I don't know what to do. Relationship advice.

Rachel - posted on 08/18/2010

if he can't step up and be a man now what makes u think he will later... darlin u r too good for him.. think what is best foryou and your son... don't look back! Be strong! ;)

Kellie - posted on 08/18/2010

I really hope it was just a crazy moment for him. But like some women have already said, talk to him about everything. You have to mention that your little guy is just a baby, and that it will hard at first but will get easier gradually. you just have to get past the first 6 months. At this point the baby gets fun to watch. He will want to spend time with him all of the time. It's just hard right now. Be patient, Never hurt the baby if you get frustrated, breathe, walk away if need be (for a tiny bit), ask his parents to help out?? He just needs to find ways of making it work. Change the diaper, give him a bath to calm him down, give him a bottle, cuddle him, but sometimes babies just cry just because. They grow up so fast. I think, he will eventually regret ever saying that he wanted to break up just because the baby was crying. He'll feel like a fool.

Sarah - posted on 08/18/2010

wow,shitty deal girl. babies r a lot of work, maybe hes just scared? who knows, u dont need to take care of another child(ur bf) and u dont need stress or worrying about baby or the babys daddy when they r on overnights. sorry to hear hes being a dick, not what u need! can ur mom or a close responsible friend help babysit when u work? find another way to make it work, but dont play games with him(bf) or let him think u r someone he can treat like shit and threaten and wig out on u whenever he doesnt like reality....he does sound immiture...but maybe talk to him find out if it was just nerves or ? but u know in ur heart what type of 'man' he is(or isn't) and u dont need added stress to an already hectic time in ur life. u need to take care of u first girl so u can b the best mommy baby can get ! if that means losin the loser, then so b it ....his loss. Some men arent cut out to take care of infants. i'll bet hes scared though, babies are intimidating when so tiny!!but he needs to man up or move on....good luck sweetheart, i am sure all will work out if u r strong and go with ur gut not ur heart!!

Josephine - posted on 08/18/2010

Don't leave your son with him! Period! I'm not saying it to be ugly, I'm saying it for your sons well being, God forbid he gets really angry and is overwhelmed and makes a stupid mistake!!!! Find someone else to care for him! Think of your child first, then the man! A man can go as he pleases, but your responsibility is your child right now!!!

Sarah - posted on 08/18/2010

I would say he is somewhat right. Guys aren't built to tolerate or understand a babies cry like mommy's are. But over time it will get better. Maybe talk to him and see if his parents can help if it gets to be to much for him. Tell him make a support system. Because even if you do break up he may have to spend time with the child alone. Unless you now don't trust him. Which if that is the case you need to have proof of your messages and what he said on here. It's hard but I think you guys can work it out if he is willing to try. He also may have said it out of no sleep and being frustrated.... Give him time to calm down and try talking then.

Aoife - posted on 08/18/2010

ur better off rid of him he sounds very immature

Christine - posted on 08/18/2010

I would say he is being immature, Men take a long time toget used to having a baby as they are selfish and dont like the responsability. You didn't make your baby on your, but we expected to raise them on our own only our lives change not theres. I would leave him and not let him see his son until he grows up. as he said men are not made to look after babies... what sh!t are they only made to make them? what an ahole.
If he can support both of you and you could stay at home wih your son and take care of him then he can have the attitude Men are not made to take care of babies. Hope you come right girl all the best.

Robyn - posted on 08/17/2010

men are like that. my ex husband and i just had our 3rd child she is now 4 months old n he will not keep her and he doesnt have alot of patience with our other two kids and they are 3 and 2..

Teresa - posted on 08/17/2010

I think he's being immature. Give him sometime to think .Then, talk to him regarding the issue. The baby is both yours and his responsibility and what he said on facebook is nuts, which I do hope is just because of stress...not because he means it. Because if he does, he's not worthy to be called "daddy".


-from Teresa, writer of
Best Moms’ Rule Number 1: Anticipate System Down
at http://blog.clariity.com

Joanne - posted on 08/17/2010

well sounds to me like he is just scared of looking after your son and when your son gets distressed then you boyfriend gets stressed to as he doesnt no what is rong with the baby and he doesnt no how to settle him its still all new may be more bonding time is needed with you there to show him the ropes so to speak xxx

Poonam - posted on 08/17/2010

hey i guess ur bf is rt.....men r just bad at taking care of little ones...god has made v woman very strong for tat v can give birth care for them n v care for our partner too....v r many in one..v have to mange evrythin tat comes our way ..n belive me al woman have got tat power to rule d world ..m mother of two doctor take care of my fam n work also.recently widowed wid d double responsibility...maneging well...so talk to ur bf give him d chores he is able to do nicely n mange ur work time accordin to ur baby .evrythin will b fine

Brittany - posted on 08/17/2010

Women and Men are truely two different species.. We naturally have more patience and are more emotional.. It sounds to me like he's really overwhelmed.. and he should have talked to you privately about this. I was married when I was 18 and had my first daughter at 19.. I spent most of my time alone..because my husband was out every night...and during the day he seldomly helped in anything involving our daughter. Being a parent is the toughest most rewarding job there is..Its really important for you to be in a good place.. emotionally and physically.. to take on all of the work of being a mommy :) I hope everything works out the way you want it to!

Danielle - posted on 08/17/2010

Men CAN nurture....men can have a natural ability to care for their young too. I was talking to a friend of mine about this because it just bothers me that so many women don't think men are capable of the same love women are as naturally as women are, and she said this: Parenting is not a GENDER-specific role, but a HEART-specific role. I find that very true.

Jessica - posted on 08/17/2010

Oh girrrrl. just give it time, i went through that with my boyfriend as well. i dont ever talk down to him about how impatient he can be, just let him be the best dad he can. men dont have that intuition as women do. it seems as tho he is frusterated and has no one else to take it out but you, just give it time be there for ur son and him, he will come back.

Samantha - posted on 08/17/2010

He is being very immature about the situation. How ever men do tend to have more problems with patience than women. My husband on the other hand has a lot. It seems a little scary to me that he would leave you messages of your baby crying and that he couldn't answer you when you asked him what made him uncomfortable. Im not so sure i would want to be with someone who was not willing to be part of the childs life. I can not however tell you what decision to make, you have to decide that for yourself.

Heather - posted on 08/17/2010

sounds like you had a child with a boy not a man. You two have to set down expectations from the get go and expect they are followed. And to the rest of the ladys that said their hubby couldn't handle it when they were new but now that they are 9months or so are doing great...a word of advice,hes doing well because it is easy now,but next time baby goes thew a trying time ie:2 with wild behavior,5-6 when when school starts,12 when hormones and attitude are reving up he is going to bow out.Have you hurd of fair weather friends,these guys are fair weather dads.

Ena - posted on 08/17/2010

im sorry but it doesnt sound right to me. being a man doesntmean u cant b carinh=g and nurturing. I guess because my hubby looks after the kids more than me i just dont get it. There are alot of men out there like your boyfriend but i still dont get it!!!! its not about male/female. its about PERSONALITY!!

Anastasia - posted on 08/16/2010

My personal thoughts on the matter, is get rid of the low life bf, if he is having issues with the 3 month old now he will have issues with your son for the rest of your life and you end up haveing the possibility of an abusive Father for your son, i personaly Would not take that chance. My bf Nurtures my 7week old lil girl, he is as much a "mom" to her as I am, its nice because it takes some stress off being a new parents!
You can try talking to him teething pass's, you can try counciling, As for your son teething there are many many remadies to help him get through this, Sophie the giraffe, Freezing damp faceclothes, baby ambisol or baby orijel, Teething rings put them in the fridge.. Baby tylenol, and if all else fails massage his gums with a soft soft soft baby toothbrush, they sell them at walmart as a little my first toothbrush kit. I have one for my little girl as she is starting to teeth. I wish you the best of luck with your bf and your son.
Sincerly Stacey

Cora - posted on 08/16/2010

I think the majority of men are a little less sympathetic to a crying baby, especially when they're really young and crying for no reason (babies do that and it's perfectly healthy and normal, strengthens their lungs!). But it definately comes in handy as the baby gets older and you're trying to break them of things... For example, our son slept in our bed until he was about 8 months old, at which point I would step outside while my husband stayed inside while the baby cried. I'm a sucker and would go pick him up to calm him down... but men are better at just letting them cry. Sure enough, within a few days the crying stopped and our son has been a solo sleeper ever sinse! As for your bf, give him some time to adjust... especially if it wasn't planned (ours wasn't!) lol. It's a huge change for both of you, just try to work it out for the baby's sake :)

ASHLEY - posted on 08/16/2010

wow immature! If he can't handle a 24 hr period with his own child fussy or not I wouldn't give two shits about him just focus on your little one. maybe he can be involved when he grows up a little bit but not when he acts the same age your son. sorry so straight forward I have experience dealing with similar situations and I wish I had just came to that conclusion earlier it would have made things easier!

Lorena - posted on 08/16/2010

It can be very fustrating for both men and women to see their little ones cry without any end in sight. Unfortunately it does seem like men give up faster, we as mothers don't always have that luxury so we tend to push through it!! When my hubby gets "inpatient" I remind him that he is doing a good job, and that the baby will calm down after a while. He may need some reasuring from you, and from his family. We expect them to take care of the baby the same way in which we do, but they don't take the same responsibility to the babes as we do. Just hang in there and try to talk to him about how he feels, reassure him and remind him (nicely) that you are in together and need to lean on each other for support.

Heidi - posted on 08/16/2010

I agree with the immaturity, men dont have the natural instincts that a mother has, but there are many men that are taking care of babies on their own. There is no excuse for this behavior, this may sound harsh but if he didnt want the responsibility of a baby and taking care of a baby then he should have never gotten you pregnant. If you guys arent getting along living seperately then you will never get along living together. This isnt fair to you or your precious precious baby, just let him go, he will realize what he gave up! Good Luck, I am here if you need to chat, or vent :)

Lauren - posted on 08/16/2010

he should be there for u and lil one if he cant then ur better of without ;)

Hattie - posted on 08/16/2010

i've been doing it on my own for 2 years and I find it easier. I guess i've got into a routine. I'm bitter about my ex leaving but c'est la vie. your partner is being ridiculous.

Kerri - posted on 08/16/2010

Also, I wish you the best of luck. Whatever you do, I'm sure it won't be easy but mommy's know best, think of the little one ♥

Kerri - posted on 08/16/2010

He's obviously not ready to be a father. And the fact that he sent you a break up text does not seem right. I know it's hard at first but once you get the hang of it, its doable. I was 19 when I got pregnant, two years left of college. When I told my boyfriend, he cried and swore a bit but he was ready to help in whatever way he needed to. It's been rough but he's come a long way. Sometimes we just need a break, I know teething is particularly hard but again- the fact that he wanted to break up over it and then made those comments on facebook! I say ditch him... he's not worth wasting the time with. Maybe one day he'll come around and want to spend time with his son but that's incredibly immature. My boyfriend was immature, and still is but he's come a long way and would never do such a thing.

Rosa - posted on 08/16/2010

I would under no circumstances leave my child with someone who acts this way....yes I know he is his responsibility too but really do you really want your child being handled by someone who is frustrated and upset. This is really crazy don't even think twice about breaking up. You guys don't even live together right now, what is he going to be like when he is around 24/7 and the baby is sick and fussy and won't sleep and nothing you do really soothes them?

Jessica - posted on 08/16/2010

Men dont really have patience like us mothers do,and they make up excuses on to why they cant handle it. but i look at it as us girls didnt create our children on our own so man up and take resposibility!

Adriana - posted on 08/16/2010

i dont think all men are like this my fiancee is really supportive and has a lot of patience with our son who cries and fusses alot i guess it depends on the man some are immature and some are very grown i guess i think u should tell him to grow up and if u can do it he should be able to do it its his child he cant just say he doesnt want to take care of his child i think he needs to grow up and take care of his child, babies cry and fuss thats what they do he should of known that before having a child

Shawnda - posted on 08/16/2010

i think that if he does not have the patience and he calls you like that i would be afraid of what he would do to the child when some one reaches their wits end they have no control over their actions i think that maybe you should find a new baby sitter and ease your BF into father the child men are way different then women they cant just jump into partenhood no matter how long they have been around durring the pregnancy they havent carried and cared for the child 9 months before birth so we learn our mothering nature before the child is even in this world you have to teach a man what to do when the child cries otherwise he will get pissed off and pull out all of his hair almost litteraly lol

Danielle - posted on 08/16/2010

Men ARE able to take care of babies. My husband has never been that way with our daughter. He understands she can't help how she feels when she teethes and that she's just a little baby and crying is her way of telling yous he's hurting. Your boyfriend sounds like a piece of work, to me. ;/ I'm sorry you're going through this. If a guy ever said that about my daughter, I'd kick his ... ya know what. :)

Ashley - posted on 08/16/2010

Men can be nurturing if they want. It sounds like he just doesnt want to put the extra work and time into taking care of the baby. Men dont realize how hard it is to take care of a baby so then when they are faced with the challenge they dont know how to deal with it. He probably got mad because he couldnt go out that night and do what he wanted. He couldnt be selfish anymore. If he is not going to make an effort then you are better off with out him.

Cookie - posted on 08/16/2010

I know exactly what u are saying,My two daughters and my sons father choose the streets over his kids,but it hurt me to my heart beacuse my kids was always asking about their father,but after a while they stop asking about him now I am married and I have a child by him and my other kids look up to him as their father he has been very good with them.I hate to see other mothers go this,but I couldnt agree with u more.

Neha Arora - posted on 08/16/2010

Hi Alyson
Just let him go for sum time..Am sure he would want to come back on his own.Take a break from your job for some time if possible.Tell him to help you financially.Look its just a matter of few more months.The baby would sleep and let you sleep .All you need is a little patience.When my son was three months old my husband was off for a project for four months.I had a tough time alone.But its all over.In the meanwhile try to potty train him,dun let him sleep to much during the day.Also massage him in the eve.He will sleep well if his tummy is full.
Hope it helps
Neha

Shayne - posted on 08/16/2010

all i can say is he hit the nail on the head, men have no patience for kids , not until the child can tell them wat they want. at the same time ur man needs to grow some balls and take care of his child, make him realise that wat he experiences in that one night u do it every day and its only fair that he does it once in a while and give u break. it takes a while but they eventually see reason and understand that women are human to and have stress levels just like them

APRIL - posted on 08/16/2010

It all depends on what u want to do with the relationship. Although men are not as nurturing as women that is still no reason to try and make u feel bad. It hard to say just leave him because love doesnt work like that. At the same time u need some one who will be there for u and support u no matter what. Remember that having a baby with this man is no obligation to stay with him. Follow ur heart sweet heart and I pray that everything will work out for u..

Becky - posted on 08/16/2010

maybe he has come down with some sort of depression it can hit men as well or hes not used to his life being so different

Jessica - posted on 08/15/2010

i know how ur feeling and because of the way my x acted wen i bought my twin babies home from the hospital i would not leave him alone with them for more than half an hour because of his frustration level i couldnt trust him so just be care full please

Michele - posted on 08/15/2010

I know a lot of men that can handle babies. I will agree with Malise tho, they do have less patience than women do. But it sounds like he feels like the baby is an inconvenience to his life...which by the way I know all about...my daughter is 5 years old & her idiot father hasn't been in her life for almost 2 years & he really never was since she was born. When two people have babies...95% of the time women automatically change their lives & their worlds revolve around their child. Men on the other hand...those that aren't ready for it...have no desire to change anything in their lives & they consider a baby an inconvenience. I am so sorry for what you are going through hun & hopefully it will get better for you. But I would just make your baby the center of your world & let him realize that he's the one missing out on that dear little baby :)

Cookie - posted on 08/15/2010

girl I don't mean to sound harsh but,me myself that is just an excuse,I have been through that same situation before,u should just let him be I know u have tried but sometimes you have to let go and when u do start taking all of ur time to focuse on you and ur child,beacuse its obvious that he is not willing to pull wit u and help u so get ur strong woman on and make it better for u and ur child,get that job get ur home,and live ur life,and when he tries to come back,u can turn him down then.

Amanda - posted on 08/15/2010

I say get rid of him and find someone more family material. especially before your son is old enough to be effected by it. if he is this immature now, i think he wont grow out of it. i dated a guy for 3 years that was like that half the time and pretty good the other half, but eventually he left me to lead the life of partying and sleeping around, but my daugher was 4 and a half then and it broke her heart. i was single for a while and its hard to be alone, but the right guy finally landed on my door step. if he doesnt want the responsibility, it cant be forced on him no matter how hard you try. just think, if he tries to step out of the picture later and you have to take him to court to make him pay child support or set up visitations, your son will know he us unhappy and you dont want your son feeling like its his fault.

Jessica - posted on 08/15/2010

Not all men are that way my husband has more patients then I do. Your BF sounds like he just does not want to deal with a baby. I know having kids is hard on a couple as I got pregnant on my honeymoon. but it gets better with time. my oldest is 4 now and we are just now getting level ground. Try and talk to him with out your son present and see if you can work things out to where he feels comfortable and maybe it will help maybe he just is scared to take care of the baby by himself. Good Luck.

Hanna - posted on 08/15/2010

I agree with Adrienne, i was in a simila situation, where my husband got laid off right before our son was born and he was there right front and center the whole time. probably more than me, actually. i'm one of the lucky moms who got to sleep at night because he was the one getting up to the baby (of course the fact that my son refused to latch on helped as well, truly a blessing when it came to me getting some sleep, although hell when it came to regulating my milk supply with a breast pump). but there is no such thing as men weren't made to take care of babies. i know plenty of fathers that do everything for their daughters from changing diapers to bra and pad shopping. if your bf doesn't want to do it, you can offer him to take on a second job and pay all the bills and you can then stay home and take care of your baby. if your financial situation is such that you both need to work, well then you both need to take care of the baby as well. after all, i'm pretty sure that you didn't get pregnant all by yourself while he was out of town. if you did, then you should make a few phone calls because you'll be in a guinness book of records :).

as far as him trying to break up with you, well, that's normal -- a baby is a big responsibility and it looks like he realized that he's not quite ready for it yet. so if you do want him to be a part of both of your lives, then you should play it smart -- don't fight and start arguing with him because the only thing it'll do is aggrevate the situation even more. instead, sit down with him and talk to him and explain that you're working very hard to improve your financial situation (for both of you) and that you need his help because you're tired and you just need help. and try to keep it as amicable as possible, and yes, i know it's very hard. and having a baby is a huge responsiblitly and a huge amount of work, not to mention a major change to your lifestyle.
now, there is a possibilty that he really does want out. in that case, you need to sit down and figure out where to go from there. first things first, go down to family court and file for child support. if nothing else, maybe it'll help you pay for child care while you get yourself on your feet. at least that way, you can keep some kind of a job to pay the bills. also, look in your area for support groups, maybe through church, maybe through craigslist. there are women out there who need the money and will watch your baby or alternatively, if you both work part-time, you can "swap" (i.e. she'll watch your baby while you're working and you can watch hers when she's working). it's not going to be easy, but at least you won't have to worry about extra expense.
i sincerely hope it all works out for you. good luck!

Nicole - posted on 08/15/2010

i should also put that we found i was pregnant after our first month and a half of dating...we are finding it hard but we realized if we really were mature and loved one another it would and will work. it is stress full no doubt but we have not broken down yet even though we have our moments. even i now of having some major stress currently ontop of that.

Nicole - posted on 08/15/2010

men can not truly nurture...it takes a special guy to be able to do so and i wouldnt expect it so early on. like my BFF hubby is great wiht her daughter and their now 5 month old son. he is very caring and takes very good care of them with out her.

my boyfrined on the other hand...lets say i have to take our daughter everywhere with me =)
i feel like his personal nanny at times...alot of the time i do. but he says its because i am better at taking care of her. there will be a day i will up and leave and have him take care of her because i never just go any where even for 5 min with out her. so when my mom takes her i have bad attachment issues cause i am never with out her. i cant even go to the store across the street for ten min with out taking her when i know i would be there and back quicker if i didn't have to lug a carseat around.

its not that he is a bad dad its that he could not take care for her as well. he says he plays with her as much as he can to try and make up for it..but in my eyes it doent i still feel like im a nanny.=/ but that is an issue we are working past because we love one another.

If we couldn't be mature enough to express how we feel calmly and talk it over like adults before hand then it would never work and the relationship would just be too immature. i wont say it is perfect for us but i understand where he comes from. and no if i left my daughter with her dad...i would probably be back sooner rather then later....

Adrienne - posted on 08/15/2010

Well i'm not sure where he is getting his advice my husband has been a full time father to our now 2 year old daughter. He has been out of work sense just before my daughter was born. though we have a rough time sometimes. he is very willing because how many men get to say they know there daughter. Your boyfriend sounds very young and maybe jelous of your job. have you talked to him to see what's going on in his mind.

Krys - posted on 08/15/2010

some men cant handle the crying ...some can. If its abt the baby crying then id find away to wrk for everyone. If its bc hes not ready to be a dad well , hard truth is...hes gonna have to buck up and try hard ..bc when we become parents....there is no going back:)

Leonela - posted on 08/15/2010

wow this sounds exactly like my story because my baby is 3 months and we both live in seperate houses him with his dad and me wit my mom... We are also waiting to save up money to move into our own apartment but do not fret because if he obviously doesnt want to be with you because of the baby than he is not realizing how good he has to have a kid. There's men in the world that can't have kids and they'd do everything just to have them. Like my boyfriend i met him when i was 17 and he was 24 we finally have our first baby together me bieng 20 and him 28. But one thing he doesnt is chersih every moment with her. What i can tell you if he's not really into this whole commitment thing with you than you might as well leave him, but at the same tme i know all you want is to have a daddy and mommy grwoing up beside your kid but one thing i am going to tell you is if he doesnt value the time with your that just means he's nothing but a kid himself he's not ready and i'm very sorry for you because no girl should go threw that. I wish you luck in whatever decision you make
-Leonela

Emma - posted on 08/15/2010

Sounds like he just needs to grow up! He obvousily doesnt realise what he's throwing away!
My boyfriend and i are both 20 and our daughter is nearly 7 weeks, he's fantastic with her and loves her soo much. you should forget about him, he's obvousily not worth it if he cant man up to his responsabilitys! xx

Naomi - posted on 08/15/2010

my boyfriend was the exact same. i have two children and they both wanted attention all the time, he got fed up not being able to cope with the youngest crying and split up with me. it will be hard for a few weeks but it gets easier. afterall you have got the most important thing in your life still who eill love you unconditionally and that is your child. if you boyfriend wasnt mature enough to deal forget him and concentrate on your life you and your son are going to have