years 1 month and 1 day apart. My husband works and I am a stay at home mom that will finish college this fall. I to have student loans that will have to be repaid but this is what I have learned. As long as the kids are cared for and the husband is happy and you are happy, as long as something is paid on the debts, thats all that matters. I know this because my mother in law stole my ss# and now my husband and I owe over 10,000 in debt, that is with the house we are buying, my student loans, and the 8,000 she ran up in my name. We still had our now 4 year old daughter. Things were tight every once in a while and are still that way but Family is what is most important not what everyone else says. My mother wont talk to me because I had two kids before I finished college but it does not matter My family matters and we are happy. I say do what ever makes you and your husband and daughter happy.

Nicole - posted on 08/14/2010

Debt is normal, but it doesn't make it okay. Read a Dave Ramsey book and get out of debt ASAP! I don't care what people say, debt sucks. I have my two kids close together and we never went for want either, of course we had debt when we had them. Everything was going great, but my husband lost his job and now we are back in college at square one with not a penny to our name. If we had gotten out of debt when we had the money things would be so much different now. At least make sure you have money saved, I'm not saying don't have a child, just take a serious look at your finances and figure out how to make it work for you WITHOUT debt.

Victoria - posted on 08/14/2010

I would wait about a year and in that year concentrate on paying your debts that way you will have some of it taken care of. and in that time once you get close to a year start trying for another baby. And if need be try to get a part time job..maybe that can help even more.

Jillian - posted on 08/14/2010

Im 25 and my husband is 23. We have a 20 mo. little girl and are due with our 2nd on Feb. 2. We were having the same debate. When I talked to some friends about it they all told me the same thing which is very true...."If you wait until you're financially stable to have children, you never will." More stability will come with time. I hope that helps you out. Good luck to you and your family :)

Victoria - posted on 08/14/2010

I completely understand how you feel. My husband and I are both 29 and have been married 7 years now and have two beautiful children a little girl whose 5.5 and a 2 year old boy. I am a stay at home mother as well and have been feeling very stronly for awhile now that I would like to have another child and have been facing the same critisim as you. I have also have alot of childless friends that don't understand how or why I feel the way I do , my parents have said the same things. I feel that it is a decision that only you and your husband can make as only you know whats best for your family..It's hard when you have a seemingless endless supply of negatvity..but in the end you know how you feel and you'll work through it regardless. I say if you feel that stronly then you should go ahead with your choice it sounds like you have taken everything into condsideration and you know what in store.

Karen - posted on 08/14/2010

I am far worse, I'm on welfare (I know boo!) but it was the only way for me to be able to support my family while pregnant. My son is five months old and we are struggling to make ends meet, but my husband and I agreed on one thing, Connor comes first, if we have to go hungry so that our son can have what he needs so be it. Also if we end up pregnant again, so be it. Because if we can do it once we can do it again. I am working on getting a job so I can get off state aid and work for my money, it's only going to be a short term thing til I get that job to support my family. Life is too short to be living in the what ifs. Have another baby if that's what you two want. You'll always have the love and support of your family.

Lorna - posted on 08/14/2010

Not at all if you want anothetr child and your husband does then dont listen to everyone else. Most people now a days have debt of some sort and 3-4 years to pay of yours is nothing compared to people. So go for it live for today and dont regret anything cause you never now wats around the corner

Missy - posted on 08/13/2010

I think as long as you are able to provide for the child (does not have to be the best of everything) then you have every right to have another baby! There's always going to be some type of hardship involved with having children but as long as they can be cared for, they do not need the best of everything.

Katrina - posted on 08/13/2010

Of course it is not selfish to have another child. If you are a good mum and your partner is a good dad and you know your kids will never go with out then what is so wrong with that? You shouldn't make choices about having kids based on a little bit of debt.

Sara - posted on 08/13/2010

Fun fact/Quote--- If you wait to have a child when you can afford one....you'll never have one!!!

Kelli - posted on 08/13/2010

I wouldn't worry about the debt too much, everyone has debt, it's your family, and no one else has the right to question you like that,and if someone said why do you want another one when you can't afford the one you have to me.... they'd get smacked. Just because you have student loans or credit card debt (who doesn't?) that doesn't mean you can not afford to have a child. I say go for it, a lot of your daughters stuff will be fine as hand me downs, like toys and the high chair and stuff. I have a 15 month old and I'm trying for #2, my husband and I have plenty of debt and we're working on paying it off, but that doesn't mean we are gonna put everything else on hold.

Sierra - posted on 08/13/2010

I'm sure I will be repeating what others have said, but honestly there is no perfect time to have a kid! I'm sure anyone will always be able to come up with some reason to not have one...too much debt, not enough income, when you get your career going, a bigger house..the list can go on and on. Then you will end up never having one at that rate haha. If you and your hubby are able to provide, then it's a good time!

Latrece - posted on 08/13/2010

There is nothing wrong with having another baby, but at the same time financial pressures are what cause families to break up when one is working and not the other one. My daughter is 18 months and her dad wants us to have another baby, but I am not ready to have another child so close and both of us work together in a job that I would need to quit to have another child as if involves lifting some heavy stuff. I also have a student loan that we're paying off along with rent, utilities and our own personal bills. So think about the financial strain and the pros and cons before having the next child.

Julie - posted on 08/13/2010

my children are 15 months apart and neither were "planned". I love having them close. We deffinetly do not have alot of money and are going to be in debt soon. I am going back to school, the kids to daycare and the hubby is working. So it will be tight but in the end the loans will be payed off and the budget will balance. Go for it!!!

Samantha - posted on 08/13/2010

If you still can take take care and provide for your family you should go ahead and have another baby. ALOT of families in america have debt but i would not let that stop you. Yes you do have to pay it off eventually but providing food on the table, toys, clothing, and a roof over your head is important and if you are able to do this you are able to have another child.

Shonna M - posted on 08/13/2010

who isnt in debt? you know whether you can afford another or not nevermind what others say its none of thier business

Krystal - posted on 08/13/2010

with the economy like it is, who doesnt have some debt? If you wait to have another child, the time may come when its not possible to have another one. just do what makes you happy and it may take you longer to pay off somethings but at least you have your heart and head in the right places. good luck and be happy!

Brandi - posted on 08/13/2010

It doesn't sound like you are in a bad spot at all. We had our first when I was in my last year of college and the cost of moving to a more expensive city to start my first job and then having number 2 shortly after that was pretty hard on our credit cards. The first 2 were 19 mths apart. We still had our third 21 mths later shortly after strapping on a mortgage to our credit cards & my student loans. Now, baby number four is coming next week 20 mths after number three and we have successfully paid off 2 of those stinkin credit cards and purchased and paid off most of our van. As long as you never go without food and your child never goes without necessities, no worries. I also hope you don't get scared off by the posts about waiting until your first is 2 or worse yet 4 before having more. My kids are all healthy and my body recovered just fine from each C-Section. My older two are best friends because they are close in age, and my third is almost to the age where she will be able to join in their play and understand fully what is going on. I am not saying it isn't a little bit of work to take care of a toddler when you have a newborn, but it isn't THAT bad. My husband and I work opposite shifts also, so it is rare that we are both around to share the burden (usually it is one parent to all the kids) but we both do just fine and have some pretty amazing kiddos!

Sarah - posted on 08/13/2010

theres nothing wrong with wanting another child to be honest im in same situation my partner works away mon-fri so hes on good wage to clear his debt and i stay at home with my son. we give our son best lifestyle better than we both had!! were trying for another baby things wont always be easy but children put a smile on your face if you think you can cope go for it!! :)

Laura - posted on 08/13/2010

Go for it! God will bless you. My 2nd yr anniversary is coming up too! I have an 11 month old, and can't wait to have another baby! =)

Nicole - posted on 08/13/2010

Life is too short to always have to think about money when riches come from your happiness in life. If you AND your husband want another baby, then have another baby. Things always work out..especially financially. And how much does a baby cost...really? If you breastfeed, if you can and want to, there is NO money for formula needed...diapers...what and extra $40-80 a month??? Maybe hospital bills get steep, thats our situation right now, but its all worth it in the end when you have a close tight-nit family. I say do what you truly want to do. Being that your husband wants another...there couldnt be any better support than that for you. =) Good luck..keep us posted!

Dorothy - posted on 08/13/2010

I agree with Virginia as long as you both want one I say go for it. best of luck to you.

Dorothy - posted on 08/13/2010

i think its usually the men who are the most cautious. They tend to think more with their brains and we with our hearts. I wanted kids really young, the younger i had them the better. But i kept waiting for the "right" time. Till my mother told me if you wait for the right time youre gonna wait forever. It wasnt untill i was 25 that i gave birth to the most precious thing money cant buy. I cant afford brand new toys for her every month and its tight with clothes too. But shes happy and fed and warm at night. Were having our second child March 2011 and tough its daunting I know we have a lot of support. If our finances doesnt change within the next 2 years this will be our last pregnancy so Im trying to enjoy it and not worry about what isnt paid this month and has to be paid double next month. Yes its selfish to want more kids when you cant afford to pay your bills. But if you wait till you can pay them ....how long will you wait. There will always be a reason not to have them. A new couch, a new car, a better area to live in, a promotion...then the kids? Its more selfish to want those things than wanting a child to share your love with.

Ashley - posted on 08/13/2010

Don't feel guilty, its human!!! I don't know your debt but if you think you can still continue to make payments AND take care of another baby I say go for it

Susan - posted on 08/13/2010

There will never be enough money.

I wanted children close in age. i was 20 when i got pregnant, 21 when i had my son, and am 25 years old now with only 1 child. Back when me and my husband were deciding how long to wait, he wanted a new house, a new job, and money security.
Now i have one child who is almost 4 and we're not even out of this house yest, and won't be for at least another 2 years, and my husband is still adamant about waiting.
I want another baby so bad, but we're waiting for money security that's never coming.

Life happens, there will always be bills, you'll always want a better job, a bigger house, and more stuff.

Now, my husband is using school tuition as a reason not to have another. (But there will be tuition for the next 20 years!)
I cry all the time about letting my short window of opportunity to have a second baby go.

Have another baby now before you look back on your life and regret not have that second child.

Nicole - posted on 08/13/2010

I'm in the same position, we haven't paid for my sons birth but we are trying for another (he's 2) I don't really care, people can say what they want but if they want to control the situation then they need to be in it themselves!! be happy and as long as you are taking care of yours don't listen to others!!!

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2010

go for it honey. We live in a 3 bedroom apartment and we have all kinds of things we are paying on but we are making the right sacrifices on our part eventhough we are low income to have a second child together. You aren't being selfish, I want a second baby as well so my first can have that bond with another. I want my son to have something in life besides his cousins or his friends to be close to, unfortunately him being three doesn't do much for the whole playmate thing but I would have had them closer in age if I could have. Go for it. If you and your husband feel like you can afford it, there is nothing wrong with going for more especially if you both want it :)

Rebecca - posted on 08/13/2010

I say go for it! The love of family especially your children can never be taken away and best of all it's free. Me and my husband already have a two year old and we have one on the way and I'm currently not working and we're managing on his salary and are happy. If it's what you both want I say congrats to ya and good luck.

Catie - posted on 08/13/2010

the way i see it is you need to do what u want or think is right for your family. it doesnt matter what everyone else thinks. i am on my third and i know we cant really afford it, however things happen. but if that is what you want and you think you can do it then go for it. i dont think u are being selfish.