I'm pregnant again. Unplanned. How do I tell my husband?

Meghan - posted on 10/28/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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Our first baby was completely unexpected and a total whoops... I was 6 months pregnant when we got married. He is the most incredible little boy. When he turned 2, I wanted another child. But my husband was dead set against it. He only wanted 1. Eventually he granted my wish after I pretty much had to threaten to leave. I didn't feel that it was right to deny our oldest a sibling just because we were too lazy (basically). During that pregnancy he was a little put off by it. There wasn't really any excitement. He didn't participate that much. He says now that he feels badly about it.
My husband is an amazing father. I don't know any man that loves his children more. Even though he didn't want another child, he still loves him as much as he does our first. He loves me too. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me truly and fully. It's pretty incredible.
That being said. I just found out this morning I'm pregnant. My husband was talking this past year about "getting clipped". I kept putting it off because I wasn't ready to close that chapter of our life yet. It was only recently that I was considering to go for it. I told my husband that I felt I was lucky to have 2 children and that it wouldn't be fair of me to ask for a 3rd. So for his birthday in December I was going to give him a permission slip for a vasectomy. How do I tell this amazing man that I'm pregnant again?
He handles the finances in our house (he has everything automated). So I know that is a concern for him. He also worries about child care. Right now his mom watches our boys for us while we're at work. But she's 67 (he's only 27) so how much longer is that going to be possible and would it be fair of us to ask her to watch another one, much less a newborn? My brain and my emotions are going all over the place with this. I'm not sure really what I'm feeling. Hell, I'm still nursing our youngest at night, he's 1.
So I need help please. How do I tell this wonderful man I'm married to that we're pregnant again, when I haven't even come to terms with it?

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Kimi - posted on 10/28/2010

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You should just tell him. Pick up the phone and call him right now. You need to get it over with.

Liz - posted on 10/28/2010

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congrats about the pregnancy. I know it may be a bit overwelming. I have a set of two year old b/g twins and a three and a half month old son ( was on the pill when we conceived him) once we came to terms with it we couldn't have been more thrilled. It is tough at times, but I wouldn't trade anything for the world.

You're just going to have to tell him. Tell him you've been feeling off the last few.. however long it's been... and said that you got a pregnancy test to try and take that possibility away, and that once you took it it came back positive.

REBECCA - posted on 11/04/2010

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hun all babies are blessings from god and he never gives you more than you can handle things will work out you just have to tell him if he loves you and his kids he will love this one too and it will just all fall into place sweetie but you just have to tell him and he will have to be a man and suck it up the baby did not just appear there in your tummy he had just as much to do with it as you did so he cant be too upset my husband ddnt really care to have more after our son now we have a 9 month old daughter and i guess he realizzed how much he missed the baby stage cause when we found out we were expecting he was so excited our two almost 9 years apart and now he talks about wanting more!!!!!!!!! i want alot

Marie - posted on 10/28/2010

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Been in your shoes exactly. The first was oops, the second I begged for and he said no more. Then ooops I was pregnant with the 3rd. I told him by, giving him chocolate, then the pregnancy test in tears. I thought of the worst of the situation, he of course was way more excited than I was about the situation and was like we will figure it out. I was completely shocked by the whole thing. It may just end up being cheaper for you to be a stay at home mom than work, especially with the cost of daycare. If you can not be completely stay at home, work around each others schedules. There are many ways around this. I wish you the best of luck and you may just be surprised by the reaction you get seeming he does feel sorry for not being there like he should have with the last.

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36 Comments

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Christi - posted on 11/05/2010

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Maybe start using a different form of birth control. If it has failed before, why keep using it? Not to be rude, but that is the definition of insanity, doing something over and over thinking their might be a different outcome. I have the Mirena IUD and love it. We don't have to use condoms or worry about oopsies. I've had it for two years and stopped having my period almost immediately, one of the pluses.

REBECCA - posted on 11/04/2010

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lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lmao!!!!!!!!!!! i just seen the other posts im a dummy but glad you told him and all is well

Terin - posted on 11/04/2010

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ok, feeling goofy now, didn't read all the post before i posted a comment! glad everything worked out for you! good luck with your pregnancy and congrats!

Terin - posted on 11/04/2010

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Girl, I have 3 beautiful babies, all unplanned! When I was 16, I was told I would never have children! I understand how you can be worried about telling him but, the way I see it, if he didn't want anymore children, it was just as much his responsibility to make sure that you didn't get pregnant as it was yours! Don' t feel like you're in the wrong. Life throws us all curve balls and we just gotta deal! My youngest son was only 4 mo old when i found out i was prego with our daughter and I thought that there was no way we were gonna make it! We had just talked about 2 wks prior and agreed that i would get my tubes tied....surprize! It always works out though when both of your hearts are in the right place! my husband too is an amazing father! Tell him as soon as possible that way you both can set up a plan as to what you are going to do. Good luck to you and your family!

Tamsin - posted on 11/02/2010

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Congratulations on your pregnancy. In response to how to tell your husband the news ... Suck it up, be honest and tell your husband you are pregnant again. He will find out sooner or later anyway. In response to your MIL playing babysitter ... No it would not be fair for her to have to watch 3 children one being a newborn. And one more thing, if you are worried about finances, stop having kids until you guys are financially stable.

Sorry if I seemed harsh, but I call things like I see them.

Once again congratulations :)

Christine - posted on 11/01/2010

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You will just have to tell him. When you married him, it was through good and bad and I don't believe that it is right to hide anything from my husband no matter how hard it is. You can deal with it together, no matter what you decide to do. It is his child too (even if he didn't want more) and so he deserves to have a say on what happens. Good luck

Tiffany - posted on 10/30/2010

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Okay so I just saw you already told him lol. Didn't read the other replies until after. So glad it worked out for you! =)

Tiffany - posted on 10/30/2010

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First off CONGRATULATIONS! I think the best thing you can do is sit down and tell your hubby that you are pregnant! If you haven't had it confirmed by a doctor though, I would have that done first so that you can see just how far along you are and will be able to give him more info when you tell him. This is such a blessing, even if money is tight. He may be put off by it at first, but every child is a gift and eventually he will see it that way. You need support right now, and the first person to support you should be your hubby.

Amanda - posted on 10/30/2010

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wow i just had the same thing happen to me my first was unexpectesd, my second was planned and that was it for us my second is one and we actually made an appointment to get my husband clipped, he has profusly told me how we can not have another child, well i found out i was pregnant again and was scared to death to tell him i was afraid he would leave me, so I was thinking what i could do, well finally he asked me if i had my period lately and i responded with it isnt time yet....well two weeks later i waited till he got to work and i called him and told him(because i knew he could work off his frustrations and think while he was away from me and clear his mind) well when he came home he just looked at me and said well i cant let you do anything drastic we will make it work...which is not what i was expecting at all but I love him so much for that peace of mind

Christina - posted on 10/30/2010

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lol, Glad it went well. The hardest thing is going from one to two kids. Everyone after that just slides into the family.

Meghan - posted on 10/29/2010

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Well it turns outs that I didn't have a thing to worry about. In fact he was kind of offended that I was so nervous about it. He reaction was basically " well, OK. I guess we'll have 3 kids then." We did talk a little bit about names and things like that. But he seems OK with the whole thing. Whew.

Amy - posted on 10/29/2010

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Meghan, I totally understand how you feel, after my 2nd was borne my now ex-husband and I decided that we didn't want any more children we had a girl and a boy, they were 17months apart and we were happy and living comfortably. Id been on the pill and when my son was about 3months old I went to the Dr for a check-up before actually going in and getting a tubial and was told I was pregnant again. I swear I cried for 3 days. To my surprise my husband was excited he was nervous about the financial stand point but he couldn't wait for her to get here. he started picking out names within a week of finding out. I think you should tell him before you come to grips with it yourself then you can both work thru the OMG, we're pregnant feelings an emotions together.

Chrystal - posted on 10/29/2010

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Well chicka the only advice I can give you is that God blessed you with another beautiful child. Be thankful. Children are such a blessing. I can see why you'd be nervous telling your husband. Hmmm. a creative way to tell your husband. Thanksgiving is coming up. You could set an extra plate of food and your husband will ask you why there is another plate of food on the table, you could then tell him it's for your 3rd baby:) Just a creative though. Good luck girly:)

[deleted account]

i was afraid to tell my hubs when i was preg again just because when i mentioned about having a second he was like baby, NO we do NOT have the money for a second, and weirdly i got pregnant couple months later. i told him i was going to the store and he kept asking why and he wanted to go and i said no, and he kept asking me. When i got home we was in the driveway waiting for me. haha he said whats in the bag, i said noooooothing...... and he ended up getting it out of me, i said ummmmmmmmmmm a test..... he said pregnancy test? i said mmmm hmmmmmm. he said you think our pregnant... i said i know i am but im making sure.

he has really been comforting and we are taking it day to day and week to week. i would say just tell him you missed your period so you took a test and it said positive. You really need his support. and thats the main reason i told him because i wanted his support if anyones. im sure he will support you because he did for the first two. he cant blame you because its half his too. only thing you can do is try and be the best parents you can and support and love each other.

If i didnt have my hubs support in this pregnancy i would have definitely gotten very depressed and lost my want to life. just because of everyone we have tolds reactions to it. i thought about not telling him and hiding it from him but then i would have to explain things and i figured it would eat at me.

EMMI - posted on 10/29/2010

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Just sit him down and calmly tell him the news. He will mostly likely not be happy but he will come around to the idea. Just think of it this way it was meant to be. I know the feeling about worry about finances thats why i got my tubes tied. My husband is like yours he was happy with one but wouldnt take anything for the second one. And he will be the same with the new baby you will just have to give him time to adjust to idea of a new addition. Just tell him asap dont wait any longer than you have too. That will only make it worse. Everything will be fine. :)

Amy - posted on 10/29/2010

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Just tell him! If he is as great as you say he will be supportive and there for you. Sure he may be little scared but that is normal. I just found out a few days ago that I am expecting my 3rd, and I told my VERY unsuspecting husband (who only wanted 2 kids) right away. He was socked scared and nervous (about money mainly) but now only a few days later he is thinking of names. If he loves you and your kids he will get unboard pretty fast.

[deleted account]

Hey tell him nicely i know what ya mean about unexpected pregnancy my son is only 6 months old and i just found out i am pregnant 2 mnths almost 3 and we didnt plan it my feonce wanted too wait as do i till our son was a year , i didnt want too tell him for a while but he ended up happyer than i thought i am still not believing it since my oldest is still a baby . just think maybe he will end up very happy about becoming a father again all up to fait just tell him the best thing too do not good for you too hide things could make the situation worse .

Meghan - posted on 10/28/2010

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A lot of the problem is that we were using protection. Every single time. My husband was really worried (ironically) about getting me pregnant. I guess we are one of those 3% Although he did say a couple months ago that if it was a guarantee that we could have a girl he would have another child. Here's hoping its a girl with his brain and my good looks. Kidding. At the moment my husband is working on his computer, (he randomly works from home for his job). I'm on my laptop waiting for him to get done. I left work early because I have to be up early for a big test and I figured this conversation will take some time. When I came home he asked me how my day was, when I told him it was pretty stressful he asked me why. I have refused to tell him unless he cuddles with me on the couch. So just waiting for him to finish and I will break the news. I'm so nervous. Deep breathing. It's not working. Thank you guys so much for the support. I really needed it today. I'll keep you posted on his reaction.

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i may be late on this, hopefully you've already told him the great news.. congrats by the way!!.. i would say that if he really wasnt up for another in no way whatsoever. he would have gotten the procedure done.. right? you both layed together lol so you shouldnt feel guilty about it!.. hope it all turns out well

Nikki - posted on 10/28/2010

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First of all congrats! It may seem overwhelming right now but your hubby loves you and he will understand. This new little being was just ment to be. I'm more than sure you will be able to work it out together as a family. Don't be scared you'll b just fine. Just remember to speak openly about your concerns and fears and work it out. Good luck I hope it goes well

Alisha - posted on 10/28/2010

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I am a little different because my husband is the same way. I personally would go to the doctors to confirm it before informing him that I was pregnant again!! I hope this helps.

Jackie - posted on 10/28/2010

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Here's what I would say...

" I think I'm just being paranoid again, but I think I need to go but one of those off brand pregnancy tests because my period only lasted a day and 1/2 and that's not normal. So I'm gonna go get one just in case."

Is it horrible that I'm telling you to basically lie? But that's what I would do in the situation. Basically, candy coat it at first and then when it comes up positive at least he won't feel like you went behind his back.

Tamara - posted on 10/28/2010

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you just need to tell him, the sooner the better. my son whos 1 now wasn't a planned pregnancy and i told my husband as soon as i found out. But we were both worried about it because i was late for my period and the the last one was a strange one anyways. During the time we weren't married and I worked part time. But together we have two kids (he has a daughter from previous marriage) and we're able to take care of our kids just fine. And if his mother is willing to watch the first two and does a good job how could she refuse the third? it wouldn't be like sorry dear i'm not watching the baby but I'll watch the other two. I deffinatly think you need to discuss it together before anyone else it brought into the conversation.

Caitlin - posted on 10/28/2010

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I wasn't necessarily implying that you should hide it or terminate or anything, but of course, in some peoples minds it's an option. I know a friend of mine had an oops pregnancy and she kept it a secret from her boyfriend and got an abortion.. her boyfriend never knew, but she was different after because she really had no one to talk to about it, and their relationship ended not too long after, that's why I mentioned that.

I know if it was me, i'd just blurt it out over dinner. I'm one of those women who have a constant suspicion that i'm pregnant too. Everytime I feel ill, or tired, or crave something, I joke about being pregnant.. Deep down inside I kind of wish I was, but I'd never do anything to encourage that (i'm on the pill).

Either way, the more time you give yourself and your partner, the better it will be.

Brittany - posted on 10/28/2010

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I agree with Jessica in that he might be suspicious if he notices it before you if you often think you might be pregnant but I would definitely take another one with him there so you can kind of go through it together and start talking about how you both feel about it and how things will work out.

Jessica - posted on 10/28/2010

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In my opinion I think that you should just tell him. I wouldn't wait for him to notice. If you are constantly thinking you are pregnant and not then he might think it strange that he noticed pregnancy symptoms before you. I would either tell him that you took a test or tell him that you think that you need to take a test! Honesty is the most important part of every relationship and waiting isn't going to help anything at all. I would just tell him something...either tell him you took a test and your pregnant or tell him you think you need a test. He might be upset at first but it will all get better over time and he will love this baby just as much! I really wish you the best and some courage too...I understand...I would be nervous too but the sooner you tell him the better off everything will be!

Meghan - posted on 10/28/2010

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Caitlin, I would never hide it or terminate it. That would be just terrible. I just learned I was pregnant this morning. I haven't told anyone except posting on here. I believe that my husband should be the first person other then me that knows. I would have already told him except he left for work before I took the test. I couldn't do it over the phone or in email.
Brittany that's a good idea. Except I'm one of those women who constantly think they might be pregnant. I get pregnant so easy, our first I was on the depo shot and got pregnant, I didn't miss a shot or anything. With the second I stopped my birth control and didn't even have a period before I got pregnant. I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism. The symptoms of that are really similar with pregnancy. Before I was diagnosed I must have taken 5 pregnancy tests before the real reason for the way I was feeling showed. Maybe I will take your advice. See if he has recognized any different symptoms in me, I couldn't eat our sushi a couple nights ago. That is pretty out of the norm.

Brittany - posted on 10/28/2010

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It might be helpful to tell him before you have come to terms with it. If you tell him after you've already become excited about it, he might feel that you planned it in secret and he might feel a little betrayed. What made you think you were pregnant before you took the test and knew for sure? Do you think he has noticed any "pregnancy behavior"? If you think he would put two and two together when you start telling him about your symptoms, you could wait for him to bring it up and take a test together. If he's more like my husband and wouldn't notice if I was 10 months pregnant (lol), you could just tell him you've been feeling funny and think you may be pregnant. I would take another test with him together anyway because it wont hit him until he sees it. Just be honest with him about your feelings about the pregnancy. He will probably be mad but as long as you're both on the same page, you will both come to terms with it and be excited about it soon!

Congrats and good luck!

Caitlin - posted on 10/28/2010

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You're going to just ahve to suck it up and tell him.

It may sounds harsh, but you don't really want ot do anything to hide it or terminate behind his back, because i'm sure it would eat away at you, and if you decide to do that, then you need support the way through it, just like a pregancy, the recovery is long and hard (more emotionally). Putting the discussion off isn't going to help anything in my opinion. There need to be a discussion of what you want to do..

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