I want to know if anyone else feels the same or if there is something wrong with me?

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009 ( 44 moms have responded )

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Just lately i have been feeling really down not depressed just down. My partner works full time plus overtime a few night a week and also goes to play pool 2 nights a week. Im at home with my son and i like being here, but i feel isolated the only time i go out is to take my son to school and pick him up and seem to have most of my friends and dont know why.
probably sounds really stupid but i wanted to know if anyone else felt the same or there abouts?

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Rebecca - posted on 04/10/2009

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I know how you feel. My husband leaves fro work at 4.30am and doesn't get home til around7.30pm and that's if he doesnt stop off to visit his mates which is at least 3 times a week. I have four kids aged from 7 to 15mths with two at school. I joined the gym to find some friends but it hasn't changed things much for me. The weekends roll around and my husband wants to sit on the lounge all day as he has had to leave the house everyother day and wants to just stay at home. I don't get anytime off as daycare is too expensive and playgroup was a disaster with the mums being rude about me being only 27 with 4 kids. I find the only thing that makes me up again is the fact that I have four healthy kids with no major medical problems,. they are happy and well dressed and fed properly and that makes me remember that reason that I ma at home to make them happy and let them grow up in a secure and safe enviornment, it isn't an easy job, and the thanks and pay level sucks, but the smiles I get from my kids reminds me that it is the only job I have so I have to do it well for now. Good luck, I hope things brighten up for you and your family!

Jo - posted on 04/10/2009

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I feel the same sometimes. I did have postnatal depression for about 2 years after the boys where born i am over it now but sometimes i feel really fed up kind of.

Jessica - posted on 04/10/2009

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I think almost all moms feels this way at on point or another. I know i struggle with this, i'm a single mom of two girls. But i have found that us mom's need our own time to go out and relax. At first I felt really guilty but I feel like I am more focused on them and less stressed  once I have alittle mommy time!

Jessica - posted on 04/10/2009

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I think almost all moms feels this way at on point or another. I know i struggle with this, i'm a single mom of two girls. But i have found that us mom's need our own time to go out and relax. At first I felt really guilty but I feel like I am more focused on them and less stressed  once I have alittle mommy time!

Loretta - posted on 04/10/2009

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hi hayley one thing i can promise you is your not alone i felt exactly the same,but i thought enough is enough and would take my little one out for a walk,anywhere really did'nt matter it got me out the housethen i started to go swimming one night a week that helped and then me and my freinds put our foot down and decided that we were going to have one night out even though it was only once every 6 months just to talk and blow away the cobwebs.hope you start to feel much better soon.

Rebecca - posted on 04/10/2009

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I use to feel that way but i am no longer with me sons father. But maybe you need to tell your partner how you feel. Yes they do work alot but you need some time for you too or it will drive you nuts..

Brandy - posted on 04/10/2009

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There was definelty a time when I felt just what you are descibing. Do you work? Do you have something you have to do while your son is at school? I found lunch with a girlfriend even just once a week helped tremendously. A shopping excursion with a friend was also a great reprieve.

Shawnacy - posted on 04/10/2009

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Hayley,



There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! I too, like so many others, feel your pain. My husband is disabled and I have one child in school and one that is not. The only thing I leave home for is to take the oldest to school, go grocery shopping, check my mail, pay bills, etc. Because I actually work at home, I don't get out very much. I have a suggestion for you. A few months back, I decided to become a firefighter on a volunteer basis. It is great to get out and actually do something to help your community. With such a worthy cause, a lot of people usually stand behind you and don't mind helping with the kids. I am now working to become a first responder for the community and let me tell you, it feels great! The children both look up to me, I get a few minutes alone, even though it is in class or a house fire, and I feel like I am appreciated. Also, you might want to talk to some of the other mom's at your children's school and get together for play dates. Those aren't just for the kids, they are for the mom's to make new friends and have someone to talk to. Coming from a mom who hasn't been alone in over 9 years, can't bath alone, can't go to the bathroom alone, can't walk out in the yard alone, either with husband or children constantly, you have to find ways to have a little bit of alone time. It is important for you and your husband to be together alone, but not as important as for you to have some time to yourself every now and then. I hope you work it out and good luck!

Farrah - posted on 04/09/2009

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My husband also works long hours he works 7 days 12hrs everyday 8am to 8pm

i'm stay at home with my 3month old i dont plan to work yet until june or july. Plus i have no family member around cuz i live in Mi and my family lives in Nyc. so im alone but i keep busy at home when time premits cuz its hard with a 3 month old. but i call my mom everyday like 3 times aday and now i started selling stuff on ebay its working well. i go to church on Sundays and leave my son in the infant room which is great. i keep in touch with my friends on facebook. at least so i wont feel like i lost contact heh. i knw what u mean sumtimes i feel alone but i say shrug it off and think positive cuz if i let it get to me that im alone or isloated it will bring me down so keep busy.

Nina - posted on 04/09/2009

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You are definitely not alone! My boyfriend is currently working in the Canadian Forces and working 3 hours away. Now he does come home on weekends, but from Sunday night to Friday night I am home with the kids by myself. In the summer he will be gone from June to August and only home for one weekend for our son's first birthday. I constantly feel lonely and a little down. My friends have stopped inviting me out because I could never go out due to no babysitter. I'm hoping that now that the weather is getting nicer that my mood will lighten a bit. The winter can be very depressing when you're stuck inside all the time. I found it easier to stay in than fight through the snow with a stroller and 2 kids. My kids are 5, 3, and 9 mths (next week!).

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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i agree, i am a stay at home mom,and i run a home daycare. i ebvy how my husband goes out to work, i know that it's work but he still gets to communicate with others and be around adults. and i don't. lol also we barely go out, and if we do it's with the kids. the only thinkg i can't complain about is he is home every night, and nver really goes out. he dedicates his life to us which is nice, but sometimes is suffocating. so it's a double edged sword i guess. lol but anyways i kn ow how you feel.

Faith - posted on 04/09/2009

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My husband works nights as well. I am the main disciplinary, and the one who does the majority of the house work. I try to balance it by going out with other moms who have kids around the same age. Plus ask your husband for some time for you as well, I mean if he can go out 2 nights a week why not get a sitter and go with him. one of the nights.

Deanna - posted on 04/09/2009

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Join a local Moms Group. You can take a break from everyday mom duty and spend some time with other moms. Also take sometime for yourself and dont feel guilty about it. Go to a movie with a friend or by yourself and leave your child with your partner. It will not only make you in a better mood but it also gives him an idea of what you go through each day!! We are not only moms but we are still people! We have needs just like our children and happy moms make happy kids!!!

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Maybe a taking a mommy and me class would help. Like a mommy and me swim class. That way you can get out and do something and so can the baby. Its also a great way to meet new moms who have similar issuses and can be great to talk to. That would get you out of the house and around adults without having to find a sitter. Also if you and your child make friends with another mom and her child you can set up play dates in the future so your child can have fun playing and you can have time with someone who can talk to you in adult language and understands what you're saying. Baby talk is wonderful but sometimes you just need someone who understands what you're saying and can talk back instead of cooing back.

Sabrina - posted on 04/08/2009

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I feel the same way. My husband is in the navy and is currently on deployment and wont be back til the end of July early August. The only family I have in the area is my father-in-law who is in the air force and travels all the time and my sister-in-law who is finishing her flight school. I'm also in the navy so I work all day then come home and take care of our son, wake up and do it all over again. I never get a break.



Sometimes I just get sad because I'm lonely and none of my friends want to hang out with me anymore since I had my son. Its very frustrating sometimes. I love my son but sometimes I wish that I could just have a night off and sleep in.



Your not alone!!!

Deborah - posted on 04/08/2009

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hi Hayley, i understand where you're coming from, i used to feel like this, i also felt less of a woman and couldn't be bothered with my appearance, i now make time to go out with friends, ask your partner to look after the kids once a week, when he's not working overtime, even if it's just going to your friends without the kids and also and get some time for you n your partner for example once a month go out somewhere with him.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/08/2009

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Quoting Hayley :

I want to know if anyone else feels the same or if there is something wrong with me?

Just lately i have been feeling really down not depressed just down. My partner works full time plus overtime a few night a week and also goes to play pool 2 nights a week. Im at home with my son and i like being here, but i feel isolated the only time i go out is to take my son to school and pick him up and seem to have most of my friends and dont know why.
probably sounds really stupid but i wanted to know if anyone else felt the same or there abouts?


I guess I am lucky! My husband is in the Navy and works 12+ hour days. When he comes home, he loves to take care of our baby and give me a "break". If I make dinner, he offers to wash the dishes. If the baby is being crabby, he offers to sleep on the floor in her room. Of course I never let him since he has to work. If his friends invite him out somewhere, they know that I am coming too. He says we are a "package" deal. I cannot even imagine him going out several times a week to play poker or whatnot. I guess I am just married to a very selfless man! on the other hand, I know how boring it can get at times being home alone all day from 5:30 a.m. until 6 or later. You can check and see if there are any stroller exercise groups in your area. Usually they walk the local tracks or parks and can be found online. Also some of the movie theaters offer "baby friendly" movies during the afternoon with dimmed lighting and lower noise. I know the economy is bad now but if your husband can go out and play pool, you should be able to go out too.



 

Sarah - posted on 04/07/2009

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Tabatha sounds like you have a good hubby there! i cant imagine mine making his own lunch!! and when i havent made his breakfast or dinner on time he says i'm starving him!!!! or if i'm not seen by him doing SOMETHING he thinks i've not done anything or i'm lazy....yet all his clothes are clean ironed shirts and tidy house with dinner when he wants it! arggghh drives me crazy. Also hes not the father of my child either which can make it harder. :/

T_cjones108 - posted on 04/07/2009

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Quoting Tabatha:



Quoting sarah:

I no where your coming from.... All i do is cook, clean do the house work and take my 9 year old son to school n back, my partner works full time hours and expects his dinner when he returns from work. I really want a job and have been looking but there are just no jobs atm where i live. But when i did have a job i still had to do all the jobs around the house even on weekends... i think my partner thinks thats what women are ment to do while the men just work!!!!!!........I'm really unhappy :(






if us moms got paid for ALL the work we do we would be set for life!! its a partnership! my husband does some of the same things! when our boy (owen) was born i would feed him at 5-6am and after that would cook my hubby breakfast................... it didnt last long! lol plus befor our boy was born i would make his lunch..........again didnt last long after my boy came in to the world!! and let me tell you i have enough on my plate, and hes a big boy if he doesnt pack a lunch then he wont eat! i feel bad but i mean come on............................i merried a man and had a baby not the other way around :) he has not started to make his lunch and is good if dinner isnt on the table when he gets home!! i do what i can and beleave me i wish i could do everthing! but its just not possible there arent enough hours in the day :) dont beat your self up hun :D and dont ever forget mommy needs time too! yes my husband works full time and i work 2 days a week (on his days off) and i dont get mad if dinners not done or the house isnt clean!!! plus i swear by a slow cooker or crok pot! whatever you call them they rock! set it and forget it :)





sorry i ment to type he now* makes his lunch :p lol

T_cjones108 - posted on 04/07/2009

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Quoting sarah:

I no where your coming from.... All i do is cook, clean do the house work and take my 9 year old son to school n back, my partner works full time hours and expects his dinner when he returns from work. I really want a job and have been looking but there are just no jobs atm where i live. But when i did have a job i still had to do all the jobs around the house even on weekends... i think my partner thinks thats what women are ment to do while the men just work!!!!!!........I'm really unhappy :(



if us moms got paid for ALL the work we do we would be set for life!! its a partnership! my husband does some of the same things! when our boy (owen) was born i would feed him at 5-6am and after that would cook my hubby breakfast................... it didnt last long! lol plus befor our boy was born i would make his lunch..........again didnt last long after my boy came in to the world!! and let me tell you i have enough on my plate, and hes a big boy if he doesnt pack a lunch then he wont eat! i feel bad but i mean come on............................i merried a man and had a baby not the other way around :) he has not started to make his lunch and is good if dinner isnt on the table when he gets home!! i do what i can and beleave me i wish i could do everthing! but its just not possible there arent enough hours in the day :) dont beat your self up hun :D and dont ever forget mommy needs time too! yes my husband works full time and i work 2 days a week (on his days off) and i dont get mad if dinners not done or the house isnt clean!!! plus i swear by a slow cooker or crok pot! whatever you call them they rock! set it and forget it :)

Sarah - posted on 04/07/2009

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I no where your coming from.... All i do is cook, clean do the house work and take my 9 year old son to school n back, my partner works full time hours and expects his dinner when he returns from work. I really want a job and have been looking but there are just no jobs atm where i live. But when i did have a job i still had to do all the jobs around the house even on weekends... i think my partner thinks thats what women are ment to do while the men just work!!!!!!........I'm really unhappy :(

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009

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very true if im not happy he aint.



my parents cant have him my dad works full time and i dont have anything to do with my mum, and my partner aint the real dad and his parents live about 200 miles away not good lol

T_cjones108 - posted on 04/07/2009

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Quoting Hayley :



i agree sanity is very important lol, i think im losing mine.






i do get a few hours to myself when hes at school so its not too bad but i dont do anythin i just usually sit on here or clean.






liking the potato plug, made me laugh lol good idea tho






good idea to take 1 day off a week






glad i could make you laugh :D i think of that when i need a good giggle :) and even if hubby cant take your boy ask your parents or his to take him for just a few hours maybe 1 or 2 depending on how you feel being away for your boy!! scew the cleaning it will be there later lol



plus if mommas not happy nobody will be happy :D

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009

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i agree sanity is very important lol, i think im losing mine.



i do get a few hours to myself when hes at school so its not too bad but i dont do anythin i just usually sit on here or clean.



liking the potato plug, made me laugh lol good idea tho



good idea to take 1 day off a week

T_cjones108 - posted on 04/07/2009

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Quoting Hayley :



the money situation dont help either i know that feeling, im the same lisa im my own worst enemy, my partner takes my son out and i dont mind but he always says "stay here and have a break, catch up on sleep or something" he dont realise i need to get out too lol.






Id love to join a jym but im so restricted to what i can do cause ive got a fractured spine so thats makes that one difficult lol.






thanks for all your advice






i feel the same way ! your so not alone hun :) what i would do is next time he takes the boy out for the day.......................u leave the house at the same time and go for a walk or grab a towel and hit the beach or lake and bath in the sun :) get a few girl friends to join you! the other way i get out of my house is i have some friends with kids too and we meet up (with the kidz) and walk around the lake and just talk about whatever. it could be about the kidz venting about the husband, thoughts for the future...ect! the walk helps you get back in shape and its really great bonding time with other women :) every mommy i know has felt like this at some point soo you, me and all the other mothers arent alone nor crazy :D also my mother inlaw told me to set 1 day a week (like she did) and have my husband take our boy and just do whatever ME MYSELF AND I FEEL like doing :D lol she did this and hightly recommends this! on her day off one week she wanted to have a bath couldnt find the plug so she grabbed a potato and that was her plug for her bath :p lol i hope this helps :)

Amie - posted on 04/07/2009

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My friends keep buggin me about when I'm going to have another. ha! His days off are nice though. 5 days of him around helping makes a difference but I still like to sneak off alone when I can. My sanity is just as important as my kids health and well being. =)

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009

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4 kids i can only just cope with one i dont know how you do it. 12 hour shifts are never good my partner used to work them before the company went under, its a nightmare. must be nice when hes off work tho?

Amie - posted on 04/07/2009

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I know how you feel. I have 4 kids and I'm 27. I get down too, well not so much down as about to lose my freaking my marbles. I love all my babies and my hubby and while he tries to help me out some days he just can't. He works FT and it's shift work so while I like it, I don't at the same time. He's a miner so he works 5 days on, 5 days off. It's 12 hour shifts so when he's working he might as well be somewhere else. He gets home, says good night to the kids and is in bed right after them too. It's these days that get me the most. Running on a few hours sleep, herding kids around, and just trying to keep up. ugh.
On his days off though he takes them out or when we can get a babysitter so we can go out together. I have to remind him though that I need just alone time every once in awhile. While I love them all I can only stand so much togetherness. I don't always go out with my friends either, sometimes just him staying home with the kids so I can go out and do errands by myself and dawdle around helps.

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009

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the money situation dont help either i know that feeling, im the same lisa im my own worst enemy, my partner takes my son out and i dont mind but he always says "stay here and have a break, catch up on sleep or something" he dont realise i need to get out too lol.



Id love to join a jym but im so restricted to what i can do cause ive got a fractured spine so thats makes that one difficult lol.



thanks for all your advice

Lisa - posted on 04/07/2009

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hey dont worry babe we are all in the same boat, my hubby works full time, i cant work because of his hours, im usually at home with my 1 year old most of the day as we have no spare money to go anywhere! I get really down about it sometimes but what you have to think about is....it wont be forever. My husband still has an active social life and is always out and baout doing what he wants 2 do and sometimes i tell him it isnt fair how he can but i cant, but then when he wants 2 take our daughter out for the day im really defensive saying he can for a couple of hours coz i miss her....im my own worst enemy hehe.....dont feel like your alone hunni....we are all in the same situation =]

Candace - posted on 04/07/2009

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that workout tip sounds like a good idea. I know when I workout I am actually happier. i think it is mental and physical. They say when you excercise your body releases endorphins, which naturally make you feel happier, plus you'll feel better about yourself and have more energy for the kiddo :) I so need to get back in my workout routine.

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009

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dont be sorry, he knows i feel down but not the reasons why, i dont like to tell people whats really wrong he knows ive got a lot goin off in my head and he really does try to cheer me up tho

Lily - posted on 04/07/2009

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You are definitely not alone... Women need some time away as well. If he has a schedule to go out a few times a week, then you should have that too. I would talk to him, and try and make a schedule to at least one day a week have a time where you can get away from the house and have some free time. Whether you meet and have dinner with a few friends or just do something to relax for a little while.



Sometimes if I have been at home all week and am about to lose my mind, i leave when my husband gets home and I just go to like target or other stores and walk around. Just to get away from the house for a little bit, be around people...



I know money is tight for everyone, but some gyms are having great discounts right now... it might help to sign up for a exercise class or something during the week. Most of them provide childcare too. Great exercise and you often can meet a lot of other moms that way =)



 

Candace - posted on 04/07/2009

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Im sorry, I wasnt try to say it was his fault, just didnt know if he knew your were feeling down. My husband can tell when Im down a lot, so I talk to him about it. Sometimes he knows just how to cheer me up.

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009

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i always talk to him and we are happy together, i just let him go out cause its what he wants to do, he helps out sometimes around the house, so its not him i think its just me feeling down thats all

Candace - posted on 04/07/2009

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I agree with the babysitter comment. Your relationship with your husband/partner is the backbone of a good foundation for your family. If that falls apart, there is nothin to hold your family together.I just resolved to put on a happy face and tryto make myself smile more, cuz at some point that will be a real smile and I will actually be enjoying the moment. If I never try it will definitely never happen

Hayley - posted on 04/07/2009

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i dont think the men understand that we need a break too, i think thats what gets me down so much, he does what he wants and he knows i wont stop him.



thank you all tho you have made me feel better

Stephanie - posted on 04/07/2009

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yes i feel that way at least twice a week. After i had my son it seemed like none of my friends wanted to hang out with me. I have the oposite thing with my husband , i see him all day long cause he go laid off but i still feel stuck cause he sleeps all day and is up all night . so i am left taking care of my boy all day and most of the time no one wants to hang out. I would suggest finding a baby sitter on one of the nights you hubby plays pool and go with him just to spend time with him. And Make girls night in there somewhere. YOu time is important so try and get out!!!

Candace - posted on 04/07/2009

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I agree I hate that he gets to ust come and go wheneverand it doesnt seem to bother him at all. I love him to death and I know he needs alone time, but dont I deserve that too?

Melissa - posted on 04/07/2009

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of course .....i do ....iam a mom of 3 and iam 27 years old....

i dont do much ...clean ...feed them ...wash clothes ...dishes...

and i only speak to toddlers so ...come on i need some friends ...!!! lol

no but i do feel lonely an times .....

do something dont let your self to fell down...

and honey ...its not stupid its normallllllllllllllllll

i promise ....all women we are here with you

so don t worry ....

Candace - posted on 04/07/2009

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I totally feel your pain, my husband works days and I work a few nights a week, and during the day I am aone with my son. I love him to death,m but I never tleave the house, and dont get any interation time with other people much and it really gets to me a lot. lately everyone has notice that I am acting/feeling/looking down. I feel it too, but dont know what I am suppose to do to change it. The only people I hang out with are my husbands firends and thier wives, who dont seem to like me (or so I seem to thnk so). I feel so out of place all the time...

Megan - posted on 04/07/2009

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You are not alone. I'm sure lots of moms feel the same, I know I do some times too. My husband works nights and I am all alone at night. The only time I get out is on the week ends if we all go out together. He goes out a few times a week to play poker. I agree, I love staying home, and wouldn't have it any other way, but I am jealous at times that he can come and go as he pleases and I can't. Maybe it'll help to know you aren't the only one ;)

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