I am thinking of having my parents adopt my son

Kristel - posted on 06/27/2012

I may be very blunt but this is because I came from a broken family. In all honesty when a parent gives you up, you never forget it, and you feel very insignificant. My grandparents raised me at the age of 11. If it weren't for my grandparents I would have been put into the Foster care system. I owe my grandparents so much for all they have done, and I also remember my parents and how they had their own selfish needs with girlfriends/boyfriends. It's totally selfish to NEED a boyfriend/girlfriend over your kids, it makes a child feel invalid to their parents like they were a mistake. My parents had 3 kids together, I mostly grew up alone, and it has never been the same for us as kids. I don't believe it is ok, to just basically give up a child and have more to start a NEW life without them. There are so many things even at the age of 27 that run through my head about my parents and I have two kids and can not fathom leaving them. I felt abandoned, my youngest brother felt abandoned still has not forgiven our father, my other younger brother had two kids and has basically abandoned them and sees them less than once a month. There are many ways a kid can turn out, but this decision will greatly affect them once you give them up after having him for three years just because you decided to have them and then give them up because it isn't convinent and over someone who may leave you. My father's girlfriends left him, and he got one of two of their names tattooed on him and they left him. If you are a parent you are there 100%, you just don't get to choose when to be a parent when it is convient, and how do you think he is going to feel after you have kids and only see him once a month and not being able to be part of your life? If really he is so unsignificant to you by all means give him to someone who will love him, but don't expect him to understand why someone else was more important and how both his parents left him behind.

Shelly - posted on 06/27/2012

Wow, I don't want to be too critical, but as a mother and as someone who was in that situation as a child, I can't even fathom... Here's the thing. My bio's were in to themselves and gave me to my grandparents at about 3yo. Let me tell you, this, it was ABSOLUTELY the best decision they ever made concerning me. I went seven years without seeing my bio mother, got curious, my real mom tracked her down, and we met. I wasn't missing anything, and at the age of 10, made the decision not to see her again. My bio dad, (my grandparents son,) has been around the whole time. A few times he pushed to be my "father" and I pushed right back. I have a wonderful father and mother in my grandparents. I have no resentment toward the bio's whatsoever, and am happy with my relationship, or lack thereof with them. I am a fully functioning, happy 30 yo with a family of my own. Not dysfunctional at all.

Better you give him up now, if you're already thinking about it, than drag him around and treat him poorly.

Emily - posted on 06/27/2012

Okay, the reset of the mums are focussing on your son alone, which is only one part of your situation. Yes, he probably will suffer if you decide to give him up but he will also suffer if you keep him but don't want him. I have seen the effects of not loving a child and they don't develop normally.

Apart from wanting a career and this man, are there other reasons why you are considering this? I would like to ask about this man in your life, as well. I think you need to have a long talk with him about how he feels about your plan. Because if you abandon one child, what's to stop you leaving him if things get inconvenient? Or these other children you say you are planning?

If you are being influenced by the current pattern of women working for a couple of decades then starting a family, you should also be aware that many such women find they can't get pregnant because their eggs are too old, and trust me, pregnancy at 39 is much harder than in your 20s. You are still young! There is plenty of time to have a career when your son is bigger and you won't have to plan for maternity leave if you decide not to have more children. You are luckythat your parents are there for you. Mine aren't, being on the other side of the world and Too busy with their own lives to care much. Can't you just be happy with their help without giving them your son?

Hope this has helped you make what will be a tough decision. Best of luck.

Samantha Jane - posted on 06/27/2012

You should feel ashamed! Your child did not ask to be born. You and your ex made him become apart of this world. It is now your duty to take care of him and do all that you can for him. He needs YOU! YOU are his mother. The choice to leave him with your parents will come back to haunt you when he asks one day "Why did you abandon me mom?" Especially if you go off and have kids with your hubby to be. What makes those kids better than the son you have now? There is always a way around everything. I am 24. I have a son. When I want to go out after work, I drop him off with a babysitter or one of his grandparents. He can become apart of you "hubbys" life as well! Your parents won't consider it a burden to have to take care of him - but give them a break. They've done their share, they raised you. Now do your part as a parent. It will never be easy. You will sacrifice more than you can imagine, but in the end - he is your son. Your flesh and blood. Love him, nurture him and take responsibility for the man he will become one day. You will be able to work around your hopes and dreams. Help your son build hopes and dreams of his own. DON"T THROW AWAY YOUR CHILD!!!!! please.

Lindsey - posted on 06/26/2012

this is the most messed up Post i have read on here!!!! i have a 3 yr old little boy and i have a 3month old little girl!!!! THEY ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE MY REASON FOR LIVING, BREATHING AND EXISTING!!!!!!!

HOW CAN YOU EVEN CONSIDER LEAVING YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD WITH YOUR PARENTS!!! THATS MESSED UP!!!

TAMIKA - posted on 06/26/2012

*clearly not the right man... I meant

TAMIKA - posted on 06/26/2012

Okay I really don't want to be mean but there are done ppl dying to be parents and ur willing to leave ur son for work and a man!!! Makes no sense to me, if u have to question whether or not this is right then sweetie you already know the answer. I will keep this short , have you explained your plans to your boyfriend?? Any man that would except this idea is clearly that the right man for you I woul think long and hard before you make a decision but in my opinion it just isn't right.

Kathryn - posted on 06/26/2012

Wow. I have nothing nice to say about this post. How inhumane?!?! If that's what you want then take him with you to live with you and your BF. When you want to go out, get a sitter like the rest of us do. I am 25 and have 3 year old twins and a 17 month old and what you are considering is absolutely ludicrous in my mind. He is 3 precious little years old... And you plan on having more children? I'm sure your son will feel like such a winner to be the oe mommy gave away then had more. If you decide to give him up, I truly hope you're not able to conceive again because you don't deserve to have more children in these circumstances. That's just not fair and at 3 years old, he'll get it. He'll know his mommy is leaving and he will fell like a piece of garbage for it. Kids blame themselves for being abandoned even this young. Regardless as to how involved your parents are, they are not the humane society and your son is not a stray cat.

Misty Marie - posted on 06/26/2012

hi sara u kown i have been read all thses saying WHAT THE HELL IS WONG WITH U I HAD MY 1ST BABY WITH I WAS 18YR OLD I HAD HIM 6WEEKS EARLY AND HE WIGHT 3.15 WHEN HE WAS BRON I DIDNT HAVE HIS DAD FOR 2 YR TO HELP ME OUT WITH ANYTHING THAT HE NEED I HAD MY MOM TO HELP ME OUT THEN ME AND HIS DAD GOT BACK WITH EACH OTHER WHEN ARE SON WAS 2 YR OLD WE HAVE BEEN WITH EACH OTHER FOR 9 YR NOW AND WE WILL BE MARRIE FOR 1 YR IN JULY THEN WE HAD A LITTLE GIRL SHE WAS BRON 08 YAER LATER WE FIND OUT SHE HAD BRAIN CANCER AND THE DRS SAID SHE WONT MAKE TO 3 YR OLD THEY ONLY SAID 6 MOUTH TO YR WITH HER NOW SHE IS 4 YR OLD SOME PPL DONT EVEN KOWN THAT SHE SICK INTILL WE TILL THEM WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER I WOULD NEVER GIVE MY KIDS UP FOR NOTTHING THEY ARE MY LIFE IF THIS GUY CANT LOVE U SON AS HIS OWN THEN U DONT NEED HIM U SOULD OF NEVER BE CAME A MOM U MAKE ME SICK TAKE CARE OF U SON IT NOT UR MOM AND DAD JOB IT IS URS U HAD HIM NOT UR MOM OR DAD GROW THE HELL UP AND BE A MOM IF U DO MOVE ON WITH UR LIFE I HOPE UR MOM AND DAD DONT LAT U COME BACK AND SEE HIM AT ALL THINK

Mommy - posted on 06/26/2012

I didn't read all the responses, and there is no way for me to be diplomatic when I say this, but you are most definitely being selfish. I am a working mother with two jobs, and I would LOVE a break now and then. But I would NEVER think of giving my child away so I can have my fun. Are you friggen kidding me??? Your child is a human being that YOU CHOSE to bring into this world, not some ill-fitting sweater from Macy's you want to return. And I don't care how much your child loves his grandparents, he will need his mother and father in his life, and I can't believe you would even think that this is ok. I am incredibly disgusted.

Mandi - posted on 06/26/2012

I had my son when I was 21, so I was also 24 when he was 3.
I also left my son's father when he was very young, and moved back in with my parents.
I met the man of my dreams when my son was 18 months old.
I am 28 now, and I have been with the same man for 6 years and he loves my son.
And I also wanted to have my fun, and still be young.

But I screwed up. My son went to his fathers house every weekend, so I got to go out and have fun, party, act like I wasn't a mom for those two days a week. It caught up to me, and my ex took me to court and won custody. I wasn't able to see my son unsupervised for an entire year. That was in 2010, two years later, I only get my son every other weekend. My ex's accusations have cleared up but I still don't have my son back full time like I used to because he got married and had another baby and the judge said it was a more stable environment for him to be in.

What I'm saying is DO NOT EVER take yourself away from your son for selfish reasons. I regret my choices in the past every single day when I wake up in the morning and my son isn't here waking up with me. Every single night when I get ready for bed and I'm not tucking my son into his bed. Every meal, every laugh, every event I miss him and wish he was here with me. My son begs me to not take him back to his dad's because he wants to be with me. A relationship between a mother and her son is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt in my life, and I screwed it up for selfish reasons, for wanting to be young and "be free". There is nothing I want more every day of my life to have a messy house, laundry and dishes backed up, playing outside, toys all over my house, the arguing with him to clean up his messes.

You gave up your freedom the day you decided to keep your child, don't screw this up to "be free" because you WILL regret it every second of every day.

Good luck.

Jessica - posted on 06/26/2012

Sara, I Ant trying to be mean to you but you are way to selfish your baby needs you not your parents also if you give up your baby like that it will eat you a live

Alex - posted on 06/26/2012

ALSO, in addition to what I said above, I am 23 and have not just a 3 year old but 2 year old TRIPLETS that were an accident. I got pregnant with them before I married their dad AND was in school. I now have a full time career in the big city and all that other crap you "DREAM" about. So you wanting a career in the big city is NO excuse to give up a child.

I am absolutely shocked by you and can't stop thinking about it. I hope it is a fake post.

Alex - posted on 06/26/2012

If you don't see your child as part of your greatest dreams and ambitions then he is probably better off without you. I hate to sound harsh but I too had my son young at 19 and I would never consider any plans that didn't include him. What would keep you from taking your son along for the ride during your new exciting journey?

I can't imagine how it would feel for him to learn that his mom gave him up just to go be with another man and "live her dream". You need to really consider the long term effects that this decision will have. If your parents adopt him are you still going to say he is your son? Will he have to call you Mom? Are you going to pop in and out of his life when it is convenient around your new life?

He has already had one parent abondon him and now another is considering, I feel terrible for him. If your parents do adopt him and aren't able to somehow compensate for the horrible beginning to life that he has had then you are surely setting him up for a life of bad relationships, bad decisions, possibly drug and alcohol abuse and who knows what else.

When you bring a life into this world it becomes your responsibility to give them the best life possible. If you think that that means living with your parents then do it and don't look back, don't interfere and let him live his life as best as he can without you confusing him. If you think that you can bear to include him in your life and love him like he deserves then that is probably the best decision.

Sounds like you have a tough decision to make, but if you plan on having more kids in the future are you going to throw them to the wayside if something better comes along? And if not, how will you explain to them why you, as a capable adult, couldn't take care of your first child?

Angel - posted on 06/25/2012

Your son is better off without you if you aren't willing to man up and be a mom to him. You are the one who got pregnant and for someone who says they love their kid you sure aren't acting like it based on what I have read. And the man of your dreams going along with this please he isn't a man

Celeste - posted on 06/25/2012

Sara as many others have already said, you are being selfish and your son doesn't deserve that. I agree with people who said that if you do choose to decide to have your parents adopt him, then do so completely and do NOT pop in and out during his life! He is 3yrs old and he IS going to remember this. Have you even considered the emotional trauma you are going to cause him if you abandon him the way his father did?? I am not sorry for sound mean and rude to you because obviously you don't have a caring bone in your body if you think it is ok to procreate and then decide you don't want to be a mom. I also do not think you deserve any more kids!! You need to seek counseling because there is obviously something wrong in your brain!! People like you should be sterilized!! I am so infuriated by your post it's not even funny!! I have a 2 1/2yr old and baby #2 is expected to arrive late January. My child is my world and I am still going to school to make a better life for her, myself, and my husband. Yes I am married and her dad is IN her life which is why I can't understand you even considering abandoning your son!! Shame on you!!!

Melissa - posted on 06/25/2012

. I am 26 and have 2 daughters aged 2 and 4 yrs, and I could never just up and leave them no matter what the circumstances, sure I did have dreams to have a career, and what not, but each morning and each night when I look at my girls I couldn't imagine being without them. so yes I think you are being extremely selfish, as for the "man of your dreams" if he is allowing you to think about this, than he is not the right man, the right man would want to get to know your son, and would understand that you and your son are a packaged deal. every woman has to make sacrifices for their children, and most decide that the moment we get a positive pregnancy test. sorry to sound harsh but those who aren't willing to make those sacrifices are the ones that should of prevented the pregnancy in the first place, or given up the child at birth to someone who couldn't have children of their own, who would love and care for the child.

Holly - posted on 06/25/2012

How sad for your son, but if you don't care enough to put him first, the best thing you can give him is people who will. Just remember...there might come a time in your future when you want him back, and he most likely won't want anything to do with you after you gave him up and decided to have other children...Just my opinion.

Lauren - posted on 06/25/2012

One more thing...like others said, being a parent is hard. It means you can't go out every night, you have to say no to parties sometimes, and the attention is not on you. But it is also the most rewarding thing and worth every minute of sacrifice...for me! I think you need to really take some time to decide if you feel the same.

Alecia - posted on 06/25/2012

id like to hear what Sara has to say to all these responses. i have read them and agree with what they have to say. you are a grown woman, not 15 and have NO LEGITIMATE excuses to give up your son. BUT you are so completely selfish that your son might be better off without you. i mean, just leave him. if you get married and have other babies and flaunt them around the kid you didnt keep, id slap you hard...with a shovel. that is so wrong that you dont want to be a mother to him, but want babies with this other douche?? and yes, he's a douchebag and a horrible man if he lets you walk away from your baby. think he will make a good father?? this post makes me upset. i got pregnant in the middle of wedding planning, on birth control, 3 mnths after i turned 21. i wasnt really ready and cried a bit, but we were together, getting married and there were no reasons for me to not have the baby. now i am going to be 25 in sept, my baby girl will be 3 about a week and a half later, and i would not give her up for ANYTHING!!! yeah, if i didnt have her expenses i could prbly afford to pay off student loans faster and go to school to be a research chemist like i dream. but she is my world and getting to be home with her is great. granted i have a man, but if i wasnt with him, i would still always have my daughter. of course i have moments of frustration where i want to go away for a little while, but i would never up and leave my child. she loves me and i love her. if i ever have nothing else (food, money, friends, etc.) i hope i always have her

Lauren - posted on 06/25/2012

Sara, we were in a similar situation and had our first son while in college. We also finished our degrees and are finally getting married this year...after much pushing back due to insurance needs, job issues, family deaths, etc. Like many other posts, I'm going to be honest with you and hopefully you will see it as a means to help, not insult or judge because I'm glad you're seeking help in this situation.

First, reading your post makes me think you may not really want children--or at least aren't willing to accept the responsibility right now. If this is true, adoption is the right thing for you--either with your parents or another couple looking for a child. I do think it's your responsibility to raise your son, and any man should take that as a non-negotiable. But if YOU aren't even willing to sacrifice and love him as he needs his entire life, make the right decision for him.

Second, if you do truly love your son and want him in your life (and perhaps how things are worded above are misleading), then you need to take on that responsibility...no matter where you live or who you choose to marry. Getting married with or without a child already is an important decision, and you shouldn't rush into things. My fiance and I have known we wanted to be together since the end of high school, but we're more than seven years out now and took steps to ensure our lives were on track and our child was taken care of first.

Because getting our degrees was so important to us (and the life of our son), we needed insurance. So, with my parents, we entered into a joint parentage agreement with them. We are still our son's parents, but they also have guardianship, which means they can also sign forms/act on his behalf if needed/etc. However, in the document we presented to the courts, we made it clear my fiance and I would make joint decisions on behalf of our son without my parents, and they could step in on occasions we were not present. Perhaps if you want financial help...or simply to start your career with the intent your son will join you in your new home a few months/a year from now, you could do something like this. In your agreement, you could state that your parents will have physical custody of your son, but that you are still an active parent and that he will move in with you at a certain time, and their guardianship rights will relinquish.

If you are interested in this option, let me know, and we can chat more via email/phone. It's a simple process, but confusing unless you know what to ask at your local courthouse.

Regardless of what you decide, I think you need to think of what responsibility and sacrifice you are willing to take on and make the right decision for your son. You recognize you are thinking selfishly, so decide now if you will get over that and support him yourself or if that's not going away, and he needs to be loved and cared for appropriately!

Sarah - posted on 06/25/2012

Honestly, I'm still debating whether this thread is even legit. You would have to be crazy to post on Circle of Moms, asking this type of question. I'm part of this site, because I enjoy being a mom and no matter what, I wouldn't trade my daughter for any man. It is completely absurd for you to think this man loves you and wants kids, if he has not made much effort in meeting your son. How do you think your son will feel when he finds out that his mom gave him up at the age of 24 (not 15!), with dreams of having a family one day with a man she chose over him?You are not a teen mom. You are an adult and you need to act like it. Moms do need a break sometimes from only interacting with their children or only being able to go to kid-friendly places. That's when you find a sitter for a night out with the girls or leave them home with your husband or boyfriend, if the boyfriend is fit to be alone with them. Honestly, I think despite all the negative consequences it will have on your relationship with your son, you should let your parents raise him. If they felt they didn't want to do it, I don't think they would've asked you about it. I'm sure they wish they didn't have to raise another child, but feel they have no moral choice, as they can see they are his best hope. I think that they see your immaturity and tried to sugarcoat the situation when they said it was so you could "pursue your career". That was the best way for them to say you are a crappy parent for being so selfish and that they don't think you should have your son if you don't want the responsibility. Your son deserves better and it seems they would be better for him than having a mother who wants more time alone, or with her boyfriend, than with him. No child deserves to be raised by a parent who doesn't charish them above all others. Give him up, for his sake and stay away, so he doesn't have to see you raise other children after you decided you didn't want to raise him.

Anne - posted on 06/25/2012

Girls have given out their children for adoption for more serious reasons,,,,mental illness,poverty etc etc and not so they can be free to go out.Your child is 3, maybe in school now,he is not a small baby to be carried along all the time,get a nanny when u want to go out,...my dear ,having a baby nowadays is like having a trophy on top of your head,,,give him out and u will miss out on the best part of your life.

Jessica - posted on 06/24/2012

Wow cant believe what i just read. Thats insane! Absoutley no man is worth you leaving your child. Im a 23yr old mother of two kids, I had my daughter when i was 16. shortly after that i was a single mother doing it on my own..i had to drop out of school to get a job to sopport my child. who would've knew not so long after i met my Mr.Right..which by the way loved my child as if she was his on. he was there for her when she was sick,hospital,sleepless night etc.. At 18yrs old i had my son, having kids hasnt stop me from doing what i wanted to do. yes it has been hard and challengeing because im only 23 with two kids..but we did it together now im a Register Nurse and im happily married. Im also going to school to become a doctor now. I always make time for my family especialy for my children. Im a mother first and a woman second. With that being said and excuse me for what im about to say put your child first before any penise, career, and the night life. I have my children,Mr.Right,my career, and i also get to go out from time to time. wake up and smell the coffee sweet heart...good luck.

Charlene - posted on 06/24/2012

Hello again..! Lol. It's Charlene. I forgot to mention that if it's 'me time' ur deperately needing try finding a group of mothers (cuz no one understands better) whom u can trust and make plans with them to go out as a group with the children so u'll hav both adult company and ur baby along...or to hav a switch around date where one or two moms watches the children while the other moms go out and swap turns!! BTW: therapy doesn't sound like a bad idea either...being selfish (if it applies) isn't evil...just human and unfortunately were all prone to weakness..again Good Luck

Charlene - posted on 06/24/2012

Hello. My name is Charlene and I'm a 28 yr old mom of two. 8 and 3 respectively. Judgements r already reserved to whomever u choose to believe in (i.e. God, Allah, Jehovah) so u'll get none here. If u honestly believe u cannot b wat ur beautiful boy deserves then make the decision to have someone(s) else raise him with the unconditional an all-encompassing love that every child deserves. Yes he may probably grow to resent you. Yes he may grow to have issues. But if u keep him out of guilt u may inadvertantly abuse him physically, emotionally, and definitely mentally. In this situation if u can't say that u just had a week moment and it has passed then choosing the lesser of two evils could b a better idea. As for this dream man...wat us mothers r sayin is simply...moms and babies r a package deal. If u want mom u MUST take babies...someone interested in being a dad would never entertain the idea of leavin behind anyones child. Besides if he wanted to show u how great of a man he was he wouldve made sure to make more bonding time for all 3 of u..but don't ever forget Cardinal Mom rule#1: protect ur children. If that means from some selfish man or a selfish woman(could b u) if u feel leavin is in everyones best interest then do it with his life as the priority..no poping up wenever..no broken promises...no abandonment. Jus b prepared to deal with resentment or hatred towards u and watever new family u choose to create. Good Luck..

Kristina - posted on 06/24/2012

Poor baby! Do him a favor and give him up an stay out ofhis life!! U never should've had a child, let alone think of having more!! I swear ppl nowadays should have to apply for it!!! He's better off w/o u

Crystal - posted on 06/24/2012

ok this just makes me mad im sorry but it does i have given up everything for my kids my oldest was born at 23 weeks gestation i watched him fight for 5 months just to live and still watch him do so he can not come in contact with germs this means no daycare so i went from a very nice job to living off ssi so he can live literally i don't go out to happy hour any man that comes into my life has to relies my kids are 1st last and always because no one is going to love you harder more fearlessly and unconditionally then your kids yes i have my moments were i wish i could go back to work it was less work working than being a mom but then i see them do something and i know that i am glad i dident miss it

Gloria - posted on 06/24/2012

wow... i want to be honest with you and i might hurt your feeling but i think that you are not the type of person to have children.. how dare you put your child for adoption and live your life like you never had a child. how can you put yourself first as a woman??? and still thinking of getting marry and have childrens??????? and the worse thing is that you n you child are close? How are you going to explain him that you want to be free and live the single life with out him....aahh i dont know if am making sense this makes me soooo mad to read this. You choose to have him and any man that doesnt want your child doesnt deserve to be with you. OR maybe this child is better off with out you. just because you have thoughts of leaving him,,,,, he will always remember that you LEFT him for another man and for you freedom... shame on you.
am a mother , wife and a student . I cant imagine myself with out my son, i want him to enjoy my success and my goal with him, n to show him how strong i can be and how he can always have dreams and sucess no matter what....

Caitlin - posted on 06/24/2012

You had to have known how harsh people were going to be in response to this. The bottom line is, you are no more selfish than about 50% of women who choose to abandon their children by ending their lives before they are even born (yes, I realize that some women may take incredible offense at this, but it's still true so there it is). However, this is a very selfish decision on their parts that they very often regret and I believe that if you do the selfish thing of leaving your son you will definitely regret it one day. I am 24 as well and have a 2 month old. Motherhood has been NOTHING that I expected and honestly I do not feel that I am as good at it as I thought I would be. Even though I KNOW I love my daughter sometimes I don't FEEL as if I love her enough. Sometimes I look at her with my mother and think, "My mother could do a better job raising her that I could." I don't think that because I want to abandon her, but because sometimes I feel so insecure and inadequate. Parenthood is HARD I am learning! It comes with a variety of emotions most of which aren't even fuzzy like you always think they will be. Even when I am having a low self-esteem mommy day I still try and keep a perspective on it by talking kindly to my daughter and telling her positive things about herself and how much I love her. Maybe you should really put an effort into bonding with your son. Maybe that is something you never got the chance to do because you were busy with school.
I think that you are a victim of two things:
1.Being overwhelmed with parenthood (it happens to everyone!) and unfortunately it sounds as if your parents and maybe even your boyfriend have given you permission to abandon your child. Everything (even really bad things) are always easier when people who we love give us permission to do them.
2. The lie that society pumps into us that parenthood is boring and kills all of your dreams. Just because you are a mom doesn't mean you can't have fun. It doesn't mean you can't have a career. It doesn't mean you are no longer interesting. It just means....you are responsible for another life, which makes it a little bit more difficult.
Take your son with you when you move, reassure him everyday that you love him and he is the most important thing in the world to you (even when you don't FEEL like it...btw...feelings are way over-rated and sometimes very misleading). Be the one to show him that he can accomplish anything he sets his mind to and fulfill all of his dreams! But YOU be the one to do it because he is your responsibility and when you are finished with whatever crazy thing it is you are going through you will fall on your face and thank God that you did!
Take my advice.....I am RIGHT!

Sarah - posted on 06/23/2012

I'm not entirely sure what response you expected to get here but it was never going to be positive, I have very little to say as this whole story makes me feel sad (for ur son, u need to grow up) I think people very easily forget that these children that are such a strain on our social lives do not ask to be born, I have very difficult times with my children/family but the thought of leaving my kids for s someelse to 'deal with' just feels wrong! Your son did not ask to be born, he is ur responsibility and if u feel u cannot look after him then yes find him a good home with ur parents but don't do it to start a 'new family' because it sounds as though you are not ready to be a mother!!
Think long and hard about this decision and I honestly think you need to take a good hard long look in the mirror!!

Ashley - posted on 06/23/2012

Im sorry to say it, but you are completely being very selfish! You decided to become a parent 3 years ago, how are you now gonna give it up? Because youve met a man and now your son doesnt fit into your plans of "moving to the city, getting a place w/ your boyfriend, getting married and THEN having kids"? YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE! YOU CANT BE "FREE" Im 27 with three kids, (same father) and a husband and not 1 but 2 jobs while my husband works also! It seems that your going backward instead of foward. GROW UP and TAKE CARE OF YOUR SON YOURSELF! And how dare your "new" boyfriend for actually thinking this is even a decision! And why the hell hasnt he met your son more than once?! Keep your baby and take care of him the best way you can.YOURSELF!

Tracy - posted on 06/22/2012

I've already posted on this subject and now I've read some of the other replies. Many replies say how selfish the poster is for giving her son up. While I agree her motives for WANTING to give him up are entirely selfish, isn't it less selfish to give him up to a stable and loving family than to drag him along when she's already decided that he would be unwelcome in her life?

Starfish - posted on 06/22/2012

I didn't read the other replies, but let me tell you something.

I *was* that kid that was given up (at 2 years old, btw), because suddenly, my biological mother decided that being my mom was cramping her style. She wanted "a life", gave me to her parents, and promised to visit and be there for the big things in my life.

And at first, she did. And then she didn't.

It's been years since I've bothered even contacting this woman. I had another baby 3 weeks ago, and she doesn't even know I was pregnant again. I'm engaged, and she doesn't know. I could die, and she wouldn't know.


Because as a small child, I loved her fiercely. And when she left me (and I remember it) even though she was still in my life at first, I resented her for it immediately. I always will. Once I got old enough, she didn't have to worry about trying to "visit" anymore, because I wanted (and still want) nothing to do with someone who has a child for a little while, and then gives them away like an old sweater.


I'm not telling your son will feel the same, but imagine being a little kid and the one person who is supposed to love you more than anything just says, "Nope, nevermind, I quit, bye!" His dad already abandoned him. Why are you lining up to do the same??

Stephanie - posted on 06/22/2012

This is extremely selfish. You claim that you love your son but giving things up for your child is part of parenting. I could not imagine giving my son up for a man that i THINK I might marry. How do you think your son will feel when he grows up and sees that you now have a new family...

I knew a girl who treated her daughter horribly and would go out and party in the wee hours of the night and left her daughter with her parents. She just recently left her daughter and signed her rights over to her mom and dad for a man. Now she is trying to get her rights back. I don't think that is fair for her daughter. Anyway, my opinion on this girl is she is SCUM for doing something like that to her daughter that she claims to love.....

Tracy - posted on 06/21/2012

I have not read all the other posts at all, so I will give you my opinion based solely on your post and no other input. I had my son young (17). I gave up a lot and I postponed a lot of my OWN life. He is 15 now. I got married to a man my son loved when he was 3. He adopted my son (when my son asked for it) at age 7. I have gotten my bachelor degree while doing it all around my son's school time so I could take him to school, pick him up, and still be at all school events (his, not mine). I worked hard but always put time with him above all else - including making extra money.

So here is my answer to you. I don't regret a minute of it. HE made me who I am. If you do not have that same focus on your own son, then your son is better off with your parents. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY RUDE - IT IS NOT MEANT THAT WAY!!! It is meant to be straightforward and direct. If you even have to ASK this question, then my opinion is that your son is better off with your parents. It sounds like they have already pretty much been his parents anyway while you have pursued your own life. Though personally I will never understand this choice in life, sometimes it just works out best for people (kids and adults). I am not one to judge whether this is RIGHT OR WRONG... but I do feel that if you are questioning that your life would be ruined by having your son with you, then PLEASE leave him with your parents. Be awesome "disney mom" as my friend calls it. The mom that sweeps into town and it's a great visit rather than making him feel YOUR resentment that you can't work as much as you'd like, that you can't hang out with friends, that you can't marry the man you'd like, etc... This will have SOME negative effect on him, but it may be the better of two evils and may work out for the best in the long run.

I really hope you understand what I am attempting to say and that it doesn't come across as judgmental. It's meant to be adult to adult without all the "kid-gloves". :)

Jena - posted on 06/21/2012

Why can't you bring your son with you to the big city & meet the man of your dreams? Maybe your son will get along with your new man & he will be so happy to have half siblings!

Amanda - posted on 06/21/2012

So first why the hell did you have a kid if you wanted to still be a teenager? To give up your son for a boy, that is more then selfish, it is the most low down thing you can do to your kid. If you felt like this from day one why didn't you deal with it then. Why didn't you let your parents adopt him when he was born. Then he could have called you sister or aunty. I am raising my son with the help of my parents. We live with them cause he dad didn't want me to be around my family or his. YES they are times when I feel like I could mad looking at these walls while some of my friends are out and about, but when I look at my son I wouldn't change a thing. You need to grow up. You didn't miss out on being a teenager. So you missed being 20 so what. You don't even bring the guy who is suppose to be the man of your dreams around your son, something is wrong. If he is so good for you then he needs to man up and "Marry" both of you. If he is telling you that it would be better if your son stayed then he isn't worth it. What if you get prego again? Are you going to ship them away too? You should have thought about protecting yourself with your ex if you didn't want a baby. If you are old enough to have sex you are old enough to deal with the child that came with it. I mean I know 16 year olds you don't think like you they raise their kids. If YOU come first then leave him with your parents but leave FOR GOOD. He doesn't need to know his mother picked her job and another man over him, it would hurt him in the long run. If you move and feel like you mad a mistake then suck it up! You really don't seem to love him as much as you do or care about him as much as you think if you could up and leave him. You are so not ready to be a mom!

Xandria - posted on 06/21/2012

I think you should give your son to you parents. In all honesty, it's better for him to grow up in a stable home environment where he is loved and wanted and he may grow up to resent you and want nothing to do with you later. But he will be safe and loved and cared for than to be with you if you really don't want him. But you will have questions to answer questions and he may not want to have anything to do with you when you get older. Also remember that if you go to the city and it doesn't work out then you don't get to come back and be mom again. Giving him up for adoption means that you are bio-mom and Grandma is Mother. You are the woman that visits on weekends and that's about it. If things fall apart you don't get to come home and pretend that it all never happened. But it's better to give him up that to drag him around. Let him have a good environment to grow up in. Let him have a stable home environment. I've seen one person who did just that, she gave up two of her kids to their grand parents and kept the second set that from another marriage and the first set are much more well adjusted. Some people never out grow being selfish and if you think you are a selfish person then you probably are and you probably will never get to a point where you can truly be a mother. You may want to consider not having kids at all. If something were to happen and you found yourself in the position of single mom to a different child do you think that you could handle being a single mom later. The answer is usually no. So I say give him up to your parents, walk away and don't have any more kids ever.

Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2012

I honestly think that what you're thinking is caused by depression i had the same thoughts as a new mum to 2 kids... " I'm a shit mum, my kids hate me, my husband hates me, i have no friends. i hate this whole situation, i want to go back to work, i want to go out on the weekend and be carefree". Giving your child away will make things a whole lot worse.

Michelle - posted on 06/21/2012

Wow! To give up your own blood for a man...shame on you. What happens if things later on dont work out for you two? This is just cruel!!!

Tasha - posted on 06/21/2012

Hello, im 24 yrs old. i have a beautiful baby girl who is 4. i wouldnt choose a man over my child. i wouldnt allow my family members take my child from me. u r selfish. u are the one who made ur bed now u must lay in it. why cant you raise your child. i do it. and im the same age as you. how do you know this man is goin get you to the big city, marry you then knock u up then say well guess what woman. i want a divorce, you are on ur own. so on and so forth. if a man cant be around ur child then he aint no man! Put your self into your child's shoes. he knows whats wat. what are you goint o do when you decide to see him 1 weekend and he runs to grandma or grandpa and says I HATE THAT B***H. SHE AINT MOM. SHE LEFT ME. WHY BCUZ I MUST NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER TO LOVE ME THAT SHE HAS TO LEAVE ME FOR A MAN. THAT HAS ONLY SEEN ME ONCE. think hard before you make that decision. becuz kids do grow up fast and they do know who loves them and who dont give a rats @$$ about them.

thats my oppion.....

Michelle - posted on 06/21/2012

I have never heard anything more selfish & sad. You love your son very much but you can chose to leave him behind? Something is not right! I am a young (23) single mom with a degree & career & there is no one else better to share it with than my 3 year old son! Yes there are times where I wish I could go out more, have fun with my friends, and do you what young people do...but you're a mother now, take responsibility! I go out every now & then with my friends when my parents watch him so I appreciate that time a little more than before but that's really just not me anymore. Going to Disneyland, playing at the park & blowng bubbles is my thing now...IT'S CALLED GROWING UP. Growing up doesn't mean you stop having fun or living your life. Would you have liked it if your parents just abandoned you so they can go have fun or 'start there career' whatever the excuse is?! A child has never stopped anyone from pursuing a career. Where there is a will there is a way. I think you know exactly what's right...

Caressa - posted on 06/21/2012

Hi Sara,

I think it takes a lot of courage to express your true feelings for the world to see. Especailly on such a touchy subject. I am 26 years old and I too have a three year old son and I have a 3 week year old new born baby boy, and I go to school fulltime online. I love my sons with all my heart. And going back to school was a choice I made for myself. I am blessed to have an amazing fiance and parents who have supported and helped us out so much.

To be perfectly honest with you, I think your choice for adoption is a little below the belt. You and your ex got pregnant and made that decision to have a baby. As much as your parents are involved with raising your son, theyre done having kids. Its their time to enjoy one another and your time to take care of "your" family. You need to put your son first above anyone. Your boyfriend needs to accept your son and they should have sometime together. Your lucky your son is young, and the transition to a future "step" parent wont be as harsh as to when your son is older.

You can live in a big city, have an amazing job, be in love and work on growing your family with you son nvolved. You are a mother now and need to step up to the plate. I wish you the best of luck!

Tiffany - posted on 06/21/2012

That's extremely selfish. You brought him into this world and it almost sounds like to you, hes a huge burden. Its YOUR responsibility to take care of him until hes grown. Its also your responsibility to provide for him. I'm pretty sure after you get married, have more kids, "live your dream", he would feel like a throw away child. Who in their right mind would throw away one child to go have a life w her boyfriend n live happily ever after....no...mommyhood doesn't work that way, but you chose this when you chose to have sex with a lowlife man in the first place. Its time to grow up. You have a son, boyfriend n degree, so it sounds you have to at least be book smart. Don't make such a big dumb decision to live out your dreams. Your child needs to come first, not some man or your degree. Use your degree where you live now or continue school n find something else....or take your son with you. Choice of course is yours. Hopefully you make the wisest decision n include your son in your new found life since hes been with you non stop for the past three years, even when you were a nobody n had nobody but him. Good luck.

Tiffiny - posted on 06/21/2012

let me tell u a story...... my sister was a teen mom , 14 to be exact, she found out her baby daddy was sleeping with someone else so he has not seen the child since she was 5 weeks old if that, my niece is now 18 yrs. old. my sister graduated h.s. a yr. early 4.0 g.p.a. , has gone to do college courses changed fields and have gone through college for the last time and is sticking to being a state certified registered nurse not to mention she has 2 other children ages 11 and 6years so if she can do all that than u can too. don't give up on ur son.... we all want to get out and party when we have kids but thats just it have a party, throw a party, go to parties just #1 don't drink and drive, have ur son involved but if it is because ur boyfriend doesn't want him in his life then he doesn't deserve you..... and if you want to go out after work get a baby-sitter but DON'T give up ur son...... hope this helps with ur decision

Laura - posted on 06/21/2012

I think your first reply from Shannon Bowers says it all. If your looking for actual advice, i think she answered all your questions in full and should have made you sit up and think. Its very easy to post a nasty and emotional comment, but its generally from people who have already got children and wouldn't contemplate a life without them (me being one of them) my 2 year old daughter is my world, i don't get out to party as much as i used to, but that was my choice and no fault of my daughters. They don't understand about marriage or careers, or even social lives. My daughter is a content little girl because she has a mummy/mommy who is always there for her, even if its just for a cuddle.
I hope you find the right path to take.

Leslie - posted on 06/21/2012

You cant pick and choose when you want to be a parent.....you should of kept yourself on birth control!!!!! Take care of your responsibility.....and on a side note,.if this man is ok with your plan to leave your child.........then it will probably be easy for hi to LEAVE you and your ne children behind too! I get that ”you” wanna go out or move to the city.but you relinquished those rights to ”be free to party” the moment you had you your child.....there is no more you, jt should be about your child!!!!

Kayla - posted on 06/21/2012

Here is my honest answer. Why are you even asking people for their opinons? You've already answered it yourself. Give him to your parents to adopt obviously they are his real parents. You dont love him. Especially if you want to give him up so that you can go out and party and have more kids with someone you think is going to stick around. Because there are no gaurentees in this life except the love of your kids and apparently you dont love him enough to stay with him because some guy who is currently making your panties wet doesnt want to have to take care of a child. A child that will remember the fact that you left. My advice would be to make an appointment right now and get your tubes tied. Because if you feel this way now about your son that you had with your ex. how are you gonna feel when "Mr. Perfect" decides hes had enough of you and leaves you with your new children? who is gonna bail you out then? well most likely you'll run to your parents and ask them to help you out. Your son deserves someone better then you if you think you can just drop him off and have a better life. I will tell you now YOU ARE NOT A MOTHER> you should have just given him up at birth so that someone could have loved him as much as it sounds like your parents have.
I am 25 years old and I have a 2 1/2 year old that would know I left her. I would never do that. I married at 20 and I never went out with friends every weekend I stayed home and made sure my husband was taken care. I got pregnant before I was ready. But my daughter comes first to me even before my husband. Children are tiny and need someone to take care of them and love them. To make sure they know that they matter. My daughter will always know that I love her more than anyone else.

Evonne - posted on 06/21/2012

I think this is horribly selfish. I can't even put into words how awful this kind of thinking is. With these types of feelings and wants/needs I don't think you should have your child or any other children. Sociopathic behavior is not nurturing for children. This is just very very selfish and mean and hurtful.