Im 21 married and i have a baby is there any one else like me?

Stephanie - posted on 04/11/2009 ( 156 moms have responded )

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im 21 married,i have a great baby...im done school,ihave a good job...but all my friend bailed after my daughter. im i the only one this happened to?

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Billie Jo - posted on 04/17/2009

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lets just say I was alway invited to everything....even while pregnant until the middle of my 2nd trimester. After that, my husbands circle of friends would only call me when my hubby was in town. My high school circle of friends talk to me more but never get the invites out. I am 23 with a gorgeous daughter, Handsome airforce hubby and I am a nurse. I have few friends in PA (where we are from) that call/email so I would call them my good friends....and as for in OKC, I have met terrific people who are young moms like me!

Alyssa - posted on 04/17/2009

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No I'm 21 and have two kids. i never went to school. but i had friends bail. you just need to find friends with kids. they're there don't look for them they will come to you! don't give up i know it sucks but it happens.Most of the time your kids turn out to be more fun then having friends ne ways! :)

Elizabeth - posted on 04/17/2009

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I am 22 and before I got married at 18 I had a lot of friends. My husband is 35 and before he got married he had no friends. Not a lot of my 18 year old friends wanted to hang out with a 35 year old that lost me a lot of friends. Then at 21 I had my first baby and that lost the rest of them. Now my best friend is my husband and my son. Then my mom i hate it.

Jennifer - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hey lady! I am 22 years old with #2 on the way. I totally know how you feel, I think a lot of it has to do with available time....we just don't have it as Moms. If you live in Iowa feel free to get in touch with me....can totally have a play date. ;o)

Julie - posted on 04/16/2009

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i got married when i was 19, and found out i was pregnant 2 days after i turned 20.. my baby is due august and my husband left tonight to deploy to iraq for 9 months. he gets two weeks around my due date to come home for the birth of our child. this is our first child and we have had alot of friends bail on us when they first found out we were expecting a baby, they didnt want to hang out because they said i couldnt do much because i was pregnant so my husbands friends didnt even want to hang out anymore.

Lindsay - posted on 04/16/2009

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1st of all you shouldnt say am i the only one this happened to nothing happened to you u choose it and shes beautiful. 2nd off they werent your real friends if they bailed out on you like that.3rd look at your pretty little girl i bet she worth the lost. 4th you should be very proud of your self for finshing school and having a good job and being married thats a job by its self lol im not married but i been with my boyfriend for 8 years and lived with him for 4 our daughter is 3 and yea i miss being able to just get up and go but i wouldnt change it for the world. plus your young so look at it this way by then time your 30 your daughter will be grown and you can still be albe to do the things your missing now :)

Kayla - posted on 04/16/2009

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Well I am 21, recently married and 5 months pregnant. I know exactly what you are going through. All my friends bailed pretty much after I got married, I think with alot of women our ages a jealousy thing sets in if they dont have what their friends have. I guess to me it dosn't matter much anymore, my family and husband are very involved with my life so it's been alright. But like my mom says you find out who your true friends are!

Kirsty - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hiya i think it happens to most of us coz i was 16 wen i fell pregnant wiv my 1st 99.9% of my friends deserted me i only had 1 friend tht sort of stuck by me i still dunt av many friends they all cum and go i wouldnt worry too much about it i av 2 children now 1 at 5 and 1 at 3 im not single im with the childrens father but we dunt get to do much 2gether but there will be ppl u get to meet sumhow trust me u only need ppl in ur life tht need u in theres ..

Stacy - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hi there im 20 years old with a 6 month old baby girl and when i got pregnant my friends were all there and supported me and ever since ive had her all of them have dissapeared they want nothing to do with me they would rather hang out with there other friends and go drinking instead of hangin out with me they dont call or right me... the only friends i have are friends with their own kids they stuck around for me:) For that i am very greatfull.... your are not the only one out there that has that problem i think alot of people do... But i bet you are a great mom and really i think thats all that matters you dont need those who just up and left you the friends that have stuck by you are true friends and you always have people here you can talk to i think thats why i like this site its great.. :) have a good one....

Andrea - posted on 04/16/2009

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I am 25 i have almost 1year old son and im stay home mom. My husband is working all the time... we have hard time to get along sometimes... my family live very far and i dont really see them.... my friends still live where i use to live till i met my husband start family and move away.... sometimes i find myself very lonely like i have nobody but my son! He is the best and all im going tru is worth it! ......since i started to go to the park with my baby i know almost all parents and their kids in this area and i know couple very friendly girls who became my good friends, they also have their little babies and life is getting easier for all of us when we can spend time together... it feels good to have friends around u and when u find out they have the same kind of problems as u... u never alone in this.... datz a life :)

Autumn - posted on 04/16/2009

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You are definately not alone! I was 19 when I had my oldest son (who is 5 now) and it right after high school. So while I was planning for a baby most of the people that I used to consider frineds went off to college and some of them I've still never heard from. I find it's easier to make friends with people who have babies. I am 24 and have a 5 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. All of my friends now have kids and we try to get together for weekly playdates and adult converstation outside our husbands. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk. I am always looking for more young mommy friends!

Jessica - posted on 04/16/2009

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It is acually pretty comforting to know that I'm not alone either. I had my little girl at 18, almost 21 now, married, and have absolutely none of friend I had before baby(besides my hubby, who also lost all his friends but 1). I haven't talked to any of them in over a year. My priorities changed, the girls I used to hang out with just wanted to party, I rather focus on being a good mom. I think my marriage is actually stronger for it too. I've just recently started to make new friends at work, I'm now up to two :) they don't have kids, but are older than me, and share similar reponsibilities, and maturity level(besides kids, that is). They are very supportive and understanding that I cant get out of the house too often, but also encourage me to bring my daughter along  and love coming to the zoo and park with us, whereas my old friends always had this annoyed look when I brought the baby along.



 



It would be nice to have other young mommy friends tho.

Korbyn - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hi I'm 21, I had my daughter at 19 and my husband and I are expecting #2, you are definately not alone. most lf my friends are in university, while I'm raising my family, I'm ok with it. there out living there life and I'm living mine. Mostly I am just not interested in the same things as they are, ie..going out and partying till 3 am, once in awhile sure, but not every weekend, there worried about an essay due in a week, I'm worried about raising a human being. Maybe it's not so much that they bailed on you, they just realize that you have more on your plate then they do. They probably think that you aren't going to be fun anymore, silly I know, maybe you just have to make the first move that's all

Rachel - posted on 04/16/2009

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Quoting Jenny:

im 23 married at 19 and have 3 kids age 2, 3 and 6 months and i also work aswell, i dont get much support from family or friends and im also struggling to cope with postnatal depression. im here just to talk and listen to people in my situation.


Wow Jenny, it sounds like you have your hands full! I feel like I have mine full and I only have one!!



Sorry to hear about your postnatal depression...how long does that usually last? If you want to chat with someone, I am all ears!!

Jenny - posted on 04/16/2009

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im 23 married at 19 and have 3 kids age 2, 3 and 6 months and i also work aswell, i dont get much support from family or friends and im also struggling to cope with postnatal depression. im here just to talk and listen to people in my situation.

Brittany - posted on 04/16/2009

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Most friends do leave after babys come in the picture.. After children its time to get new friends with kids. In a way its kinda helping you out in two ways you guys can talk about the same things all the craziness of mother hood and how it was like to need a friend and they came in!... Theres more women like you then you think!

[deleted account]

I'm 21 and I have a 4 month old son. I got married when I was 19. So most of my friends didn't understand & we drifted away. I still talk to maybe 1 or 2 of them. But I almost married a Marine & moved 1000 miles away. But alone the way you realize who your true friends are. A lot of people just think because we have kids, that we don't want to go out and have a fun time every now and then!

Sarah - posted on 04/15/2009

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Hi stephanie,i got married at 19 and had my baby at 20.I am now 22 and have i or two close friends,1 has a baby as well but the other was my best friend from school and has always stuck by me..love you megan.by the look of all your replys you now have a lot of people willing to talk and hopefully form some great friendships with..

Valerie - posted on 04/15/2009

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i was married at 19, pregnant at 20 and had a baby at 21. i am now 27 with 4 kids and still married!! i went through all the same things you did, i really drifted from my friends with no kids. sometimes you will never be close with them again, or after a couple of years and they settle down too you may reconnect. but you will meet new friends too. it was really hard for my husband and i cause we were so young and we are military and away from friends and family, and it was really hard to meet friends our own age in our position. so most of our friends with kids were older, like the age i am now. but you know what? when you are my age all of your friends will just be starting families, and you will be a veteran with school age kids! hang in there, it gets easier.

Janet - posted on 04/15/2009

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i was 19 when i got married and less then a year later we had our son plus my hubby was in the army so felt issolated anyway! by the time i was 22 i  had our daughter. at first i felt very pushed aside from my friends but think that is cos i changed more then anything else. your priorites arer different now but your friends my not understand that. saying that i am now really close to them all again plus i have all the new friends i have made from mum and toddler groups and nursery! it can feel really lonely but remember all the good things you have going on-as you start to fill content and confident again i sure they'll come back again. if not you wont really want to have such unreliable people around you and your young family! i'm hear if you fancy a chat!

Megan - posted on 04/15/2009

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You're not alone.. I am 22 I have a 3 year old son and I am married. Most of my friends aren't married and don't have kids they go out all the time and I can't/Don't want to. So they stopped calling and coming around. It happens a lot. No worries all you need are friends who have things in common like other moms your age. It gets easier.

Andrea - posted on 04/15/2009

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im 21 and married and i will have a baby before my 22 birthday. we are also in the military. i havent seen my family and friends in almost 2 years. they didnt bail but i feel alone too.

Paige - posted on 04/15/2009

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im 21 and had my son 9 months ago. i have great friends but because alot of them are still in college and they havent experienced their life with a husband and children they are out having fun and doing other things. i think they just arent ready for the life we have committed to so they dont come around as often. but your daughter is adorable and im sure shes worth what youve been thru to be where you are today and youll make new friends along the way!

Kim - posted on 04/15/2009

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Hi Stephanie! Nope, not the only one (obviously! :)  )  



Got pregnant and married at 23. Not quite done with school. It's usually just me and Logan most days while my husband works.



Things are slowly evolving now that all of his friends are married and talking kids...I don't feel like the odd-one out anymore...I've become close to his friends... Helps having people/friends that are all on the same page in life as you are.

Shelise - posted on 04/15/2009

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When you are a Mom your friends need to be moms. Your other friends are great too if they are supportive. There is a group called MOPS. I have never been a part of it cause there isn't one very close to me but I would google it. I have friends who have gone. They have activities for you and your kids that give you a break and give you someone to talk to that is in your same situation. Good luck.

Eloise - posted on 04/15/2009

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Hi I am 21 and married with a gorgeous son I have also just found out that Im pregnant again and couldn't be more happier. I am a house wife/mum to.

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2009

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Hi. There are multiple phases in life when friends come and go. The two biggest ones being marraige and having a child. It's not your fault , there's nothing wrong with you... some people are just meant to be in your life for a season. I think a lot of it has to do with you being a different and often times more mature place than your friends. I had the same thing happen to me, it hurts but when you realize you have better friends (hubby and baby) you will be a-o-k! Hope this helped!

Vanessa - posted on 04/15/2009

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Im 20 with a 4 month old little girl and getting married next year.
I moved to England last year and a week after i moved here i fount out i was pregnant, was quite ill through my pregnancy and didnt get much chance to do anything.
My friends have been there for me, well over the phone but its still not the same.
But my little girl makes up for everything that i miss!

Chrissy - posted on 04/15/2009

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i had my first child when i was 19 and my husband and i were married when i turned 21. since then we had our daughter. i am now 25 with a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old. we had actually had a still born baby like 3 months before i found out i was pregnant again with my daughter. sorry to hear about your friends bailing out on you after you had your daughter. if they were your true friends they probably wouldn't have done that. for me it seems like my friends and i all had babies around the same time so most of us all still talk. it's hard enough being a mommy then you have to loose your friends too? i am sure they will find out the hard way someday when the have kids of their own. if you ever want to talk about anything just hit me up on here.

Crystal - posted on 04/15/2009

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Hey girl, I completly understand.

I had my boy at 19, he is now 9 months old and I am 20. I am engaged.

My friends just seemed to disappear. No one wanted to hang out with me and the baby. It is difficult but you just have to find strength where you can, in yourself..in your husband..in your baby. They will always be there for you. What has helped me was branching out a little and befriending other moms. They know just what you are going thru. It is hard to hang out, due to both of you having children, but it is a mutual understand. Where are you from? I love new friends :]

Chantelle - posted on 04/15/2009

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Hi I was 18 when I had my first child and am now 24 with a  6yr old, 2 yr old and 5mnth old. Most of my friends sociallised with me less after my first, lucky I have a great Mum and sisters to hang out with.   But as time goes on I am starting to get more mature friends to spend my time with. Dont worry about those that wont hang around with you obviously they aren't worth it.When they start going to playgroup, kindy ect. you will start to get a great network of friends aroud you. But please don't let this worry you, you have the best thing in life.............ur daughter  : )

Melissa - posted on 04/15/2009

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I`m now 23, I have 2 children (daughter age 2, and son age 3.5).  I got pregnant at 18, but the father was from Scotland, I was from Indiana...Where do we go?  He thought he could provide better for us in a place he knew, so we moved to Scotland.  Now, I`m in a new country, I know nobody but my husband who now works full time and am due in 6 months with my mother thousands of miles away!



  I realised It was going to be tough, so I turned to his mom.  She helped me a lot, and still does.  I still dont have many friends because I`m either working or at home with the kids, this doesnt leave much time for a social life.  But I know what a great life I`m providing for my kids, so I`m willing to sacrifice my younger years for them, (when I`m 40, they`ll be at College or have a place of their own and I`ll be able to concetrate on myself and ENJOY it!)



   When it comes down to not having many friends, it is tough, but I just look to the future and that makes me smile.  Corny, but it works.  (plus I have facebook to keep in contact with people I cant see much) Good Luck and Best wishes!

Amanda - posted on 04/14/2009

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I am 24 married with 2 kids have my own buisness and im a student. and yes, my priorities are diferent than most of my friends were so I am alone now. Have a couple friends similar to me whom I speak with once and a while but most of the time it is me my kids and my husband,



I got married at 19 and had baby number one just before my 20th bday. baby nu,ber 2 at 24

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hi Stephanie and everyone who replied! I got pregnant when I was 19, my son is now almost 2, and I am 21. My family was surprised but supportive, and my boyfriend and I live together but love each other very much and plan to get married, (he has to finish college first). I lost a lot of my friends because they couldn't deal with it, and was mostly shunned by my "christian" friends. I am very sorry that you feel very alone, I completely understand. Please reply back to me if you ever need someone to talk to, or share funny stories. It would be really nice to have someone to connect with over being a young mom.

Tami - posted on 04/14/2009

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i'm 21 i fell pregnant with my son at 17 an had him when i was 18 i never had a female best friend but i had friends, when i was pregannat i met my best friend who like me was also preganant with first child and we have been friends ever since, all my other friends drifted casue i had a baby and a lot more responsibilities, just focus on your family for the time being or join a mothers group in your area and make soime new friends if your from Victoria i would be glad to have a  playdate

Ruth - posted on 04/14/2009

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That happened to me too... I know just how you feel. But I do talk to some of them now and I learned to make new friends. So don't worry about it you'll be fine, and when those so called "friends" have kids they remember  you then and call you up like nothing ever happened and you can then choose to talk or not to talk to them. Carma!!!!!

Jessica - posted on 04/14/2009

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i'm 21 and had have an almost 7month old.. I know your pain... All my friends bailed after I had him too!  Where do you live it! I've been looking for some people to have playdates with! Or just someone I can talk to and have normal response back!

User - posted on 04/14/2009

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im 24 i had my first when i was 19yrs and i was married at 21 and now we have 3 gorgous boys

Jenny - posted on 04/14/2009

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i will be 23 soon and same to my friend did not want to no me when i had my son now iv got 3 kids age 6yr 1yr and 5months iv been married for 3yr had my frist son at 16yr old

Stevie - posted on 04/14/2009

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no im 21 married finnished hs and college and i have 2 kids and i also have hardly any friends and barley any my age...but since joining circle of moms i now a a cuple friends my age and its great i feel more welcome and less like something is wronge with me because im married and have a child but i know how you feel really i started losing all my friends when i left for college but hey if you are wanting a friend or anything or just want to talk you can always talk to me im a good listener and i try to help if i can i know i dont know everything but what i do know im glad to share with others lol but yeah im here if you do just want some one to talk to about anything...babies being married or just life whatever lol

[deleted account]

Hi, I am also married. We had our son when I was 21 and I am now 22. Some of my friends have "lost interest" in maintaining our friendship because we are at completely different places in our lives. Hopefully you can meet other young moms to get that support and friendship! This is a great place to look :)

Candace - posted on 04/14/2009

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Nope! I am 21almost 22 ,Married  to a wonderful man and  I have 3 boys 6, 2, 1, I had my first Child VREY young! (not recommended but I would not take him back for the world!) but as soon as I had Keegan My six year old ALL MY FRIENDS RAN except for 3 of my closest buddies and at times I felt like they bailed out on me at time!  To this day they are still The Only gals I talk to!  I recommend maybe joining a YOUNG mommies group or maybe even starting one your self  because other women our age that dont have children HAVE NO CLUE what it is like and really what I have noticed is that we have NOTHING IN COMMEN! Its Great that you are married and at this point you husband maybe can step in a fill some of those friendly needs Just tell him how you feel and maybe you guys could go out together and try and meet new people? I hope everything works out for you and I am sure it will Just give it a lil time ;-] !

Delia - posted on 04/14/2009

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I was 21 with 2 kids already, only one friend stuck with me through everything, many didn't even try to understand. good luck.

Katherine - posted on 04/14/2009

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I had my first son just after my 17th birthday and my high school friends were around for the first few weeks but then the novelty of having a friend with a baby wore off..It sux but u figure out who ur true friends are. My husband and I got married last May b4 my 20th birthday, had our second son 2 weeks ago and have recently moved to a new town in the last few months. We have found it easier to make friends with people a little older then us. Going to mom and tot activities is also a great place to meet people.

Candiss - posted on 04/14/2009

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I am 23, I was married at 17 and had my first child at 18. My friends all ditched me when I told them I couldn't be around them if they insisted on smoking around me. It was hard for the first year but then I realized that all I needed in life was my husband and my little girl. Their lives grew in such a different way, so we just let go. They continue to party and live the wild life and I am more joyful than I have ever been with now 3 beautiful children and my husband. Last year two of them got married and I had thought maybe we could hang out again. Not gonna happen LOL. I now have one really good friend, she is the wife of my husbands good friend. They are 3 years our elders but were in the same boat, She was 17 when they got married, they have 3 kids and it is just so natural to be around people who are in the same stage in life, and since we all progress differently, our friends need to change to match our pace! Much Love!!

Dana - posted on 04/14/2009

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im almost 21 and im engaged.. i had my son when i was 19 and i dont see most of my friends anymore eather. it seems like when your young and have a baby and a husband single friends dont want anything to do with you anymore, they want to hangout all night and party. they dont understand that we have different responsibilitys.

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