Im a young mum 24 (look alot younger) and i struggle when people judge me for being young. My son was crying in the shops the another day and a women told me several times to feed my son he is hungry. He was not due for a feed. She was very rude. Does anyone else get judged. I feel that i have to defind myself and prove to people that i'm not stupid.

Susanna - posted on 09/26/2010

i feel like this all the time, when i was in labour the midwife said to me 'oh we have 2 teenagers in here tonight' and i said why where is the other one? which then she replied are you not a teenager.. i was like no im 25.. Same as all the ladies on here getting asked for i.d in the shop for the lottery alcohol, it does get quite frustrating but everyone says just think when ur 30 u wont look like it.. so im hoping when i am 30 the bags and the wrinkles wont give it away ha ha!! as for the old nosy woman, she is just old fashioned think she knows everything b/c she probably raised about 10 children i wouldnt lose sleep over her, ur the mum and just remember u no wats best.. :) good luck hun!x

Sarah - posted on 09/26/2010

I'm glad I'm not the only one who goes through this! I'm 26, but I could seriously pass for a high school student. I've gotten comments about how young I look SOOO many times! When I was 18, I had a waitress ask if I was a "big girl or a little girl." How freaking embarrassing!! Especially when it's in front of your in-laws who STILL bring it up to this day.

Christina - posted on 09/25/2010

I am 23 and I look like I'm maybe 15 or 16 sometimes people say I look 12 or 13 and have gotten several rude comments from people especially when I am with my 5 and 3 year old nieces. My baby is only 2 months old.

Donna - posted on 09/25/2010

omg yes. I'm 26 and I look like I'm 16 so I get alot of "you look a little young to be having kids" but I had my first 2(trwins) at the age of 20 and my last one at 25. I just laugh it off though

Lori - posted on 09/25/2010

Honey, you have nothing to prove to any stranger. Some people assume that a baby is always hungry when they cry..every mom knows thats not so. I'm sure you are a great mother. do the best by your child and you'll do just fine. Keep your chin up :)

Jeanne - posted on 09/25/2010

i'm in the same place as you but it's his mom that judges me all the time saying did you feed him enough or don't you think he needs a diper change or something its really not fun when you have ppl doing that to you so keep doing what your doing cuz everything is find he is your son not theres and you know whats best and when things need to happen with him (feeding,changing ...) i'm 23 and look like i'm 20

Stacey - posted on 09/25/2010

sorry for what haponed to u its not nice i know iv had to kids i dont get judged as much as i use to when i had my first boy (i had just terned 17) i had him in nottingham and i had people comminting about me i was even judjed and treeted like a child (in a way i was lol but was muture) by helth visitors and midwifes (i chainged alot) but the second time (i was 20 when i had my second) i dint notice as much if people was judjin there still is a fiew people but i live in a area now where its mostly is young parents so its not as bad :) just ecnore them and walk away if people try tellin u what to do its ur chiled not theres u know the bbys rutied not them xxxx

Anna - posted on 09/25/2010

I didn't get it too bad, or perhaps I never really noticed. A few weeks ago, however, I was in a store with my son and an older woman commented that she didn't know how "you girls" did it. She then went on to say that she met a young woman the other day with two kids who was only 20. I was a little shocked at her brazen assumption, but I laughed it off and said that, well, I was 25 and not looking to have a second again soon, but that my husband and I would eventually like another. The look on her face was priceless.

I do figure that when I'm 40 it'll eventually be a compliment. I also think that it's funny the most judgmental people are women in their 60's and 70's, since all those women were probably having children in their early 20's as well. Sign of the times, I suppose.

Hannah - posted on 09/25/2010

hi ino exatly wat that is like i had to go to the supermarket just the other week and my son decied half way thru to start sceaming (im 22 got marryd at 20 had my son 21) i got so many judgy looks from older women one lady come up and said to my son without even looking at me oh you poor little baby looks like your upset and being ignored! i wasnt i was trying to get some things quick as pos n get home i dnt have a car so had to walk to supermarket so its a hassle to have to go home then come back. i hate it when people judge you for being a young mum reli fustrates me

Christina - posted on 01/28/2009

I haven't had that experience yet, as I have not been outta the house that much; but if that ever happens, i know damn well I will tell that person exactly where to go.

Candace - posted on 01/28/2009

something similar happened to me after my first daughter was born.  My daughter was one of those extremely tiny babies that you see every now and then.  We found out later that she has a growing disorder...so anyway, she was like the size of a preemie.  Well, I was holding her in the bank one day, and she was around 4 months old...she was old enough to start lifting her head a little on her own.  I had an older woman who was kind of turning around and giving me dirty looks and I wasn't sure why.  Well, she finally says to me..."don't you know that you aren't suppose to have your baby out for the first few weeks?"  as if I'm retarded or something.  I told her, yeah I know that, but she's 4 months...so I don't have to really worry about that.  She kind of rolled her eyes like I was lying to her or something.  She may have been small, but you would think that seeing her holding up her head would be a given that she isn't has to be a little older.  That was one of my first experiences with people being so judgemental. 

I still have a lot of situations, and my kids are in school now, where people act like I don't know how to parent my children because I'm so young.  After awhile, you learn to ignore it.  My kids and everyone who knows me thinks that I'm a great mom...and I guess that's all that really matters.  And a bonus of being a young mom is when they grow up and move out of the house, I won't be too old to enjoy it.   

Maryann - posted on 01/28/2009

I def. know what you mean. When I was pregnant with my son over the summer and had to go to the hospital for my gestational diabetes test, walking in I actually had an older couple look at me and say oh thats a shame.  I just laughed. I am 24 but look about 16.  These people do not know us, or our situations. Do not let it upset you, you know what kind of a mom u are, age doesnt even matter. And actually the best mom i have ever met is a girl I work with who is 20 years old and had her baby a lil bit before her 17th birthday. Age is only a number, it doesnt have anything to do with our child rearing capabilities.

Deniseia - posted on 01/28/2009

I think all young mom's have been judged, and yes I have been judged as well. But when they hear how smart and well manored my daughter is they always feel salty for what they said 5 min ago. Please dont ever feel like you have to defend yourself anymore. Basically what all the young mom's said just do you. Good luck !!!

Kate - posted on 01/28/2009

No one's ever commented so rudely to me before, and I'm sorry that you had to go through something like that. Sometimes I just wish people would keep their comments to themselves. I was 24 when I had my twins, so I was pretty young, but the worst comment I got was something along the lines of "why didn't you selectively reduce?" I was like, say WHAT? Why would anyone say something like that? My twins were monoamniotic, and we went through hell and back again to get them safely home. That comment pissed me off!  Anyway, I hope people stop saying things like that to you. I move through stores quickly and don't make eye contact with people, since that gives them the opening to talk. I'm not being rude, I'm just busy and my girls aren't patient. You could try something like that.

Tonya - posted on 01/28/2009

Exactly, babies cry.I would have been offended if someone said that to me, and then very angry at them for feeling they could say that to me.

I am a young mom as well. I'm 23 with a 16 mo old little girl. I feel sometimes the same way, that I'm young, mainly when I am carrying my daughter and we walk passed people. I find myself thinking/wondering if they are thinking "Is that her daughter or sister?" But that's it. I try to not care what ppl think of me when it relates to me being a mom. Most are very nice. So if that happens again, tell her nicely, "Babies Cry"

Jenna - posted on 01/28/2009

If I had a nickel for every time someone wanted to give me advice about my children. Yes, I am young (25). SO WHAT!! females were considered ready to be impregnated as soon as they had their first period. Now if you have a child before your 30 it's considered strange. I have 3 girls myself--my oldest being 8(yes i was 17) and i thought that was once people saw me with more than one child would realize that i've been through all of the baby stuff already. RIGHT!!! I know how you feel--that you should defend your decisions regarding your children. Best advice that i've learned--"in one ear and out the other." Looking back on my experiences i am determined not to that to anyone. If someone wants advice they can always ask.

Larissa - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Holly:

hey, i know what you mean, but i get, is this your little sister, or are you babysitting, so when it looks like as if someone is going to say something just talk to you child alot or the person your with then they dont want to interup, its an easy way out, but works most of the time, the thing that upsets me is the ppl you critize the nick name for your child, in walmart the other week i said to my daughter `come on monkey`` and some old lady walks right up to me and says`why would you call her that she dosent look like a monkey` i hate that

I call my daughter monkey also. The looks are interesting sometimes but others don't think anything of it. If only they saw her at home or try to climb into the cart (she is 5 but only 37 inches tall and really flexible).

Holly - posted on 01/28/2009

hey, i know what you mean, but i get, is this your little sister, or are you babysitting, so when it looks like as if someone is going to say something just talk to you child alot or the person your with then they dont want to interup, its an easy way out, but works most of the time, the thing that upsets me is the ppl you critize the nick name for your child, in walmart the other week i said to my daughter `come on monkey`` and some old lady walks right up to me and says`why would you call her that she dosent look like a monkey` i hate that

Larissa - posted on 01/28/2009

I know exactly how you feel. I am 24 also and people think I am like 16. Mind you I hav a 5 year old and 3 year old. I hate the way people look and me and I am always wondering what they are think and feel my kids need to be so well behaved because I need to show them I may be young but I know what I am doing. I have kinda stopped worrying about what other people think (it still bothers me the stares I get). If someone says something like that to you again I would say this is my child and I know what he needs and don't need you telling me your opinion.

Alicia - posted on 01/28/2009

I am a 25 year old mom of 3. I had my first when I was 16. WAY TO YOUNG. Anyways I know I am not stupid I graduated on time went to college for two years got married and had 2 more, but I still get what you had. I had a lady the other day look at me and say "some people" roll her eyes and walk away when my two little ones were fighting in the shopping cart. I wanted to turn and say something, but I thought no, Im the bigger peson. I continued on my grocery shopping and dealt with the kids as I normally do, knowing that I am a good mom no matter what that lady thought. WHAT KIDS DONT FIGHT??? thats what i was wondering.

Holley - posted on 01/28/2009

hi i know just how u feel im am 22 and i look like im 16 i have a 3 mnth old baby boy and i hate going out by myself with out my boyfriend sometimes just because of the way ppl look at me ,and its like im old enough to have a kid ,hes well dress and lookd after whats the promblem ,it really gets to me when i had my son at the brithingplace i couldnt wait to leave as i felt all the other mums where lookin at me ,no one talkd to me the whole time and im sure it was cuz they thort i was a young mum

Leea - posted on 01/28/2009

eh, dont let it worry you hun, there'll always be ppl who feel bad bout themselves so the only thing that makes em feel better is to judge evryone else.  Take heart in knowing that those ppl are very miserable indeed. I too look younger than I am and am often given the lecture by total strangers about having a baby so young.....I'm 26! But I also am a single mother, smoke cigarettes & have tattoos. So it is very easy for ppl to form opions about me based on my appearance & have had to deal with that for a long time.  The only person you have to prove yourself to is YOU & yr baby.  As long as your intent is pure in all that you do and do not hurt anybody, nobody has a right to judge a thing that you do. Let it be water off a duck's back! Only you know how to be the best mum to your baby, so if anyone says anything juz tell them to mind their own business!

Megan - posted on 01/28/2009

sarah wat a cow!!! i no wat u mean but i always found best just 2 let people fink wat they want u ant goin 2 change there minds how ever ard u try so y bother? i woz 15 when i had my son an i fink ure best off showin them ure a gd mum no matter wat ure age no it can be hard but people like that ant worth ure time always do wat u fink best xx

Beth - posted on 01/28/2009

It's not that I get judged, it's more that some people think they know more about my child than I do. One time while on the road down to GA we were eating at a Wendy's. My daughter had been battling with costipation and a lady insisted on telling me over and over that my daughter was tired. I knew full well that she was trying to poop so finally i just told the lady that. What I have to do one many occassions is just let the person know that I appreciate their concern, but that I know what my child needs. And leave it at that. No one knows their child more than the mother.

Alexandra - posted on 01/28/2009

Some people have nothing better to do with their time, especially the ignorant ones who think they know it all and have to pass judgment. I just shrug it off and at the end of the day, when my wee one looks into my eyes and gives me a big hug and kiss, I know that I'm doing a great job! That's all the confirmation I need.

Talia - posted on 01/28/2009

I definitely feel like I get judged because of my age ( I'm 26 but I look younger).  Somtimes I feel like I need to dress up or overdress when I'm going out to run errands so that people won't  think I'm just some stupid kid with a baby. 

Talia - posted on 01/28/2009

I definitely feel like I get judged because of my age ( I'm 26 but I look younger).  Somtimes I feel like I need to dress up or overdress when I'm going out to run errands so that people won't  think I'm just some stupid kid with a baby. 

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009

YOU KNOW IM IN THE SAME BOAT AS YOU..IM GOING ON 26 AND LOOK ABOUT 18 AND PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE A SHOCKED LOOK ON THERE FACE WHEN I SAY I HAVE AN ALMOST 4 YR OLD..I'VE GOTTEN USE TO PEOPLE SEEING ME AS A TEENAGER BUT I ALWAYS CORRECT THEM WHEN THEY ASK..

AS FOR YOU ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR BABY NEEDS SO DONT LET ANYONE GET YOU DOWN. THOSE PEOPLE DONT MATTER TO YOU THERE NOT IN YOUR LIFE..AND OF COURSE YOUR GONNA DEFIND YOURSELF SO LET THEM HAVE IT!!

Victoria - posted on 01/28/2009

Yes I havent had my baby yet ... due 7th April... and I get some very strange looks from judgemental people... I laugh!! .... Im 27 and will be 28 when shes born but I look very much younger, Iv been told I only look between 18 and 20 but I take it as a HUGE compliment.
As has already been said even if you were 40 other people think they know best!

Tania - posted on 01/28/2009

i no exactly how u feel i was only 17 wen i fell preg wiv my 1st lil girl n 19 wen i fell preg wiv my 2nd lil girl!!!!i'm 21 now and my little girls are 3 & 6 months!i work in a shop & wen costomers ask wat i do on my days off & i say i spend most ov my time with my 2 little girls they always say u don't look old enough 2 have 1 child let alone 2!!!!my best friend was only 15 wen she had her little girl she was in a shop 1 day wen a lady walked up 2 her & asked if she was 'that 12 year old that had a baby' how rude can some people be!!??just keep ur head up u no deep down that ur a good mum n i'm sure ur littlen does n thats all that maters!!!!i think its stange seein much older mums,but there u go!!lol x

Maureen - posted on 01/28/2009

When people say things like that to you, your response should be..."Well the thing is...I actually just fed him so I'm pretty sure it's not that...but thanks for looking out"...then walk away or ignore the person....it doesn't matter what age you are...people are always going to PUSH their opinions onto others.  I'm a young mom (27 yrs old) and have 2 children ages 7 & 2....Just use your "mature card" when others try to pull the "i know more than you" gig....play it cool and just make a comment back to show you know what u r doing then smile and walk away.  Hope this helps...you're young & hip & some of those old grannies are just hating hahahaha

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009

I had my first daughter when I was 18 and got so many disrespectful looks and comments from complete strangers I  am 23 now and my daughters are 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 and I still get them it doesnt bother me any more now I figure they might think they are better than me but to judge someone like that I know that they arent

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009

I had my first daughter when I was 18 and got so many disrespectful looks and comments from complete strangers I  am 23 now and my daughters are 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 and I still get them it doesnt bother me any more now I figure they might think they are better than me but to judge someone like that I know that they arent

Kayleigh - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Sarah:

Im a young mum 24 (look alot younger) and i struggle when people judge me for being young. My son was crying in the shops the another day and a women told me several times to feed my son he is hungry. He was not due for a feed. She was very rude. Does anyone else get judged. I feel that i have to defind myself and prove to people that i'm not stupid.

first of all i would like to congratulate u on not retaliating as im very hands on if my prtner tells me wat to do with my kids never mind a stranger.im a 23 yr old with 4 children my oldest at6 my youngest at three mnths, i had my first 2 at 17 then 18,my 3rd at21 my fourth at 23. u knew your son wasnt due a feed and u stood your ground by not giving him a feed, most kids cry i hav it all the time shopping etc. if you r rudely told wat to do with your child b calm and make a point that u do no wat u r doin with your child you might b young but r very responsible and u wud prefer 4 that person not to interfere and stop being nosy. i was very shy and was given the advice 1 day and the look on their faces is something that will shock themselves never mind u. the other thing is i hav noticed with young mums tyhey put their heads down in embarresment when there children r cryin put your head up, if ur stared at ask if there is a problem or explain y they r cryin trust me they will b shocked u answered calmly and will b embarresed u noticed they were staring

Erica - posted on 01/28/2009

So true on what Crystal said. Who arethey to judge

Crystal - posted on 01/28/2009

I think your best bet is to just ignore them by stating to them . . ." this is my baby and I know when he needs to be fed and how to take care of him without your imput" . It will shut them up and also assert the fact that you are the mom and are perfectly capable of dealing with your own child. Some people just think they know everything and they are usually older women who their kids are grown and have nothing better to do then to interfer with your life(even if they are complete strangers). I experience the same thing from time to time and have learned you must stick to your gutt and remember that you are the one who knows your child best!!

Erica - posted on 01/28/2009

I so know what you are talking about i'm 24 and have 4 kids so you can imagine the judgment i get. Anyway you have to learn to not listen to other people when my 1st son was boen some lady came to me and said don't you think you should have a hat on your baby, like a winter hat to keep his ears warm. It was the middle of june and it was hot that day. He also was not wearingany hat because we were in the shade. You could see when i explained that to her she looked like she should have kept her mouth shut, but you know your baby. Don't worry about what others say or think. Times have changed anyway

Cassy - posted on 01/28/2009

hey im a young mum im 21 and i look really young too! i seem to get it all the time the stares and people thinking is that really her child i feel like screaming sometimes. it does feel like im constantly trying to prove myself too. but thats just ignorance in other people let them think what they want is what i say now.

Avaria - posted on 01/28/2009

Girl Please!  They watch me funny when i breast feed in Public! You keep your head up and love your baby! Do not study those negative persons they just wanna run their mouths.  remember it is a great privilage to be a mommy!

Chelsey - posted on 01/28/2009

I'm 21 and I have a 3 yr old son and a 1 yr old daughter. I get all the looks from people. But there are lots of people that say I was smart to have my children young. Both my children were planned and I think it's better to have them young, you bounce back better, and have more energy to keep up with your kids. So don't worry about what they say you know yourself better then anyone else.

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

I am twenty three and pregnant with my first. I get told all the time you are so young you are just  a baby.  I am happily married and when people look at my belly I feel like I have to defent that this was a planned pregnancy and my husband and I are both so happy.

Amanda

Jenny - posted on 01/28/2009

I know how you feel. I am only 25 and I just had my 3rd child. I get that all the time and it used to get me really upset. Now I just turn to the person and if its a woman I ask her...Is he/she your child? Sorry I didn't realize I had the wrong child. and just walk away and if its a man I ask him... You seem to know what he/she wants... why don't you try? and that usually works for me. In the mean time I'm sitting there laughing inside the whole time. lol You should try it. The look on some of these peoples faces are priceless.

Suzie - posted on 01/28/2009

I hate it when people are rude like this, i myself have only ever had this happen once, and i found just looking back at the person with a distingust look on my face made them feel quite small and they turned away i found this very fullfilling for myself lol, try and see  x x x

Jena - posted on 01/28/2009

Wow, these are some horror stories! I too am a young mom, hence the group. I turned 22 the day AFTER my daughter was born! While I was pregnant I got a late of stares b/c I was in my last semester of college. Imagine going to classes when everyone is talking about how they went out and partied all weekend, and here I am pregnant!! After my daughter was born, I was prepared and expecting to get unsolicited comments about raising my daughter or about how young I am, but fortunately I haven't gotten too many. The only time I remember was when my Mom told me her cousin said to her, "But Jena is just a baby and she's having a baby"!" Luckily my Mom stood up for me (I wasn't there)! Usually when I go out with my daughter my husband is with us too. People sometimes stare, but end up saying how cute our daughter is. Sometimes I feel self conscious going out alone with my baby, but I know if anyone ever said something rude I would stand up for myself! Just be confident that you know your baby and how to take care of them. Age does not make a parent better in any way. From my experience you really learn "on the job"! I think anyone who cares about their child's best interest can be a great parent.

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

I get that all the time. I had my first at 21.  I am 24 with 2 kids and a third on the way, but I look ALOT younger. I took my kids out to eat one day by myself and there was a lady there who told me I looked too young to drive... I was thinking well how do you think I got here? I get more dirty looks if I'm out by myself and pregnant. When I was pregnant with my first we had gone to a chinease restaraunt with extended family and I got glares at people until my husband showed up behind me. My husband looks older (at least his age) so I don't get as many comments/looks if he's with me. My dad told me he thinks it's great that I'm having kids now. He is in his mid-50's with an 11 and 15 year old at home and he says since he's older and his body is older he can't do the things with them that he would like, or that he used to do with us.

Katherine - posted on 01/28/2009

hi sarah, yes your not alone, im 22 with 2 children and there is 14 months between them, i had dirty looks, people talking about me behind my back, some people aint very nice but u just gota hold your head up high an fink you are better than them, trust me it works!!

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

I understand, I was attacked by what I will say was an elderly lady at walmart. I have three children and my youngest was a new born. He was doing alot of crying and I felt bad enough as it was but she ran up behind me yelling there is something wrong with your baby, feed him do something there is something seriously wrong with your baby. I was standing in the checkout with my son in my arms trying to keep the others occupied and so humilitated as there was a line of people staring. I just took a deep breath and said thank you for your concern but as you see I have two other perfectly fine children and I know what is wrong with my son. He is a fussy teething baby. She continued to yell feed your baby and what is wrong with that baby it is sick or something. I then turned and said I don' t neglect my children I am holding my son comforting him while I am trying to continue with my things so leave me alone so I can get going and tend to my children. I was so mad I could have screamed. The lady at the checkout even told the women to leave me alone it was horrible. I am 28 and have three children ages 51/2 33/4and two weeks short of 2 so I get looked at funny all the time. Just try hard to smile and say thanks for your genuine concern but I am just fine without your opinions......

Dawn - posted on 01/28/2009

hi sarah...i'm 30 but i still look about 20. and people make comments all the time about why my kids are fussy. like when we are at church i have a lot of older (well intentioned i'm sure) moms there that always seem to think they know why my son is crying. it kind of bothers me but i just let it go because i know they are "trying" to help. but that woman that made those comments to you sounded quite rude and i'm sorry. i guess she was the perfect mom then?

Lauren - posted on 01/28/2009

i had my first daughter at 18 and yes i no exactly what you mean. What they dont see is just because your young doesnt mean you dont no how to look after your child.I'm 24 now and i still feel like people look at me when im shoppin with my 7 month old as if i dont no what im doing.The people that judge are the ones that normally havent got kids!!

Katie - posted on 01/28/2009

i get it all the time, because my little girl looks alot older than she is and i look younger i get looked at like scum by older people. when other people tell you how to look after your kid usually they dont have any so just ignore them thats what i do