I think my baby's dad is crazy!!

Kammie - posted on 04/29/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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The father of my son and i have been together for almost 2 years and we had a great relationship till i was about to have our son. We started arguing about him!! Since my son has been born we argue about nothing else but my son. We just see parenting in different views i think its because this is my first and this is his 4th child. So he knows its ok if they cry a little and that you dont always need to hold them. But for me i dont like him crying to much if i can help it and i love to hold and bond with him especially while he's awake! He thinks i am to over protective of him and that is why i have pushed him away. He wont even hold our son unless i give him to him so that i can get some stuff dont if he dosent want to sleep right then. For example yesterday i was cleaning bottles cuase they were all dirty and i gave Owen(my son) to him becuase he was sleeping well 10 min later he brought him back to me and said take him i dont know whats wrong and i dont care im going back to bed... i was furious and it lead into an argument that exploded into him tearing things up and me staying at my mom with the baby i dont know what to do about him...i need help

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Angela - posted on 04/29/2009

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Your son is lucky to have you.If your son's dad thinks that because he has done this "parenting" thing before, he needs not take part,then he's in for a serious surprise!! Just because its child #4 for him does not mean Owen deserves anything less than 2 loving parents who are BOTH trying to make his life the best it can be.I'm sure that you want it to work otherwise you wouldn't have written, but he also has to want it to work. If there's no talking to him, I'd try separating yourself and Owen from him for a short time...Some people don't know what they've got till it's gone.I'm not saying to leave you man but you need to get things worked out now,before Owen is REALLY put in the middle.Good luck to you.And remember that your son needs you.

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Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2009

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WELL... YOU HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO AGREE TO DISAGREE! HOWEVER HE IS CORRECT ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE FROM WATCHING 20/20 IS THAT A YOUNG CHILD IS SUPPOSE TO CRY FOR AT LEAST AN ACUMULATION OF 30 MINS A DAY. WHAT THIS DOES IS IT HELPS THE BABY TO DEVELOP STRONG LUNGS. NOW IN THE PROCESS OF THIS, LEARN YOUR BABY'S CRIES, EACH ONE IS DIFFERENT AND THEY EACH MEAN SOMETHING. ONCE YOU LEARN THEM YOU WILL SEE HOW FAST YOU FIX THE PROBLEM AND HOW MUCH EASIER IT BECOMES FOR THE TWO OF YOU!!!

Alichia - posted on 04/29/2009

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It sounds like you need to have some mommy time, and go to sleep. When I first had my baby, it was very stressful, and I started a lot of arguments. Now that My daughter is older, I wish that I had spent more time enjoying her and my new family.

Your situation sounds pretty normal. Have Fun, because this little baby will never be this age again. Your son will never remember his first few months of life.

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all I can say is WOW!!!! If your son is cring something is wrong, babies dont cry for no reason weather they want held, changed, are uncomfortable or whatever they dont just cry. When they are about a year old they start to cry to get their way, but before then you cant spoil an infant. Your sons father may be feeling neglected and jealous of the baby. You really should sit down and talk to your son's father about it and you may have to find time like after you put the baby to bed so that you can spend some time with your sons father. Or you may just have ended up with a jerk if its his 4th kid he should know that he needs to bond with the child and thats not going to happen if he wont help with him.

Kate CP - posted on 04/29/2009

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First rule of parenting: DON'T FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. That probably upset your son more than you think. If your partner is tearing stuff up and you're leaving with the baby to get away from him then I think you both need to seek professional therapy. Parenting classes for both of you to take together may not be a bad idea either. I'm not saying that you or your partner don't know how to parent; but being together and working cooperatively on something that you both know will benefit your son may really help you guys become allies-not enemies.

Brittany - posted on 04/29/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

I think maybe parenting styes and approaches should have been discussed before you decided to have sex. I also dont think it has anything to do with how many children you have, my style today is still the same one I had with my first, is just how i wanted my children raised.



I agree. My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and just had our first baby 6 days ago. We discussed how we would raise our children for the entire 4 years. When I became pregnant I began to worry that he wouldn't be a good dad and would play video games all the time, but he stayed true to his word and is an even better father than i couldn't have imagined. He used to play video games 17 hrs a day, he hasn't touched them since we got home from the hospital 5 days ago. I think it's funny because he went from a young man to a man and father figure in the 9 hours i'm in labor. You need to figure out what's best for you and your son. Your son needs a good environment. My fiance is very supportive. When I thought the baby just wanted to be held while i was eating and then realized it she needed a diaper (i had changed it right before i started eating), i felt so bad for letting her cry. My fiance laughed and said "don't feel bad, you're doing great." He also tells me how proud of me he is. Your son needs to see positive examples. Also, the stress you feel, he'll feel.

Brittany - posted on 04/29/2009

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I was going to say that I know what you mean about the crying because everyone tells me it's ok for my daughter to cry, that's it's actually good for her to develop her lungs, but it breaks my heart. But then I got to the part about him bringing the baby back to you and not holding him... that's just messed up. I don't really know what kind of advice to give you. I'll just say good luck and i'll pray that it works out for you.

Megan - posted on 04/29/2009

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im sorry but i dont agree with any of it i mean its good advice but every 1 is different in there parenting ways im due to have my 2nd child next month and its my partners forth and he is excited every 1 is different honey if owen is your first yeah fair enough ur going to be protective of him there is no harm in that and as far as this slowing developement down is aload of crap with in the first couple of weeks yeah you wanna make sure he is breathing etc so yeah far enough its ok if ur getting advice from other mums but in the end ur his mum and u do what is best for ur son but with a baby that young in crying alot it does help strengthen there lungs a hell of a lot

Sara - posted on 04/29/2009

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Every coupl goes through the same disagreements on how 2 raise their child and its a never ending story. My daughter is nearly 7 & my partner & i are stll fighting over wats the best way 2 deal with things, we are totally on opposites side he think shouting will solve everything & i think talking and being calm is the better way, tell him all the time if he continues the way he is our daughter will not tell him anything when she is older & that will b worse. Just try and explain y ur doing wat ur doing and see how it goes b prepared as men alwayz think there right!!!

good luck

Jamie - posted on 04/29/2009

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Personally, I have to agree with your bf/dh. It is ok for babies to cry and they dont need to be held all the time. But I think the first 4 months you cant spoil a baby, once they start to hold thier head up and start trying to sit up then let them be. You can actually slow down a childs development by holding them to much. You are not a bad mom for setting your child down to do some cleaning, just keep them in the same room as you. if you dont allow your child to learn to be independent your going to end up with a toddler who screams when you leave a room, or youll wish you could just set him down without him getting upset. And crying is also good, teaches them how to get out thier frustration and use thier emotions, I mean you cry when you are sad and mad, let them do the same. We always to make our children feel better but we also want to make sure that they understand they can express themselves, for a baby the only way to do this is cry. Just my personal opinion and my style is probably different then yours. I think maybe parenting styes and approaches should have been discussed before you decided to have sex. I also dont think it has anything to do with how many children you have, my style today is still the same one I had with my first, is just how i wanted my children raised.

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