I feel Like a let down as a wife

Miriam - posted on 07/22/2009 ( 51 moms have responded )

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I love my husband so much, and my kids. But we've been having problems in the past year as my man is always wanting us to have sex, but I can never get into it and it always feels more like a chore to me so I always put it off. I find it hard to get into the right frame of mind for it. And I have no idea what to do, how to get myself into the right frame of mind so that it's not like a chore to me as I feel like if this keeps on going it could break our relationship and our marriage apart.
Please help me and give me some advice.
On top of that there is the fact that I never seem to do things quite right, or I put something in the wrong place, or when he gets home from work instead of doing something that he is quite capeable of doing himself he expects me to do it all the time so I really get no time to rest or time to myself anymore.
I feel like I'm slowly going to go crazy and more and more often I want to break down into tears.

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[deleted account]

I have been telling my husband for 8 yrs that women are like crockpots and men are like microwaves lol.. Eh he still doesnt get it lol. Anyways wondering how many woman on birth control have low sex drive? I did until I had my third child amd got my tubes tied so no more bc. My sex drive is normal? Six outta seven nights...this was faaarrrrr from the case when I was on birth control.

Aubree - posted on 07/24/2009

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You should sit down and talk to your husband. I felt the same way when my daughter was first born. I was run down and tired and all my husband wanted to do was have sex. I told him that I would be up to it if he helped me out with little things and without me having to ask him. He started making bottles,changing diapers and getting the baby at night so I could get sleep. That little bit of help actually made things alot easier on me and it made me so grateful I wanted to have sex with him. I didn't resent him and he realized that doing the little things/ helping out made me happy, which in turn made him happy. Just talk to him, tell him hoe you feel and ask him how you feel. Make couple time for the two of you, have someone watch the kids for two hours. It really worked for us and Im thinking it will atleast get your ball rolling in the right direction. I hope things get better for you and your family.

Cindi - posted on 07/24/2009

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You seem like a classic case of postpartum depression. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpar...



You should get to your doctor as soon as you are able. You need a proper diagnosis and schedule to get back on track. This is completely common and with communication between you, your doctor and your husband you will be back on track to feeling awesome again very soon.

Julie - posted on 07/22/2009

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First thing you need to do is just sit down and talk to your husband about everything you're going through: not just the sex, but also how overextended and tired you are, and how you can't seem to do things "quite right." Because all that contributes to your decreased sex drive. One thing I did with my husband once that actually worked, is I told him that if he wanted any fun in bed after our son was asleep, then he had to help out more, because otherwise I was just too tired to want to do anything other than sleep. Give your husband very specific ways that he can help; sometimes men just don't notice what needs to be done. And for you, remember that sex is something your husband needs, and it is part of your responsibility as a wife to give it to him. Sometimes you just have to go for it, even when you don't feel like it. I often find that if I just go for it, I will eventually get into it and even enjoy it, although it felt like a chore to begin with. Maybe a weekend away for just you and your husband would be a good way to have a chance to talk, spend time with each other and get things back on track.



How old are your kids? They are adorable. Let me know how things are going, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Jen - posted on 07/22/2009

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Are you nursing? I always had a much higher sex drive than my husband and I've found that now he always has to initiate because I don't have the urge for it most of the time. I used to want ( or hope for, lol) sex at least daily.. now I'll realize its been a week or two since the last time and it doesn't bother me. (And its not exhaustion in my case, he's always been a great husband/father and even takes the baby downstairs at 6am to hang out with him while he's getting ready for work .. just so I can have an extra hour of uninterrupted sleep.)
There were times that it started out and I wasn't in the right frame of mind so it would've became "chore"-like but then I force myself to focus on nothing but whats happening in that moment and clear out all mommy-related thoughts.
Thats honestly very unlike me to have to do that and I've been told with some women breastfeeding can severely lower your libido.

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Miriam - posted on 08/07/2009

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Have managed to have sex a couple of times now. but the hardest part is how to convince him that when he says, 'oh wait its not going ot happen tonight' (words to that effect), that it makes me feel so awful that it makes it a chore and me not want to do it.
Any advice?

Claire - posted on 07/27/2009

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I know where you are coming from. My kids are 19 months apart and I love being amum to bits but it's constant. When my hubby gets home he can relax and sit on the computer but our job is never ending without getting muh time to ourselves. I find it hard to get into the mood for sex after a busy day and am oh so tired A LOT. It is a bit of an issue in our relationship because my hubby feels that Im not atracted to him which I totally am, I just dont have anything left. At the end of the day you are probably dead on you feet and I always find the tiredness makes everything extremly hard to cope with. Perhaps you could try and ask someone to have the kids for a night so you two could have some time. I found that even giving my eldest away for a night was an amazng break and I felt more relaxed and able to concentrate on my hubby more. After endless conversations in our relationship, I have realised that the issue does need to be addressed and I need to not see sex as a chore because even though my hubby is totally devoted to me, men are wired in a different way to us and if they dont get their needs met then they will look elsewhere which is a sad fact. Also he needs to try and understand the pressure that you are under and maybe help out a little but he will only know this if you sit and have a very serious talk with him. Hope it all works out for you and know that you are not alone in the way that you feel:)

Maria - posted on 07/26/2009

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An easy book to read and has nothing to do with sex is "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Chapman. This may be different than what others have been suggesting but just read me out. When I was having problems getting into having sex, I was going through the same things. I was constantly tired, just had my second child and had to do everything in the house. I just didn't want to have a sex. He also got sexually frustrated and is hot-headed so he wouldn't listen when I tried to talk to him. We found out about this book and took the quick quiz to see what our love languages were. Found out my love language is Acts of Service ( so I felt loved and appreciated when someone would do something for me). And his was Physical Touch ( not all about the sex, even though that was a big part of it, but holding hands, squeezing him as I'd walk by, things like that). So when I started to touch him more, he'd help me around the house and with our boys. And our sex life sparked again. I realized he needed it way more than I did. And I want him to know I love him. So if you could find the book and get him to take the quiz, try showing him love through his language. You will see a change!

Catherine - posted on 07/26/2009

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I think this is hormonal. I've been having the same problem off and on since my son was born. Don't know how to fix it but ask your doc....

[deleted account]

You and your husband should both read "Babyproofing Your Marriage". It is a seriously good book that covers everything including sex and how to overcome the obstacles of kids, energy, work, ect. And it's funny too! Don't feel bad when you are doing your best! If you need some time to yourself, find a way to get that time!!! It's important for you to do at least one thing that makes you feel good about yourself!

Michelle - posted on 07/26/2009

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GOD GAVE US TEARS TO CRY. SO WHEN U HAVE TO CRY, CRY IT OUT. IT HELPS. YOU ARE GOING TO BE TIRED AFTER GIVING BIRTH, EVEN IF IT WAS A YEAR OR TWO AGO. DON'T FEEL LIKE A LET DOWN. SUGGEST TO YOUR HUSBAND TO TRY WAYS TO GET U INTO THE MOOD. HE HAS TO WORK AT IT TOO. CANDLES, BUBBLE BATH, MASSAGE, ALL THESE THINGS GIVE A TRY BEFORE FEELING GUILTY.

Christina - posted on 07/26/2009

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Been there. Done that. I have been telling my doctor that there was a problem in my sex life too and my doctor could have cared less! I have dealt with actually PAIN in my ovaries for over 3 years. Finally I went to a different doctor and found out that I have what's called Endometriosis. Which is a chronic illness that affects the female reproductive organs, the fallopian tubes, ovaries, uterus, lower intestines and colon. I had to have laproscopic surgery to have this endometriosis burned off my my uterus and fallopian tubes. It's only been about a week and a half. But let me tell you, I can feel the difference already. I don't have the pain in my ovaries any more. And I feel like wanting sex again. The "cure" to this whole thing for me is I don't get my period again. I stay on a birth control for everyday of the month. The period is what caused my endometriosis. For some reason when I would have my cycle every month, not all the uterine lining would shed and leave. The left over lining would back up into my tubes which caused scarring on the tubes themselves and my uterus. This is just my experience. But it maybe something for you to look into also. Hope my info comes to some bit of help to you. Take care!
~Christy~

Betty - posted on 07/25/2009

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When my husband want's sex and I'm not in the mood or there isn't alot of time for it we just have a quickie. It dosn't take alot of energy just five minutes. He execepts it if I tell him no though. On the flip side I get really bumed when he tells me he's too tired or sick. We are rarely in the mood at the same time but we both get what we want when we want it most of the time. I'm just kinda like, "ok but lets take a shower first".

Heidi - posted on 07/25/2009

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I know this might sound lame, but have you ever reaad the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? My mom made me read it before I got married to help me understand the differences between men and women. It's not always 100% correct, but it made me realize that it's not always what we say, but how we say it. Men are always thiking that we blame them a lot and that we want them to fix everything, instead of just listening and understanding us, and working with us on ploblems. I definantly do not thnk that he's right, but if you read threw the book it might help you understand how to talk to him and help him change.

[deleted account]

you need to stop thinking of sex as a chore. i know this is hard, but it is possible. i have found that getting some fancy undies helps get me in the mood... and he likes it too! :D



also, your husband's hyper-critical-ness could be because of sexual frustration. i know my hubby is more critical of stuff when he is sexually frustrated - and we make it a point of making love at least 4 times a week, no matter what (except after the babies were born of course).



good luck with this, i know it's hard, but it's always worth it to keep your marriage together!

Ethel - posted on 07/24/2009

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one of these days go out for a two hr walk a me time les him take care of the kids.but make sure u dont leave him with the kids when they are about to have a nap.so that he will understand what u go through during the day.he would apriciate you more.it happen to me someone suggested that.now we r closer than last year.hope it work.

Nikki - posted on 07/24/2009

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I thought I was the only one having sex issues! LOL I have learned that it is not my fault. We all have issues that we are dealing with that interferes with how we react to our spouses. How old is your child? My son is now three. and he has taken up so much of my energy. Him plus work combined is just draining me. I have also learned that living such a predictable lifestyle has made me not interested in some of the things that I used to do. We have tried switching it up sometimes to where he has to do certain things to get sex a a reward. This reward system is not only exciting to me but it also adds a certain motivation for me. My husband is not the most romantic person in the world so he had to learn how to be romantic in order to earn his rewards. Just remember, it is not your fault that you are feeling this way. I think that we all go through this stage at some point in time. Good Luck!

Laurie - posted on 07/24/2009

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I would explain to him that if he picks up certain chores that you are stressing over or make you extra tired, then it is "foreplay" to you! :-) You will conserve your energy for the bedroom, then maybe he will find time to help you with those chores. Communication is key! I know how it is to feel like your going crazy. Girl, hang in there. If your husband loves you and you simply talk with him in a calm manner I am sure that you both can come to a compromise. When you talk with him try to say "I feel....." or "It sounds to me like....." or "I think......" --- (any thing that has the word "I" in it) this way it is not inviting him to be on defense and try to come back at you with a direct hurtful comment. Comments that start with "Well, you said....." or " You never listen, I said....." (any thing that has the word "you" in it) will make him automatically come back and defend himself and fuels the fire for argument. Long story short, I have found that when I let people know how "I" feel or what "I" think, they can't tell me how I'm supposed to feel or think. We control that ourselves. I hope that helps.

Jessica - posted on 07/24/2009

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i can say talk to him but it doesnt work I'm having the same problem I be tired all the time so I tell myself WHAT YOU DON'T DO 4 UR MAN ANOTHER WOMAN WILL AND DO IT BETTER. so don't give it a chance. You have to find that spark again it got to be there. I'm so inlove with my man so I do my part so it keeps him happy.

Savannah - posted on 07/24/2009

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Miriam-when he gets home we go and do any shopping needed doing, and then when we're home he's so tired that he just rests and watches movies or goes on his Xbox.

It's extremly hard to get him to do any work in the house, he tells me to nag him to do stuff but when I do he gets grouchy and then won't talk to me so I don't bother with that.



Dude, that is sooooo my husband! lol

Savannah - posted on 07/24/2009

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I can't help you with the second part because I haven't found a cure for that yet either! But the sex thing I do have some advice for:

I know that since I had two children and am pregnant again it is very hard to want to have sex. I'm tired, don't feel sexy, not in the mood, would rather be sleeping...etc. I find myself thinking of all the other things that I should be doing at that time and not enjoying it at all. And that is sooooo not fair to the hubby. They have to have that closeness to feel loved and to keep their affection for their wives strong.

So I try and make it a little more fun. I have found that if I just take like five minutes or so to fix my hair or throw on some makeup and something cute for my husband (I think most guys have a thing for a girl in a mans white button down shirt), I feel sexier and it actually helps to put me in the mood. Plus, the surprise for him when I open the bedroom door and give a come hither just makes it worth it. Besides, I mean does it really take up that much of your time? Nah. And it buys you a day or two! lol.

Just a thought. Take some time you make yourself feel pretty and you will probably want to take advantage of it.

Nothing wrong with bringing some toys into the mix, too... just a thought. Just a thought.

Marta - posted on 07/24/2009

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Also, I wanted to mention that sometimes my me time is not spent away from it all it is often sitting on the floor while he sits behind me on the couch and gives me a neck rub while the kids run around; usually after they're in bed and I've finished doing the dishes I start thinking about that neck rub and how good it made me feel and well the rest is history.

Brittany - posted on 07/24/2009

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I totally understand how you feel! I think just about every mom goes through a phase similar to this. Since talking with him isn't helping right now I would give it a rest for a little while. Give him a little space and yourself as well. Consentrate on yourself for a while. Make yourself feel good. Get back in touch with who you were before you had children. As I tell my students (I'm a bellydance instructor) find the goddess within. It may sound a little strange but I believe that every women is a goddess and each and everyday we need to carve out time for ourselves whether it's 5 mins or an hour to get back intouch with ourselves. Find something that makes you feel sexy again. Wear a nice outfit, give yourself a pedicure, wear your hair a little different, just find something that you can fit into your schedule and that will make you feel better and happier with you. You might even want to try bellydancing. It's very safe and super effective. I am 8 months preggers and still doing it. (my two kids will be 11 months apart). Find a dvd ( i could recommend some if you like) and start dancing! It makes you feel so much better and it's great stress relief. If you'd rather not dance you could start something else you are interested in. Do these things through out the day while the kids nap. Make that time for yourself. You will be surprised how much better you feel. Once you start doing this for yourself you will feel better and it will actually help with how you communicate with your husband. Your sex life will come back and all will start to fall back into place. Good luck and if you need anything ( someone to talk to, whatever) I'm here!

Marta - posted on 07/24/2009

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I would explain to him how you feel, my hubby and I had a similar talk recently. It went something like this Me: Hunny we need to have a talk, I have some things I want to share with you Him: Oh okay, am I in trouble? Me: No I just wanted to talk about our sex life and a few other things I've noticed lately. Him: Oh, well I think our sex life is okay but the house needs some work....why is it always so messy around here? Me: Well you expect me to do the dishes, the laundry, vaccuum, dust, clean the bathroom, clean the bedrooms the living room etc all while taking care of the needs of our kids, myself and you. I can't do it all by myself I need some help from you. Him: Well what can I do to help you...I mean you're home all day long you should have time to get this stuff done. Me: Well, for starters you could do your own laundry and keep your man cave tidy so I don't have to do it. I realize you're tired when you get home but so am I the noise around here is what tires me not necessarily the amount of work. And that's what leads to me having a hard time getting "into" it; it makes me feel unappreciated and I haven't had a very healthy self-image since the baby was born. Him: I'll try to do my part around here, I'm sorry I've been such an ass.

Then we hugged and it's been a lot better around here he's been helping out a little bit here and there and he often takes the kids off of my hands so I can go take a shower or go for a drive down to the mall and unwind for a little while. If he doesn't understand where you're coming from then challenge him to see how much he gets done on a Saturday while watching the kids, and you can go out for a little while. Having "me" time is very helpful for your labido because it allows you time to reconnect with yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. Best of Luck

Jessica - posted on 07/24/2009

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I have found with me, that the less I have sex the less I want it! I went through a phase like that but I pushed myself through it and now I just grab it whenever I get the chance! lol

Luzenia - posted on 07/24/2009

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first of all you need to stop doing everything for him even if you fight at first eventually he will get used to the idea that you are his WIFE not his mother and maid. my husband did the same thing at first he was and still is a mommas boy she does everything for him and he expected me to do the same. so i didn't and if he didn't like it well then that was too bad as for the alone time i am going through the same thing after all day of cleaning, taking care of the three boys, doing my full time school work, doing learning activities with the boys, then supper. by the time we get the kids to bed and i clean up i am ready for a shower then a nice silent evening on the couch my husband is always in the mood and i am just not. i do know that most men cheat because lack of an emotional relationship not sexual i have found that if i talk and rub id head every now and then the rest just seems to happen and also there are books you can look up you may be disinterested because you have not found the true physical pleasure find out what YOU like and everything else will follow you have to remember men are simple minded beings when something is bothering you and you dwell on it and really think about what the problem is they don't they just don't care so you may have to explain this stuff to him and when you do you may come to realize that a lot of your worries are nto as big as they seem

Tallulah - posted on 07/24/2009

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I feel the same way. I am 21 with three kids and husband. I feel so bad when EVERY single night he tries to have sex and I am just not in the mood. Just talk to your husband, I have done that and he sometimes backs off, but guys have always been more sexual then us. They don;t understand what it takes to be a wife, mother, or even a working woman.

Samantha - posted on 07/24/2009

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I know how you feel! The last thing you want to do at the end of the day is please one more person. Try your best to help him with his wants and needs but make sure he s doing the same for you! Don't crawl into bed with him just so he wont step out on you. Make sure he knows you understand his needs as a man. But also tell him that you need the same understanding from him. I know this may not be helpful because I feel that most days I struggle with this as well. You are not a let down you are just very busy and in need of support! Do not settle anything that makes you unhappy!

Kayla - posted on 07/24/2009

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this happened o me. and your baby is only 7 weeks- we went over 3 months. i had a lot of recovery to go through with my son. when the shuting out part happened - i wrote a note with my feelings and what was going on in my head. after he read it- we talked. it worked. he could see it my way (this was after the fact i started to resent him for acting like a kid more than a husband). now it did take a lot of time for me to get back in to the grove of it. it happened a lot more after i stoped breast feeding my son at 11 months. now we are kinda back to the way we use to be. IT TAKES TIME, our bodies will tell us when we are ready

Miriam - posted on 07/23/2009

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tried talking. didnt work. hes never shut me out for more than a couple hours, now its been a day and i duuno what to do

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2009

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Talk.. just talk w? your hubby. Comunication is key! just let him know what your going through. most men dont have a clue!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2009

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NO MAM!!!! it is very hard to be a MOM but the pleasure is in the chanange! Enjoy every moment!! Good and Bad! Love it all!!!

Heather - posted on 07/23/2009

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im going through similar things....but the thing is he helps me out and we share the responsibilities pretty equally. But I have absolutely NO sex drive and he wants it. constantly. and i just cant, it seems after i had the baby im scared to have sex especially after the c section and it hurt a lot....so now we are lucky if we do it even once a month. my husband is very patient and im blessed but like u im scared it will eventually break up our marriage....and i cant go to the dr because i have no insurance...so im very frustrated.

LaToya - posted on 07/23/2009

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i have been where you are the best thing to do is too COMMUNICATE! men cannot read your minds dear talk to him tell him. But truly its hard for women to have sex when we are on a emotional rollercoaster. So work on yourself and get to the root of the problem

Hailey - posted on 07/23/2009

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IM WITH U ON THAT ONE THERES JUST NO BUZZ ANYMORE AND HE DOESNT HELP HE JUST EXPECTS ME TO BE READY TO DO IT CAUSE HE DOESNT NEED TO B PUT IN THE MOOD ALL HE NEEDS TO DO IS THINK ABOUT SEX AND HE IS WANTIG IT AND READY TO GO WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE ROMANCING PART , I DONT MEAN I WANT TO BE TAKEN OUT FOR DINNER BUT AT LEAST MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL B4 TRYING TO GET ME INTO BED A KISS N A SNUGGLE ISNT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR IS IT , I THINK EVERYONE GETS FEELINGS LIKE YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THEY JUST HIDE THEM BUT TRY TALKING TO YOUR MAN ABOUT IT CAUSE THEY CANT IMPROVE THE WAY THEY ACT IF THEY DONT KNOW THAT THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG =0) HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON

[deleted account]

I agree with Kylie, also it is so NOT your job as a wife to have sex. Your job as a wife is to love him but his job as a husband is to love you and that means accepting the fact that you may not be in the mood.

Kylie - posted on 07/23/2009

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give yourself a break sweet you have a toddler and 7 week old baby! sounds to me like your husband is acting like another child. he should be there supporting and encouraging you and taking the pressure off when ever he can.How are you supposed to get in the mood when your over worked and under appreciated..when a new baby is in the house sex needs to take a backseat. maybe if he ran you a bath before bed and gave foot massage and told you what an amazing mum and woman you are you'd feel more in the mood. You need to sit down with him and talk calmly about how you feel. it's not right your worried about losing your marriage because you don't feel like sex when you have just had a baby. i hope you feel better soon. good luck

[deleted account]

It's a two sided problem, and both people need to make changes. I'm going through a similar situation. I have 3 yr old and an 8 month old plus I baby sit during the week. My husband works a full-time job and when he gets home he dosen't really help out, all he wants to do when I have a few minutes of down time is to touch and have sex. I'm not in the mood, come on we change diapers all day, clean up other bodily functions when the kids are sick, we cook, we clean, we're lucky if we get to shower everyday and then we don't get to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. A stay at home mom works the same as 3 FULL TIME JOBS! So yeah sex can feel like over time! But I'm finding that now that I'm forcing myself to spend time and money on myself and taking care of myself I'm feeling less guilty about doing so and I'm finally starting to feel like a women again and not just a mom. My husband has made some changes as well. He's holding a job, he's spending more time with the kids, and every so often actually does some housework. I at one point told him the most romantic thing that a man can do for his woman is to be a father not just a dad and to help with the housework. My job is to raise our kids not clean up after him. Communication is key and both parties need to be willing to compromise so both people can be happy and get what they want out of the relationship.

Britni - posted on 07/23/2009

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awww.. you are a mommy you are very beautiful... and with him being mad then something is wrong.. because he shouldnt of gotten mad for you explaining how you feelt, or maybe he feels insacure as well men dont say whats on there mind a lot, so when your having sex and if he feels like your not into it maybe he feels like your not into him as well you know.. you both need to show each other that you still have that fire and still can be yourselves even though you have had kids you know, I was married before my current husband now and yes I know I am young but I have been thru a lot, My current husband his name is Austin and he is wonderful and well I had a son with my 1st his name was jon, and our son passed away 2 months after he was born in feb of 2007 and well I am happy now with austin, and I have never felt the way I do now, I am very happy with him and I was sooo worried that he wouldnt be attracted to me because Im pregnant because tech this will be our first child that is healthy and stuff you know, I never got to take my first son home with me so I have no clue on what to do.. but Austin is on deployment right now and he wont be home until 2 weeks after she is born, which my due date is sept 21st, but I talked to austin about me feeling like that and him not wanting to have sex with me you know.. and Well he had a week off during this deployment because they hit a midway point in it and I went and saw him and I was totally wrong, he is more attractive to me now, for some reason idk, BUt me feeling like that was all in my head, and as of right now he calls me beautiful and stuff all the time but Idk if he does it because he feels like he has to or because he wants to or really thinks I am.. With men you never know.. but back to you, Id take it day by day and Id go get your hormone levels checked.. it wouldnt hurt.. because that could explain some things and having a another child recently you know.. and there is also Post part depression too.. lots of things to concider

Miriam - posted on 07/23/2009

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there's 21 months between our first and 2nd.
I tried to explain last night which ended up with him storming off and sleeping on the couch.
It's not him coz I'm still attracted to him, but less and less does he call me beautiful. Still calls me sexy sometimes but I've never felt that way about myself.

Britni - posted on 07/23/2009

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Im going to be very very blunt here.. I know you may feel like you cant get into it and of course these women are right as well, You do need to just talk to him about it but sooner or later if he is not getting it from you he will find it from someone else.. its men.. not saying he is now but you need to communicate with each other ok.. main key in that.. He also needs to relize that you pretty much got pregnant back to back right? well it can take up to a year for a womens body to actually recooperate.. also hormones maybe you guys should go talk to a dr and check your hormone levels and stuff you never know but just talk to him and let him know, do you not feel pretty any more or is it something in your mind? Are you still attracted to him? if you are them its just you and stress and stuff.. but he needs to know you do a lot too and you have a lot of stuff on your mind... or you could try to spice things up dress up in a sexy outfit or something.. another thing if he stoped trying to have sex with you all the time, YOU will want it more.. because your used to him wanting it and then when he doesnt want it or "plays it off" like he doesnt you will find yourself wanting it..idk if any of this helped you or not.. but between all of us you have some thoughts to think about.. sorry about spelling very tired lol

Lyndsay - posted on 07/23/2009

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Well, maybe if he wouldn't nag you and expect you to be supermom you would have more energy left over for sex. You should tell him that.

Delma - posted on 07/23/2009

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i agree with julie howards post but something else that might spark the fires so to speak is go back to basics. what i mean by this is before babies and other resposibilities do something fun like when you were girlfiend and boyfriend. some thing like make it the focus of the day get the kids babysat do up the house with some candle music send him a suggestive sms at work with a request to get him to send one back time this for his lunch break make a romantic dinner buy yourself some lingrie and tell him about it and see what he sms back by the time hubby gets home im sure the word chore will not be in your vocabulory

Miriam - posted on 07/22/2009

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My son is 22months today, and my baby girl is 7weeks today.
One problem is that I have only about 8 friends, only one of whom hads a baby and I rarely see them, all the rest are too busy with their studys.
My husband works from 3am till 11pm, when he gets home we go and do any shopping needed doing, and then when we're home he's so tired that he just rests and watches movies or goes on his Xbox.
It's extremly hard to get him to do any work in the house, he tells me to nag him to do stuff but when I do he gets grouchy and then won't talk to me so I don't bother with that.
He goes to bed at 8:30 wanting to have sex, and part of the problem with that is I want to be able to cuddle into him afterwards but never can because I still have a couple hours work to do.
I'm getting to be on average, at midnight, waking up about 3-4 times through the night, and then getting up at 7am.

Demetria - posted on 07/22/2009

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i know how you feel i work a full time job 3-ll i wake up with lexy at 8 and im non stop around the house and running to her dr apt then off to work by three while my guy sits at home on his computer all day you need to get some of your friends together and get out of the house for a day. talk to him and tell him how you feel if he dont want to listen make him listen

Ashley - posted on 07/22/2009

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Have him take 2 vacation days in a row from work. Dont clean or do anything the day b4 and let him be you for a day while you go relax... the 2nd vacation day is for him to recoup after going completly insane and also to help you clean up the disaster he created trying to be you! I did this once and things have changed greatly.

Once things start to change your sex liofe should get better. You wil want to be near him bc you wont be frustrated or resent him as much bc he isnt helping

hope this helps, sorry about grammar and spelling errors. I have a headache and dont feel like correcting!!

Denine - posted on 07/22/2009

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Well here is the way I see it your husband wants to have sex with you. Isn't that great. He still wants to have sex WITH you. That is a way a man shows his affection and is how he is shown affection. How would you feel if you were making the moves on him and you could see it in his eyes that it is a chore or work. How loved and wanted would you feel? I think that we woman forget to look at it through our mens eyes to understand thier feelings about the issue. I think that the book by Dr. Laura, Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, will help you through this. I know that it helped me in my marriage alot. good luck

Jami - posted on 07/22/2009

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i went thru the same, i hired a nanny twice a week once for a day out by my self and the again later in the week and made my hubby take me out, and explained to him everything and that if it didnt change i was leaving cause i could be a slave to my self didnt need him for that, my husband did well with everything and now knows that i need his help cause we have 3 kids and i cant do it with out him but i need time alone also

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