I'm the only mom in my group of friends!

Marilyn - posted on 04/20/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hopefully, I'm not only here. In 2007, my boyfriend and I went into high gear. We got married, had a baby 17 days later (I was 9 months pregnant at my wedding!), and bought a house just before New Years. So I found myself at 23 with a baby, husband, and a mortgage. Things changed with my friends because now they looked at me as beeing more mature and less....free? They thought I was tied down because I was married even though both BFFs have been with their guys longer than me and the hubby. Anywho- just when my son was getting old enough for me to try the social scene again, I got pregnant again. I now have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old. Oh and for the hell of it, I QUIT MY JOB TO BE A MOM FULLTIME!

I love my boys dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world, but I MISS HAVING RELATING TO MY FRIENDS!

Some friends are married but no kids. I'm really thinking maybe I need more friends I can relate to. Some young moms with kids around my children's ages, so we can do playdates and talk about being young but still FUN. My son's toddler reading group sucks because it's alot of grandmas or nannies.

Any ideas or indidviduals that feel like me??

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21 Comments

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Amanda - posted on 09/30/2010

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same here i have lots of friends but only like 3 of them want to hangout since i had my daughter because there all out partying all the time and what not yeah your not alone i somewhat still depressed about it but its whatever im thankful for what friends still want to hang!

Liz - posted on 09/30/2010

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I understand completely where you're coming from. I'm the only one in my group of friends that has kids and is married. My husband and I have a set of two year old b/g twins and an almost three month old son. The majority of my friends drifted away once I was pregnant with my twins, and I too am a stay at home mom. They don't understand and I constantly get ridiculed and am looked down upon with a few of my working friends.

I brought my kids to a play group through the local park district and met a few moms with kids that were around my kids age. And although the play group is over we still get together to let our kids play.

Samantha - posted on 09/30/2010

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I have the same problem and have changed my group of friends to other moms because they understand where as my other friends don't get that I cant just drop everything to go out. Good luck with everything but I had to give up my old friends.

Brandi - posted on 09/30/2010

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Hello!!! I know how you feel! I feel like I have no one to turn to but my hubby and my kids. When me and my hubby meet, we weren't together but a few months and I found out I was prego. Well we got engaged not to long after my first daughter was born. Well 5 months later I found out we were having another baby. We got married before I gave birth to my second daughter. At first all my friends were all so supportive until they wanted me to go out or go shopping and I had to bring to kids along with me. Now the only friends I have are other moms. Which aren't many. My children are 5 and 6 now. It hasn't gotten any better. I know you were looking for a friend with children the same age as yours, but I'm here if you need someone to laugh and wish we were young again. Brandi

Geena - posted on 09/30/2010

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Hi Marilyn, My name is Gina and I can't even begin to explain how similiar our lives are. It's amazing to think there are more women going through the same situation...I am also a 23 yr old mother and wife. My son is 4 years old and starting pre-k now. just 3 half days but still better then nothing. I am not the only mom in my group of friends but in my case whom ever i was friends with live very far away minimum one hour in distance. I do miss sometimes being able to socialize with others. I am very devoted to making sure that my family is well taken care of that i don't really make alot of time for myself. I too am a stay at home mom. Crazy thing is that now i'm trying to conceive again (sounds crazy right?! lol) I am going to try and join the PTA at my son's school to give me something productive to do outside of my home so that way i will be able to have some time to myself where i will be socializing with others. maybe you can consider that as well??? where's your home town im upstate

Jennifer - posted on 09/30/2010

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I'm in the same boat Marylin. I have met some new mom's because of the birth of our son but its not the same. My existing friends are awkward around the baby and just don't know what to do with him. I do my best to help them be comfortable but they have no interest in hearing all my baby challenges and I need some people that can offer advice... then .... hello circle of moms and babycenter.ca and babywhisperer.com websites. thank you forums!!!

Jordan - posted on 09/29/2010

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I am where you are at. I have been making new friend because my other ones do not understand for the life of me. I would say make new friends, enjoy life, and do it all together!

Heather - posted on 09/29/2010

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I completely know how you feel,I was married in 2003 and I had our first child together on 2-10-05,our second on 1-24-06 and our third on 8-7-07; I was kinda busy there for a few myself,and lost touch with alot of my friends. Not to mention my oldest daugther is 11 and I was 17 when I became pregnant with her. I have found being on fb makes it easier to keep in touch,but am still in need of a girls night once in a blue moon. add me if you like. Heather Jackson

Lauren - posted on 09/29/2010

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I pretty much lost all of my friends because all they care about if partying/clubbing whatever you like to call it. My girls (twins) are 3, and now that I do get out some without them I do prefer not to try and hang out with that crowd anymore because I don't want them bringing me down. But it would be nice to have friends. :/

Lily - posted on 09/29/2010

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I know how that feels, I am a stay at home mother now. Plus its really hard when you move into a new city to be with your spouse and not knowing anyone or having any friends at all. The worst is my husband is self employed and works alot of hours and im home with my 20 month old son. All my friends are single or either dating but nothing serious as me and they dont get it or even understand me and what i am going though. Off topic I just came back from the doctors and thought i had postpartum or depression. but its not.... He said i need to find mothers friends too talk to and have new friends.

Just wanted to share that..

Sarah-Anne - posted on 04/26/2010

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i'm in the same boat. i'm currently 25. i got prego on June 22, 2008. Married on Aug 15, 2008. had my daughter march 20, 2009. Bought a house July 2009. i have one friend who was a teenage single mom. Most of my husband and my couple friends are now just getting married this year (we are going to 7 weddings this year) and not thinking of having kids for a couple more years out. i'm a stay at home mom because we wouldn't make enough money to pay for daycare if i worked; we'd actually be bringing in about $150 less a month than we do now.

the last two years haven't been that bad. we were still able to hang out with friends since i was only prego and then have an under 1. But now that i have a toddler, it's harder to just pick up and go somewhere like they all want us to do. lately it's been mostly my husband hanging out with the guys and me home alone with the baby. it totally sucks.

We've been taking our daughter to play areas at different malls, just to meet other younger parents with toddlers. i'm hoping that in a few months or so that we'll be able to have playdates for our daughter and other parents to relate to.

it's really hard being "the first ones" for everything. especially when we are living our friends' dream. i have the women jealous that i'm home and they have to work. then the guys are resenting the fact that my husband just can't go out to the bar at 11 at night on a weeknight anymore.

it will probably get easier once they all get married and start having kids, but for now, we are looking for other friends with young children just so we don't feel excluded anymore.

Maggie - posted on 04/26/2010

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I totally understand what you are saying. It's really hard because I also got married young and had my baby young. My daughter and I try to go to the library groups and other stuff in the community so she can meet other kids her own age and I can actually talk to these moms and have something in common with them. Sorry about the problems you are having with your friends.

Lebogang - posted on 04/26/2010

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I feel your pain!! The funny thing with these "friends" of mine, they can still hang out with our other friend who also has a baby. I guess they were never real friends like Adelle said. We barely talk but just a few years ago, we were inseparable. I hate to admit it but, it does hurt when they go out without me (which happens pretty often). I am doing my best to distance myself from them so I can find new friends who I can realte with or atleast ones who will accept me as I am.

[deleted account]

I get where you are coming from. My friends are neither married nor have kids or are anywhere close to either. I feel like I don't really have alot in common with them anymore. I still make an effort to go out with them when I can but it's not really the same. They also like to give me parenting advice which I think is really funny since none of them have ever taken care of a baby for more than an hour. I';ve been to playgroups but the moms are all in their 30's so it's weird for me. I haven't found a solution yet but if you find one let me know.

Jytte-Marie - posted on 04/21/2010

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Yep, I can relate too.

My Husband and I are the only ones married and having a baby out of both of our friend groups. I actually don't think I can call them friends anymore, personally, since when we got married NO ONE invited us out anymore, or accepted any invitations to come over, or see movies.. and it makes me rather annoyed... I'm 24, not 600... I can still go out and have a good time... but I suppose that's immaturity for you.

I'm trying to find groups to get involved in for when my child is born for socialization purposes and for myself, so I know there are people I can relate to in person.
You can even look at some rec centres. I know ones that have gyms or pools, often have kid-classes for mom's and their children to go to a couple times a week, or gyms that have childcare slots.

Adelle - posted on 04/21/2010

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If they aren't friends with you now that your a mom they weren't true friends to begin with. I know that sounds harsh but its true. The best place to meet new people is your local park or playground where other moms know how you feel, we've all lost friends due to life changes you just need to learn to adapt to what life throws at you. Get yourself out there with your kids and you will find new relationships with new people.

Sharee - posted on 04/21/2010

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I definitely know where your coming from. After I had my son my friends started dropping like flies even though I would still b able to hang out with them sometimes. now I have friends that have kids my boys ages and we hang out all the time with and without the kids. and we can relate on so many levels

Valerie - posted on 04/20/2010

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i would suggest you find a YMCA with toddler activities or a parenting center to hang out at and meet some new friends....or join a moms group...all the best

Brittiny - posted on 04/20/2010

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Oh, how I feel your pain. I am lucky to be at a point now where most of my close friends are moms, but my oldest child is almost 8, and most of my friends kids are 2 or younger, so that was quite a few years spent hanging out with my mom. There's no reason to lose your current friends, but maybe something more like taking a break from them and finding some new 'mommy' friends. Now, I don't know you, but a few suggestions... If you are active in a church, seek out other moms with kids close to your kids ages. Search online for local mom groups. Also, if there is a community center or YMCA near you, try to find some mommy and me classes (toddler tumbling classes are a hoot!) If they are offered during the day, you are more likely to find other stay at home moms.... and most of us moms who are at home are usually looking for a new friend!

Another thing that may be nice, if your situation allowed, would be to find some part-time work or volunteer work that you could do outside of the home. I work weekend nights for my career as a nurse, and while it can sometimes be stressful because I REALLY work 7 days a week between home and my paying job, but it has been great for me as an adult, ya know, me the person...not just someone's mom. While all of the girls at work talk about our kids, and we love our kids, I know for me personally, it really boosts my self-worth, and helps me to not feel like the tied-down frumpy housewife. Best of luck to ya!

Heather - posted on 04/20/2010

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Girl dont feel too bad. I have tons of friends with kids, some started when they were teens. I had my first at 22 and i was way behind some. Even having my second at 26 theres alot of friends who started having the first. It doesnt always matter i dont have the time to be real social with them as they dont with me. I think sometimes its part of being a mom, family comes first and friends are last on the list.It def cant feel lonely so try searching the web for local mom groups, there are usually some that are set up just for the play date thing.

Kasie - posted on 04/20/2010

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I know exactly what you are going through! I have 2 little girls, one will be 3 on the 3rd of June and the other is 15 months old. I also am a stay at home mom. Alot of my old friends kind of put me on the back burner and never would return my phone calls to go out or to get together. Now the tables are turning, as alot more of my friends are now having babies. But now, we will be segregated by our kids ages, mine are old enough to do most things on their own, while my friends babies aren't even born yet.

I have to be honest, I kind of moved on from my old friends and found new ones with kids the same age as my kids. We have playdates, and as the kids play we talk and have a good time as well. My husband and I even go out(without the kids) with our friends with kids. Although, alot of the time, we talk about our kids, but it gives us a common ground.

I went out about a year ago to the day, with my "childless" friends, and I felt like a freaking midwife, because the whole time, they were asking me questions about the kids, and wanting LOTS of details about being in labor and things about the delivery. They asked about episiotomies, afterbirth, it really weirded me out. I felt like I was instructing a child-birthing class. It was so awkward and it irritated me, that they couldn't just let me "be me", for one night.

If I was you, I would find some hip young mommies in your area, you'll be happier because you'll actually feel connected with someone. I am lucky to have found 2 really great friends who have kids the same age as mine, and I think it's safe to say, they are probably my closest and best friends. They are caring and loving women, but also when we all go out, we have a hell of a time. Good luck finding mommy friends...and yes, ditch the grandma's and nannies! BOO, you're too young to be associated with oldies!!

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