If you use spankings as punishment....?

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

yes you are judging me you are saying that i abuse my kids and that i dont raise my kids right. that is judging. i hit bugs with my car harder than i hit my kids. if it teaches them thats all that matters its not like i give them bruises or anything they dont even get red marks.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

You dont NEED to hit them though, proper behavior can be achieved WITHOUT spanking.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO TYPE ALL IN CAPS. GIVES THE ILLUSION OR EXTREME ANGER OR FRUSTRATION.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

You know, assuming i don't discipline my daughter is kind of naive. Just because i dont hit her, doesn't mean i dont use other forms of POSITIVE discipline. I don't let my daughter tell me what to do.She listens to every word i say and i dont have to beat her to get her to do it. I just be kind and respectful towards her and teach her how to choose proper behavior.

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

YES I CAN WHEN YOU ACTUALLY LOVE YOU KID YOU WILL DO ANYTHING TO TEACH THEM. I BARELY SWAT MY KIDS OR THERE HAND AND THATS ALL IT TAKES THEY RELIZE WHAT THEY DID WAS WRONG AND THEY SAY THEY ARE SORRY.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

I'm not judging you, just the act of spanking.I'm sure your a great mom, you just hit your kids and thats wrong. You may have the best intentions, they are still wrong.

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

HOW DO PRISON INMATES HAVE MORE RIGHTS THAN KIDS. MY KIDS DO EVERYTHING THEY WANT AS LONG AS IT SAFE AND RIGHT

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

Can you please explain to me how you can PHYSICALLY HIT your child in a loving way. Its a total oxymoron to me.

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE PEOPLE ON HOW WE RAISE OUR KIDS.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

Prison inmates have more rights than children...sad.

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

LISTEN HERE YOU ARE CROSSING ON DANGEROUS LINE WHEN YOU SAY I ABUSE MY KIDS. DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT BEING ABUSE I WAS TAKEN FROM MY HOME AT THE AGE OF 5 DUE TO ABUSE SO IKN WHAT ABUSE IT. SWATTING THEM ON THEIR LITTLE BEHIND ISNT WRONG. YOU ARE JUST TRYING OT GET EVERYONE TO SEE IT YOUR WAY. IM SORRY BUT I AM AN ADULT AND I 2 CHILDREN THAT I LOVE VERY MUCH. YOU RAISE YOUR KIDS YOUR WAY AND ILL RAISE MINE MY WAY. YOU CAN LET YOU KIDS TELL Y OU WHAT TO DO AND I ACTUALLY BE A PARENT AND TEACH MY KIDS RIGHT FROM WRONG. YOU MAY THINK SPANKING IS ABUSE BUT THAT IS YOU OPINION. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT AS LONG AS YOU DO IT IN A LOVING WAY AND DONT GET CARRIED AWAY.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

8.Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted

That is the 8th amendment. NOR CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT. Hitting is CRUEL. Its even illegal to hit a dog! Yet people still think its ok to hit their children. That boggles my brain.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

Its illegal in 30 countries, its right in the bill of rights, EVERYONE has the right to bodily integrity, every time you hit your child you take away that right. Just because no law protects children as of now, doesn't mean that wont change in the near future.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

Hitting, is abuse, you do abuse your child. You may have the best intentions, but its still physical abuse. I do know what sever abuse is, i endured it as a child. I still classify spanking as abuse, even though it does not have the same severity as other forms.

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

it may be illegal in canada but i dont live in canada i live in tn ukn the united states of america!! i dont care what some people think my kids love me and i love them . SPANKING A CHILD IS NOT ABUSE!!! I TELL YA WHAT CALL CPS CHILD PROTECTION SERVICES AND ASK THEM WHAT THEY THINK ON THE SUBJECT!!!

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

i never said i wouldnt stop if it was illegal what i said is that it will never be illegal. the government has more important things to worry about than what you call abuse. you want to see abuse visit some of the foster homes or maybe a foregin country why dont you help people who really need help like trying to feed starving kids and helping homeless kids find good homes you know something important like that. I know what abuse i was abuse and i dont nor will i ever abuse my kids.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

The laws are changing emmi. Its against the law to paddle in some states, thats changing corporal punishment laws when they made it illegal to paddle. Some states its illegal to spank in schools. LAWS CHANGE ALL THE TIME. Canadian laws changed as well, spanking is still legal but paddling is not, so is in school spanking. Its only legal to spank between 2-12 in Canada, soon that will change too.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

The government can tell you not to once its illegal. Are you going to continue to hit your children then? Do you see it fit to break the law in the name of "properly disciplining"

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

the laws will never change just like the law will not be able to take peoples right to bear arms and vote it cant and wont be done. I think its pretty sad that some people have to resort to telling people how to live their lives

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

ya ikn there are but i also no what works and what doesnt with my kids. it sounds to me that you dont want opinions you what to tell everyone how they show raise and discipline their kids.

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/11/2011

That's a horrendous attitude.



How would it sound if i said 'it's MY kid and if I see fit to cut off their fingers no one will tell me what to do!'



Seriously- think about how that sounds.

Is spanking your kids really that important to you that you are willing to come across like that?



Is it really that impossible for you to stop spanking?

It is addictive, trust me I know, I still have the impulse to spank my kids. But I know it's wrong. They don't deserve to be hit by me or anyone else.

Angela - posted on 08/11/2011

well i can tell you this NO ONE will tell me how to raise my child it will not happen if i see fit to spank then i will spank.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

Takes a village to raise a child. I worry about the effect corporal punishment has on society as well as the individual child. You better believe i can do something about it. Its people like me who change the laws to make corporal punishment against children ILLEGAL in many parts of the world. Laws are changing, in Canada its no longer legal to paddle or spank in schools. Eventually it will be all forms of corporal punishment. What a great day that will be :P

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/11/2011

Is that your advise across the board? What if I see a parent neglecting their child? Emotionally injuring them? Tearing down their self esteem?

Should we turn the blind eye to all children's trials?

Oris it everyones job to make sure the next generation of children are safe..

What if apparent doesn't know their car seat is installed wrong? Should I butt out or help them?

What if they say go away let me do it how I want. Should I say oh well it's not my kid. Or should I do everything I can to make sure their child is safe?



I'm sorry. As moms we should be open to learning new things and improving our parenting skills. Not sticking in our heels saying no way will I learn anything new!



I used to think spanking was fine, if not beneficial! But then moms here online spoke about how it could be wrong to do so and i listened and thought about it and realized they were absolutely correct! Sure it was hardy say I was wong. But I learned. That's all im trying to do, continue the message to other moms that spanking is not the way to discipline.

Maybe I'm not a good teacher yet, but im trying and my hearts in the right place. I care for EVERYONES kids. Not just my own.

Angela - posted on 08/11/2011

Yes there may be other ways of disciplining, but what parents chose to do is their choice and no one else's so i say again stop worrying about other people's children and how they are being raised there is nothing you can do about it! just worry about your own children.

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/11/2011

Emmi, kids who aren't disciplined run wild

Kids who are disciplinbuy not not spanked do NOT run wild!

Can you not fathom that there are other ways to discipline other than smacking their butt!?!?!

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

It is my person opinion that spanking is ok. Its not like im beating them they just know that when mommy swats their butt they have done something wrong. and when it comes to explaining things yes i do that but their are somethings that they just dont understand and unless i teach them the consequences of bad choices they will think that no matter what they do it will be a ok. everyone ikn complements me on my kids on how well they act with me and out in public they cant believe that they will say yes ma'ma and no ma'ma. so no matter what others think i am a great mom. I love my kids very much and for someone to say that i dont cuz of the way i dicipline that offends me. and yes they may change the laws on spanking but i can promise you that will be the worst mistake ever. thats what wrong with kids today and parents they are afraid of bein strict. and the kids run wild.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

My 20 month old listens to every word i say. I get complements on her good behavior all the time. I NEVER had to hit her to get her to listen. She listens out of respect. not fear.

Nicole - posted on 08/11/2011

i spank my daughter and she listens but for me its not a last resort. i only spank when its endangering to her others or properity. that has been the rule i have lived by since i was a child as i had my own share of unruliness do to my own issues.

i always count to three too before i will spank if she is in all situations unless its harmfull to her i will then remove her then spank her cause she knows better now. there is a difference you can not spank if they do not know better. once they have learned and disobey that is another thing. but my daughter listens by the time i count to two she is out of there most times i only have to say one in the stern mommy voice.

its the same for other people. kairi will listen and no i would never touch another person child and i wouldnt touch a relative child and i would expect the same respect. i leave the punishing for the parent.

my daughter is 17 months old and will knock off her behavior in an instant the moment i start counting to three even her EI teacher was amazed cause most children untill they are 5 will just look at you smile and continue and need to be physically removed...oh no in my book 5 is way to late you know by 1 what not to do and you continue learning what is right and what is wrong and once you know your not ging to pull the wool over my eyes you stand on my cofffee table i will count and you have till two to get down before i grab you spank you on your bottom and lay you on the floor. and you never spank when you are angry and it hink that is where spanking gets misconception and mamied as abuse. you should never spank when you are frustated or fuming mad. cause then you are more then likly going to spank harder then you mean to and leave marks. if your that mad walk away wash your face clean a plate dust stick them in their room and then come back wiht their punishment cool off first. i was spanked in the wrong ways but yeah i elarned fast and then i also learned how much i hated that parent cause i would get spanked for everything under the sun despite the family therapy we were in .

September - posted on 08/11/2011

We don't spank and never will. Sure our son throws fits and acts out just like any other toddler but spanking in my opinion addresses nothing! Not to mention most times spanking is done out of anger which is completely selfish. Even if our son was about to touch a hot stove I would not teach him a lesson by spanking him, I would remove him from the situation and we would talk about why it’s not ok to touch a hot stove. It’s as easy as that.

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/11/2011

Kids don't run wild just because you don't hit them.
Again I'll say it, not spanking does not mean you don't discipline teach and guide!
We do the same stuff you do, minus the raising a hand to you child's body.
Our kids know mommy in in charge, they listen to us just like normal kids. We aren't letting them eat bags of marshmallows cuz we can get them to stop without smacking them!

You can raise polite respectful children using other techniques then spanking.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

Emmi,DISCIPLINE is a must...it means to TEACH what your talking about is PUNISHMENT, which is NOT DISCIPLINE ..PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT is whats illegal...and FYI spanking is a MINORITY in the world, because people learned its WRONG. So if you want to not advance as a race....go right ahead, stick to what. When the laws change because its against human rights to spank, you'll realized it then, hopefully before though, so you wont regret it.

Jenni - posted on 08/11/2011

No, but you can apply logical consequences to behaviours. Consequences directly linked to the behaviour itself.



I think you may be misinterpretating the reason you give children choice. You allow them the choice so they can find out for themselves the negative or positive results that choice leads to. If they choose the negative choice, you apply a logical consequence.

ex: Ben swears. You have him write an essay about why we shouldn't swear.

Ben doesn't get ready for Karate lessons in a timely manner because he's diddle daddling. He doesn't get to go to karate practice that day.

A child refuses to clean his room. He doesn't get to play in another room until he cleans up.



If a child makes the positive choice he reaps positive results.

He does his homework early, he earns recreational time.

He finishes his dinner and gets to have a dessert.



These are all reinforced with discussions.



With issues of runaway emotions.... ie: hitting, yelling, toy throwing etc.

Children need to be taught the appropriate tools for how to deal with strong emotions. Like taking 'time-ins' or 'outs'. Counting to 10 or breathing through them. This can be achieved by modelling the behaviour yourself when you become angry or emotional. As well being with your child and showing them the techniques.



Our goal as positive discipline parents is to teach our child to make positive decisions for themselves at every interval. Not because they know mommy and daddy don't like the behaviour but because they truly understand through experience why they shouldn't engage in the behaviour.



Spanking *can* (not saying always) inhibit that learning process as it takes self blame off the child and puts it on the parent who disrespected their body.



In order for these methods to work and achieve the results they are meant to achieve. You must build a very strong and close relationship with your child based on mutual respect, trust, fairness, consistancy, involvement and guidance.

EMMI - posted on 08/11/2011

Ok laura and julianne you show me where it says that parents arent allowed to discipline their kids. The law says you cant beat and i dont beat. all i can say that if you have a problem with the way us normal parents teach and discipline their kids then you need to move to one of those 30 countries that its illegal. If you want you kids to run wild then that is your choice. Spanking is not violence. And it is out of love. You cant let they children parent and make their own desisions. and saying oh honey lets not do that cuz its wrong contiousely isnt right either cuz the kids dont learn anything. because kids dont know from wrong and they dont know what happens when you make amistake. So there fore my spanking there butts or smacking their hand teaches them whats right or wrong. you have to be the parent not their friend.

Julianne - posted on 08/11/2011

When it comes to the law spanking is illegal in 30 COUNTRIES! American laws among others are just behind in human right advancements. Violence can not be excused.. Saying its out of love actually disgusts me . How can hitting a person be out of love. YOU NEVER HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE.

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/11/2011

Kids can learn right from wrong without being hit.

Yes spanking appears to bea quick fix but it's not real teaching. You have to also teach.so if you are teaching them to behave properly then there's no need to spank them.
Spankings are never necessary to raise respectful loving kind children.

EMMI - posted on 08/10/2011

i was spanked when i was a kid and it didnt take me very long to figure out what to do and not to do. I was and still are a better person because of the way my parents disciplined me. I never did drugs, stole got preg at a young age, drink or even get drunk. I want to teach my kids that doing wrong things has a consequence which is spanking and time out. And i read somewhere that someone said that jails and prisons arent even allowed to hit the inmates. that is so funny cuz my aunt works at a huge jail in georgia and they do hit the inmates when they get out of line and eventually they learn they cant mess with my aunt and they listen to her. Beating somone is totally different than spanking a child. I spank on the but or smack the hand to get my point accross. I want my kids to respect me and they do for the most part and they are only 2 and 3. And when it comes to the law. the law says you cant beat or abuse a child but it doesnt say you cant spank a child by means of disicpline. And i think i would know i was a foster kid starting at age 5 so i know what is ok and whats not. And you asked for our opinion so we have all given it. The parents that agree with spanking do it out of love for our children because we want our children to grow up respectful and loving knowing right from wrong.

Julianne - posted on 08/10/2011

"And apparently some people thing that their kids have the right to do what every they want."
Just because i dont hit my child, does not mean i don't discipline her. I do not allow her to do whatever she wants. Its my responsibility to TEACH her how to choose what is proper behavior. I truly believe it is better to provide a child with the skills to reason and logically choose what is "good" and what is "bad" as opposed to teaching through fear. Obviously a child will behave if they are scared to get hit....but what does it teach them? That violence can be justified.

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/10/2011

Oh and Amelia, there's tons of ways to discipline without spanking! Tons of ways to be strict, firm, no nonscense mothers without spanking. There's no reason to believe that not spanking means not disciplining. The kids running wild as teens likely weren't PARENTED! Not just not spanked. Spanking isn't the only way to teach kids to behave, actually, I think doing the work to teach without using the spanking aspect raises better kids in general. Spanking is illegalforanyone other then your children 2-12 yrs old. So if its that regulated, could impossibly be right?

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/10/2011

Dee, I'm just amom who thinks no child deserves go be physically punished. There's many ways to teach guide correct discipline etc without smacking your child.
Hard or soft it's still using force on their body.
I've done it, and instantly regretted it. I never allow hitting in my family, that includes me.

Laura Zoey - posted on 08/10/2011

Amelia please do Not claim that spanking is a Christian thing! Many many Christians firmly discipline without violating their child's bodily integrity.
Julienne, thank you! You are a wonderful child's advocate :)

Dee - posted on 08/10/2011

Wow! Your post has really stuck a nerve. I do spank my child as a last resort. She is a wonder child whom I love more than anything in this entire world. But if time out's don't work that what i do. Its more of a pat than a spank and its only just on her bottom. You are basically saying that people who spank are bad parents and don't love thier children. Who do you think you are? I would never hit my daughter or hurt her in any way. She is my world.

Amelia - posted on 08/10/2011

And apparently some people thing that their kids have the right to do what every they want. My child does not have the right to do as she pleases. I am the parent. There are rules and they will be followed. I'm tired of seeing all these kids and teenagers who think they can get away with whatever they want. There is no running around acting crazy in the stores or restaurants, no talking back or telling us "no", no hitting the dog, etc.... There are clearly defined rules and punishments. Actually today I told my 3 year old to stop bothering the dog. After the 2nd warning she looked right at me and did it again. At that point she got a pop on the butt. After one minute of letting her cry about it I hugged her, kissed her and apologized to her and we talked about why she got a butt pop (at which point she apologized to me and she has been so happy the rest of the day).

And as far as children having "rights".... well, are you also not going to make your children do chores or abide by bed time? Some might argue that if you force your children to make their bed, do dishes or take out the trash that that is violating child labor laws, lol. Anyway, anything else I have to say will just sound kind of mean toward you, so I'm going to end it with this. Centuries of spanking children has not done any damage to the greater majority of kids. Every generation there are some tiny few that think they know better than all the other billions of women who have raised kids throughout the ages. And if you are so passionate about this then maybe you should get involved in an anti-violence group to help children who are actually really being abused or starved. Or maybe you should look into being a foster parent to help abused children when they need a loving home.

Julianne - posted on 08/10/2011

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipl...



This article explains how to spank within the law and to protect the child from physical harm.....but nothing can protect them from the emotional harm spanking causes.

Julianne - posted on 08/10/2011

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipl...

Julianne - posted on 08/10/2011

I worry about the rights children have, apparently some people think they own their children and have the right to do whatever they want with them. I am only posting FACT and logic. Besides, this is what the topic is. why its wrong to hit and why people do it. If your going to make things personal, maybe you should take a step back and stop trying to pick fights. :)

Angela - posted on 08/10/2011

are trying to pick a fight with people? this is silly, stop worrying about the way people parent their children because there is nothing you can do about it.

Julianne - posted on 08/10/2011

Non-spankers care so much because they KNOW its a violation of basic human rights. The right to bodily integrity. You take that right away from your child every time you hit them.

Julianne - posted on 08/10/2011

spank and hit are the same thing, no cutsie name is going to take away the severity of it.

Amelia - posted on 08/10/2011

Nicely put Tonya. I strongly believe that most children need to be spanked at some point in their childhood. Maybe that is just my Christian view on things or maybe because I tend to see that the children who are spanked are generally more well behaved in public. I really don't understand why this always turns into an argument. I spank my child, you don't. Who cares??? There are children out there who get beat and burned by cigarettes and starved. Why don't you start focusing your time and efforts with those children and moms.

Anyway, I actually like to see a parent actually spank an uncontrollable wild child in a restaurant or grocery store (and again, by spank I mean SPANK, not HIT) instead of just saying "OH, little Johnny, don't do that" over and over again. How effective is that if you have to tell them 10 times? Children should be taught to respect and honor and listen to their parents. If we are telling them the same thing 50 times then what are we really teaching them? Not much in my opinion. 100 years ago we had children who actually did respect adults, their peers and themselves. How many children do you know today that show that kind of respect?