Inlaw Siblings: What to do when all else fails?

Susan - posted on 03/06/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi all i have been married for 5 and half years to my amazing husband. But i have a major problem which i dont know how to deal with. What do you do when for the past 6 and half years your sibling in-laws treat you and your husband like dirt ( for my husband this has been going on since childhood). My youngest child is 7 weeks old and non of my husbands siblings has made the effort to come and meet him until today which i feel had more to do with it being their fathers bday tomorrow. But today just topped it all off my brother in-law decided to start an argument in which he finally told me exactly what he thought of me and a few other things which was aimed at my husband, to make matters worse it was my daughters third birthday party (there was no alcohol).I have tried to make an effort for the sake of my father inlaw (who lives with us), my husband and my children but to be honest its at the point where i do not want ANYTHING to do with them. What do i do, i am at a wits end. It hurts that they treat us like this but their my husbands siblings- can i not have anything to do with them? And what effect would this have on my children in the long run- i grew up with no extended family and hated it.

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Shelley - posted on 03/06/2010

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They clearly need to grow up if their that old i'm pleased your litle girl had a good birthday i'm thinking of you and i do hope you can sort out a peaceful solution as i know how important a support network is but if its plagued by fighting then its not a support network

Susan - posted on 03/06/2010

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Thankyou so much for your advice- it has given me a lot to think about. Its really hard because i have never seen my husband so upset. He is not only my husband but my best friend. When my daughter went to bed tonight i asked her if she enjoyed her birthday- she was happy to play with my husbands second cousins and blowing out her candle. Young children are so innocent to them its the little things- if only things were than easy in our adult lives. To make matters worse my family live over 12 hours away and i dont get to see them that often due to work etc so if i do go down the track of wiping the siblings from our lifes- i will not have the support that any mum no matter how young or old really needs. (By the way i am 26, my husband is 32 and the siblings in question are 36,34 and 30).

Shelley - posted on 03/06/2010

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hi Susan
i understand a little of what your going through. It is hard i think you will eventually get to a point when you realise that nothing you do will ever be right so you and your husband have to decide together what your right is and be comfortable fighting yelling swearing general agressiveness is not ok in front of children and its not right for someone to put you or your husband down in front of your kids therefor if you have to keep the kids away to stop that from happening then do it i think its disgusting that a man would speak rudely to you 7 weeks after having a baby in your own home.
Kids would prefer to have no extended family and peace in their life than to be uncomfortable and have every experience left in the middle of tension and fighting

Sheree - posted on 03/06/2010

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Sounds like my situation expect my MIL and FIL are in on it too. The decision was easy for my husband and I, we cut them out of my life and my daughters and my husband can see them any time he likes. Although it only happens at an occasion, (ie birthday, christmas, mothers day and fathers day) i see it that they only call the week before these dates so they know my hubsand will buy them a present. He hasnt seen them since christmas and my guess is he wont see them until easter or mothers day. Our family life has never been this great since we made the decision, it has stopped so much heartache and so many problems. We chose to do it because it was right for us and our situation. Best of luck with either way you go :)

Karen - posted on 03/06/2010

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That is awful! I am sorry you have to deal with people like that. If I were you I would never go out of my way for them, and when they were around, I would kill them with kindness. They are the ones that will pay for being so cruel at some point in there life. But it sounds to me like they are just jealous of the relationship that you and your husband have with each other and his father. Best of Luck....really wish I had better advice.

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