im sick of not having friends

Theresa - posted on 08/20/2010 ( 157 moms have responded )

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i use to be really social have tons of friends but ever since i had my daughter its like its just her and me my boyfriend her father gets to get out of the house meet ppl but no not me i always put her first i rencently started school to be medical transcriber and every one just treats it like its nothing and my b/f still isnt trying to make his life better he's such a procrastinator i just feel like im bugging him every time i say something to him idk i miss being able to have friend girlfriends dont get me wrong i love my daughter withh all my heart it just gets lonely sometimes dose anyone feel this way?

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Kathryn - posted on 08/20/2010

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I definitely know how you feel. I've got two girls and I used to go through the same thing. The best thing you can do is start going to parks, or other areas where people take their children and try to make new friends that have children.

It's hard when most of your friends don't have children, especially for me because a lot of my friends still want to go out and party all the time. It's easier to have at least a few good friends that are also mothers (or fathers) that way you can set up "play dates" for both the children and yourself!

Erin - posted on 08/21/2010

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I am feeling this same way right now actually. As I type this my boyfriend is out with his friends and I am at home with our ttwo kids.I turned 21 in March and have since gone out like 3 times which is really pathletic. My boyfriend has sports once or twice a week and then still goes out another day too. We do occassionally go out together but it seems like no one ever want to watch my kids, but they'll always watch all the couins..but anyways I explained to him that I wanted to go out once a month and he was fine with it but when the day comes he complains, accuses me and cheating all sorts of things. So then I don't want to go out because of the uge fit he throws...ugh I wish I had advice for you but I guess I'm just complaining lol

Nichole - posted on 08/25/2010

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I had my first when I was in the middle of college and 22 years old so I know what it feels like to lose ALL of your social life! Since I have been pregnant 3 more times and have 2 more little girls! Fortunately I have a great husband that encourages me to take the time I need to "go out with the girls" or whatever around his work schedule but it is nothing compared to the surf trips, work trips, even going to work that he gets. My friends don't even really remember to invite me to anything after 8 years of having to say "I can't" and I guess I understand but I don't have a good group of girlfriends anymore. Loneliness is a common feeling amongst moms and yet we still don't connect with each other. My advice after this long is try to get out when you can, even if it is with your daughter. Also, skype is a good option now even though it isn't the same...it is something. I found I was happiest when I worked at the preschool where I took my son. I was there with coworker and my son. I couldn't do it when I had my second because childcare was too expensive even with a discount but remember it is only a phase. My little ones are about to start preschool full time and this means I wont have them cuddling me all day. Which I am excited for and sad for at the same time. More freedom for me to start working again but sad I don't have the little babies anymore. This too shall pass.

Sarah - posted on 08/23/2010

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try mothers groups or start your own, it's not hard to find friends, u just need to get your self and ur child out and about, you can meet other mums in parks and play centers etc

Angella - posted on 08/23/2010

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Me too. I think we are in a large group of mom's that need friends and we all pretty much have no time to make them since having babies. Your not alone.

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157 Comments

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Kimberly - posted on 08/25/2010

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I totally know what you mean. I have asked all my old friends to do things and they are like, no because you have your son, I am so fed up with it. Why does having a kid have to change who we are to some people?

Kristen - posted on 08/25/2010

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all the time, i given up so much for my little guy, im a stay at home mom, and i rarely see my friends online, or lost contct with most, i moved to edmonton over a year agao, and i miss home, i mis my mommy, and i don't care who knows it! i rarely have fun my self these days, 7/11 job. i did srat a non professiional day care in my home to get some extra spending money for my self, to get new clothes and such, i let my self go because i was depressed, still am i think, and not getting any help from anybody. i just see that sweet smile on my son and i feel better for a moment. it's not wrong to want to have alone time, to read, or to go out with their friends or meet new people at aclubs. find out your husbands days off are, arrange a day for him to be with the baby, and go out, anywhere... don't think.. your thinking aren't you? stop thinking, just do ! i do this and it's helping me.

Kayla - posted on 08/25/2010

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I so feel the same! its nice to know that there is other moms that feel the way i do. my husband gets to do what ever he wants and i have to take care of the baby, Don't get me wrong, i love my son to the moon and back but i always put him and my husband way before me. just one time i would like to get out of the house and do something. i hate being alone.

Crystial - posted on 08/25/2010

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well ill be honest when i had my daughter it felt like everyone forgot about me including the father of my child he would go out and do his thing it got to the point i was going crazy so i went and got a job when my daughter was a yr old just for the social interaction than i started to meant ppl that also had kids and i started to feel alot better i think what helped me most is this me and the other mothers and some old friends got together and had a girls night out while the men bf and fathers stayed home with the kids we all need a break sometimes and its well deserved isnt it??;)

Amy - posted on 08/25/2010

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i fill this way alot my son is a month now and im not wioth his father but he gets to go out so y cant i and all my friends moved or have kids of their own so no ur not the only one have u tryed taking a mommy and me class i hear its a great way to meet other moms and make friends and congrats on going ot school its the best thing to do for u and ur daughter if he doesnt get it by now that he needs to do something better iwth his lifer then try threaten to leaver it uaslay jump drives their motivation skills sadly to say
but if u need ottalk im hear to talk too enjoy ur day

Emilee - posted on 08/25/2010

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i am starting to feel the same way. I'm very social so going from going out and doing stuff to being at home ALL day has been SUPER hard...

[deleted account]

i know how you feel. I spend all my time taking care of my daughter. It feels like i have no time for myself, let alone making a friend to do something with. i have the exact same problem with my boyfriend, he lost his job several months ago and still didn't get a new one, it wouldnt be such a big deal if he was trying to find one, or atleast helping me out around the house. i feel like everything is on me, i need to do everything to maintain our lives, i just wish i had a little bit of help...i love my daughter so much and just want whats best for her, but its like im putting my own feelings on the back burner which i dont think is very healthy.

[deleted account]

not sure where you live, but maybe you should check out a MOMS Club (Moms offering moms support) or a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers). These groups offer social interaction and support for mommies, and kiddos. :-)
Good luck! It's hard being a mom, but you are doing one of the most important jobs in the world!

Katie - posted on 08/25/2010

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I agree with other post, introduce yourself to other mommies! I went through the same stage, since my daughter wasnt planned it was a HUGE change for me, and most of my old gfs dont have babies and the ones who do their babies are wayyy older then mine so it was just chaos trying to hang out with them when their baby was just running around everywhere and mine would be sleeping or just sitting in my lap.
so introduce your self to mommies with babies your age, that should help!!!

Christine - posted on 08/25/2010

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i totally know how you feel. the only difference is my son's father and i are not together and really dont talk. all my friends have seemed to have vanished. i feel the exact same way. i love mt son he is my world but i need to have the adult time too.

Gemma - posted on 08/25/2010

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i know exactly what you mean i feel the same all my old friends go out clubbing and stuff and i dont cos id hate to not be able to get up with my kids in the morning. i feel like i always need to be there for them constantly but not going out leaves me with nothing to tlk about to my friends which in turn leaves us to drift apart. M y husband has no problem with going out and leaving the kids at home. I just feel like i need someone to tlk to with the same interests as me and whose kids tend to be the centre of thier world

Angie - posted on 08/25/2010

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I never really had any friends but I am sick of not having any friends as well; however I belive I will find a friend that I have something in common with here in the circle for moms. Heres hoping! I love all three of my children to and I agree that it gets lonely when you have no one above the age of our children to talk to; yes I feel the same way, just someone I can talk to, cry with, and laugh with about everything that is going on.

Christina - posted on 08/25/2010

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wow i feel the same way. i had my first daughter at 19 and my wild ways stopped instantly. all of my friends stopped calling me when they found out i had a baby. they said with a kid, i couldn't enjoy life like them. at the time i didn't understand what they meant but over time i realized that they meant be reckless. so now with 2 kids and one on the way i have no life. i stay home all the time taking care of my children while my fiance works. it just bothers me sometimes because i like being social and going out with friends but now at 23 i have none and the few people i still talk to have grown and life a different life then me. I completely feel the same way Theresa and i hope we can become more social :)

Adry - posted on 08/25/2010

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Well... i guess it's complicated... and i feel the same way, its just that fathers, don't carry the same responsibility as a mother... they just don't have the instinct, that's why it's way to hard for us to get away from our children, I'm a single mom of a year and 5 months, baby girl... I go out with my friends and they don't have children, it's kinda complicated, cuz they don't know what it means to have children... but anyway, we go out to places where she can play and have fun... that way we can catch up at stuff, but I have to go home early... its even more complicated trying to have a relationship... my mom wont take her so I can go out with a guy, so i have to go out with her...

Magda - posted on 08/25/2010

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Hey just wanna reply to this post...
I have been a mom now for 4 years to my amazing son David...I`ll be perfectly honest with all you moms out there but I have not gone out to drink and party because I choose to stay at home with my son and my now new boyfriend in my life...Yes it is all honestly true that once you have a child or children everything changes, I myself personally dont have many friends, you could say that I have 4 friends that I usually speak to.....I mean it does get lonely sometimes and maybe too quiet for me when my son naps in the afternoon, but I take that time and relax to myself I read a book or watch tv or just simply talk on the phone, I see that I dont need friends, when I did have friends thats all we did was drink and party all the time, times change and so do people....I now find that the people I`m not friends with have turned into nothing but back stabbers!!! I`d rather have no friends then be friends with back stabbers!...

Autumn - posted on 08/25/2010

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i do an im not working so can imagine how i feel all my friends work and the 1s with kids are 2 far away and my husband works 2 n thinks i dont need friends jus my kids i need 2 find someone wit a baby or a 9yr old so i can create play dates or join the PTA cuz im gonna go crazy

Libby - posted on 08/25/2010

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i no exactly how you feel ive got 6 children and ive just found out im pregnant again im only 25 but spend all my time with kids my husband runs his own garage so he works alot.

Angela - posted on 08/25/2010

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i have two kids, 2 and 8months. have you tried going to any playgroups? whilst the great as a chance for the kids to soicalise with others they also a brill opp for adults to get out of the house and to make friends too. i was going mad stuck in the house and being n a new area i didn't know anyone. i thanx god for playgroups. i have met some brill people and now have some good friends that i can see any time, even had a chance to go out without the kids once or twice. if you wnat an online friend feel free to message me.

Caitlin - posted on 08/25/2010

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Hey girl, definitely felt like that, been in that boat... I just decided to go out every once in a while and have my husband watch out son. This is just something you have to do sometimes... it's hard for me to leave my son, but I know it gives them time together. Or, even easier, I get my son to sleep before I go out ;)

Hope - posted on 08/25/2010

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First off, GO YOU! It's awesome that you are going to school to better yourself.....screw anyone who won't acknowledge that. There are tons of different sites you can go on to try to find moms in your area, so you don't go insane. If you can't find anyone on this site, you could always go to whattoexpect.com, I am pretty sure they have search by area.

Emma - posted on 08/24/2010

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I was exactly the same with my first one! I started going to toddler groups (Surestart run some great free sessions!) and after a month or so started to get friendly with some of the other mums. Even if you don't make any firm friends you are getting out of the house, doing something wonderful with your daughter and having adult conversations! It makes all the difference. I also became a childminder so I could work from home and be with my children. Through this job I have made so many wonderful friends and my social life is buzzing now, I'm so much happier. I'm earning a good wage, I'm always busy and I feel fulfilled. So my advice would be to get out and about as staying in is the worst thing you can do. Enjoy your life hun and as you can see you are not alone! x

[deleted account]

yeah i feel the same, I used to have heaps of friends too and a partner then when my son was born my friends dropped like flies and then my partner and I broke up. it's horrible because I'm stuck at home all day with my son unless we're going to run errands. we used to go to playgroup once a week but left because the other mothers we're a little bit too bitchy for my liking :(

Heather - posted on 08/24/2010

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I know how you feel. I work all day and then come home to take care of the house and my 3 & 7 yr old. It feels like I don't ever get much time to myself and whenever I ask my husband for help he acts like I should be able to do it on my own. Then he goes into our garage which is just a few steps away and stays in there until I have dinner made or he wants on the computer. I do have some friends, but they have kids on their own so they are always so busy all the time. I get tired by the end of the day I feel so exhausted. My kids love going to the park or going to the mall to their play area so they can play with other kids so they aren't couped up with me either. Sometimes I talk to parents there or my husbands friends. I am a very shy person so I can't just strike up a conversation with anyone. I love my children and they know it. Hang in there and if you ever need anyone to talk to we're here for ya.

Melissa - posted on 08/24/2010

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i feel the SAME way. I realized after i had my son who my real friends were. For example, my BF and I would babysit on a dime, help these people out even financially, help them out anyway we could, then since i had my son we dont even talk to them. Someone who used to be one of my best friends is now i a stranger to me. Also my BF plays multiple sports and is barely hope at night, and when i talk to him he acts like im complaining and im not greatful for what i have. I know i probably wasnt much help BUT i did feel good to vent!!!!!

Maggie - posted on 08/24/2010

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You're not alone we're ALL your friends here!!! I found out who my true friends where and I didn't find them in my current friends list I found them at my antenatal class. Many of my friends who I thought were best friends have not spoken to me since shortly after the birth (I do live in a different state now, but answering my messages and emails isn't hard) but I meet up with some of the ladies from the hospital weekly now :) They are all going through the same thing We all need mums time.

Amanda - posted on 08/24/2010

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Every day.. I'm a single mom of a beautiful 16 month old little girl. but I've completely forgotten how to speak to an adult. Good job on going to school it's hard, when my daughter was 4 months old i went back to school, while working a full time overnights job.. it's hard... Don't feel as if you are "bugging" your boyfriend.. it's his job to get up and help too. try to make mommy friends, it will make things easier. and if you can scrape together a few dollars to get a sitter like once a month just to give yourself a small break

Julie - posted on 08/24/2010

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I used to feel the same way! I lost A LOT of my friends, friends that I thought would stick with me through thick and thin, but they didn't. My son is now 19 months old and while it was hard the first year, it has gotten easier to accept.

Like Katie said the best thing you can do is go to parks, your downtown area, places where there are going to be other moms there that are going to understand where you are coming from.

My b/f and I signed up our son for a gymnastics class once a week, and while it's a great social place for him, it's a great social place for me too! I get to socialize with other moms who are going through some of the same things I am going through or who have already been through it. It was the best thing we have done for our son and for me! If you can't afford joining a gymnastics class or any other class there are always free trial classes you can try! Gymboree offers them and where my son goes to gymnastics they offered a free trial class too! Also where we live we have a place called Monkey Joes that is this huge play place with inflatable jumpy toys for the kids to climb all over, and it's not expensive at all to go and play! Also your local pool is another great and cheap place to go. Just go through your community or surrounding areas and I'm sure you'll find plenty of places for you and your daughter to go and have fun!

Jessica - posted on 08/24/2010

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I know exactly how you feel!! And to make things worse, I immigrated here. I'm originally from California and now I live in Canada.....

Desera - posted on 08/24/2010

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I totally feel your pain!! We have a 1 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl, so I feel liek I work full time, come home to take care of the kids, and the husband, make supper, clean kids and get em to bed!! My hubby is laid up at the moment so i kinda have to suck it up, but even b4 he was laid up, I felt like i am badgering him to even do his 2 jobs, bathe the kids and garbage. My only 2 friends where i live now have gone by the wayside, for some very peculiar reasons....I get kinda depressed when i think about how lacking in social skills i am in my life!!...I absolutly LOVE my family with all my heart, its still hard tho

Aurora H. - posted on 08/24/2010

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I'm the same way. The only problem is that I live in Hawaii and everyone I know lives on the Mainland. I'm stuck on a little island surrounded completely by water. I know very few people and its hard to go out when my husband and I have one car and he has to take the care to go to work which is 40 mins away. I'm in a club thingy, I guess you could call it that, and I'm trying to make new friends, friends that understands where I'm coming from and with the same interest and who has kids and what not. Maybe you could try something like that. It's a lot better than just staying home with a baby who can't talk back. I'm actually starting to go crazy just being in the house all day and I have an 8 month old to talk to and she just stares at me like "i have no idea what you're talking about" lol.

Jessica - posted on 08/24/2010

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Yes i feel that way..i never get to do anything,my son always comes first! but some times im glad im not friends with them any more as there still in that partying drugo stages! i like to party but i have better things to do and now i realise whats the point in wasteing money on drugs and drinks!

Anna - posted on 08/24/2010

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GF I know exactly how it feels. Im a stay at home momma and my husband works but I am soo limited to what I can do becauase I dont have my license and our car cant be driven, and it gets lonely and sucky. While alot of my friends are going out and doing whatever I'm stuck at home praying to god somebody will offer to watch her so I can go somewhere for awhile.

Ashley - posted on 08/24/2010

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I feel that way now, and I'm only 37 weeks pregnant. Especially at the beginning of the pregnancy. My boyfriend was staying out late, and hanging out with friends after work, while I was at home alone, and sick most of the time. It caused a lot of problems, but as the pregnancy got further he started to stay home with me more, and now he hardly ever gets to see his friends because he just works and comes home. So, at least now its both of us with less friends and free time than just one of us. Maybe you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. That you would like to have a night out with the girls and him stay in with your daughter. Every one deserves a break. Maybe you could alternate weeks. I hope things get better and good luck!

Sandra Beate - posted on 08/24/2010

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Hi,
I know what you feel like. I used to be a social butterfly, but since i had my son i seem to lost all my friends. i love my 21 month old son so much that it would hurt my tummy... :) My bf works very long hours since i am stay home mom and that makes me go crazy sometimes. I miss going out with some girls and juts having some fun. I find that being at the park hepls with meeting other moms that are kinda in the same boat. There are also many other programs in my area that helps to connect moms, so that helps a bit. Hope that things will look up for you!

Guilia - posted on 08/24/2010

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Hey, i totally know how that feels with the bf procrastinating..no offense to him...but I am sure it is hard for you too. I think maybe the both of you should take turns watching your daughter that way one of you can time out to be with your friends and your daughter at various times and still get a break!! Hope it helps!!

Andrea - posted on 08/24/2010

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Hi
Iknow how you feel i bassicly have no one to talk to lead alone i have no friends left that i use to talk to before i sarted my Family. They are all into parting and i'm not inot that. and Even if i was I now have two little guys and I love them so much. But i agree it does get Lonley. I live in Ottawa, Ontario and i have been on this site only a few weeks but iam here if you wanna talk or if you live near me we can always have a play date with our kids and we can talk.
Andrea

Christian - posted on 08/24/2010

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I have friends, but I only communicate with them via Facebook mostly. They all have social lives and the ones with kids have parents that babysit for them so they can go out. I don't, I just get to sit home and enjoy my son, and some TV most of the time. My husband is in a band so he plays at least once a month and comes home around 2 am.. yes, its a gig, but he has to admit that it is also social time. I am definitely in a very similar situation as you and it sucks.

Claire - posted on 08/24/2010

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hi there yea i got the same had lots of wk friends but when i had my 2 year old son i just dont hear from them any more. amd i do get loney to i do miss them all to and i always put my son fist .

Rosie - posted on 08/24/2010

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Me too. My husband is in the military, we live in another state now. i have been here more than a year and have 0 friends. I have been a stay at home mom for more than 2 years, and i feel like i just have lost the knack of being social. I am 25 and have no bestfriend, that seems wrong to me, it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I like being with my kids, and i don't smoke or drink. I meet people but mostly they just seem like they like to just party and that's just not my thing anymore.

Nicole - posted on 08/24/2010

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I felt this way. Still do. If there are any kinds of mothers clubs in your area or community, JOIN them! They always have things to do for the children an moms or if its just a mom's club no kids, then the ADULTS get to do things not normally done when done individually. Like go on local trips to a winery for tastings or they go out for a walk in the local park or they do community minded activities.

Lindsey - posted on 08/24/2010

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i am 20 and feel the same way.i was married and having a baby within a year after graduating high school so i am so lonely now.its just me and my hubby and our son.but i have learned that i have to focus on myself too.i have to say to myself "theres life outside this baby" because there is.you just have to focus on it

Krystal - posted on 08/24/2010

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I have 2 little ones under the age of 3 and they take all my time. Before I had my little angles i had a pretty social life. Now i feel like they just don't understand me anymore. they alway's seem to be getting upset when i say i don't have the time nor the money for a babysitter to go out. It's very hard. But I have made other friends that have kidz that understand and it's help. just hang in their it will all work out in the end.

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2010

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I know how you feel and it is extremely hard....once I had my son I swear it feels like I lost all of my friends. It is not bad for you to want more from your bf since you really just want what is best for your child! Keep your head up!

Amanda - posted on 08/24/2010

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gosh yes! I have nobody, all of the friends I grew up with we all just grew apart and yes its like my husband would rather be up and gone off drinking with his friends...not that he drinks alot just a little bit but he would rather be with his friends and it was always kind of like that. once I had new friends and started to go out and he would stay home it was only like a month and they stoped calling or hanging out because I knew nobody with other kids and I had responsibilities and they did not and then when I found friends with kids of their own, all the did was use me. everything that was my sons, they wanted it or wanted to borrow it because they just moved here and their kids had nothing. they ended up with one of his toys for almost a year but I learned my lesson on that and now i don't lend anything but that is what I get for being nice...I wish I had friends who I could talk to I am so lonely alot also but what are u going to do. but just to let you know you are not alone.

Lacee - posted on 08/24/2010

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I know how you feel. we all need some grown up time. have you asked your bf if he'd be willing to watch the kids. or try to invite some old friends over

Kim - posted on 08/24/2010

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I feel the same way. My husband goes out hunting and fishing a lot and I haven't been away from our daughter for one day in 15 months. I never get to go out with any of my friends or doing anything alone. It's definately hard..

Staci - posted on 08/24/2010

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Hey there! My husband and I weren't in the same boat when we had our first son almost 7 yrs ago. I think basically because we always had people coming over to see him and what not. But when we had our twins 3 yrs old again, that changed! It is really hard to find someone to be able to watch all 3 kids at once, etc. So it is hard for both of us to get out. Maybe join a group or something. I was able to meet other parents, especially Moms at my son's school. So I hope things change for you and ask your boyfriend to babysit one night a week so YOU can go out! Don't feel bad that you want friends, you have the right to have a social life even with a child and your entitled to the occassional adult conversation. I can only take so much 7 yr old and 3 yr old talk!

Latoya - posted on 08/24/2010

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OMG..I know exactly how you feel..I went through the same thing 9 years ago when my first daughter was born. I put her first and I never left the house..then I got so lonely for (adult) company. I started going to school as well and that did change my social life alot. Dont let anyone downplay your progress or achievements. What you are doing will benefit you and your children in the end. I actually started a ladies nite with a couple of my friends from school. We meet one Saturday a month for dinner or drinks it doesnt really matter where the venue is as long as the rules are followed..#1 no husbands, boyfriends
#2 no kids..from there the good times usually roll. Remember a happy mommy is a better mommy. As for your guy..well you have to decide if he is truly adding to productivity of your family and if he is not then you and you alone have to make the decision to move on because you can do bad all by yourself. Good luck:)

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