I've lost my friends after having a baby.

Elaina - posted on 02/23/2012

I know how you feel && it does suck. But you're friends are not meaning to ditch you, they are acting like that because they have completely difference responsibilities than you. They want to go out && have fun rather than being with kids who cry && demand things. I had the same problem at first , I was always depressed and mad at my friends for not coming over however that it exactly what I would do if I didn't have a kid, I would be out somewhere .

Drue - posted on 08/26/2011

Hugs...It's just something that happens! You fall into a new catagory. Your no longer single with no kids or free to just get up and go. The things you may have had in common now revolve around your child and they (old friends) see that so they dont call as often, then they stop coming over, then nothing at all. Its happens to us all, you just have to move on they will understand after having a child of their own. Not everyone is like this but you may want to get new friends with kids.

Helen - posted on 08/26/2011

well they not very good friends if theu cant bother with u now

Nicky - posted on 08/26/2011

I was 20 when I had my son. My 'friends' were there the whole pregnancy, once I had him... I last saw most of them at the hospital when they came to visit. He will be 2.5 October 15th and I still to this day haven't talked to any of them. I now live in Colorado and am starting over with my husband and son. I have found that the people you surround yourself with while you are pregnant are only there for the cuteness in the beginning. Once that baby makes a single cry... they all run away. I haven't looked back at the past because I am happy with where my life is now. I don't have friends back "home" but I am starting to make friends here. It is SO good to get out and go to a play group or just to the park to meet new people. Your little guy doesn't have to be old enough to enjoy the play, its just really good to meet other moms in your area. You are definitely not alone. I know how you feel though. Friends would have been a big help in the early months. Luckily I had an amazing little sister who LOVED being around the baby. I would really look into a play group in your area. Or set one up. It helps both you and baby!!

Jackie - posted on 08/23/2011

you sound very much like me!! they are not really ur friends that once u have a baby they have gone! u shouldnt worry about them!! there loss and if ur son's godmother cant be bothered confront her!!! have u tried going to ur health vistor and speaking to them they may be able to get u incontact with homestart (they are really good) to going to any local playgroups n toddler groups they can do some in the local church (which are non reglious!)
my husband is in the army n we are in germany nad by the time our daughter is 11months he would have been away from her for 6 months so i understand what u mean about being loanley!!

i cant believe how much u sound like me!! and if u dont like going on ur own to toddler groups see if ur mum can come for a few sessions then u will settle down just fine and make loads of friends!

good luck!

Nakeia - posted on 08/21/2011

I believe this just goes to show you who your real friends are! I am in the same boat cause i want to make my bestfriend my daughter godmom but i am afraid because ppl dont realize the meaning of a god mom and sometimes now i haardly even see her becaue we have school and work which throws us off but i still saying that i dont know that she will have time or make the time to see her. But i have connected with some other friends of mines from high school that are or did have kids and it has worked out great. Try to find some other mommies it will really help because its nothing like having ppl your age to talk to, that understand what you are going through

Ania - posted on 08/21/2011

you have to reach out and look for other moms. Friends leave, you have to find new ones. Reach out, check out some mom groups on internet or start one yourselve on meetup.com You will see that these new friends become firends forever. People without kids just don't understand anymore

Ariel - posted on 08/19/2011

I lost touch with a lot of my "friends" after having my daughter. They all know that she is my number one priority so when they want someone to go out and drink all night long, they know I'm not going. If they want to go to the park (whether it's the ones with kids or without) they know I'm always up for it. I just had to make sure that they knew that just because I have a daughter, that doesn't mean I'm not the same person, it just means that I have new priorities.

Missy - posted on 08/19/2011

my friends don't contact me at all... they weren't even there during the pregnancy but when i called them they talked to me. I went out to see them and took my baby with. I made the effort to show them that I still have time for them and now they constantly call. I'd suggest you put out that effort or go out and be active. They will come around.

KELLIE - posted on 08/19/2011

You're "friends" aren't mothers so they don't have the same responsibilities as you...However, if they're never around anymore, they shouldn't be called your friends. You have to step outside of your comfort zone, meet new ppl, and branch out a little. Find new friends who knows the meaning of the word...Or, you may want to have a conversation with them to find out what the problem is because it could be that they are assuming that you're too busy now...

Kelly - posted on 08/18/2011

If they don't talk to you then they weren't really your true friends to brgin with. You can try talking to them and tell them how you are feeling that may work

Sarah - posted on 08/17/2011

I know exactly how you feel! I had the same problem and I was shy as well but I also had the added problems of going through a divorce when my son was 21 months old and I got along better with people who were older than me. It is hard to make friends when you are young and a lot of your friends don't understand what you are going through. They also don't understand what it means to love someone unconditionally and to give things up to be a better person for that person. Are there any mommy and me groups near you that you could attend? Or maybe even a church? A lot of times if you go to either of these, it really doesn't matter if you are shy or not, someone will usually come and talk to you and they usually are genuine and really want to get to know you. I have met most of my friends through Pampered Chef parties / Creative Memories, moves (my current hubby is in the AF and new neighbors come and introduce themselves), and church. You will probably find though that most of your friends will be older. People are waiting until they are older to have babies now-a-days and this means that the people that you meet with babies will be older. It's hard sometimes and motherhood (even when you have friends) can be lonely. No one is going through exactly what you are going through, no one has the same child you do, no one is you, and no one is living the same situation as you. It's hard but that's why mom's are so strong, we have to be for our babies. I have found that no matter how sad I am and no matter how lonely I feel, a hug or a laugh from one of my babies always makes me feel 10 times better. And maybe you could meet some friends online, sometimes the best friends are the ones that you meet online. I have a friend that I went to junior high with but we were never friends and we never knew eachother in junior high. Now we talk all the time and she is one of my best friends. I talk to her about everything. I wouldn't mind listening if you wanted to talk, just thought I would offer. Anyways, I hope everything works out for the best and you get everything you want out of life. God bless!

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

I hate to say this but it's just because your lifestyle has changed. Now instead of working and going out on the weekend you stay home with the kids and have to be home on the weekend and want friends to do things with during the week and they can't be that person.

Michelle - posted on 08/15/2011

I knwo what you mean. All i have is my kids, my fiance and our families. but its because i have schizophrenia. but i cant trust anyone of them as my real friends. and i do too, feel lonely at times and im also shy. so i know its hard.

Jessica - posted on 08/15/2011

I was in the same place you are a few years ago. I had my boys at 21 and 22. I was the first to get married and have kids. I felt so betrayed and lonely when they were younger. Now they are 6 and 7 and my real friends are other mothers that are going through the same day to day life that i am. You are beginning a very important new chapter in your life and with it comes new charecters. I would sign up at the library for classes and check local boards for moms looking to meet at the park or go for walks. I am fortunate to live in an area of very active open parents who are always looking to do things with their kids. I hope once you finish "mourning" the loss of your pre mommy friends, you allow yourself to open up and meet women who will be happy positive people in your life. It gets easier and better!! kepp smiling and enjoy your baby!

Claudine Ann Marie - posted on 08/14/2011

hello Jo! don't be depressed if you're friends kinda "abandoned" you. you can still make friends from your neighborhood. don't be shy, get out of your shell and you'll see there's more to life aside from your friends who doesn't understand your situation. God bless!

Pamela - posted on 08/12/2011

Hang in there! People w/o kids do not understand what it's like until they've been there. Chances are, your friends will come around again once they are mommies themselves. Don't spend your days waiting around & being sad. Go to meetup.com & find a mommy group in your area & find some new mommy friends for you & your little one! Chances are you're not the only one feeling this way, maybe you'll meet someone like yourself there.

As for your other friends, friendships grow & change. Sometimes your really close a few years, grow apart, then become close again later. As we couple up, marry, have kids, find careers we go trough different life stages & sometimes friends don't join us for a particular part of the ride. Don't throw them away, if it's a true friend, you'll find your way back to one another!

Best of luck!!! Xo!

Julie - posted on 08/11/2011

Taylor big *hugs* from me. Your situation sounds nearly identical to mine. I often think the problem isn't even that we have had kids - it's that we have friends who are into drinking, clubbing and partying and we're simply not into it - they use the fact that we have kids as an excuse to get rid of us for being "boring". To be honest, I think the drinking/partying lifestyle is what is truly boring.

Taylor - posted on 08/11/2011

I feel ya! I got married at 18 and had my daughter right before I turned 20. My best friend since 6th grade was always around..She would come see me and my daughter and hang out with us and then she just stopped coming around,..I don't like to go out and drink and party which is what she was into. So I guess she just decided I was boring lol.
We recently moved to Indiana and I know my husbands family but I have no one else. I don't make friends easy. I am very shy and I don't trust people very easily..I get lonely but I've kinda learned to deal with it. I use to cry about it all the time but haven't for a long time..Just kinda excepted that I'm a loner lol.

AMANDA - posted on 07/31/2011

i know exactly how you feel i have 11 week old twins and all my friends were always around and invited myself and my husband out to do stuff with them right up until i was in bedrest during my pregnancy.. now that my twins are here i think i havent been invited to do even one thing i would have been before and same for my husband.. its like they think we have kids so now we have no life and cant go out. i can always find someone to watch them so thats not an issue..

what makes it worse for me is ive only lived in the state for like a year and a half and havent worked here yet so i only know a few people i've met through family members.. kinda frustrating but i guess they will realize it in time when they have kids since we are the only ones with them here...

Christina - posted on 07/29/2011

Welcome to motherhood!!! I was 17yrs old with my first and all of my friends ditched me. So I would make friends with the other teen moms I ran into at the mall, or at a restaurant. One of these girls was a year and a half younger than me and her daughter is about 7wks younger than my son. We've been friends since our children were newborns and they are now 10, about to be 11 (in Sept and Nov.)

Stephanie - posted on 07/29/2011

parks and mother child groups are greatt places to meet moms..i am a 23 yr old mother of 2 ...u really find out who is a true friend when u have kids:(

Stephanie - posted on 07/29/2011

parks and mother child groups are greatt places to meet moms..i am a 23 yr old mother of 2 ...u really find out who is a true friend when u have kids:(

Stephanie - posted on 07/29/2011

parks and mother child groups are greatt places to meet moms..i am a 23 yr old mother of 2 ...u really find out who is a true friend when u have kids:(

Stephanie - posted on 07/29/2011

parks and mother child groups are greatt places to meet moms..i am a 23 yr old mother of 2 ...u really find out who is a true friend when u have kids:(

Julie - posted on 07/26/2011

Nearly ten years on, I haven't really found anyone locally that I'm close to (have a few really good friends who I don't get to see often because of distance though).

People with kids my age, seem to be split into two groups - those that are 10-20 years old (I even had one woman my mum's age with a kid around my daughter's age at one group - I went to school/uni with her oldest and she has one younger than my daughter - younger than some of her grandkids). Hanging around people who are 10-20 years older than me can be ok,but it's an entirely different generation, a different mindset, and generally a very different life. I can interact with them, but feel nothing deep/meaningful.

But every time I try to friend women around my age with kids (often kids that are a couple of years younger than my daughter, but neither she nor the other kids mind as she has ASD and socially prefers slightly younger kids), I have ended up getting hurt - whether it be they used to get closer (and then seduce) my (now-ex) husband, or because they are lonely as they are single and ditch me a soon as a man comes along, sometimes it's because I help them out with babysitting, transport etc - and then as soon as they think they've suckered me for all they can get, they move on to the next sucker.

I have very bad experiences with mums my own age, and feel left out by older mums and have very little in common.

I hope this change when I have more kids and I'll be the same age as the other mums having kids - but if my old friends who are now having kids are anything to go by, mums my age (30) tend to be quite a bit stuck up.

Kelly - posted on 07/26/2011

My husband and I have lost touch with a lot of friends as well. I would agree with some other replies and say they are not real friends. I would say just enjoy every moment you have with your child. See if there are community playgroups in your area and you can meet more moms your age with young children that way. Goodluck. It does get better.

Anita - posted on 07/26/2011

=) tough time you got there. But the best way to cure your situation is by going out. not for too long. A trip to the library or a stroll in the park. And usually they will see your son and will start ooohhhhh... wow... so cute... And the next thing you do is SMILE. Usually after you smile, they will start a conversation. Well it will not get you a friend dirrectly, but It's a good start. =)

Mhairi - posted on 07/26/2011

I lost all my friends after I had my first baby, I still to this day, 6 yrs on and with baby no.3 on the way, don't have any real friends as such. I have 'friends' that I can talk to and speak to the parents of my sons friends but that's about it. Best thing you can do is find a play group of some kind to take your lil guy to and you'll eventually start talking to others (i'm shy too), might not turn into friends but it gives you a release and other babies/kids for yours to play with and get to know :) I don't expect to have friends again until all my kids are in school, atleast, maybe longer. One last thing, people who don't have kids themselves find it hard to have a conversation that's always being interupted or having a kid wanting them to play and so on which I think is why mothers tend to lose firends.

NICOLE - posted on 07/25/2011

I'm goin through that very same thing with a friend Ive know for the majority of my life. Ppl's true colors arise when life changing events take place. In my situation, I believe it was only a matter of time before our friendship ended but it still saddens me that I've lost friends & some family members all because I chose to have baby. Keep your head up, stay strong for your son. I'll be your friend if you need someone to talk to.

Whitney - posted on 07/25/2011

I know exactly how you feel here. I got pregnant at a very young age, lost all of my friends because I couldn't do most of the things they wanted to do, and most deffinately couldn't do the things I used to! Now I am a mother of two, still at a very, VERY young age, and and still pretty much "off the list" so to speak.

Kat - posted on 07/25/2011

Same thing has happened to me. I'm 22 with a 3 yo, and I lost all my friends after he was born. Honestly, part of it is distance and conflicting schedules, but I've also realized that I don't want to be friends with some of them because our lifestyles (and definitions of what's appropriate and not appropriate) differ greatly. I'm shy too (or I used to be), but remember that you have the greatest conversation-starter in the world: a child! Pools and parks, gyms with day cares, shopping malls, any place that there are other kids there are parents with them. Let's face it, we all love to talk about our kids! Plus, you always have us on the forum (not that it's the same thing, but we try!).

Tamber - posted on 07/25/2011

You know the same thing happend to me. But you will find in time that means they arent very good friends. Plus now that your a mommy is nice having friends that have kids too then they understand what the mom life is all about, and that way you can also have play dates. So dont feel lonley just find new friends :)

Tamber - posted on 07/25/2011

You know the same thing happend to me. But you will find in time that means they arent very good friends. Plus now that your a mommy is nice having friends that have kids too then they understand what the mom life is all about, and that way you can also have play dates. So dont feel lonley just find new friends :)

Kaitlin - posted on 07/25/2011

I'm having the same problem, i"m 22 with a 5 month old daughter and all my friends want to go out and things like that and I can't and really dont want to and they get aggravated that im not in party mode.

Julie - posted on 07/25/2011

Most of my friends were like that too. After about the first month, I barely heard anything from them - no invites to dinner, no catching up on the phone - my only contact with them is an occasional facebook message.

I thought when they had kids it would be different, but it's no different now. They all have young babies, I have a 9 year old.

I think part of it is the same problem I had with mothers in mothers groups when my daughter was a baby - at 21, I was the youngest by a decade. The other mothers all thought they were better than me - from a combination of them being older and because their husbands earnt more (which is no wonder, with most of them being 35+ and been in their careers for more than a decade while my husband was working part time and trying to do tafe studies). What should have mattered, is that we loved our daughter, took good care of her, and scraped by enough to support her needs. So what if we couldn't buy her expensive label clothes (even if I was rich, I wouldn't do that - why spend on one item of clothing, an amount of money that would feed a whole family in a third world country for a month?).

Maybe part of the problem is that we responsible young mums are the exception?

With so many bad reactions from the other mums, purely because of my age in the first few parent groups I tried, I decided to try out ones specifically for younger mums (up to 25 years old). I'm not kidding when I say I was the only one there who was married and not addicted to drugs or alcohol. The other mums were nearly all addicts and nearly all slept around - ALL were high school drop outs who intended to spend their lives popping out babies for either welfare or child support - not one single one of them was a responsible person.

Don't get me wrong - I am sure many of you are responsible, and over the last decade since having my daughter, I do come across some amazing young mums from time to time, but when I had my daughter, the only young mums i knew were deadbeats, and everyone else treated all young mums like deadbeats, whether they were or not.

Lovely Mae - posted on 07/25/2011

don't feel so sorry for yourself..it only means that these people whom you think your friends are not really your friends..instead free yourself from embarrassment and don't think of it as your lost because being a mom is the best thing that happens to every women's life...im a mother of a 4 year old son and im also 22 when i got pregnant with my baby..i was never think of it as something i can't be proud of but instead my son has been my ultimate source of strength in my work and surviving the life of being a mother, a wife..take your son to a nursery or in a playhouse and mingle with other moms there is try to make friends with them and enjoy the company of your son..

Shirley - posted on 07/25/2011

Were do you live Jo?

Jaimee - posted on 07/25/2011

I'm exactly the same - I had my first when I was twenty, and lost contact with all of my friends. After gradually reclawing my way back into their lives, after the birth of my second two months ago, they're all gone again - despite my best attempts to make myself available for any events that I can go without too much drama, to respond to emails, etc. It's so bad that my best friend of ten years forgot my birthday last week. It's really very upsetting. My solution was to make my own new friends, and while it is exceptionally hard, I find the relationships I form with people who are in the same place as me, having kids, etc, something you can relate to, are so much more satisfying than trying to revive friendships with people who while i adore' we really don't have much in common anymore.I literally forced myself to attend pay groups, and library readings, etc, so now while I'm not even slightly at the stage of seeing the otherums outside of these scheduled activities, I'm still too shy, at least it's a start. Baby steps, baby steps!

Anna - posted on 07/24/2011

I'm in minnesota, are you anywhere near me? I'm 23 and have a 20 month old girl

Ashlyn - posted on 07/22/2011

I know exactly how you feel. But I've kind of learned to just be on my own all the time. Except for my parents and friends and family in a different state I don't talk to anyone. I gave up on my friends after they stopped coming around the calling.

Julie - posted on 07/20/2011

Focus on and ENJOY ebing a mom.
I was on the other sie of this when young girlfriend of mine has a baby - we all felt she needed her praivacy AND her life was something we could no longer relate to - so we chose another path - as had she (obviously).
Find a young mothers' group ina good church and you will have more than enough girlfriends.
life changes as do circumstances... find new friends ♥

Jamie - posted on 07/19/2011

HI everyone my name is Jamie and i can relate to all of you. My friends where all about me when i was pregnant and for the first yr. But after i got married they stop call and coming around like they did before.They only call or hang out with me when i say somethink to them but even that only last for a few weeks. Ive tried going to play groups but know one every talk to me so i felt out of place. My daughte is 2 and im still looking for ppl close to my age with kids to make friends with.

Brandi - posted on 07/14/2011

I am in the same boat as you my friends never talk to me unless they need something ... They do not understand that we now have responsibilities as a mother and they won't understand until they have their own children ... My son is 11 months now and it has been lonely but you learn to meet new ppl with children

Jesse - posted on 07/14/2011

I was the same in my group of close friends. I was the first to fall pregnant and for quite awhile, I didn't see anyone except for family. And, I can even relate down to the best friend of 16 years part who is also my daughters god-mother. She moved back home in March after living in Florida for several years and she spoke like we were going to be seeing each other more frequently since she would be living only 5 minutes away but, to be honest, I have only seen her 4 or 5 times since she came back home. It's frustrating and it does hurt me a lot because we have been friends for so long. My feeling about her not coming around is that I believe that she just doesn't feel comfortable around babies/kids and that since we have been close for so long, she feels like we don't have much in common anymore because she feels that I am not the "same" as I used to be. I feel that she'll come around in her own time. It is very frustrating, though. If you do have friends who still come around, spend time with them, it does help. Sometimes people need time to accept that you have a child and understand that just because you have a child, you are not a different person. Are you a bit more limited in hat you can and cannot do? Yes but, they should be willing to accept that.
I hope things get better for you hun! Also, try joining some "Mommy and me" groups to meet other moms. That helped me a lot as well.

Peaslead - posted on 07/13/2011

I feel the exact same way, except all I have is my sister. It doesnt help that when I got pregnant I had to move.

Heather - posted on 07/13/2011

I understand what you are going thru. I was 18 when my daughter was born, and my friends were not as suppotive as I wouldnt have hoped. When they did call it was to do something that I would need to find a babysitter for. My husband would watch her when he had the night off but I would feel liked I was doing something wrong as a mom. Over the last 7 years I dont really see many of my old friends anymore. They are just now starting to have babies but to much time has passed. I started to make mommy friends thru work, when people started talking about their kids if my daughter did the same or I had a funny story I would share it. it. was hard at first but kids are a great icebreaker and gives you common ground. Just keep trying or try the park, library kid programs, mommy and me groups, even at mcdonalds.

Millie - posted on 07/13/2011

try going to the local library for storytime if they hold it every week........ that's what happened with me, sorta, and now i have lots of good friends....... other moms who i can talk to.... and compare funny stories with.......

Tara - posted on 07/13/2011

I went through this too. I was 20 when I got married and 21 when our daughter came along. NONE of my friends were even married at that point and after having our daughter, I never really heard from any of them (and her being a preemie didn't make it any easier for any of them to understand what we were dealing with). Our son came along when I was 23 and that was about the time my friends were just starting to get married. It wasn't until I started a different job (after our son was born), that I started to find people who I could relate to, but even then it was people who were just becoming parents and wanting to ask for advice and such (which was fine with me). I am now 29 and expecting our 3rd baby (who will be here via c-section on Monday, July 18). I still only have a few friends who I feel I can really talk to now, but it's better than no one. I plan to be a SAHM once this little one is born, which can make it even harder to find people to talk to, but for me, as long as I have my husband, kids, and those few friends..I'll be happy.

I'm sure this didn't help at all..lol..sorry about that. I just wanted you to know that I have been there (I'm also very shy) and it can get better, but it may take some time before your friends understand where you are at in life and can relate to you. In the meantime, though, consider looking into mommy and me groups (I know, shyness makes that hard..trust me, I understand that) or, if this applies to you, churches are another good place to meet other mothers. Our church actually has a little mommy and me type thing each Monday, that I am thinking about attending once this little one arrives. It may be uncomfortable at first, but it may be a good place to start. And if it's TOO uncomfortable, there's nothing saying you have to go back.

Good luck though, hun..I know how hard this time can be.

Ruth - posted on 07/13/2011

The same thing happened to me. When i had my son who is now 2 all my friends disappeared. I still don't have any friends bcus im really shy but i realize that they aren't on the stage in life that i am. And they probably weren't true friends to bail on u.