I have NO sex drive.. Do you?

Cherie - posted on 07/24/2010

Maybe take a vaca without kids, being stressed and tired is never good for your sex drive.

April - posted on 07/24/2010

No I don't have one either especially after I had my tubes tied!!!! I don't care if I get it or not!!!! But I give in to make him happy but yes I have a problem with it not being enjoyable anymore too!!! It hurts for me too!!!!!!

Felicia - posted on 07/24/2010

My daughter is 6 months old and I find myself in the same situation. I did not have an episiodomy however I did tear very bad during birthing. The best advice I can give you is to try different positions, I find that certain positions hurt way less then others. . .

Maryn - posted on 07/24/2010

I know how you all feel, my fiance and I broke up because of it... I didnt feel attracted to him at all anymore... so hopefully it was him and maybe Ill be attracted to someone else !

Sarah - posted on 07/24/2010

It could be what happened to me, I had a full episotomy when my daughter was born and ended up with stitches from one end to the other. It turns out that the scar tissue had healed awkardly and made my perinium alot tighter than it was before, causing sex to be painful, Hence the lack of sex drive.... As before you have the baby perinium massage can help to loosen the scar tissue, even though it hurts sex can sometimes be more help than hindrance as well, because it helps to loosen things up. Just use lots of lubricant and take your time with foreplay, dont rush anything as this can make you tense up and it will just hurt even more. :)

Jessi - posted on 07/24/2010

i also agree w amy i think that im getting back into shape and the better i feel about me the sexier i feel the better it gets!!

Jessi - posted on 07/24/2010

i had twins 6 1/2 mnths ago and am having the same issues but i had an episiotomy and it doesnt hurt before them i was addicted to sex after them was far from feeling like it but i would occaisionally get horny so i know its kinda strange but i started using my toy to take care of myself and even a fw times watched a porno and have noticed its seemed to help here lately i have been getting more in the mood for it but it is still different than before im beginning to enjoy it more again but not in the same carefree way i dont get wet as much and once im done im seriously done and my husband is far from it and it seems to take him forever but now that my body seems to be responding again it seems to be gradually getting better and different positions seem more stimulating than others and things are getting spicier again still different than before but better lil by lil !!! but it is good to know how common this issue is ty !

Amy - posted on 07/24/2010

my daughter is 5 months old and we have only had sex a few times since she was born. I tore, but it didn't hurt much the first time so that really doesn't have anything to do with it for me. Then after I had her I got the IUD (mirena) and bled for a couple months. But mostly I think it is the fact that my body is ugly to me. He of course thinks I look great, but I feel hideous. I'm about 25 lbs heavier than I want to be. My boobs have shrunk back to normal but i have these HUGE hips and gut and butt that I HATE. I am still wearing maternity clothes. I can squeeze into a stretchy size 10 but if I want to breathe or sit down it's impossible. So all that being said, I believe that is a major reason why my sex drive has almost disappeared. We were great before, you don't get pregnant being a prude, lol. We're working on getting back in shape, but it's a process as you all know. And we don't drink now, which before is what was a real aphrodesiac for us. So believe me, and everyone else here, you are not alone. I know some people who couldn't even wait the 6 weeks postpartum, but I was greatful for it, and the fact we were going to wait until the IUD was put in place, no chances of irish twins!

Laura - posted on 07/24/2010

I'm in the same boat. Since my was born my sex drive has gone way down. Sometimes none existent for a while. My husband has been very supportive & we're worki ng through it. It just sucks that it happened in our 1st year of marriage. We now have 2 kids & it still comes & goes. But getting better. I think my problem is getting into the mood after work & kids & dinner, etc. What I've tryed to do is think about it all day so I work myself into teh mood. Plan your sex life & I hear the spontanaity comes back. Wish me luck! Good luck to all of you women in the saem boat.

Renee - posted on 07/24/2010

It could be hormones, stress, thyroid problems....etc....Mine is probable mental. However if I don't have sex I feel like he could go out and get it somewhere else. It has happened before. So I guess I do it to keep him from going somewhere else.....Sad, isn't it?

Rebecca - posted on 07/24/2010

you are definitely not alone! are you on the pill? bc i just came off of it and my sex drive came back! Its not completely there, but definitely better.

Christa - posted on 07/24/2010

It aint because of the episiodomy, because I didn't have one and its the exact same for me, I dont understand, I have never been happier, so you are not alone, but cant help ya!!!

Erin - posted on 07/24/2010

me neither...... my daughter is 18 months old and I havent had a sex drive in well 2yrs

Rachelle - posted on 07/24/2010

You are not alone, I am sometimes ashamed to admit it to myself sometimes, but I hate it too. Ever since I had my first child, now 15 months, I drag myself to enjoy it and when we are in the moment, it usually ends in arguments anyways because he knows it just isn't fun. I miss that spontanious, outgoing sex we always had. Now he works till the wee hours of the morning and even when he would get home it is like 3 am. Maybe we should consult with our doctors for more advice. I wouldn't mind feeling better about myself while giving my husband the pleasure that he deserves!

Alecia - posted on 07/24/2010

some of it may be mental. even subconcious stress can make ur vaginal muscles sqeeze together which will cause pain and make it hard to have or enjoy sex. if u dnt feel good about urself that can cause the same thing. i am over-weight and have had to struggle with it all my life. i was thin when i met my now-husband and now i am very overweight. i have felt bad about myself for awhile, but i started exercising (Zumba classes 2-4 times a week) and eating better and even that has really helped my self-esteem, even though ive only lost about 10-15 lbs in the last 2 mnths. and my husband loves me and loves to make love to me despite how i feel about myself. remember that...he loves u and wants ur body, even if u dnt like it. just acting sexy and getting naked around ur man can help u feel sexier. i hope it works out. i know i would miss my sex drive! :)

Robyn - posted on 07/24/2010

wow this is all so relieving....I do the exact same thing. Very, VEry, very rarely like maybe once since I had my daughter 10months ago have I wanted sex. Usually my husband would just look at me and it would set me off and start an argument. I did tell him whats going on but I know he's getting annoyed with it. I have thought about saying something to my doctor again....the first time she put me on an antidepressent which stopped the arguing just because I was able to hold my tongue more. I don't know I did also have an episiodomy

Dara - posted on 07/24/2010

I experienced that after I had my first child. Part of it, for me, was the fact that I didn't feel good about my body, paired with the extreme tiredness that comes with motherhood. If it hurts, though, you should talk to your OB/GYN about it. Sex shouldn't hurt! Also, have you tried doing other things to be intimate with your husband? Like taking a candle-lit bubble bath, or massage? I find that if my husband works a little at it, by helping out around the house or rubbing my shoulders, I am more apt to want to have sex later.

Raquel - posted on 07/24/2010

hmm. i dont know what to tell ya. i have a 2 year old and i didnt have a episiodomy casue the doctor thought i could do it myself and i ended up ripping all over instead and got 40-50 stitches. and im still fine with my drive. maybe like the others said , check the hormone balance? :S

Kerrie - posted on 07/24/2010

Hey thats the same as me i gave birth 2 our son 6 months ago and everything u said goes 4 me as well i was wondering was there sumfing wrong with me n i just grin and bare it as well my husband keeps telling me 2 get it sorted but theres not alot i can do please help

Rachael - posted on 07/24/2010

Hey Brandee, You are not alone x I have felt the same way ever since I gave birth to our daughter in March 2009. Its painful and not like it used to be? I feel sorry for my husband, but I can't help it. I just hope that things do get better? Keep your chin up xxx

Miranda - posted on 07/23/2010

You are not alone, I too have lost my sex drive. I lost mine while I was pregnant with my son (who is now 17 months old) and it hasn't really came back. I didn't have an episiotomy I had a c-section, either way it's gone! I am still breastfeeding in the mornings, I am thinkig that this may have something to do with this.

Amber - posted on 07/23/2010

i didnt have much of a sex drive after my son was born and at times have little interest even now. Normally I'd say the best way to jump start your sex drive is to have more sex and be honest with your husband (cuz I'm sure he'll do anything to please you) but since you are physically having pain, I'd see a doc. It very well could be from your episiodomy or you're just not producing as much lubrication. good luck!

Tarra - posted on 07/23/2010

i dont either and my son is 4 and a half months, part of mine is cause like u i am tired i am a stay at home mom and between taking care of my son and laundry and house work and dinner when he goes to bed i want to to and pluse i dont want another one for at least 3 years and i am not on bc . but also it still hurts down there to have sex and my husband doesnt understand why it still hurts, but u are not alone

Heather - posted on 07/23/2010

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and there are only a few times maybe every few months I'm into it. With my first son I had no problems but after my second son things were different, I had medical problems, no episiodomy and I had to get a DNC after his birth. Also my husband is in the military and was deployed both times. But when he returned things had changed and it's almost like it hurts everytime and I'm almost glad when we're done...I don't think the episiodomy has anything to do with it because I had no problem with my first son but it really has to do with situations and make sure you communicate with your partner and let him know. If things persist though talk to your doctor.

Terri - posted on 07/23/2010

If I had a husband that understood the pain i go through then it wouldnt be thta bad i literlly had to tell my doc that this is causing me to have problems in my relationship I feel bad that it has to be this way but i am pretty sure a doctor out there knows what it is and can give answers i had no problem and know i do for four years I feel that there is a way but not sure how to find it

Amy - posted on 07/23/2010

i feel the same way and i am in the same boat that you are in .I just don't want to have sex anymore. do you think that is a bad thing ?

Brittney Olson- - posted on 07/23/2010

I just started getting mine back and my daughter is about to be 8 months old. I hurt too and it is normal. I guess a lot of women feel the same and that's horrible but your hormones change alot through labor and breastfeeding and not breastfeeding. Just make sure that you talk to you husband and keep him in the loop and check out some herbal remedies for hormones they're usually safe. :o) I hope it gets better for you and everyone on here!

Terri - posted on 07/23/2010

I feel that way too I have had no problem with my two previous pregnacies but with my last one she is four now i have to part into having sex I hurt as well I thought it was because i had a c section and was told it was the scar tissue went through surgery and to my surprise it still hurts i have tried to figure it out but im not a doctor If anyone knows what i can do i will be happy to hear it

Taya - posted on 07/23/2010

I am the complete opposite =)

I am 17 weeks pregnant right now with my 3rd and i cannot get enough right now and my husband is the one with no sex drive. Yea i know a MAN who doesnt want to have sex..its weird. I am the one who feels like he is not attractive to me anymore and i am the one who feels like damm baby but i got needs kinda deal. I feel bad for all you women who lost the drive to wanna make love to your men, i have no idea what i would do with myself if that happened. But i know for a fact the first thing i would do is book an appointment to my drs and get that fixed ASAP. Anything i could do to make things right again, i would do it. If it hurts ladies, why not try lube or oral sex before hand and ask your partner to go very slowly or better yet you go on top and guide how much penis you want and at what speed. maybe that can help. Also if you are worried its going to hurt, it will hurt. You cannot stress yourself, you must be relaxed in order to feel the passion.

Anyways just giving my 2 cents hopefully i helped someone

Alecia - posted on 07/23/2010

my sex drive is almost as high as its ever been! and the more my husband and i do it the more i want it. there are times im not all that into it (like first thing in the morning usually) but most of the time its great!! my daughter is 10 mnths and i had an apesiotomy(?) as well. certian positions still hurt pretty bad so we just dnt do em. i think if u really try u can get ur labedo back, but if it doesnt u may have a hormone imbalance. ur doctor and check that out and give u options if they are. good luck!! every woman should get to enjoy their sex! ;)

Sarah - posted on 07/23/2010

It shouldn't be hurting that long after you give birth. Having pain during sex is probably a lot of the reason why you don't have any sex drive. I would definitely talk to your doctor, don't think it's anything serious or anything. There just might be something a little bit off, hope things work out for you!

Christy - posted on 07/23/2010

You are so not alone!!!! My son is 2 and I don't want to have any part of it either!! It also hurts me too, but I have endometriosis which can cause pain. I have talked to my Dr. about it, and he has told me to just do things spontaniously b/c we have gotten into a routine, and we never switch things up anymore since our son has come along. He said that there is nothing that I can take to help my sex drive, but that I just need to TRY and find a way to forget about my everyday stuff. That is very hard for a woman to do, especially a mom!!!

Belle - posted on 07/23/2010

I feel the same exact way just as you. Though my daughter is 7 months, I have no desire in having sex. I also have to bare with it and sometimes its a feeling like you force yourself to do something you really do not want to do....and yes i don't find it enjoyable either, as a matter of fact, i find it boring and pointless. This was not me before and I feel as though all my hormones are gone. I hate the feeling of having to do something when i don't want to ....but like you said its something we have to bare with since we are compromised to our hubby's. I know it happened to me with my first kid....and it lasted a whole year....and now with my girl....im wondering if its even gonna go away. I do not know what it is either I just know I've read on google about having a low libido. And yes it hurts too which is weird....even worst sometimes i feel like crying! Both of my kids were c-section.

Jackie - posted on 07/23/2010

I am right there with you! It is causing huge problems in my relationship.

Andrea - posted on 07/23/2010

You are not alone. I lost my sex drive right away after I had my daughter almost 8 years ago. I used to just grin and bare it too because it is part of our marriage. I talked to my ob/gyn about this problem and they actually have medication that works great. The condition that is so common amoung us busy mothers is actually called HSDD. Speak to your doctor. You could find some help and comfort in getting all the facts. Its so very common and you are not alone.

Meaghan - posted on 07/23/2010

You are def. not alone. I am in the same boat. My daughter is 16 months old. My husband understands about it since I talk to him. I would also talk to your doctor about it. My husband and I both talked to my doctor and he seems to think that there is something else causing this. Don't leave this alone.

Nomthy - posted on 07/23/2010

I didnt not have sex drive when I was pregnant and afterwards untill my baby was 6months and now im enjoying it too. Maybe if you guys can go see a Dr things can be better maybe you still have that fear of giving birth.
Good luck.

Natalie - posted on 07/23/2010

ur not alone hun! i went of sex when i found out i was having my second child! the thaught of it makes me feel sick me and my partner havent had sex in nearly 2 yrs! dnt feel bad its not ur fault its jst our bloody hormones!

Shawnda - posted on 07/23/2010

well it is definately normal to not have any sex drive after giving birth when you say it hurts is it upon entry because i had an epise and i have a little pain still down there and my doc said that some times when healing nerve endings bunch up in the one spot and can become very painful i didnt know if thats what you are feeling but if so ask your doc about it they have plenty of things they can do for the lack of sex drive and the pain

Natasha - posted on 07/23/2010

you are not alone i have a 6 year 3 year old and a 6 month old all i want to do at night is go to bed and sleep...i feel like i havent had a sex drive sence i had my first boy and now it seems like every time we do i get pregnant again...I would suggest just like all the other ladys that you go see your doctor if its that painfull as well

Amber - posted on 07/23/2010

No, it is normal! I am just now starting to get my desire back but I still have times when I am touched out(nursing) and don't want anything. I think that alot of being able to get over it (for me anyway) was to work through my emotions (I've had a hard time with Depression) and just learn to fall in love with my husband again!! Love is a choice.....for me, I believe marriage is until death do you part and that you have your mate with you (not to say there are not small exceptions)....Love goes in seasons...you are not always going to be "in love" but you will always have your best friend. Someone told me that years ago and I have never forgotten it! and it is True!! Just be patient, grow your friendship, and learn to fall in love with your mate all over again!

Felicity - posted on 07/23/2010

you definalty arent alone, and im go gald to hear im not aswell! my daugthers 3 now and still got no sex drive! my partner doesnt seem to mind too much, but i do worry he will get fed up soon and leave me and it stresses me out. i also think its true that you need to feel pretty and sexy yourself so maybe that could be it. try talking to your partner about how you feel.

Brittany - posted on 07/23/2010

ok I misspelled alot of words, I typed too fast so sorry!

Brittany - posted on 07/23/2010

I think one of the things is that us women after habing babies feel uncomfortable and not as attractive as we used to be..I know I hate being naked..having a kid really made my body look alot different..my boyfriend of 8 years says that I am stil sexy, but I don't feel it. I think if we took some time for ourselves to get our hair done, exercise, buy some new outfits..etc then we'd feel a little better about ourselves...that's kinda what I am going thru. My daughter is almost 2 and I don't have much of a sex drive and I think it's because I hate the way my body looks, so the whole time I am having intercourse I am talking in my head about how awful my body feels. I think if we can let go of these negative emotions, then we'd be ok. Being a mother is very tiring and by the time they go to bed, that's all u wanna do is crawl into bed and go to sleep! All it does take is buying a nice sexy outfit for your man, possibly renting am adult movie..I used to be against them, and would always sit there and critize them, because I didnt want my man looking at women who looked 10 times better than me..but if we can just sit back and enjoy them and think of it as a together thing, then it really does help..foreplay is a huge thing as well...rtouch each other for a little while, then get into the sexual intercourse..foreplay for me helps alot. I am trying really hard to get more of a sex drive, but it is hard but we need to try whatever we can..maybe before your man gets home from work, watch a movie by yourself, get turned on before he gets home so when he's home u will be in the mood. seriously, they do help and dont feel ashamed for watching them. I know it's hard when u have kids running around but maybe when they're napping and such, watch a movie, u can find free ones online I may sound like a perv, but I am trying to help. Maybe whenyour boyfriend/husband gets home from work, just touch each other, like on the leg, arm, privates..just lighty..like when your in the kichtne and have a second away from the kiddos, even if it's inthe bathroom, just rile each other up so when it's time for the kids bedtime, you'll be excited and aroused ...the key is to just get yourself riled up a bit. for men it is hard for them to understand, because they have such a high sex drive..u can explain how u feel until your blue in the face, but they are still going to be horny and probably watch porn when you're not home, and that'ds normal...most guys watch it even if u do have sex alot...anyway, so we're all in the same boat..just take some time for you...take anice long shower, shave, do your hair, put makeup on, buy urself anew outfit...u will feel so good about yourself. talk to your man and figure out what u can do to try to exciten things up.even if it's buying some toys....sex is a vital part of every relationship and I know when we have sex, he is much nicer to me, lol...sounds aweful but we get along aot better. I swear balls do something to men if they are not emptied. it's a hard situation, but try what u can because u need ot be healthy. I think everyday that my b/f is going to get sick of me or leave me for someone else...and hat could possibly happen..anyway I hope this makes sense. we can get thru this.

Myetta - posted on 07/23/2010

I totally thought i was the only woman who just does it to make her significant other happy, I'm glad I'm not. I haven't had much of a sex drive since our 2 year old was born, we now have a 3 month. I have 2 other kids from previous relationships, but never lost my sex drive with them.

Kyla - posted on 07/23/2010

me my self has never had one!! i have a baby that is 7 months we had her by choice! but i have never told my boyfriend that i dont have one! that would ruen it! its bad i guess but i want him happy! i mean it feels good but i have NEVER gotten off and i dont really care for it ever i just let him have his fun kus i love him!!! stress may play a big factor in it too kus i just stress all the time!!! hope that helps you!!! - kyla

Jordan - posted on 07/22/2010

This is a common concern and it has been around as long as I can remember. I remember overhearing aunts and mom talk about it. I have a 3 month old and I was inthe same boat. I love my husband, we have a great relationship, and he is very understanding. I wanted to have sex but like you had no sex drive. So we experimented with different things, such as we would both be completely honest with eachother about the subject of sex. If I wasn't in the mood or he was and how it made each of us feel. We wanted to work it out and both enjoy it again. Also, I was exhausted and tired and a little depressed. He would come home from work help me finish what chores I need to and then help me relax, a massage or cuddling or something fun, maybe let me read a book. I would destress while he watched the baby and put her to sleep. Alot of it for me was a mentality or thought process. I thought I wasnt attractive or didnt want to hype up the energy. But with him helping, it took alot of that away. I wanted to want him, it just needed to happen. I also made sure I was taking my vitamins, I could tell the days that I didnt. I would be much more tired and cranky. I also found that I needed to be romanced again and whooed. I didnt just want to jump in bed, I needed a reason to. Not just flowers, but dancing and dinner. It helped me alot to know that he was putting as much effort into our encounters as I was. After a couple weeks of pushing through my thoughts, complete honesty, vitamins, being romanced, and him helping me out I can say that I am begining to get back in the swing of things. We also have a code. If he asked me to dance and I decline or if he kisses me and I just kiss him back then I am not in the mood. But if I do dance with him or do more than just kiss him than he knows that I am in the mood or at least willing to try and be in the mood. His understanding and showing his support has been a huge help. Hope this helps!

Btw, I have not been on BC since she was born. Before I was pegnant and was on the pill it made me moody and I did not feel normal so I got off of it.

Allison - posted on 07/22/2010

wow..im so glad im not the only one who feels this way i have a 3yr old and after him it just died and now i have a 2month old and its worse im just so tired i dont feel like it and dont wanna be bothered i have no energy to do it

Meghan - posted on 07/22/2010

I have none either..mind you I have been "single" since my son was 8 months old and the thought of starting a relationship, shaving, washing my hair every day is EXHAUSTING enough! From what I have heard from my g/f's who are married or in a serious relationship with the daddy-what you are going through sounds totally normal!

Jennifer - posted on 07/22/2010

I am so glad that you asked this!! I thought it was just me or something.......My daughter is 15 months old and since I gave birth, I havent had a sex drive at all. There were times were wed only interact like 2 a month. and that killed him so know i just try to when he is in the mood. But it does hurt most of the time and i had a few stitches.....My husbands gets so upset all the time because of me not wanting to have sex, he thinks its him or something and its not i just dont want to. But I do want more kids so it has to be done. I hope this gets better, I havnt talken to my doctor about it but after reading about everyone I think I might. Thanks everyone...I thought it was just me!!