i hate that people think that im a bad mom because of my age

Heather - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 141 moms have responded )

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i had jakob when i was 20 im now 23 im a good mom i love my son but the lady at the daycare doesnt like me because of my age well she thinks im younger then i am but im a good mom how dare her think different just cause im younger then she is

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Stacey - posted on 02/13/2010

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I had my 1st right after turning 19 and got the same crap all the time. A lady even stopped me when walking into the grocery store once and told me I was too young to have a baby. Now that she's almost 11 I still get it because I look too young to have a child that old. I don't know if it'll ever end with this one : )

Jessica - posted on 02/13/2010

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i get the same thing but i am 20 and i have 2 kids with 1 on the way i love my kids very much and would not change them for the world and so i dont care what people think of me or my kids or how they look at me i am a better mom then the teens who just leave their babies with their parents or anyone so they can go out people can try and judge us because of the sterio types out there but as long as we know that we are good parents no matter how old we are then it should not matter they are just jelouse because we will still be young when our kids get older

[deleted account]

i had my first child when i was 21 and im a good mom im 37 now you know her prob is that shes just plain jealous of you and your youth so screw her if you still feel uncomfortable with her then try and find another daycare centre that would be advise or maybe speak to someone above her just letting them know your feelings

Josie - posted on 02/12/2010

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I know what you are going through. I had my little girl at 19 and always got asked questions and got dirty looks. One time I was at the supermarket getting formula for my little girl and I was using a wic check to pay for it. This woman behind me had the nerve to turn around, roll her eyes and say to me that she didn't like paying for my babies formula with her tax money. Then she continued on giving me a two minute speech how if you can't provide for your child and be a proper caregiver you shouldn't have any children. I then told her that infact it wasn't that I couldn't provide for her, but infact I was I full-time bioscience major 50 credits away from my BA degree and my daughter needed special expensive formula because she has a medical problem putting on weight. Then I told her that she would understand if she would of completed more then 12 credits at whatever crap college she went to and that I was a great mother doing the right thing. She left the line and the store empty handed, leaving her cart full of groceries behind. That was done for all the mamas out their doing the right thing, young or old, a good mommy is a good mommy!

P.S. now that my daughter is almost two and I am only 21 I have seem to age at some ridiculous rate, I don't even get ID-ed anymore! Someone at the bank actually offered me a life insurance plan for women in their 30's. Now thirty isn't old but I don't want to look like I'm thirty when I'm only 21! See the dilemma here lol when your a woman you can never win. I wish someone thought I looked like I was 15 again! Ironic :-)

Dem - posted on 02/11/2010

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I was 21 when I had my daughter and people where quite rude about it. But my daughter's happy and healthy and when I look at her I know Im doing a good job. You dont need to prove yourself to anyone, as long as you feel happy with yourself as a mum thats all that matters.

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141 Comments

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Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010

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I had my Daughter at 17 and im going to be having my son in june a month before i turn 21 age doesnt make a good mom the person does! i think people are ignorant to that fact! dont worry about what other people think all that matters is that ur son thinks ur a good mom!

Jennifer - posted on 02/13/2010

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There is nothing worst than being judged on how good of a mom you are. I had my daughter at 21. I also look young for my age. When I was pregnant strangers always asked what my parents thought about me being pregnant!! Can you believe that?! Ignore other people, as hard as it is. All that matters is you take care of your little one.

Nakeia - posted on 02/13/2010

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let me start off by saying your son is soooo cute! and dont ever let anybody make you think you are a bad mom because i am going to be 23 in a couple of months and i am a mother of a 2 almost 3 year old and i think i am a darn good mother and sometimes i need a break but that still dont make me a bad mom... Some people think that because we are young and they think we only want to party and have fun! but they are wrong all so wrong...

Charity - posted on 02/13/2010

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I've been there too. I had my first child when I was almost 21. He started daycare at about 4 months old. My daycare provider didn't agree with anything that I did with Merlyn. Finally, I had to tell her "look, this is how I wish to raise my son, if you can not accept that I will have to find a different daycare". She decided that she would listen to me after that. I think that sometimes other women just won't agree to other moms' things because they feel threatened and think that their way is the best way. Hang in there sweetie, she'll come around, hopefully.

Dena - posted on 02/13/2010

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I got pregnant 3 wks. after I got married and had my daughter @ 20. I was pregnant again, even with nursing and on birth control, 4 months later. I haven't noticed that anyone treated me any differently, but maybe that is the trick. Just ignore it - if you're oblivious it can't bother you, can it? I have been a registered child care provider for about 12 years now and all I look for in a good mom is that I have all the key supplies to take care of their child, that their child appears to be well taken care of (including in an appropriate car seat at all times), and that they are responsible when it comes to paying for their child's care. If you take care of your child sweetie, I wouldn't judge you even if you were a teen mom. I am sure people may be judging me right now - I have an 8 1/2 yr old, a 7 1/2 yr old, one that will be a year old the end of this month, and I am 9 wks. pregnant. LAST ONE! We loved having the older pair be close in age so when we ended up having another one last year, we thought we should have a playmate for her. :)

Carly - posted on 02/13/2010

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I get it all the time. Im 21, had my son 2 weeks before my 21st. I would say I look younger for definte but what used to make laugh when I was pregnant I'd go to the Hospital for scan, blood test etc.. & there would be middle aged women stood outside staring at me, giving me the look & commenting about how 'kids are getting pregnant..' YET they were stood with CIGARETTES in there mouth. They may have had another 10 years over me but I, at 20 years of age, made a concious decision to give my child the best possible start in life & they had the cheek to stare at me like I'd be a bad mother when they stood there already damaging and putting there unborn children at risk. Cheek of it!! Absolute digrace!!

Dawn - posted on 02/13/2010

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I had my daughter right before I turned 18, she is 9 now and I am 27. It bugs her when people ask if I'm her sister but I try to laugh it off and ask her if she would rather them think I was her sister or her grandma. I look younger then I am so I even get comments when I'm out with my 15 month old. A few times I have made snide comments back but I normally just try and laugh it off. I would rather look too young then too old. Do your thing and keep your focus on being a good mom, not people who think their opinion is worth more then it is... I'm learning that women can be a very jealous group..

Melanie - posted on 02/13/2010

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Ok I'm 24 with 3 boys ages 3, 2 and 1 in may I get looks to and the occasional comment from time to time. I just learned to ignore it. If you know and believe your a good mother then you have nothing to worry about.

Joanne - posted on 02/13/2010

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i was 18 when i had my first child so that was very young , now i have three more kiddies and im 25 (almost 26) ... i was taking two of my kids out to get clothes one day and we had to get a bus an old lady was looking at us funny and she asked what ages they both were , so as not to be ignorant i told her their ages and she said are you their mum ? i was like yes ... she just blurted out i think your their sister , you don't look old enough !! ....people can be so rude , my grandmother was married and started a family young aswell so what is the diff now then ? don't let that misrable old bat get you down xx

La Tonya - posted on 02/13/2010

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That is terrible. I am not sure how I would have handled that sitch. I do know that as long as YOU and Jakob know your a great mom. Who cares What the broad from day care thinks. Just because you are younger than SHE thinks you SHOULD be is no reason for her to treat you as such and you should express your feelings NICELY. SHE DOES TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD!!! Good luck homie

Samantha - posted on 02/13/2010

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I was 19 years old when my first son was born. Honestly the stigma never goes away. I am 30 and he starts middle school in the fall. My only advice is.. don't worry about the snickers and jugdment from strangers...the people who know you are the only opinouns who truly matter. If the problem at the dayschool continues, go above this rude judgemental womans head and address the problem with her boss. It is not her job, to criticize you, but to take care of your child. That is what she gets paid to do. good luck

Emma - posted on 02/13/2010

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i had ma son when i was 17 he is 3 now and i am 21 people say a was to young but i am always there for ma son in we are doin gr8 as i am a single mum.

Cindy - posted on 02/13/2010

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ooh yeah AND JUST TO CLARIFY.. a lot of teens get pregnant lately more than people that are 20+ it seems and just because they are teens doesn't mean they are bad mommys because I know a good bit of people that were teen moms and they are very good mothers to their babies so judgemental people need to keep all thoughts and opinions to themselves.

Catherine - posted on 02/13/2010

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point out that when she is to old to do certain activities with her child that you will still young enough to keep up....I was two months away from being 20 when I had my son. Also point out that age doesn't always coincide with maturity. You can be a very mature 23 year old but there can be a mom who started having kids at ....e25 and be vey inmatu

Brieanne - posted on 02/13/2010

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Has she said that to your face? If she has, I would have told her to hush her mouth, then I would have reported her to her boss. I know someone who had a baby when she was 17 and she's a fantastic mother!

Cindy - posted on 02/13/2010

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that is definately not too young.. do you know how many teen pregnancies there are compared to women who get pregnant in their 20's??? Don't even let people like this sweat you cuz age also definately has nothing to do with whether you are a good mom or not. She shouldn't judge you because of that. I am sure your baby is fine and you're a great mom.

Raysha - posted on 02/13/2010

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I was 19 when I had my daughter and I'm 21 now. I get looks all the time but no one has ever said anything to me. I honestly think if someone did, I would go off. Haven't they ever heard the saying, don't judge a book by it's cover? I mean I have been told that since I was in primary school.

Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010

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i had my first son when i was 18 years old and i am no 23 you can be a good mom no matter how old you are

Brittany - posted on 02/13/2010

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I am expecting for July 4th 2010, I am 20 years old and will be 21 in October. When I first got pregnant I was afraid of the comments. But after the first week of coming to realisation those worries have subsided. The love you have for your child is a bond no one can break, even with harmful words. A good mom is one that will always love and be there for her child. Dont worry about what other people have to say, they are too busy worrying about other peoples lives than to worry about their own! As long as you and your family are happy thats all that matters!! Just brush it off with a smile "Hi Hater!". :)

Jessica - posted on 02/13/2010

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i just had my son and i'm 21 going on 22 this year. I have the same problem, but its seems to be more with my own sister. Just because she has had four kids she thinks she better at raising a kid, though she lost the first two our mom and is very close to losing the other two. I don't mind her advise, but when she doesn't even let me have time to do it, or when i don't think its right, she does it herself. I helped my mom raise my two nephews/brothers since they were a year and six months. the only thing i don't know about to much is breastfeeding.

Lexie - posted on 02/13/2010

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Im a young mom... I had my son when I was 21 and now he is about to be 18months. I just wanted to say that it doesnt matter how old you are or you marital status. All that matters is that you take care of your child and that they know they are loved. You and your child are the ones who matter.

Danelle - posted on 02/13/2010

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I was 16 when i had my first child. that was 10 years ago. its hard now to go to school functions sport functions where my sons friends parents are because they all stare at me because im so young with a 10 year old son. I dont let it bug me too much though i also have a 7 year old a 3 year old and a 1 year old. The ppl my age are starting to catch up with me and have kids the same ages as my younger ones. Is all you can do is prove em wrong. good luck.

Desirae - posted on 02/13/2010

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Don't let your daycare make you feel judged. If they continue to do so, I would find another daycare. Not right... Not fair... You are an adult and obviously love and care for your child as much as anyone else. It is not their place to judge you.

Mandy - posted on 02/13/2010

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I know what you mean. I had my first son when I was 19 and now at age 27 I have three children. People used to stare at me cuz I look so much younger than I am. Someone even came up to my mom one time and asked her how she could let her 13 year old daughter get pregnant! She said my mom must not have been keeping a close enough eye on me. That was pretty funny, but embarassing at the same time. People still don't believe I have 3 children, but that's OK. I love them to death!

Jessica - posted on 02/13/2010

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I had my son at 20 as well, I am now 23 and my son is 3 and a few months old. However, i look like im still 20 haha...sometimes ppl look at me wierd, especially when i get so upset with him sometimes in public (he may have adhd, is very hyperactive and gets anger fits), but only u and u alone know how to discipline and work with your child. I know i am a good mom, and at the end of the day, all that matters is that that little child loves you no matter what. Dont let other ppls looks or talk bring u down...just learn to ignore it, and be confident with urself, because we are good moms. Even tho we are younger than some, we love our kids just like everyone else older and younger, and that should not make as any different. Theyll get over it. And if it keeps up, tell them how u fell. Just say, listen it kind of makes me upset that you look at me differently because I am younger than some moms, and i know I am a good mom so please dont judge me just because of my age. Thatll def. give u some respect points from them. Confidence is key when being a mom in general, but even more so when your a young mom, thats something i grown to learn over the past 3 years. be proud of yourself, and dont let any1 else tell u otherwise.

Ezra - posted on 02/13/2010

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Yeah, i know your pain! i had my children at a young age too. people like to judge because of that, but you continue being a wonderful mother and they will see age doesnt matter, their are older people who cant even take care them selfs

Charlene - posted on 02/13/2010

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unfortunately some people like to jump to their own conclusions about other people's character, I'm sorry your experiencing that, my daughter is 6 and i now have a son 3 months and i still experience the looks and comments just because people see me and assume I;m younger than I am. Unfortunately there will always be people like that and all you can say is I know who I am and I am a good mom. I've actually started a convo a couple of times with someone like that just so I could make the point that I'm not as young as they think and I'm not an incompetent mother. good luck :)

Sarah - posted on 02/13/2010

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I had my first when I was 16. I allways ignored what people thought they knew. Screw em. Sometimes younger moms can be even better moms than older ones. Anyone judging your parenting based on age is a ridiculous stereotype.

Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010

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all that matter is your a wonderful and amazing mother. don't let them look at you like you can't do anything. the lady might be mad because your doing a good job and she doesn't want to give you the benefit of the doubt. just keep your head up and don't let anybody put you down!

Janetta - posted on 02/13/2010

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hey there, you know i went through the same thing but with my family. i got pregnant with my 1st when i was 16 and had him when i was 17 teen. i was still on highschool and was on the honour roll. my family thought i was going to drop out of school and be a bad teen mom. well it made me more determined then ever to succeed at my goals. i graduated the next year and then got a job right after for a bit. i moved to calgary with the dad and tried it there but it was to big for me.So when my first was 3 i got pregnant with my second , when he was 3 months i got a surprise and was prego with my 3rd. so theyare only 11 month apart. but you know no matter what anyone said as long as my kids were healthy and happy and had what they needed then i was fine. what anyone else had to say i just took it as something to make me work harder as a good mom. i no longer took it as a insult . now i am 29 and married to a wonderful man and got two more beautiful girls out of it all. i am now a mother of 5 and wouldn't change it for anything. i get alot of i don't know how you do this i would lose my mind. or i get your a amazingmom !! but i thank those around me that made me work harder at being a great mother even if istarted out young. god will only give you what you can handle or what he says you can handle.

Danielle - posted on 02/13/2010

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I had my daughter when I was 21 and I wouldn't change that for anything. I used to get bad glares and looks when she was real little but I guess I've proved to people that I'm not too bad of a mom-----she's 3 1/2 with no serious injury/illness. She's not an out-of-control toddler----no tantrums in stores, goes to church WILLINGLY every Sunday and has even joined the toddler choir. Young mom does not equal bad mom. Keep your head up-----people that judge you are probably just scared of being judged themself or afraid that you're actually doing a better job then your older counterparts.

Chantelle - posted on 02/13/2010

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i hate people like that i was 14 when i had my son hate to think what she thinks about me im 25 now and i have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old son

Duranda - posted on 02/13/2010

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i wouldnt worry about it. i was 19 when i got pregnant and twenty when i had him. age has nothing to do with how good of a mother you are..

Taryn - posted on 02/13/2010

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i agree, i was 19 when i had my daughter and 21 when i had my son, im now 28 and they are both at school and feel as if im being juged because i may look younger than i am an most aother parents of kids there ages are older. you just got to brush it off and realise they are the one with the problem:)

Ashlee - posted on 02/13/2010

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i had my son when i was 16, scared out of my mind, and having to put up with people judging me was nothing compared to what i thought of myself. as long as your baby is fed, changed, looked after well and developing normally i think everyone else can get F*****! im sorry but i have pretty strong views on this topic after being put through all the crap about 'young mums!' But it certainly doesnt help when 'young mothers' get on Today Tonight etc and say they only have kids for the baby bonus! I wish people would just realise that we're not all like that, just like all people at centrelink arent dole bludgers!

Natasha - posted on 02/13/2010

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it happens all the time im 21 had my son at 18 and i know im a brill mum better than some 30yr old mums,the worst is when i take him 2 play school and the other mums are all older i get funny looks all the time it makes u feel rubbish but as long as u no ur doing a great job than forget every1else

Sam - posted on 02/13/2010

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i was 17 when i first got preggo and had him 6mths after my 18th and ppl told me i was to young and i ddnt care wat thy said coz i new i could do it coz i was looking after other ppls babies and kids whn i was 14yrs old and i had my sec son three mths b4 my 21st and my thrird son 10 days after my 24th bday and i am 27 nw and ppl still say i dont look like im old enough to have 3 kids and i say thnk u but im 27 and thy look shoted lol

Amanda - posted on 02/13/2010

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i was 19 when i got pregnant and had my son....i am now 20 and a single mother... i completely understand what you mean....i have been judged seeral times because i am very young and single... the lady at the daycare is acting very unprofessional...you can change daycares or act like it doesnt bother you, and it will annoy her even more...lol...good luck sweetie!

Krista - posted on 02/12/2010

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Don't worry about what other people think..I had my first daughter @ 17, she's 10 almost 11 now and I still get looks from people. Often they think we're sisters, but I quickly correct them. It's nice to look young, but sometimes frustrating when you want the respect you deserve for being a great young mother. I now have two beautiful daughters, 3 & 10, most people are shocked to hear that...take it with gentle stride& a thank you. Enjoy being a young mother & being able to keep up with and relate to your children :)

Allie - posted on 02/12/2010

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i got pregnant at 17 and had my son at 18 then got pregnant again at 18 and had my daughter at 19 and im a damn good mom even though im young! no one has the right to talk down about you just because your a young mom!

Alisha - posted on 02/12/2010

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People look at everyone for all sorts of reason. . a looking young and having children is just another reason to look. I am 24 and just had my 3rd baby just over 3 months ago. I had my oldest at 20 and yeah people look at me llike im too young to have kids and that they must have differents dads but they all have the same daddy an dwe are happily married. SO i just look on with a smile on my face cuz no stranger is going to back me feel like im in the wrong when i have done nothign wrong but bring life to this world and well i believe thats what im here for. SO don't be bothered by those who judge. just remember when u go to judge someone for anything remember how it feels and just smile and help make them feel good about themselves♥

Jessica - posted on 02/12/2010

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i know how you feel. my son is one now, and i was twenty (turning twenty one) when he was born. even all through my pregnancy i got comments from total strangers that i was too young to be having a baby and that i wouldnt be a good mom because i wasnt capable of giving up things i hadnt even experienced yet. its times like those, though that you turn to them, smile sweetly and tell them to shove it :) just hang in there girly. people are judgemental, rude and think theyre always right but for the rest of us, well we know how it really is.

Cassie - posted on 02/12/2010

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I know how you feel. I was 21 when I had my daughter & I'm 23 now almost 24... people still think I look 17. It's so annoying when people walk up to you and throw advice in your face as if you don't know what you're doing! ugh! or when they make a snide comment about something you're obviously doing "wrong" with your child.. when they have no idea what your child is like or wants/needs. I think a mother knows her own child.. and anyone with a decent motherly bone in her body knows what's best for her child. Advice is great... when it's asked for.

Jenn - posted on 02/12/2010

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I had my son when I was 20 and am 23 now.. And I have been told I look like I am 16. I have and still get criticized for being a young mom but I know that I am doing everything that I can to provide a good life for my son and myself and that's all that matters! Just keep your head up and stay strong... your son will look up to you. You're doing a great job! :-)

Ashley - posted on 02/12/2010

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I have to agree with everyone on here i had my son when i was 21 and my daughter when i was 24...I look older but there are still some people that look down on me especially when i go out without my husband. I just get over it there is nothing i can say or do about it...my kids are happy and healthy and that is all the matters just remember that.

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2010

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I know how you feel too, I had my son when I was 22. I always get dirty looks when we go out in public. When I was pregnant, I was at work and a customer came through my line and asked me if I was old enough to be pregnant. I was soo stunned at what he said I didnt even say anything back

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2010

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I'm 25 & have a 5 month old son, BUT I look VERY young for my age. Depending on what I'm wearing or how I look that day I could probably pass for 16 or 17 years old. I've always been very insecure about how young I look, and I often feel like people are looking at me like I'm way too young to be a mom. Regardless of your age, it all depends on how well you are taking care of your child & making sure you do your best to keep him/her safe & secure. I'm sure there's plenty of 40 year old moms out there who don't take nearly as good care of their child as a 20 year old does.

MELISSA - posted on 02/12/2010

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okay i'm apauled by that. i am 23 also. when i 20 yrs old i got with chris (my fiance). he has three kids. gabe-15, catherine-14, and christian-9. i get them up every morning for school, and cook them dinner, wash their clothes, take them to the doctor or dentist, and well i do plenty more for them also. now i will be the first to admit that is very hard to go to school, work, and take care of kids. i applaud all of you young mothers. your not only trying to better your childs life, but also your future. i don't think anyone really looks down on me because of the kids, but rather my fiance. we are 14 years apart, and well i think i have gotten just about every snotty or rude remark you can think of. but i am also a strong willed person and don't need the encouragement or approval of anyone but myself. JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND LOVING YOUR CHILD. AND REMIND THEM WOMEN THAT WITHOUT YOU AND PLENTY OF OTHER MOMS, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE THAT JOB. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS TO ALL YOU YOUNG MOTHERS!

Stephanie - posted on 02/12/2010

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im 22 about to be 23 and i have a little girl that is 6 monthes. i wouldnt worry about what naybody has to say as long as you know that you are doing for your child that way taht your suposed to then thats it. who cares what a older women thinks. ive been married for 3 years and i still get dirty looks.

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