I have no clue what Im doing =(

Ashley - posted on 01/25/2010 ( 144 moms have responded )

51

35

3

Im helping out at an in-home daycare and there is this new born baby that comes and i try to help out, but i have no clue what im doing, im 6 months along with my first and everybody tried re-assuring me before that its "2nd nature" but my "instincts" still havent kicked in. i really want to be a good mother, but im scared that i still wont know what im doing.... does anyone else feel like they dont know what they are doing or what they should do? is this normal??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Heather - posted on 01/25/2010

13

22

2

I think it is a lot different with other peoples children than with your own. It is hard sometimes to figure them out. Once you have your own you will know what to do. It is hard at first but you will begin to understand what your child wants or needs. Most things with babies are trial and error if one thing doesnt work just try something different! You will find that it isnt as scary or as hard as you are thinking right now.

Kathryn - posted on 01/27/2010

8

8

1

none of us have a clue what we are doing... thats what the other women in our families are for, advice. as for the "it will be second nature to you" and the "your instincts" comments, that only applies to you with your baby/babies. other peoples children dont tap into us the way our own children do. and it might take a minute ore weeks but dont worry you will be fine :)

Shawna - posted on 01/26/2010

22

107

1

Hunny, it is totally normal to have fear. I was told that the best mothers are the ones who worry the most in their first pregnancy. But I really dont know how true that one is. I was terrified that even though I had grown up with babies all around and had just a tad experience with dealing with children. My best advice to any mother-to-be who fears that their instincts will not kick in is " Get as many books as you can on pregnancy, newborns, and the first year" They are not a guide book on how to care for a child. They give you a heads up on what you can expect and how to deal with a few situations when that time comes around!..........Congrats and Good Luck

Becca - posted on 01/26/2010

58

26

4

When I had my baby everyone was talking about how they knew what cry meant what. But now me.. I had no idea for the LONGEST time. I had to just go on whether i had just fed her, etc. Don't be too hard on yourself we all feel like horrible moms at some point. But one day your baby will smile at you and you will feel like you're doing a pretty good job after all.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

144 Comments

View replies by

Demetria - posted on 01/27/2010

29

6

1

I have a little sister who is eight years younger than me and five nieces and nephews so I was so sure I would know what to do, then she came and for the first two months I was at a total frickin loss. She would cry, I couldn't get her to sleep in her crib, she wouldn't take to my breast and I felt like a failure as a mother. Now by month 3/4 I am a pro! I can quiet my baby with one touch, she still doesn't take to my breast, but I pump. With your baby everything is ENTIRELY different. You do have instinct and you'll notice it in the first couple months. I was in a Super Wal Mart and I could hear my baby crying from many aisles over. I know her cry from anyone elses. You get a sixth sense about what you need and process of elimination help. Go through all the steps: Is she/he hungry? Wet? Sleepy? Lonely? Bored? Gassy? and if none of them work, start over again, you may have solved the first problem and now there's another. If you feel something is wrong, call your pediatrician. TRUST ME, he/she becomes your best friend. If your pediatrician does not like answering your question and doesn't seem to give you time to ask questions, SWITCH.

Emily - posted on 01/27/2010

27

30

0

i was scared too before my daughter was born, shes four months...i was more shocked after she was born bc i didnt know what to think, now it does kick in later and you just feel it!! dont worry you will be fine :)

Ashley - posted on 01/27/2010

49

30

2

its normal that you feel like that i did and when i was other peoples kids i had no clue but when you have your own its completly different it does come naturally

Robyn - posted on 01/27/2010

3

76

0

Hi Ashley, i was the same way when i first got pregnant. I never thought that I was going to be able to concieve cuz ive been trying for 2 years to get pregnant, but finally i got pregnant, and found out when i was two months along. When i first found out i was pregnat all that went through my mind was if i was going to be a good mom, and how i was going to raise my daughter. My advice to you (if it helps) is the support of family and friends, my sister has a family of 5 and she has been there for me through my whole pregnancy, and shes a great sister to have and a great mother of my two nieces and nephew. She has given me the best advice for every question i had to ask. I hope this advice helps you as much as it did me.....Robyn

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2010

19

16

1

I know you dont want to hear it, but its true!! When that little baby comes our, all of a sudden.. you know and think of things you never would have thought of before. It truly is a mother's instinct. Hang in there, you will get the hang of it. Its perfectly normal to feel that way.. I think its even abnormal not to be freaked out! Smother your baby with love, and you will be a good mama!! =] Good luck love!!

Tabitha - posted on 01/27/2010

224

31

16

OH MOMMA DONT WORRY LITTLE ONE...ITS SOOOO SOOO DIFFERENT WITH OTHERS PEOPLES BABIES. IN A SENSE ITS LIKE DRIVING SOMEONE ELSES CAR AND NOT BEING TOO SURE OF YOUR SELF, YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE BUT NOT THAT CAR. WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR BABY YOU WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO MAYBE NOT HOW TO HANDLE EVERYTHING BUT YOU WILL BE SO COMFORTABLE, ITS LIKE A MAGICAL SWITCH AT BIRTH.

Javeena - posted on 01/27/2010

8

14

0

it is normal not 2 no what u r doing when ur a 1st time mum i didnt have a clue but day by day u get the hang of things and u dont no it but it comes natrually

Brandy - posted on 01/27/2010

2

35

0

You'll know shortly how easy it is to be a mom, you will always will feel like you dont know what you are doing, heck I still call my mom when I feel uneasy about a situation I think I need her opinion. But it will come so nautraly you wont know where it comes from but let me tell you mommys are a very good at doing what they do. I went into only taking care of older kids 5 mo on and they knew how to sleep, eat and ect. but once I had that beautiful little girl in my arms everything just fell in place. youll laugh at me but it was like as soon as i touched her the knowledge of how to raise a child just streamed into me.

Jenn - posted on 01/27/2010

3

29

1

my kids are 13, 10 and 7 and somedays I STILL don't know what I'm doing lol...just do your best and you'll be fine :o)

Heather - posted on 01/27/2010

2

7

0

sweety i have 3 kids and sometimes i feel like i dont know what im doing but you will get the hang of it dont worry.....once that babys born and you hold the baby in your hands you will know just what to do

User - posted on 01/27/2010

12

0

0

Dont Follow the books omg you will spend less time enjoying Life with your child. I went by the book with everything for ym 1st girl, And relised WOW i spent alot of time not listening to myself as a mother and more time listening to people who think 1 thing works for all babies, and got rich off of people like us who knew nothing and NEEDED to know. Honestly It will come in time, I had no clue and My kids are fine and i think im a awesome mom, i enjoyed every minute of figuring out what to do. You will too :)

Amanda - posted on 01/27/2010

1

37

0

I was also when I first was pregnant, but once they lay that baby in your arms it will all come to you. I have a 1 and 2 year old and its the best thing that ever happen to me i wish you luck and if you ever need to talk i am here

Miranda - posted on 01/27/2010

83

23

2

It's totally normal to feel that way. I'm second oldest of 7 kids and have been around cousins, siblings, and other babies my entire life. I knew what I was "supposed" to do when my daughter came but I was always scared I'd do it wrong, forget, or something else. She's now a happy 20-month-old and sometimes I still feel like I have no clue what to do..I just wing it and it works. She's healthy and smart with a smile across her face. That's all that matters. You'll just know. Good luck!

Leah - posted on 01/27/2010

24

7

4

It is normal for every first timer to feel that but when you have your own the motherly instinct will kick in. I'm twenty three and I felt like that throughout my whole pregnancy but when you hold them for the first time you will get a slew of emotion and doubts but its your child there is nothing you wont do for them. you will make mistakes along te way but you will also learn. I'm still learning and making mistakes now, my baby is only three months. Good luck..

Stephanie - posted on 01/27/2010

31

16

1

i thiink its normal. i mean if you have never had any experience with younger kids b 4 then it is hard to figure out what to do. i have a young brother and sister so ive had so experience with both since i was 9. and i have a 6 month olg girl my first. so dont be scared of not knowing what to do. your mommy mode will kick in when the baby getts here.

Stephanie - posted on 01/27/2010

31

16

1

i thiink its normal. i mean if you have never had any experience with younger kids b 4 then it is hard to figure out what to do. i have a young brother and sister so ive had so experience with both since i was 9. and i have a 6 month olg girl my first. so dont be scared of not knowing what to do. your mommy mode will kick in when the baby getts here.

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2010

3

17

0

i have to say i agree with these women even tho i am almost 9 weeks along with my first child, i think it does kick in. i have been around babies and little kids since i was 19 and i am still scared and nervous for my own. but the best thing to remeber is take a breath and take ur time it will come as u go.....good luck and best wishes

Maria - posted on 01/27/2010

31

23

1

i avoided all babies when i was pregnant...just the thought of being around a baby freaked me out...

no baby comes with instructions...and its different with your own child. dont worry they will quick in

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2010

3

16

0

it is totally different with your own child. youknow what to do when the time comes. everything will work out you just have to trust yourself..becoming a mother is the most wonderful thing that god could have ever given a woman most amazing thing ever..

Mary Renee - posted on 01/27/2010

831

16

25

I don't know what I'm doing either but I'm pretty sure your instincts will kick in when it's YOUR baby. I think it's kind of like driving a car. When you start driving a car and someone else is looking over your shoulder the whole time it makes you nervous, but once you're on your own you feel a little more confident.



I get nervous but then my boyfriend says "It's a baby... when she cries, we go to her and see what's wrong and then we fix it." At first I was mad at him for belittling the monumental task of parenting but actually I think that sounds about right.

April - posted on 01/27/2010

10

17

0

this is absolutley normal ....i panicked like a deer in headlights and when i got into a routine everything just clicked, it is different when it is not your own...instinck just dont kick in....wait and see, keep calm

Anna - posted on 01/27/2010

40

97

3

You're normal. It's not easy being a new mom. And the situations you encounter will feel overwhelming sometimes. But, with a good support system backing you up you'll be just fine. Find a good pediatrician who makes you feel comfortable and start making friends with other women of small children just to start. You're going to do great so keep your head up and try not to worry so much. :D God bless

Natashia - posted on 01/27/2010

5

16

0

I feel that it is very normal. I have 2 and they are almost 4yrs apart. When I had my second one I was scared all over again I felt like that I no idea what I was doing even though I had already been through that stage. When I had her though and held her it just kicked in. When it comes to your child it seems like u just know what to do at that moment. You will be a great mom and u will know what your baby needs. I wish u the best and God Bless

Tiffany - posted on 01/27/2010

1

4

0

I thought the same too. Before I had my first child I was so scared. I read every book and magazine I could to help prepare me. but, once he was born it just all came so easy. The point is, no one ever thinks they are gonna be a good parent or that their instincts just won't kick it but trust me, you'll be just fine.

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2010

9

12

1

I think it is different when it come to your own child. I felt the same way, and honestly I sometime still do with others' children, but when it comes to my own I just know what they need. Don't worry too much about it! You'll be fine!

Lynsey - posted on 01/27/2010

1

16

0

hey when i was pregnant with memphis i wasnt worried at all i thought i knew all about babies but when he was actually born for the first few night out of the hospital i spent them crying because i didnt know how to make him stop crying my mom had to take him for the night. The thing you have to rememeber is to stay calm and there is only really a couple things that can be wrong with new born babies

either they r gassy or they r cold or they r hungry and after you try all those thing then i am certain that the baby will be done crying. If you are really stressed out than put baby down go take a breather and let her cry after the first couple weeks everything gets easier i promise:)

Lourdes - posted on 01/27/2010

1

16

0

dont worry yourself so much.. believe me your motherly instincts will kick in soon enough. i dont think any first time mommy knows exactly what they're doing.. ASK UR MOM... is the best advice i got. but no to worry when ur babyb arrives you will know what to do.. I didnt know what i was doing with my first child and im still asking questions raising my second child. Its a learning process that never ends.

Rebecca - posted on 01/27/2010

14

4

0

When it's your child, things tend to be different. You will develop them with a little time. I was so nervous with my first because he was so tiny and I was afraid of hurting him, but you fall essily into a routine after a month or two. You will be just fine, it just takes time, and patience...

Carly - posted on 01/27/2010

14

23

1

When its your own baby you will find it all comes natural to you!! Dont worry about not feeling motherly now, I didnt until my daughter was born. Best thing to do is practice on a doll....I know it sounds silly but, it does work....and best thing is if you do something wrong then it doesnt matter!! Im sure you will start getting your mothering instinct at about 8months.



Good Luck

Deborah - posted on 01/27/2010

3

34

0

i agree i have loads of nephews an nieces an thought i new everything to do wit raring a child but wen its ur own u just panic. jus take a deep breath an dont be afraid to ask people.a mid wife is ther to help u aswell as the baby.youll be grand an we're always ere to help ya if ya need advice:)dont panic an enjoy ur baby when he/she comes.

Kaity - posted on 01/27/2010

5

8

2

totally normal! Everyone has to learn. ya instincts kick in but you have to learn how to be a mom. Learning to be a good mom is a daily thing.

Eliza - posted on 01/27/2010

21

35

1

It's totally normal. A friend of mine had a baby and asked me to hold her while she went and did something for one of her other kids.. I was like 6 or 7 months pregnant. I was so scared. The baby started crying and I didn't know what to do. I tried everything I could think of and it didn't work. My friend came back in and she automatically calmed her baby. I felt so horrible. On my way home I just cried because I thought I would be a horrible mother and wouldn't know what to do. Well I'm tellin you. It's a different story with your own child. After I had her I pretty much just new what to do. For that first month there were a few times that I cried when she did because I couldn't get her to stop but you figure it out. Your that baby's mama and your baby will always find comfort in being near you. Even if you don't know what to do to help her at that time. As long as you love, feed, and change your baby it'll be ok.

Kelly - posted on 01/27/2010

11

38

0

ive just had my 3rd and i still dont know what im doing lol you will be fine i think everyone feel overwelmed especially with there first try not to worry everything will be fine if you spend your time worrying about it you will miss all the good things

Annamarie - posted on 01/27/2010

6

5

1

Sweetheart, I understand were your coming from. I'm expecting my first child or children rather.( its twins). And I've always helped my mom with my brothers and sisters but I'm so afraid of being alone with two little babies by myself. I'm Just as scared as you are but I think Everything will work its self out in the long run. Just trust yourself and Everything else should come second nature. Good luck and Congrats.

Ayrjia - posted on 01/27/2010

29

0

2

You will be fine. This baby isn't yours and so this feeling of disconnect, though scary, is normal. Get yourself some good books to read up on infant care and something to easliy refer to when you need it.



Even those of us that are more comforatble with the idea of an infant have our moments of not having any clue as to what to do! Have some confidence that your mommyness will kick in when the time comes and don't be afraid to ask questions!



Wishing you the best in birth and mommyhood!

[deleted account]

I still feel that way, and my children are 4, 5, and 6! The fear of messing up is going to pop up every now and then, but if you are doing the best you can do and accept help from those in your support group you will be fine. Children are a wonderful blessing and they are a learning experience. No child is the same, nor are any two parents the same. Believe in yourself and everything will follow its natural course. Good Luck!

Arona - posted on 01/27/2010

6

40

0

I think it's normal to feel that way. I have had training to be a qualified child care worker and I still was nervous about having all my children. But believe me your instincts kick in when the baby is born. Don't stress about it it will all fall into place probably without you even knowing. :)

Beth - posted on 01/27/2010

50

8

1

That is totally normal! My little girl in 4 and a half months old and there are lots of moments where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. You just have to take each day as it comes and enjoy it. And don't forget that we are all here to support eachother if you have any questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help! You'll be just fine. Good luck.

Beth - posted on 01/27/2010

50

8

1

That is totally normal! My little girl in 4 and a half months old and there are lots of moments where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. You just have to take each day as it comes and enjoy it. And don't forget that we are all here to support eachother if you have any questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help! You'll be just fine. Good luck.

[deleted account]

none of us knew what we were doing with our first. Even the people that thought they did, didn't. Just relax, if you love your baby you will do the best you can. If it feels right then you are prob doing the right thing. If you can get over your anxiety there are a million parenting classes for first time moms. Im sure you will be fine, you may not be in touch with your motherly instincs now, but it will come the minute that baby is in your arms. Remember that every baby is completely different so when people give you advice know that it may not apply to your baby. It takes time learning their crys and the way they like to sleep or be held, but you will figure it out. Be confident in yourself! Your baby will naturaly be comfortable with you, but if you are stressed they baby will be stressed in and out of the womb, they seem to feel it. So just relax stay calm and enjoy every precious moment becase the concept of time really starts to set in. As long as you bathe, feed, burp, swaddle, and change diapers the rest will come with time.

Jenny - posted on 01/27/2010

25

15

2

You may have doubts on big choices that normal, but as soon the baby is placed in your arms...some things will just get easier...you just know because that baby means everything

Abby - posted on 01/27/2010

84

1

2

Girl I know exactly what you're talking about! I worked at a daycare also until 2 weeks before my son was born, and whenever newborns came in everyone would hand them straight to me (for "practice"). I would stand there awkwardly holding their floppy little bodies and doing a weird little shuffle back and forth thinking that would make them stop crying hahah...eventually someone else would come take the baby and it would stop crying immediately :( I was sooo disheartened, but once my son was born the instincts really do kick in. And now babies loooove me! My instincts didn't kick in until he was born, so dont worry about it not coming naturally to you now. Best of luck with everything!

April - posted on 01/27/2010

215

17

23

Before i had my son i wouldnt even hold someone elses baby. I was so scared that when my baby was born that i would be completely clueless..But when he was born i just knew what to do. There will always be questions and things that you wont know how to do right away. I still call my mom all the time to ask for help. When your baby is born you will know what to do. You can also try reading "what to expect the first year" It is a great book that will help you in many ways. But nothing will help as much as when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time.. :)

Stacey - posted on 01/27/2010

19

31

1

THERE IS NO RULE BOOK TO BEING A MUM EVEN IF PEOPLE ARE NOW TRYING TO WRITE THEM. WE CAN ONLY DO OUR BEST I HAVE 3 CHILDREN AND THEY ARE ALL SO DIFFERENT SO THEY ALL BRING THERE DIFFERENT STRUGGLES FOR ME BUT I DO MY BEST AND THAT IS ALL U CAN TO AND IF U FEEL U DONT KNOW SOMETHING ASK FOR HELP THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT XXX I AM SURE U WILL DO FINE IT IS NOT THE SAME WHEN U ARE TRYING TO GET THE INSTINCTS TO KICK IN WITH A CHILD THAT IS NOT URS THE SECOND U HOLD YOUR CHILD U WILL SEE WHAT I MEAN.. GOOD LUCK AND LET US ALL KNOW WHAT U HAVE XXXX

Kareena - posted on 01/27/2010

22

19

1

It's completely normal. I am a first time mother of a 14month old and I still don't know what I'm doing half the time. I was about 6months when I started feeling the way you do. And talking to people really helped me get through it. I am the oldest of 5 kids and I use to help my mom out all the time with the lil ones. But when it comes to actually being a mom I was lost. You will be a great my. Just be there for your baby and do you best and things will start to fall into place. Babies don't come with hand books you make up your own as go along.

Brie - posted on 01/27/2010

1,118

18

54

i've had a lot of experiance with babies in my life and i was still scared to death... but after my son was born everything just snapped into place granted it took a little while to understand everything but thats ok... learn as you go... nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes whether they want to admit it or not... the female instinct is an amazing thing... it won't be so hard... don't stress just enjoy your time now because the real stress will come later... it will be worth it though!!!

Venessa - posted on 01/26/2010

47

64

0

Motherhood doesn't come with a handbook, and no one will expect you to be the perfect mother - You do what you know, and you learn the rest as you go. Best thing is to have alot of support and advice givers, but don't feel you have to take their advice. You'll have 5 people saying 5 different things about something and you'll want to do something different. Don't be to hard on yourdelf. Stay calm, get as much info as you can on, feeding, bathing, nappy changing and sleeping before and practise with the oppurtunitied you get... everything else you'll figure out as you go. Congratulations and enjoy the gift!!!

Alicia - posted on 01/26/2010

3

8

0

Don't worry, I was scared out of my mind until the minute my daughter popped out! And I still have moments now when I think I'm going to do something wrong. The truth is that It's your baby and you are going to do everything you can to provide for it and love it and you will be enough for it. You'll do just fine! If your still worried, I got a couple of books on your baby's first year that help a lot to reasure me that I was doing the right things

Jessica - posted on 01/26/2010

25

12

0

Babies dont come with manuals. I was scared too even though I had worked with kids my whole life! At the hospital you're fine because there is always someone an arms reach away to help you, or to tell you what to do and when to do it, but as soon as your home... its all you. A lil overwhelming, but just ask questions!!! My nurses at the hospital were great! They literally made me a chart for her feeding times, with lil notes like, if she eats 4 oz she is good for 3 hours if she eats less than try again in 2. And how many oz she should be eating in a day. Just some of the small details you wont know unless someone tells you... how often am I supposed to bath them, etc. In fact if there are specific things you are worried about not knowing then make a list of things to ask so you dont get home and be like "oh no I forgot to ask what to do when..." They are used to helping, its their job to take care of you and the baby and prepare you in a sense for being at home on your own. And it wont take long before you pick up on what your baby needs and how to do it all, like anything, just practice and you'll be a pro in no time!! : )

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms