I feel like such a faliure

Sara - posted on 07/13/2009

it all sounds very familiar. you are not alone!!!! My daughter didn't start sleeping through the night until she was like 10 months!!! tell me about it, I thought i was gonna die. I'm not saying your daughter will do this, but every baby is different. sometimes you will have amazing nights where they will sleep for long periods during the night and others they will wake up every few hours. it really depends. if she is waking up cuz she is hungry feed her...and try to feed her as often as possible during the day. If babies don't get enough to eat during the day they will wake up at night for it. so keeping her constantly full during the day might help to keep her asleep longer at night. also make sure she is not too hot or too cold at night. baths before bed also prepare her for sleep. I hope you know that you are a wonderful mother, that baby thinks the world of you! I know it seems hard not to compare to other mother's around you, but keep telling yourself...it's okay, she' only eight weeks old. she will find her schedule and it will all work out. don't set up time frames for this to happen, it can take some time and just try to go with the flow. also, try swaddling her at night in a recieving blanket, babies love the feeling of being in the womb. Best of luck to you, and never forget...when your up at 3am, so are about ten-thousand other mother's too. You are not alone :-D

Rebecca - posted on 07/13/2009

First of all know that you are a good mom! You wouldn't be worrying or seeking out advice on making your daughter's life easier if you weren't. Second, don't sweat the small stuff, our babies cry and get upset just like us and all they need is reassuarance.. I think the best advice that I can give you is trust your instincts. They will always lead you in the right direction. I believe you know all the obvious, babies are all different, they all have their own personalitlity and you will find what works for her. Being a mom is never easy but the rewards are outstanding! Good luck with everything!

Jessica - posted on 07/13/2009

when my oldest was a new born one day sure sticks out everything was going normal he ate the same as usual he was burped, clean and dry but for the life of me i could not get him to stop crying close to a hour later i was getting upset (k i was crying and frustrated)when my mom came over all she did was lay him on his belly and it was other he cried himself out or being on his belly is what he wanted

id only do this though if youll be in the room incase the baby spits up or throws up so she cant drown also my oldest liked sleeping on his side roll up a few baby burp cloths and put her on her side might help but stay close incase she rolls over

Kacey - posted on 07/13/2009

try giving her a bath just before bed and let her play in the bath for a little while. then feed her and rock her to sleep. let her sleep with one of your tee shirts so she thinks you are still holding her. and just relax. babies pick up on your tension and become stressed. its probably not anything you are doing wrong. there is really no right or wrong in these situations. you just have to experiment and find what works and what doesnt. Good luck. everything will turn out just fine!

Sarah - posted on 07/13/2009

Your not alone! My lil girl was like that a lot don't fret it will get better then worse then better again. Just when you think you have thier sleep scedules down it will change! Your not a failure though! Heck I still have trouble getting her to sleep in her crib and she's two now...

Rebecca - posted on 07/13/2009

well....my daughter is 3 and has not slept through the night since she was about 3 months old and that happend two times...it is nothing that you are doing wrong...maybe it is gas....try giving her some gas drops after you feed her. Or maybe she just wants to be close to her mommy....I wish you the best of luck...

Sandy - posted on 07/13/2009

Oh honey, do NOT feel like this is your fault!! Babies are on their own schedule and they can and WILL change that whenever they feel like it. My daughter was up every 2-3 hours hungry (consistently) until the day she turned 3 months old...then it was 3 hours during the day and a long 5-6 hours at night.

Also, you may think about counseling. Even if you don't have post-partum depression, it can help make sure that you don't feel like a failure to your newborn. It's not a sign of weakness or failure to want someone to reassure you. :) Good luck and congrats on your new baby!

Kimberly - posted on 07/13/2009

I dont know if anyone else has done this but when my little girl cries and i am feeling overwhelmed i cry right along with her and it helps to calm her down, by the time i am done crying so is she,

she hasnt been a very hard baby to get along with at all but there are times that she wont settle down at all. but a little of the cuddling and soothing helps,

Jaclyn - posted on 07/13/2009

My son did the same thing, I don't care what the doctors say you should try rice, just due plan, if you are bottle feeding just add some to the bottle and just watch how much better your little one would sleep, I started my son at 1 month he would wake up every three hours at night it works great. If your breast feeding mix it with some water and spoon or bottle feed......good luck

Josie - posted on 07/13/2009

I have 3 kids now. Something your dr. should tell you is that no baby is the same. None of my children have had the same sleep patterns. My oldest slept through the night by the time he was 3 months. My 2nd had colic her first month or 2 and I went nuts at night...she would only sleep if I sat in the kitchen with the light on! My 3rd (15mo now)slept through the night right away but now he wakes up in the middle of the night wanting a cup. The most important thing I can say is to relax. When you're stressed the baby gets stressed and can become fussy. Your partner needs to help even if they work and your at home. You have the hardest job in the world...being a full time mommy is not easy. Sleep when the baby sleeps. If the house gets dirty then your partner can help clean or take care of the baby when they get hone while you clean. Let them know you need help and never be ashamed to ask for it. Trust me, you will grow to resent them for not helping and leaving you alone to do it all. I wish you the best and great luck

Marliett - posted on 07/13/2009

I think it is normal for you to feel a little bit guilty, but you shouldnt let it get to you that much. I have had mommy guilt before. I think that you should find your own approach because what works for one may not work for the other. I have noticed that how I feel is how my daughter feels. It just simply rubs off. Good luck to you

Kirsty - posted on 07/13/2009

my 1st daughter was the same but i just got her in to a routine and kept to that routine its took her till she was bout 17 month before she started sleepin throough the night. but if ur gettin stressed and useless ur child can sense this and play on it ive noticed this sumtimes with my kids the best thing to do is try ur best to be calm round your little one and they will feel more settled! :)

LeeAnn - posted on 07/13/2009

Don't feel like a failure!!! You are a new mommy, and her Grandma isn't...she's been around the block, so to speak. Your baby can sense when you are anxious, or irritable, and that doesn't help. My youngest daughter won't let anyone but me put her to sleep...she nurses, and I am her comfort. My oldest daughter was formula fed because my milk dried up. Each child are different. Try not to get discouraged, it will pass...your hormones are fluctuating right now, and causes things to change. My youngest daughter had colic....it was really hard, but it doesn't last long....you may talk to your doc about what is going on, they can give you advice, or let you know if it is something to worry about. Good Luck!

Heather - posted on 07/13/2009

One important thing to remember is that every baby is different! Your baby may just want to be held by his mom - thats how my middle child was - he wanted to be a baby - he didn't even walk until he was 15 months old - and he wanted to be carried everywhere! It does get easier! If you use a pacifier - that helps too - wrap the baby up tightly and lay her on his side with a pacifier - she may sleep longer - just don't overdress her . . . . I wouldn't recommend giving her cereal until he has least 4 months old - you may constipate her or talk to your family doctor before you do - she is still a baby - just enjoy her! Pretty soon she will be too big to hold. . . . .

Hannah - posted on 07/13/2009

your not a failing her my son did that for while coz he picked up on tension but i also had to change his milk to 1 for hungrier babies ,try to relax more often and dnt be scared to ask for help if you need to sleep more or someone to help with the load around the home because these things build up and then it get harder and when she goes to sleep try to swaddle her as some babies just feel insecure .

Esther - posted on 07/13/2009

Quoting Christin:

Have you tried to put rice cereal in her last bottle at night? if not try it for about a wk

Ask your pediatrician first. There are health risks to doing this.

Esther - posted on 07/13/2009

Quoting Christin:

Have you tried to put rice cereal in her last bottle at night? if not try it for about a wk

Ask your pediatrician first. There are health risks to doing this.

Christin - posted on 07/13/2009

Have you tried to put rice cereal in her last bottle at night? if not try it for about a wk

LaCi - posted on 07/13/2009

Wow... my son didn't sleep all night until he was about 9/10 months old. Before that it was screaming for a bottle, every 4 hours.

All babies are different.

However, I still cry over the fact that my son behaves better for everyone else, and quite frankly seems to hate me. My mother assures me its just because I'm here all the time. But it doesn't help. I'd like to see him be as excited to see me as he is to see his father or grandparents. Blah.

Caroline - posted on 07/13/2009

i must admit my two now 7 and 5 were always good at sleeping now they are making up for it by getting up early. but you ARE NOT failing her. sometimes its good to cry im not one to do it either but feel much better when i do.keep doing what you are doing its the best thing for you and keep youre chin up and things will settle down again. they have a fantastic way of picking up on how you feel and playing on it. unless thats just mine.good luck

Miranda - posted on 07/13/2009

My darling daughter only started sleeping through the night at around six months! The suggestions I received was to move her bed-time 1/2 hour earlier. Weird but it works:)

Renata - posted on 07/13/2009

I wouldnt panik if i was you luke is just of nine months and is waking through the night still . All babies are different she will sleep through when she ready you doing everything right. :)

Sara - posted on 07/12/2009

Hi Charlotte.. please don't stress yoursefl out too much about daughter not sleeping through as yet... she may be having "a growth" spurt, or be cold, or too hot or somethng that you can not even pre empt. My youngest who is 5 1/2 months still isn't sleeping through where as my middle child slept completely through at 3 months.... they are all individual and each will do their own thing in their own time....

Lauren - posted on 07/12/2009

I have the sameproblem my mom puts my baby down and he sleeps! Sometimes it'll even feel like he sleeps for ANYONE but me. Sometimes I think maybe he just wants to be close to his mom, and he knows when its me caring for him. I don't know. It may just take more time for you, (andme) to get good sleep patterns established. If you care so much, then you are no failure. I do this too, beat myself up, over everything I think is wrong. The truth is, Motherhood is just hard work. But I know we can make it. Just try to take deep breaths,have some tea, and do your best. Try different things to see what might work for your baby. For my son, I rock him to sleep, and then gently put himin his bed, but I keep my hands on him for a few more minutes, so he doesn't wakeup immediately to being put in his own bed. That helps a lot of times. Also, try having some kind of background music or television, so thatrandom noise doesn't easily wake her. I reccomend classical or Siqur Ro's. They are a band from Iceland and the musice is very soft and and lovely. And if you have a partner, ask for some help to at least get a nap to recharge!

Rachel - posted on 07/12/2009

Don't feel like a failure, all mom's go through rough patches. My son is now 4, but when he was a baby he slept in his swing for the first 8 months of his life, because he wouldn't sleep any other way ( he also had really bad reflux). I felt the same way at first, but once we got into the grove of things, it got a lot better! I hope the best for you and your baby, take care!!!

Rachel - posted on 07/12/2009

I want to tell you a secret. All kids are different. My first son did not sleep though the night til he was 15 months old. No lie! He woke at least 1 a night to eat til he was 15 months. My second baby. He is now 5 weeks old. He sleeps for 6 hours a night.



Don't worry, it will get better and one other little secret is...... Childern are always better for the grandparents! It is built in the genes somewhere. Give your parents hell and be angels for the grandparents.

Amanda - posted on 07/12/2009

Don't feel awful. I felt the same way and my mom assured me that everything was ok. My son is 14 months and still does not sleep through the night. He sorta does on most nights, but it's still not regular. Between having a cold and taking forever to teeth I also fell like I'm going insane. My son didn't pop his first tooth until exactly a year and he still only has 6 teeth not totally in. So I'm still a ways away from a child sleeping through the night. Just hang in there, it gets better. Some nights those crying your eye out moments are a well needed stress reliever.

Kia - posted on 07/12/2009

Remember Grandma has had a lot of practice with her own. I was in the same position as you not long ago and I felt the same when someone else got him to sleep effortlessly - it made me feel like maybe I just wasn't good at being a mum - which is definately not true. Try to remember nobody pops out a little one and knows what to do all the time - I'm sure you are doing a great job. If you are not feeling better soon it may be a good idea to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. I don't have any advice as to how you can get your little one to sleep better because mine just grew out of it one day (I'm sure yours will too - and sooner than you think!) I found changing to formula from breastfeeding helped a lot though - he was just more happy and satisfied and started sleeping through the night - but it took some time too. Just hang in there and try to stay positive. Good luck!

Ruth - posted on 07/12/2009

I just had my third baby and only my son slept through the night but never took a nap. A baby can feel your tension. Every baby is different as well. Don't base your experiences with your baby on what others do. Enjoy your time with your child..even the rough times. They will be a great story in the end. See what grandma is doing that you might not be. Also try new things but not all at once. My new baby is worse if she gets any gas on her stomach and needs to be rocked some times to put the right pressure on her tummy to get the gas out. Just be patient and get help where you can so you can get rest. The more rest you get the more prepared you are for a tired baby who refuses to go to sleep.

Laura - posted on 07/12/2009

That happened to us some too (not the mother having our son sleep better than us but the better sleeping at first and then less for a bit over time)... Our solution was to let him sleep in our bed. I think it soothed him to hear our breathing as we slept. At 7 month old we transitioned him to his crib with no problems... but in the meantime, we ALL slept well!

Natalie - posted on 07/12/2009

I have a 21 day old so i can't really relate. I do think that she senses your tension and that may be why she's like this. Also, she may be going through a growth spurt. Have you talked to your daughters doctor? But never feel like you're a failure. You're a great mom and you are trying. Having a little one is definitely an adjustment period. Have faith in your mommy abilities. Things are going to look up soon. I hope this helps.

Xandra - posted on 07/12/2009

hello, im not sure if these tips will help you, they helped my bub she is 8 months old and sleeps all night...she didnt always tho...is she warm enough, its a fine line between being wram enough and roasting, i find that she loves lost fo layers and swaddling her helps too, but keep a good flow of air in her room, we even leave the window open a crack all year round, she loves to have cool air to breath, and we use a very strong routine at bed time, bath with lavender soap and a quiet cuddle then her feed then we use a cute seahorse toy that plays soft night time lullabys, she only gets this music at bed time and whenever she used to wake up we just put it on again, or use a long running cd of sleepy sounds, she'll get used to it and know that it is her bed time as soon as she hears it...of course this may not help with ur bub each one is different, have u read the book...save our sleep by Tizzie Hall or check out the website www.saveoursleep.com.au this woman does customized sleep options for each baby...
And remember when you feel guilty and like a failure its just your instincts helping you to be the best mother you can be...you would not be a bad mum till you stop caring...trust me it will get better...you sound like your doing great...and being a mother was never ment to be easy...

Christina - posted on 07/12/2009

But try not to be so hard on yourself. That baby loves you. She knew you before anything else. and yes sometimes you do need a break, i know! But it does get better. Try to get as much rest as you can and dont worry about the house and the laundry, those things will still be there. If you can get more rest then you will feel better, and if you can try to savor the times you do get up with her. becuase that really dose strengthen your bond :)

Christina - posted on 07/12/2009

I know what you are feeling I went through it too. My daughter would go right to sleep for my mother and things but she would wake up, on the clock, every two hours and sometimes it would take her 45 minutes to eat! then she got sick with a GI problem and i thought it was never going to end. i finally had a break down after getting maybe 3hrs of sleep in a 24hr period, being thankful to get a shower , and just broke down in the middle of the night while my ever so loving fiance is passed smooth out next to me. I know its hard now, and it seems never ending. But it does get better. When she turned 10wks she started sleeping for 3-4 hours and only getting up a couple times, and now she'll finally go to bed around 9, wake up somewhere between 3-5am and then agian at 7am to eat. have you tried puttin her in a swing or a bouncy? sometimes that helps.

Emma - posted on 07/12/2009

Don't blame yourself. Nothing is your fault. The crying will just be hormones that are still in your body and so will the feeling useless. I felt like this after I got home from having my daughter as I was in hospital for nearly 2 weeks and she slept alot of time in hospital mainly aswell through the night but then we got home and she didn't seem to settle yet at her aunties she slept alot more. What might help is if she wakes up only after a couple of hours sleep leave her for a couple of minutes and if she doesn't settle then go in and comfort here/give her a bottle. Children always 'play' up there mums. good luck and don't blame yourself.

Amy - posted on 07/12/2009

sweetie it not you fault sometime new born babys sleep better for other people then they do for their mommy i gettign ready to have a baby on friday .but my sone was like that dont give up just try new thing with her and se which one works ok~amy~

Nicola - posted on 07/12/2009

your doing just fine maybe she just needing more milk now, please dont worry my lil boy is one and a half and only just started sleeping through

Rachel - posted on 07/12/2009

I have a twenty month old... I can't say I remember when he went to sleep through the night, I know that it was hard... and even now he will try and stay up till 11-midnight and wake up around five in the morning. What you might try... and this is the hardest thing in the world is when you hear her at three hours of sleep, wait a few minutes. Tell yourself tonight I am going to wait three minutes before I go pick her up, you might find that she fusses, finds a comfortable position and goes back to sleep. As time goes you might be able to go longer. I generally wait fifteen minutes before going to pick my son up. Those fifteen minutes of him crying some times can feel like hours, but usually he falls back asleep and so do I. No matter what it gets better, and no matter what you do you can't possibly fail her.

Becky - posted on 07/12/2009

At 8 weeks i wouldn't expect most babies to sleep through. It could be a number of things, from early teething pain, to be too hot or cold.

You are far from a faliure.

My first daughter slept through from day one - everyone thought i was drugging her lol! So when my son came along i assumed that he would be the same - how wrong was i! He was up every two/three hours until 5 months, then he would wake up until 11 months once or twice a night for a feed. Because then he was on solids i tried to increase his food during the day and cut back on milk, but it did not help. He is now 17 months old and still waking at least once a night. I have tried everything and it seems the only thing he likes is to be in my bed - which i don't want to encourage but as i work full time i do give in more than i want to.

Please don't feel like you are the only one, i promise you that you are actually in the majority.

Kathleen - posted on 07/12/2009

also i would like to add my son is 16 months old and still doesent always sleep through the night. my advice just sleep whenever you can dont worry about anything else except your sanity!

Kathleen - posted on 07/12/2009

exact same thing happened to me! i couldnt get my son to sleep and it was making me sooooo sad. and then my mum would come over and he would sleep like a little angel. maybe you should try and relax because babies can tell when you are stressed out and they play on it! your not a bad mother!!! you just need to get used to your little one! and you are probly crying because you are so tierd ive been there and done that also! please dont think of yourself as a failure because its a horrible thing to think about yourself. i went throught a stage when i thought that about myself also. just remember your not the only person who feels this way. maybe you should try sleeping with your baby in bed with you?? maybe she doesent like her bed! maybe if she is in a bassinet put her in a big cot. and who cares about the house work dont stress out about it just have a nap when she is and trust me you will feel so much better! if you can afford it maybe you could hire a house cleaner to come like once a week thats what i had to do because i couldnt deal with my baby and all the cleaning but my mother paid for it for 6 months because i wouldnt of been able to afford it. you should start a night time routine to relax your baby and let her know its time for bed and she will eventually pick up on it! give her dinner and then a bath and then a bottle then tell her its sleepy time thats what i did with my son and he knows its time for bed when this happens and dont worry i had no help at all my sons father and it can be very frustrating! i hope you work all this out and start to feel better soon :D

Samantha - posted on 07/11/2009

Oh and I will also say until you are able to find a solution, just do what you can to get your sleep while the baby does. I am not and have never been the " crying type" but with sleep deprivation and not feeling well rested, I bawled my eyes out over the slightest and most strange things, since I also was a stay at home Mom. I am still working with my Son to sleep, but I also try to sleep when he does. My only advice is don't feel bad if your kid goes down at 4 pm and you do too. You have a little one and the rule goes when they sleep so do you. But you are not a failure by any means, Many people go through this and sometimes there is nothing you can do but go by" If you can;t beat them join them". :)

Samantha - posted on 07/11/2009

My son is just about 9 months, and I cannot, for the life of me, get him to sleep more than 6 hours. And Its 6 hours on the occasional good night. He is just not a sleeper! I have literally tried everything in the book and he defies it all. I figure it means that when he finally does sleep through the night, I won't take it for granted, and appreciate it! LOL.

Laura - posted on 07/11/2009

Don't feel bad or anything. I tried all that with my son and none of it helped or worked. We got him to sleep during the night just like you had but once he got his shots and then got RSV, sleeping through the night was way out the window. I got to the point where I literaly held him all night long in a recliner so we could all sleep through the night. I am also not the "crying type" but I was balling! Eventually I just him do what he wanted to do, no forcing of what schedule I thought he should have. I didn't really force to begin with but I thought I should help him to figure it out. I was wrong. Once I let him do his thing he started sleeping through the night. After holding him for months, at night, I thought getting him to sleep in his bed was going to be horrible. He took right to it. I think he was just thinking "About time mom, geeze!"

Anyway, you are not a failure in any way and ALL babies are different and remember don't compair you and your baby to anyone else and their baby. No two are the same and no situation is the same. You are trying really good methoids to get her to sleep but sometimes the littlest thing can throw them off track. Your stress rubs off on them so that might not help the situation, I think something that was part of our problem.

Anyway, I am SURE things will be okay for y'all and soon!

I know most ppl will hate this but even though it might not have been the best thing, I would hold him through the night again if that is what it takes. I am lucky it turned out as it did with the crib thing but still even if it didn't I beleive I still would.

Good luck and keep me posted!

Laura - posted on 07/11/2009

I was in the same boat as you. My daughter used to wake up every 2 to 3 hours at night to eat no matter how much I'd feed her before bed. I remember crying almost every night because I didn't know what to do to get her to sleep. My pediatrician told us something that actually helped. She said that if feeding is the last thing my daughter did before going to sleep at night, then if she woke up in the middle of the night, she'd need to feed in order to go back to sleep. She suggested feeding her before her bath and then putting her down to sleep. It was very hard in the beginning because my daughter had to adjust to a new bedtime routine and learn to put herself to sleep, but it really payed off. After that she started sleeping 5 or 6 hours at a time at night. She's almost 7 months now and has only been sleeping through the night for the last month or so. You are not failing her! It takes a while to find out what works best for you and your little girll. I hope this helps.

Misty - posted on 07/11/2009

My girl was nearly 6 months before she slept through the night for me. I tell you, kids are ALWAYS better for Gramma than for Mom and Dad. You are NOT a failure. You're doing everything you can to make her a healthy, happy baby. You're exhausted because of this, while Gramma gets to send baby home. Naturally, Gramma probably keeps baby busier during the day than you are currently able to, so she's probably more tired at bedtime. My guesses anyway. Hope it gets better. God bless.

Robin - posted on 07/11/2009

Hi i see you are having problems with your little one. Sounds like she is hungry. When my daughter was that young she could not get enough to eat, so I put cereal in her bottles with the formula. (She is 8 now is very healthy and never has been sickly). She started sleeping all night, never gettting up until 8 in the morning. Grandma probably plays with her alot and she is up more during the day so she is tired at night when she is over at her house. Try keeping her up at night playing with her to make her tired.. Just a growth spirt!!

Brianna - posted on 07/11/2009

If she's sleeping over 3 or 4 hours...bless her. It is unusual for an 8 week old to sleep long hours.

If you're inadvertantly feeding her too much, that could be one reason she's waking up soon after putting to rest. My son's pediatrician once told me, "A baby's pain is felt 3 times greater than ours". With that in mind, she could be having stomach aches. Also, a baby will feed off of it's mothers emotions more than anyone elses. The baby doesn't know it's doing it or isn't doing it on purpose, it's just one of those things of nature when they're infants. If she wakes up crying and you're stressed, she'll pick up on that and respond to it. I would say...if you need to walk away for a bit, do it. Let her cry. You're not neglecting her or abusing her by doing that. You're taking time needed to analyze what's going on and maintaining your composure so as not to upset her further.

Hope that helps a little.

Karen - posted on 07/11/2009

Please don't feel like you are failing her, my daughter did the same thing, she eventually got back to normal. Just be patient with her, and things will all get back to normal. Good luck!

Stephanie - posted on 07/11/2009

I would try a swaddle Me blanket. I am a firm believer in swaddeling. When my sone was not swaddled he would wake ever 3 hour.. when he was he would go 6 or more. They just feel more secure. Dont feel bad though Babies respond differently to all. Like right now my son wont sleep without a passifire at home but will sleep without one at grandma's and at day care.