In need of a vent session about letting a baby cry

Ambika - posted on 02/24/2010

I don't let my baby sit and cry if he is in clear need of some love, but sometimes he actually does want some alone time in his crib or bouncy seat. At bedtime when he is getting kind of fussy he does very well laying on my bed between me and my husband and soothing himself to sleep. He isn't crying, but he sits and chews on his blankie and rolls back and forth and makes fussy sounds until he's out cold. Personally, I don't think a child should be left alone to cry for longer than 10-15 minutes. When a child cries it releases the stress hormone cortisol and adrenaline in the brain and science has shown that too much of that can be harmful in children, even into adulthood causing ADHD and depression. Having said that, I don't think a little crying time and again is devastating to a child. Some babies actually cry to relieve stress. So, as long as they aren't spending every night in their rooms, alone, crying for hours upon hours I think it's fine. Unfortunately every situation is unique and maybe there is a specific reason the baby cries all the time when not with his mom. Some babies have real issues with separation. One thing is clear that this baby really loves his mother and wants and possibly needs that extra bit of attention. Developmentally speaking it would be better to give in to the need than ignore it.

Megan - posted on 02/24/2010

not to get myself in more hot water, but here is an article hot off the press about infant sleep and another one about crying it out. i challenge you to read them, not to change your mind but to merely to get all the facts.

http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/healthy-i...
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/cons-of-c...

Jill - posted on 02/24/2010

JESS: You stated "I was at my witts end and I think people's ignorance to this is dangerous. If those who are apposed to controlled crying continully try and guilt mothers into being at their babies side 24/7, than babies will be put at risk. " ....yep it does hit close to home when you lump ALL of those that are at their babies side 24/7 into one category. Not all parents who are at their babies side 24/7 end up shaking them. Yes, I'm very aware that this is a very REAL problem but by saying babies WILL be put at risk is indicating that they will be, indefinitely. COULD be at risk is more like it. Yep, my post was nasty - like Jacqueline said, if someone attacks me as a mother the claws come out. Yes, I felt attacked simply because you eluded that babies who are tending to pretty much 24/7 (like I choose to do ALMOST all the time) will be at risk no matter what, NOT because I feel the urge to shake my baby. Perhaps I have simply mis-interpreted your choice of wording and if that is the case then I do apologize. But trust me, I have been at my complete wit's end and fed up with the crying and crankiness and screaming and been to the point of complete exhaustion...and guess what? It never once occured to me to shake my baby while I was holding her during her fit. Perhaps some people don't practice that type of self-control, and yes I already said you are right - they should put their baby down before they get hurt. But sorry, even in that state of mind, tears streaming down my face in desperate need of sleep and relief...I have never once come close to shaking or hurting my daughter so please don't assume that by "guilting" parents into being there for their kids it is putting them at risk INDEFINITELY. I'm sure there are many many parents that tend to their child's every whim without resorting to abuse....even during their 25th screaming fit of the day. That's all....take it as you will. I do not blame you for reacting to my post as you did, I was extremely angry and that is the only thing I apologize for....telling me where I can put my "how dare you" just proves that when you feel so strongly about something you will say nasty things in return so don't blame me for being pissed off at your generalization.
MEGAN - point(s) taken, thank you

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2010

So wow. I just read all the bickering and am severely disappointed. This is not a place where there should be arguing, finger pointing and name calling...seriously, who's the child now? I had hoped to find a place where we can all relate and help each other with the issues we all face everyday having children. If you don't agree with someone's opinion, then don't say anything or attack them. I am offended by some of the biased remarks and have an itch to *bitch* right back with what I think but I refuse to do that. Just b/c you choose to do it one way DOES not mean that is the only way. We all have our given situations, given reasons and feelings for why we make the choices we do. To each their own. Hasn't anyone watched Bambi? Geezzz, Thumper said it all "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 02/24/2010

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Jessica - posted on 02/24/2010

I agree. If their tummy's full, diaper's dry and you have done all the essentials, it's just fine to cry it out. It does help them learn to be more independent and it's not that I don't love being there for my child but i believe it is also a mom's job to show them how to cope. My daughter takes a couple short naps during the day and sleeps 12 hours at night. If she wakes up at night I allow myself to give her time to soothe herself before checking to see if she needs anything. It helps her and it helps me. There is nothing wrong with CIO.

Emili - posted on 02/24/2010

i agree totally. my 9 1/2 month old daughter (my fourth child so i DO know somethin about it lol) is kinda picky about where she sleeps so if she starts to cry and i know its because she is sleepy i will put her in her crib and she cries for a minute til she realizes its her own bed and then goes to sleep lol. like your little guy mine takes two good naps a day and sleeps thru the night. my other ones werent so easy but letting them "cry themselves to sleep" helped all of them...although i was hesitant to do it with my first lol...i got over it! needless to say i have no sleepless nights here and no problems getting things done through the day. i say more power to ya!!

emili, abby 7, kaiya 5, quincy 4, and journey 9 1/2 mos

Megan - posted on 02/24/2010

My comment was cut off.
Again, I didn't say anyone was a bad parent and I certainly didn't call anyone names, a courtesy that was obviously not extended to me.

Emilie - posted on 02/24/2010

I let my daughter cry it out when she was sleeply. I knew she wasn't hurt or wet or messy, she was just sleepy. I let her cry for a while and she would sleep good for an hour or sometimes more.

Megan - posted on 02/24/2010

First of all, I was the one who was called stupid for simply pointing out that EXTENDED periods of crying can potentially be harmful for babies UNDER SIX MONTHS OLD. I did not accuse anyone of deliberately causes brain damage to their kids, I simply pointed out what research has found.

Second, I did not say that WIC payed for your formula. I had been reading a couple different posts about "I want to quit breastfeeding, which formula do I choose" and over half of the comments on the posts stated that their formulas were very expensive but WIC paid for it so it was no big deal, it wasn't any money out of their pockets. I have seen more than one listing on craigslist for WIC formula that moms sell at retail and then go buy the cheap stuff at Walmart and make a profit. If anything can be construed from my comment its that I don't appreciate women who are perfectly capable of breastfeeding but CHOSE not to for what ever reason and get WIC to pay for it, which means tax payers pay for it. If you CHOSE to formula feed your baby, that's your choice, but pay for it yourself. You obviously don't fall into that category so why are you so offended? I sorry if my ill chosen words offended you.

Third, my house is spotless 90% of the time because I am a neat freak and I clean when my kids are sleeping. The living room looks like a bomb went off and is driving me crazy, because I chose to give my "unwanted opinion" instead of cleaning it up. As for being lazy that is slightly out of line. I have four kids, two are homeschooled, I do daycare in the afternoon, I run our business and farm and my husband works 40+ hours a week at night, which means I do bedtime all by myself. My kids have allergies so I have to make everything from scratch so I know exactly what they are eating. I don't have the option to be in a pinch, I can't through in a pizza because I am running behind. I rarely am in bed before midnight and I am up at five, doing chores before the kids get up so that my husband can sleep a few more hours. Some day I am so exhausted that I am ready to cry and then I realize that it is only noon and I have at least eight more hours before the kids go to bed and then most nights another four hours of paper work that didn't get done or laundry/cleaning to do. Tonight, I am lucky, I was able to get laundry done in between subjects for school so all I have to do is fold clothes. I still don't have the tile done in the downstairs bathroom or the trim up in our bedroom, but somehow I will fit in all in.
Fourth, nursing for me was not easy with any of my kids. They all had severe food allergies, my diet for the first six months with all of them consisted of chicken, rice, and a few other fruits and veggies along with enough mothers milk tea to drown a whale. My second was born early and had an underdeveloped digestive system and jaundice. Stupid drs told me to put him on formula(which I did against my mothers intuition) which further aggravated his digestive tract and he went on a hunger strike and got down to four lbs but was able to come back and nursed like a champ. My third daughter had a great suction, but trouble latching on that meant my nipples basically looked like chopped liver. She wasn't gaining weight all that fast. It took us three months to figure out that she was completely tongue tied and after surgery she nursed until she was 22 months. My fourth was also early and ended up in the hospital with severe jaundice that could have killed him. He is fifteen months old and still nursing. I was simply trying to say that when you are really determined anything is possible. That said, I also realize that there are legitimate reasons for not being able to breastfeed. If you have tried and baby is not thriving, yes, the by all means, give them formula. I am very passionate about breastfeeding, because hands down it is the best and sometimes that passion gets me in trouble. But again, if you don't fall into the category of someone who just "didn't want to breastfeed", if you know that you tried you best and you have very legitimate reasons for not being able to, why are you beating yourself up.
I never said that ANYONE was a bad mom for not breastfeeding, anywhere in any of my post. You took what I said, twisted it and applied it to yourself. I never called anyone names, I never accused anyone of anything, and I certainly didn't say any one was a bad parent for letting there baby cry it out. Do I think it is healthy for baby, no. I simple stated what research has shown. I differentiated between fussing and crying. I don't attend to my kids every peep. I cooked most of dinner tonight with a 15 mo old hanging on my leg because he is teething molars right now, is crabby and really just wants to be held. I got on his level and said "I know that you want mommy to hold you right now, but I need to cook dinner for the other kids before we go to church. Would you like a hug and a snack?" He said "nack" and I gave him a hug and a snack and he left me alone. Being there for him was all he need to feel secure at that moment, I didn't throw his butt in bed and let him CIO because he happened to be crabby and tired. He had already eaten so he wasn't really hungry.
Parenting is what it is. I said that in my very first post, their you kids not mine. Again, I didn't accuse anyone of of being a bad parent for any reason and I didn't call anyone names, obviously a courtesy that was not extend to me.

Jess - posted on 02/24/2010

Sooo just read a very nasty post, I haven't read all the responses, but I am assuming it came from a comment I made. To the writer of that comment... RE-READ my post !! I NEVER said YOU put YOUR baby at risk... Have a think about it ! If a mother comes on here asking for support and she gets HOUNDED by women telling her she MUST sit by her screaming baby, when she really just needs to walk away than babies will be at risk.



I never implied that YOU would hurt your baby. So no reason for you to attack my post at all. Its not my fault if the topic hits to close to home for you !



Shaken Baby Syndrome is REAL whether you like it or not, It happens because mothers and fathers get to their witts end, have no where to turn for support and they act out in shear desperation... So i thinks it pretty clear what you can do with your "how dare you" !

Francesca - posted on 02/24/2010

I think we each need to do what is best for our own babies. And I personally don't agree with crying it out, I have no right to judge or condemn it.



I have never let my daughter cry it out, and she can too play by herself, sleep nearly 11 hours at night and take naps during the day. I don't believe parenting style dictates a babies temperment. Every baby is different, Every family is different.



I truely believe that us moms can show our children by example how to be supportive and non-judgemental, and we shouldn't let something like this divide us.

Jill - posted on 02/24/2010

Thanks Jacquelyn totally agree....as you can see my claws did just come out lol when someone said I was putting my baby at risk of shaking by being there for her....I take a break when I need it and I think I will exit the convo now for my own good lol. Whatever works for each parent/baby is right. Thanks for the intense discussion to all though....either way I am neutral, I don't think CIO or not CIO is ultimately harming your baby in the long run. :)

Emily - posted on 02/24/2010

its good to let them cry it out...i always heard its good for their lungs

Medic - posted on 02/24/2010

I let my son cry it out....he didn't cry for long because he would just start talking to himself....now he is three and a half and he talks himself to sleep both at night and for his nap.....I agree with those that say sometimes kids just cry when he was about 14 months old when he would start whining and crying for nothing I would tell him to go somewhere else and cry... he did, he would go sit his grumpy booty in the laundry room and cry then when he was done he would come out and go about his business....and sometimes when he needs to decompress he goes and sits in the laundry room and screams then comes out when he's done. I don't think that letting him CIO has ruined or even damaged our bond because he is a mammas boy and thats ok.

Jill - posted on 02/24/2010

Now I'm angry...how DARE you say that by being there for my baby when she is crying is putting her at risk!?! I realize there are those out there that don't have the maturity or patience to handle a crying baby and yes, they should leave their baby alone at that point but I have never once even come close to shaking my baby or hurting her and I resent the fact that you think I would. I have plenty of "me" time in the evenings to recharge and quite like re-assuring my baby by just by going in her room and giving her a pat and telling her I love her. I do NOT cuddle her all day long, I do NOT have her attached to me 24/7 and I DO let her cry at certain times so long as it is not a serious cry. I am not perfect, and yes I do get at my wit's end at times my re-assurance does not always calm her, she is not always a perfect happy baby and I will walk away for 5 minutes and do something else...my daughter has absolutely ZERO separation anxiety, is happy with everyone and has NEVER flipped out when I left the room or left her with a sitter.
Please don't assume that just because I am re-assuring my baby and not letting her cry for an hour like some of you that I am endangering my baby. And Leigh, there's no right or wrong here....whatever is working without endangering the child is right. It is TOTALLY unfair to assume that kids who don't cry it out are worse off than those who do....if CIO works for you and your baby then that's great, I'm not judgmental to those who do this and I KNOW it works for some babies....but please don't assume I am putting my baby in harms way by being there for her. If I need a break, I take one but I still don't see a point to letting my daughter cry excessively when I CAN and DO calm her down - sometimes all it takes is a quick visit and she's fine and she is by no means a clingy, whiny, please don't leave my side Mama's baby....thnx.

Jacquelyn - posted on 02/24/2010

I agree with Jill, there is no reason to be ugly... but I'm sorry, when someone attacks me as a mother the claws come out. Being a mother is the best/ hardest job one will ever have, and there's no reason to make it harder by attacking someone's parenting style. For the record, I never said it was bad to pick your child up... if you don't practice CIO that's ok too! I just said a mother who does CIO is not a bad one. I am in the middle of the road, because I think it is ok, but I choose not to do it for longer than 15min. We are here to give each other advice. If you think everything is your way or the highway, why are you even here?



As for the comment about mothers bottle feeding because they are lazy... I have done both and bottle feeding is more work. When you are breastfeeding you just put the baby to the boob and when they are done, you are done. You don't have to clean, dry, and prepare bottles. That statement is not even valid.



"I tend to think that the excuse of having no milk and switching to formula is easy because WIC will pay for the formula, which means the rest of us pay for formula that we don't even use." .... please don't encourage a woman who can make an ignorant generalization like this! That is just ridiculous...

Leigh - posted on 02/24/2010

I did the same thing, if my babies were just tired I'd let them wear themselves out by crying, when they were babies and did this I'd just go in every so often calm them (without cuddling) and then walk out,they would soon be aslleep. Don't feel guilty,your doing the right thing.

Annette - posted on 02/24/2010

I personally think that u can't always make ur baby happy, even when u have done everything right. Sometimes they just cry to hear their own voices, especially my daughter. :) So for all the non-mother's who think they know everything because they babysat don't know nothing until they have their own.

Jess - posted on 02/24/2010

I agree completely ! My daughter is 6 months old, super independent, can self settle and is happy to go to anyone and doesn't seek me out 24/7. She has just started day care and the staff rave about how great she is to have around. I'm very cruisey and it takes a lot to upset me, my daugther is exactly the same way. I see no reason to carry her around all day. Seperation anxiety is hard for mothers to deal with but it really hurts your baby. I remember going through this with my mum when I was 4, and I was terrified of being away from her. Everything I have done with my daughter has been to make sure she doesn't have to go through what I did !


I have only once let her cry after trying everything to settle her and she just wouldn't stop, I put her in her bassinette and I hid under my blanktes in bed (in the same room) and we waited for daddy to come home and save the day ! It didn't hurt her and I haven't had to do it since. I was at my witts end and I think people's ignorance to this is dangerous. If those who are apposed to controlled crying continully try and guilt mothers into being at their babies side 24/7, than babies will be put at risk. Something has to give eventually and I would much rather a baby cry alone, while mummy calms down, rather than expossing a baby to potential danger. Shaken baby sindrome is serious and it happens. Lets not back mothers into a corner and make them feel that they NEED to be there while the baby cries.

And for the comment that someone else made about switching to formula being too easy and WIC pay for it.... Well let me tell you, the country I live in DOESN'T have WIC.... there is no free milk and no free food !!! It killed me to have to switch but when my daughter was hungry at 9pm and I had NO milk I had no other choice but to run down the 24 hour shop and pick up some formula. People's ignorance to formula feeding is very irritating. I worked my butt off to try and keep my milk supply going and NOTHING worked ! So it was not "too easy".

So coming back to controlled crying. I say each parent needs to choose what works for them and they need to own the consequences. We will never all agree on this !

Kristen - posted on 02/24/2010

I am in the middle of this process, letting my baby cry it out if i know he is feed and dry. hopefully it works because it is hard to listen to him cry and not scoop him up but i am tired of getting up all night long!

Jill - posted on 02/24/2010

Let's try to refrain from the offensive comments and sheer rudeness...yes, Megan you have managed to offend ALOT of people.
I think we can ALL agree that each baby is unique and we should not judge other parents on what works for them. It is unfair to assume that all CIO babies are independant and babies that don't CIO are all dependant. That's just not the case as we've read here today there are dependant babies that come from CIO and there are independant babies that come from not CIO.
Either way, we need to stick together in that we should not use a chance to discuss such important issues as a means to judge, name call and offend others. I want to be able to continue reading everyone's opinion, even those that I don't necessarily agree with - if we begin attacking each other we are not helping each other out one bit. Keep in mind when you post a comment on such a widely debated and controversial issue, you will hear many different opinions and methods and that is no reason to attack someone. So if you're not "ready" to read and deal with the fact that not everyone will agree with you, then keep your comments to yourself.

Mathilda - posted on 02/24/2010

Wow this is an interesting conversation.

my husband and I have been judged by many parents and honestly we tried their way and it didn't work each child is unique. I try not to think about how others raise their children because I might judge them and thats something I don't want to be done to me so I try not to do it to others.

I had an issue with breastfeeding my son as well to the point of depression and I am upset that people still believe that its an excuse to feed them formula, I pumped and pumped and never made enough for my son, I tried tea and other things, I didn't drink any sodas I drank so much water I thought I was a water balloon it just didn't make anymore than an ounce or two, and a baby's gotta eat. I do use WIC but I pay for my own formula and I feed him the foods that I receive from them. (he's 11 months) as long as you give your child the proper nutrition early on in their lives they will grow healthy and strong. Formula is not poison If it was children would be dying left and right.

Trina - posted on 02/24/2010

I don't believe in crying it out *anymore (I have been down that road ..sigh) but I also feel that everyone needs to be heard. I really don't like to debate the issue because I don't think casting judgment is beneficial whether I agree or not, KWIM? Instead I would ask how I can better support a mother so that she is able to rest more so that waking at night doesn't bother her so much , ect. I tried cry it out and I regret it because it was a mistake for us, so I do try to talk to others about it. I hope I never push people away though, that is never my goal.

Tabitha - posted on 02/24/2010

I agree 100% now there is a certain histarical cry that when it gets to that point of course you go get them and sooth them SOMETIMES thats all it takes. You know your child best so do what is best. My 6 month old FIGHTS sleep all the time takes only 2-3 30-45 min naps aday I believe teething is the factor but either way I LET HER CRY IT OUT. ONLY way I can keep my sanity and she can actually get some sleep cause she is NOT a happy bby when SOOOO tired she cant hang her head up but so in the mix she can NOT close her eyes. I AGREE WITH YOU COMPLETELY

Erica - posted on 02/24/2010

Agreed.

Whitney - posted on 02/24/2010

i would have to agree with you on this both of my sons have cried it out so to speak since they were born and i was told by many doctor it strengthens their lungs also aside from the independance thing. i believe that babies that dont have to do that will end up being dependant on others instead of themselfs and they will also have a hard time doing anything while the baby is awake...

Kelly - posted on 02/24/2010

I don't leave my baby to cry it out as I just can't stand seeing him that upset. He has reflux so most of the time there is a definite reason for him crying. If he's just whinging because he is tired and needs a sleep then I give him his dummy, hold him for a bit then put him down and sing to him and he goes to sleep. This hasn't made him clingy at all. He loves being with other people or playing on his own and he can put himself to sleep quite often.
I don't agree with people saying horrible things to others about how they choose to raise their child. Honestly its your baby and you are the one that decides how to raise them. If crying it out works for you and your baby is generally happy then by all means keep doing what you are doing.
People are always going to have different beliefs about how to raise their children and they shouldn't impose them on others.

Melissa - posted on 02/24/2010

Oh, your absolutely right! It is YOUR choice, so you just ignore the people who tell you that your wrong. I don't let my little girl cry more than 10-15 min, cause if she does, I know that she is seriously needing me. Every parent knows their child better than anyone else, so you just keep on doing what your doing momma!!!

Shawna - posted on 02/24/2010

I Love what you have said and just to add to it,I have three kids and I let them cryit out.They are 5,8,and 10 and they are indipendent.I am glad you have posted this and to the moms that think this is a bad thing to do think about this.My eight year old son asks for thing all the time and even when told no he walks away with a smile like he has done since he was a toddler on the other hand,my sisters son who since birth has been coddled and comforted at every wimper is also now eight and if he thinks you are going to say no befor he even asks he cries and whines and throws fits until he is comforted and told yes.So if I had to do it all over again I would still let my kids cry it out.

Kylie - posted on 02/24/2010

Each parent has their own way of treating their kids and no one way is RIGHT. I agree totally that some people should keep their opinions to themselves. I have 3 kids, no 1 was spoilt rotten, I rocked her to sleep every night and she slept in my bed until 2 1/2. ABSOLUTELY the wrong way to go about raising a child IMO, I only have myself to blame for that. She would not go to sleep without me, ever. But I must say she is a very independant little girl. No 2 had a routine straight away, always used the CIO, he never slept in my bed. He is an independant little man who adores cuddles and is a mummy's boy :-) No 3 is getting the best of both worlds, We have a snuggle and cuddle at least one nap time during the day, she is only 5 mths. But she also is able to fall asleep in her cot when she is tired. Yes all kids are different and coddling or not coddling them doesn't have any ongoing effects as they get older because they become their own person. If they know they're loved they will show love in their own way.
I would not normally say this because I'm of the opinion that everyone's opinion is valid in their own mind, but Megan Lukota, SHUT UP. Your opinion is yours and thats fine but you have done nothing but insult a huge group of people with yours. I was unable to breastfeed any of my children, not because my milk didn't come in, but for other very legit reasons. I fought a battle with my own concience EVERY time I was unable to feed my babies 'naturally' I don't need you to make my problems seem stupid. I love my babies and they are well nourished and very smart and healthy thankyou very much.

Miki - posted on 02/24/2010

Rock on, Supermom!

Valerie - posted on 02/24/2010

I did the CIO method with both of mine and they are both pretty independent, but they were that way from the start, they never wanted mama or daddy to hold them while they went to sleep, but i dont think that there is a problem with it just check and make sure that they are okay every few minutes. As for the breastfeeding that is up to the mother and no one should judge you for your choice.

April - posted on 02/24/2010

I disagree because I think soothing a baby now will lead to a more self-assured child later down the road. At this stage we co-sleep with our 7 month old daughter. She falls asleep quickly and sleeps from 9 pm to 8 am every night. She's not at all clingy, does not cry when I leave the room, plays with her toys on her own during the day - I think that a "clingy" baby is simply that - a clingy baby - and that no matter your parenting style that kid's going to be clingy. Of course, it's unfortunate that neither one of us has a crystal ball! =) But seriously - different parenting styles are what makes the world go 'round. As long as your little one's needs are met, I have no place to judge the way you want to raise your little 'un.



About breastfeeding: a lot of women don't breastfeed because they're lazy. I understand if you're unable - that's a different issue - but there are women out there who would rather keep their breasts perky than nurture their child the way nature intended. When I meet those I just have to laugh because the joke's on them - pregnancy kills your boobs, not breastfeeding. =)

Lacey - posted on 02/24/2010

OK I don't think anyone on here would allow there child to develop brain damage. I am aware that some parents sadly don't care about there children and abuse them and would allow them to cry to that extent. But I doubt anyone on here would do that. Even though I do the CIO method I have to say that no not every baby who doesn't do the CIO is clingy. Its more about personality. As for breastfeeding yes breast milk is better and yes it is supply and demand. But I want to say that I tried my hardest to breastfeed to the point when I had to stop I beat myself up and became very mad and upset with myself my husband thought I had postpartum depression. But I was just disappointed in myself. I had my daughter a month early. I began having seizures was on life support. Me and my daughter almost died that day. I was sooooo sick and weak for months after words. It took everything I had just to walk to another room. So for my health I wasn't able to breastfeed. I tried for 2 weeks before physically I was to drained to do so. Lets not attack other moms for not being able to or choosing not to breastfeed.

Tiffany - posted on 02/24/2010

i totally agree..i did not run to my daughter everytime she cried or i didnt hold her every second of the day & she does not cling to me now..i know so many people who babied there kids & held em all the time & the kids are so far up the parents ass they cant sit without them being on top of them

Jessi - posted on 02/24/2010

i dont believe in cio, but im not judgemental about it. if cio works for you then good for you! i try not to waste time being judgemental it doesnt help anything and ive got alot to do in a day without worrying what other people are up to (unless someone is talking about or doing something really dangerous to their babys) ;-)

for all those saying babies who dont cry it out are so attached to their moms that the mom cant get house work done, or the kid wont let the mom leave the room...GIVE YOUR HEADS A SHAKE!! talk about conglomerating all into one category. ...not to mention your being judgemental about the very people your annoyed with for judging you. lol

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2010

For the record, not letting your baby CIO will NOT turn them into clingy, overly-attached kids for the rest of their childhood. The thing is, babies all have different personalities from the moment they're born, and some are just more "needy" than others. It sounds like your step daughter's son is just more needy than yours. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with going to them when they cry, holding them or wearing them a lot, etc. I tend to believe that as babies, they need to learn to trust that you will be there when they need you, even if its for a little comfort. There is plenty of time when they're older for them to become more independant.

I'm not saying there isn't a time or place for CIO. For some babies it seems to work just fine; others though not so much. I've never let my son cry for any extended length of time (more than 5-10 minutes); I just can't and rather than calm himself, he just gets more and more worked up. Not that I haven't been tempted out of sheer frustration many times- he woke up 3 or more times a night until he was 6 months old. At 8 months now, he still wakes up once a night, about 50% of the time. And you know what? That's ok, there's nothing wrong with that. He went from waking up 4 times a night to now only once a night on his own, and he'll sleep through all the time, when he's good and ready.

Jacquelyn - posted on 02/24/2010

Megan Loukota, I did not take anything out of context... I believe that you are. What makes you think that WIC pays for my formula? My husband and I can afford to support our child without government help, otherwise I wouldn't have had a child in the first place. I did take the supplements and they did not work to increase my milk supply. You need to understand that your way is not the only way and things don't work out the same for everyone. There are people whose milk never comes in at no fault of their own. Michelle posted on here to vent about how frustrated she is that mothers like you think you know what's best for not only your own, but everyone else's child. People like you make being a mother unenjoyable for others. And since we're talking about "excuses", if you don't have time to clean your house because you are playing with your kids, how do you have time to post your unwanted opinions on circle of moms? Sounds like an excuse to be dirty and lazy to me.

Lacey - posted on 02/24/2010

I couldn't agree more. I started letting my daughter cry-it-out at about 6 months, that's when I felt she was old enough to do this. Obviously if something is wrong I don't let her cry but I know the difference between cranky fighting sleep cries and somethings wrong cries. She plays pretty well by herself and can put herself to sleep. I actually cant get her to fall asleep by rocking her at all now. She takes good naps and sleeps good at night. However when she started cutting teeth she started waking in the night again. But no biggie I know when teethings done she will sleep through the night again. I hate when people think that because you parent differently your doing something wrong. We all just have different ways of parenting.

Meghan - posted on 02/24/2010

I was one of those super attached mom's and everytime my son made a peep I ran over to him..I just felt that under 5 months old they need lots of attention. However this bit me in the butt because by 10 months old he had never slept alone (naps or bed), he wanted to nurse almost every hour (until 10 months old) I couldn't leave the room for 2 seconds without him flipping. I realized that this wasn't good for either one of us so I went into tough love mode. I started doing the cry it out, slowly weaned him off, got him crib trained etc..BEST thing I could have done. I now have a beautiful happy, adventerous little boy who knows that mommy is never far and he can always turn to me when he needs to

Megan - posted on 02/24/2010

Of course you need a clean, safe place for your baby, talk about taking things totally out of context. If there are dishes in my sink and my kids ask me to play, 9 times out of 10 I am going to go and play and leave the dishes until after they are in bed. There are many nursing teas and supplement out there to help with milk supply, I have had to use them and they work great without side effects, doctor approved. I tend to think that the excuse of having no milk and switching to formula is easy because WIC will pay for the formula, which means the rest of us pay for formula that we don't even use.
Letting a baby cry for an hour, wow. Ladies, I am not saying that letting a baby fuss to sleep is not okay or letting them fuss back to sleep when they wake in the middle of the night is bad, but crying for extended periods of time, as research has shown, is especially not healthy for babies under the age of six months.

Jacquelyn - posted on 02/24/2010

Oh and also, once he has been sleeping in his bed for a week ot two you can try laying him in the crib when he is drowsy and almost asleep. If he begins to fuss wait it out for 10-15 min and see if he will go to sleep on his own. If not, try to get him to sleep and then put him back in his crib. If he wakes during the night, follow the same procedure... most of the time they will get back to sleep on their own.

Jacquelyn - posted on 02/24/2010

Whitney, do you still feed him at night when he wakes up? I also let my daughter co-sleep with us and found that she continued to wake up at night. I first stopped feeding her at night, because if you continue to feed them they will continue to wake up at night to eat. Then, I started to work on getting her in her own bed. At first I would let her fall asleep with us and then move her to her crib. I immediately noticed she was sleeping longer and better. It was probably too crowded in our bed, and I'm sure any movements or sounds from us were waking her up. Once you move them out of your bed you will also find that you are much more rested as well. Hope this helps!

Whitney - posted on 02/24/2010

My son is almost 9 months old and wont sleep through the night. I've never really let him just cry it out. Not because I think it's wrong or anything.... I guess to be honest I'm just a wimp. lol. Would puttin ghim in his crib and letting him cry it out help? Also, he co-sleeps with us. Would this help him to sleep in his own bed? Please help me!!! I really appreciat any advice!

Kelli - posted on 02/24/2010

Oh boy.... you started a debate! I have to say, I hear you Michelle! I am all about putting my son's cranky butt to bed if he is unsoothable. I'm sure that moms who don't use the CIO method have perfectly loving healthy kids, but honestly I just don't have the patience to deal with my son when he's being a turd because he is tired and won't go to sleep. He's happy, healthy, and developmentally perfect. We still have plenty of snuggle time, but sometimes, the only way to get him to fall asleep is to put him in bed and let him cry. He's no worse for wear from it, and I'm much less stressed out because I'm not fighting with him to go to sleep.

Jenny - posted on 02/24/2010

i let my daughter (who is 9mths old) cry it out. I let her cry for like 5-10mins and then i go in and calm her down (without picking her up) and then kiss her and leave the room. Yes sometimes it does takes a few more times before she finally falls asleep but i feel like it works. Sometimes there is nothing you can really do to soothe them. I don't have a rocking chair or anything else, so when i try to make her sleep on me, she stil screams and fusses, so i feel CIO is the best for her. I agree that it gets frustrating also, cause sometimes i have to go outside and take a deep breath. My baby is very independent, crawls everywhere, is very happy, loving, and cuddly. She only gets miserable when she's sleepy or tired. I've been told what i was doing was wrong and bad for her, but they way i see it is that it works for us and it's my kid not theirs. I have not seen a different baby in her, she is still an angel. So i agree that people should raise their kids for what they feel is comfortable for them.

Lianne - posted on 02/24/2010

ur not a bad mum at all, try not to worry wot other people think/say,
when i first had my daughter she would scream the house down nearly 24/7, it was a nightmare she cried if she was being held, being rocked, in her buggy, bouncy chair!!
i couldnt do anything so she had to cry, now she is 23 months and doesnt cry as much, but sometimes i have to let her cry im a single mum with stuff to do, i dont want a dirty house and i need to go toilet lol,
as for breastfeeding i think as long as ur feeding the baby who cares if its breast or formula!! i wanted to bfeed but i just couldnt do it.

ur a great mum :)

Lisa - posted on 02/24/2010

Without reading the other posts, I would like to say I don't think you are a bad mom to let your baby cry it out. I on the other hand was never strong enough to do that. More kudos to you! But I dont think my children are worse off because I went to them when they cried. To each their own.

Ginger - posted on 02/24/2010

I am agreeing with you on this...My son is the same he takes two great naps and sleeps all the way through the night. I feel that as long as he is not hungry or hurt and just tired then he can cry himself to sleepl...my son is 9 mos old and by now i know his different cries!