I am still looked upon as a horrible person for having a baby as a teenager!

Shayla - posted on 05/21/2013 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I am 36 years old and my daugher is 18. As soon as people find out i have any 18 year old they usually give me dirty looks like I was so irresponsibile. The worst is at my office job. When i was a teenager I lost all my freinds after telling them I was prego and didnt have much family support and the father left me. Most people are starting to have kids at my age in my office. One girl always wants to call me out. SO WHAT COLLEGE IS UR DAUGHTER GOING TO... She wants everyone to know i had a daughter in my teens. Cause once they look at me they think you have a daughter in college. Then I have to explain YES I HAD A KID WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER! They always look at me with disgust. I just don't know how to handle this anymore. I am tired of the dirty looks from people and I have no freinds. Its so lonely being a single mom!!! Any suggestions?

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Reyla - posted on 05/24/2013

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Hey, if your daughter is heading to college in the fall, you obviously did something right! The women in your office lack empathy because they haven't experience motherhood and that awful feeling of constantly being judged by other moms. You said they're starting to have babies, just wait until the first time someone shits all over them for formula feeding or going back to work too early or letting them cry it out, or not cry it out. The point is, motherhood is the great equalizer, and no woman is superior to another woman while she's elbow-deep in poop. They'll eventually gain some perspective.
On another note, is teen motherhood really such a stigma anymore? Especially when the "baby" in question is an 18 year old woman? I should think your colleagues have better uses of their time then chastising you for the life choices you made half your lifetime ago. I made terrible choices as an 18 year old, I don't think I'd deserve judgement for them nearly 20 years later.
Stating you have no friends though, that is a concern. You are still a young woman! You've raised a smart, mature daughter and you deserve to have a social life and a support group. Focus on finding other women around your age group with teenage children, they'll understand where you're coming from. Also, if you haven't already, I urge you to try online dating to meet a partner with similar interests to yours. You have devoted the last 18 years to raising your child and getting her through high school. Now YOU deserve to look after yourself! You do NOT deserve judgement or ridicule. You deserve friendship, support, understanding, empathy, love, and happiness!

Tara - posted on 05/24/2013

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I'm 29 years old and my mother is 47, you can do the math, and I am the proudest daughter in the world! We were also all alone, no father to speak of really and she is a successful business woman. If there is anything having a young Mom taught me, it was how important it is to love each other and support one another, we grew up together and she means the world to me. I went to college, I'm married and I have three children. I'm proud of my mother and she's proud of me. She always taught me not to give a crap about anyone else's opinion of me and she doesn't take crap from anyone else.. You are a strong woman for raising her alone and you should be proud. If someone wants to be mean to you all you have to do is ignore them. Your daughter is all that matters and if she is going to college good for you! People who treat you poorly apparently weren't raised right by their 'older' parents, so forget them!

Julie L - posted on 05/26/2013

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My beloved Grandma was 13, my dad was 17 my mom 19 and other family members around the same age when they had their first child. We think you are perfectly wonderful having a child at a healthy age. By the time you are in your 40s, having your own grandbabies you will still be able to get down on the floor and play, being the fun Grandma. People thought I was crazy in the 70's because I was the only stay at home mommy. I loved every minute and my 4 kids are healthy and happy and if yours are healthy and happy that is all that matters. I sure wish you could change jobs, those people sound ridiculous.

Nathania - posted on 05/24/2013

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I have a similar problem. I think that as long as you're secure with who you are and the job you have done as a parent that it really shouldnt matter what others think. Of course, that is easier said than done. It is difficult being a young single mother. (Heck, parenting isn't easy, period) Its even harder with little support. I wish I had, some helpful advice but all I can say is I empathize with you and to hang in there.

[deleted account]

Wow really people need to grow up, what's done is done obviously your a good mom,if people give you dirty looks give them right back or tell them to take a picture it last's longer. Also tell them hey I may have had my daughter as a teen but at least I will get more years to spend with my daughter then if I would have had her when I was older. My gf did this and people shut right up, don't let them get to you that's exactly what they want. Your daughter going to college in the fall means your a good mom who did something right, good for you mama :), if your friends gave up on you cause of you being a teen mom then I am sorry to say they weren't your real true friends. Friends stick with you no matter what the situation, the girl in your office get's upset because you have a teen daughter is just immature you gotta look where it is coming from you did a wonderful job on your own and that's the truth. Just know there are other single mom's out there who are hoping they can do a good a job as you.

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Susan - posted on 06/02/2013

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Everyone has something in their life that doesn't make them feel proud. Some things can be hidden and some cant. We all learn and grow from our mistakes, which is why we can be broadminded on so many things that others cant. I cant relate to your story but I can understand your feelings... Just go with the flow and don't worry about anything. Remember,you have just one life and its not worth repenting or whinning about. There is nothing to feel embarrassed about, you have the right to make mistakes and rectify them. After all, its your life. Its also a cultural thing, my mom got married when she was 17 and its common in my country :-)

Suzi - posted on 06/01/2013

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Nothing to add except -
these ignorant narrow minded so-and-sos with a self-deceptive fear of teenage sexuality (and that's what it all comes down to, their problem with your "early" motherhood) -
they are the ones with the problem, not you!

You've taken on the hardest and most important "job" in the world - parenting - and done so single-handedly (and no doubt under financial strain, I should know) - and succeeded! You have the advantage over them!
(I wish I could wholeheartedly believe that I'd "succeeded" - and I was 25 when I fell pregnant).

Lisa - posted on 05/29/2013

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First I got to say way to go on raising a child on your own all this time! It's not easy being a single mom. At 22 years old I got married and pregnant and was an army wife on top of it all. Now I am 26 years old and raising a 3 year old and going through a divorce. Life doesn't always go as we plan whether we have a planned pregnancy or not. Mine was planned and look at where life got me. As long as you and your daughter are happy and she turned into a wonderful, caring, smart adult you shouldn't feel ashamed or let it bring you down. Today's world is full of bullies of all ages and social statuses. Just don't let them bring you down and be proud of what life handed you, because you are that much more stronger and wiser for it. Soon many of them will have children and in situations they didn't ever plan on being in either. They will probably be coming to you for advice and you can choose whether or not to help them out with their issues. Regardless, your life just took an unexpected path (as most of ours do) and you survived it, so next time don't be ashamed of your past and your life.....embrace it and be proud of it. Tell them that you are proud of your life and your daughter and that you feel stronger and more empowered by it!

Twilla - posted on 05/28/2013

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I was almost 23 when my son came along, he's 2.5 years old now and his dad was almost 27 at the time. Even we got the whole "are you ready to have a child at your age?" speech from everyone and now our families see us raising a wonderful young boy and they all couldn't be happier having him in our lives.

So be proud of who you are and the choices you've made in your life, I'm sure your daughter is proud of the great role model she calls her mom. As for any so-called friends, I lost basically all of mine as my pregnancy went on because our lives were all at different points, they wanted to party and I was focused on my new family life that I'm proud to have. So take everything as a blessing and enjoy remembering all the proud mama moments you've lived through and all the great ones yet to come!

Ashley - posted on 05/28/2013

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People look at me the same way and I didn't even have a kid when I was a teenager!! I was 20, almost 21 and had already graduated highschool and didn't go to college but that wasn't because I got pregnant it was because I didn't know what I wanted to do but I had been at the same job for 2 years. People just like to think that doing something the unconventional way is wrong which is ignorant. And who cares about ignorant people's opinions? Go online there are TONS of sites for single parents or friendship sites. Don't let people make you feel bad for being a kickass mom. Just politely tell them to mind their own damn business!!!

Caitlin - posted on 05/27/2013

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I'm 20 and I have a one year old and I'm pregnant with my second my mom got pregnant at 17 and my aunt was pregnant at 16. Just tell them you may have got pregnant young but atleast you were responsible and took care of her. Your a amazing woman i couldn't imagine doing it by myself.

Terra - posted on 05/25/2013

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I also had my daughter at 18 the best advice I can give is to just not let it get to you that what I do yeah I may have made some mistakes but my kids were not one of them and make that known to the little "girls" in your office that make it a point I live in a very small town and had the first half white half black child so if you could imagine the looks that I have gotten but it's all good with me what we have been threw has made us stronger people and better people

Kristen - posted on 05/25/2013

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Start bragging about how happy you are that you had your kid(s) young. How your so glad you don't have to change diapers or wake up 3 times in the middle of the night. How awesome it is to have your own life and do what you want without worrying about daycare/soccer/piano lessons and how the laundry and dishes don't take over your "spare time" anymore. Maybe that will shut them up. I had my son at 19, he is 6 now and I can sometimes feel the stares and judgement but people usually come around when they find out how awesome my kid is. SO unfortunate this kind of mom bullying still goes on in that stage of life.

Jennifer - posted on 05/25/2013

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You must first forgive yourself for having a baby as a teenager. You don't have to live up to anyone else's standards. That was 18 years ago. Don't let the judgement of others isolate you. You are not a bad person, let it go.

Summer - posted on 05/24/2013

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Thats so ridiculous.... I know TONS of people that had kids the age you did and eve. Younger. I have a friend who had her first child when she was 13! Not that I condone even having sex at that age. But as long as your child grew up safe and healthy and loved thats really all that matters. Eff what the other people say!

Holly - posted on 05/24/2013

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Does age really matter anymore? At least you were an adult when you had a child. There are daycares at high schools now because we have so many teen moms now. I personally don't think a teen should have a child so young because of discrimination and the hardships of raising a child so young and possible health risks for the young mother; but if it happens then the family should be supportive and the teen should do her best to be a good mom. If your child has grown up to be a happy healthy individual then no one should be discriminating against you. Tell the other woman at your work " I have a happy healthy wonderful child I am proud of, do you?"

Deanna - posted on 05/24/2013

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So...ignore them. Smile and say "yes, she is going to college and I am so proud of her. She has such a great future ahead of her with her education from ." Put it right on the other woman. She is just a judgmental woman with very little time on her hands. But, remember to smile, it pisses off b*&^%y people. :)

Jodi - posted on 05/24/2013

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And can I just say to all of you who are saying things like "oh you get to grow up with your daughter and be a friend" and "you can do fun girly things, not like older parents" and "you'll be a better parent because you'll understand her more" you are doing EXACTLY what the OP claims others are doing to her - judging and discriminating against people based on their age. It is insulting, whether the judging is about a younger or older mother. STOP IT!!! AGE IS NOT A FACTOR IN PARENTING, EVER!!! OLD OR YOUNG. BOTH ARE EQUALLY CAPABLE. We are ALL mothers, so act like it and be supportive rather than pitting one group against another based on age.

Jodi - posted on 05/24/2013

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Why are you bothered by this? And how do these strangers know how old you are? Quite seriously, I don't look my age, so people are often surprised at how old my children are, and I didn't even have them young. Stop feeling ashamed, and just accept it for what it is. Don't care quite so much what other people think of you. Their opinions don't matter!

Lauren - posted on 05/23/2013

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If all else fails and you encounter someone who routinely makes you feel degraded, just note how excited you are to be able to be active with your daughter and eventually your grandchildren instead of being bound to a nursing home. And then, of course, end with a "man, that would stink" and a smile. :)

Ceatana - posted on 05/23/2013

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I had my daughter at 17 a week before my birthday shes 6 now. You know what the people who were your friends obviously weren't if they were they accept you for you.I have four kids now im 24 people look at me weird and say mean things under their breath but so what as long as you know your a good mother who cares about other people I have 1 friend now a days friends are hard to find your kids should be your best friends anyway I rather have them then friends.now the people where you work let them talk and respond proudly dont be ashamed so what you had a kid young it was a blessing and god knows what he's doing that just means your stronger then they are.besides work isnt for friends you go do what you got to do and go home

Sarah - posted on 05/22/2013

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I would suggest a couple of things. First I would say maybe not all are looking at you with dirty looks more surprised looks. I guess that would be my reaction....just surprise you had a child that old. Nothing negative about it just a surprise. I had my first in my early 20's but I looked young, so I am sure people thought I was younger then I was. When they learned that I was married and had a baby they were surprised. Just not something they thought I had. They did not mean any negative or bad things about it. I would say just as a 50/60 year old having a baby and learning that it is their baby and not their grandchild. You are suprised but don't mean any negative with the suprise.

Secondly my suggestion when you get asked about your daughter is approach it as being proud of her and you. They might be singling you out, but if you give them a response they weren't expecting then it is not as "fun" for them. I would just say she is .....and state how proud of her you are. Then just make a remark about looking young and hanging with the crowd or how you hope to be a good looking grandma. Make it a complament about how young you look. If you can add a little humor to it you will get a reaction that a person trying to single out the situation does not want.

Suzanna - posted on 05/22/2013

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Hi there, im 21, and i have a son, 10 months old. Lets look at it this way, your 36, so young, and your daughter 18, you are young together. You can hang out, do girly stuff together, you might also understand her better, because you both are young women. So people get their children in their 30s, and when their kids grow up, and become teens, they see their parents as just parents. your daughter could see you as a mother and a friend. many "old" parents dont understand their children when they go out, have girl/boyfriends, etc, but im almost 100% sure that the young mothers do. They are just jealous of you being a hot young mother with a 18 year old! daughter ;-) dont worry about it.

Im really sorry to hear that you are a single mom, but I think its just most important to become a friend as well as being a mother for your child. Although it tough, just hang in there, and your daughter will really look up to this independent and strong woman. The more you just dont give a damn about what people say about you, the more confidence you gain. Thats how I see it. Im no expert, but thats what really helps me along the way.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/21/2013

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Hey who cares what they think? Everyone is looking for some reason to put other people down bc of their own insecurities. You made the decision to parent when you were so young which is admirable in my opinion. If that girl you work with says something to try and make you feel uncomfortable then answer her with pride. Tell her yes I have an amazing , beautiful, 18 year old daughter who means the world to me. She will knock it off if she knows she can't get to you. Don't be ashamed of your past hun. The road you lived might not have been the easiest , but it probably made you stronger and helped teach you valuable lessons. I got pregnant ( even though it was planned) at 21 and I had many people say " oh so are you happy about it" and I'd reply "of course I'm happy I tried having a baby". They seemed shocked that I willing got pregnant at 21. I never cared what they thought bc I knew I was happy and I'd be a wonderful mommy. Life is too short to be consumed with other peoples negative opinions and in all reality they don't mean a damn thing

Gianni - posted on 05/21/2013

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Excuse my language but who gives a shit what they think?! You've made it through 18 years of parenting, so what's there to be ashamed of. Please, there's far worse things you could've done as a teenager than having a child. Live your life, shame free!

MaryJ - posted on 05/21/2013

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Pfffff, tell them to grow up!! It could be jealously because despite you having a child at 18..You havent been set back, you are at the same place they are! Jealousy maybe? Women are quite jealous creatures sometimes. Im sure its better to a young mom than changing diapers at 50 like them. It is hard to be a single mom, no offense to married moms but some of them have been nasty to me as well. Im not worried, my daughter is beautiful and were stronger for it!

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