Is it appropriate for a father to be naked in the presence of his 3 year old daughter after he takes a shower
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Jodi - posted on 12/07/2010
I find it kind of funny this is one of those areas that we DON'T want our kisd to ask questions or be curious or learn something! lol I think it would be inappropriate if he were just cruising the house naked 24/7, but a few minutes post-shower to dry off, get dressed or whatever...big deal. One day, she will learn what a penis is, what it looks like, what it does etc etc. Would you rather she see Daddy's penis and ask you what it does, why he has one etc etc and YOU teach her...or wait until she meets a boy or has a chat with her girlfriends at a slumber party and becomes seriously misinformed?
I can remember seeing my dad naked on occasion growing up (such as after a dash from shower to bedroom, or changing in the morning) and I'm not traumatized, I learned what it was and why he has one and I think I'm all the better for it! lol The human body is natural, why pretend we don't have what do in fact have between our legs? No biggie!
Antoinette, children are not any smarter or more curious "these days" than they used to be. It's society that is changing and making everything "sexual". If we make a big deal out of daughter seeing daddy, then they will think it's a big deal. If we shrug it off and honestly answer whatever questions come up, they'll learn about their bodies from us, not society.
Nicole - posted on 12/07/2010
I don't see it as a big deal. We are pretty open in our family. Not to say that we do daily tasks in our birthday suits, lounge around naked, allow our children to be privy to our sexual intimacy, etc. but we don't hide ourselves when getting dressed/getting out of the shower/etc. We are family and there is nothing wrong with the human body and we are, after all, family and not strangers. Not to mention that I have breastfed all four of them and that means that they have seen my breasts on numerous occasions, whether latched on themselves or seeing their younger sibling latched on. I think that this will help my sons understand the true meaning of a woman's breasts and that they will always respect the miracle that is a woman's body. We are also very candid with our children about how children are birthed, how they develop (this was easily initiated since I have been pregnant so many times) and (by age 8) how babies are created. It is ongoing dialogue we have with our children. We have found being totally open with our kids about those things helps us to have conversations about their own bodies, differences between boys and girls and men and women, and to always ask us if it's okay to get naked in front of someone else (like a doctor, etc.) before doing so/good tough, bad touch and so on. I personally feel that when we go through so much effort to shield our children from basic anatomy, we set them up to be confused about it as adults (hence, think breasts are supposed to be for sex and not for feeding babies) and maybe worse, not be prepared for what to do should they encounter a pedophile. Again, I am not saying we make extra effort for our children to see us in our birthday suits, but we don't go through extra effort to hide it. It is after all the same body which gave them life...
Caitlin - posted on 12/07/2010
As long as he's not really walking around naked, I don't see what the big deal is.. Eventually she needs to learn that girls have vaginas and boys have penises, and that boys and girls are different. Pick up a cute little book for kids about the differences, and let her learn about it and read it together. I'd much rather teaching my daughter about it at home, then I can teach her about how they are pirvate parts, and we don't take our clothes off or touch anybody elses private parts, and nobody should do it to her either... They are never too young to learn that!
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Maddy - posted on 12/10/2010
I agree with a lot of the other comments on here, as long as he isn't walking around the house naked all the time then it is fine. Also I have a 13 month old daughter and I would rather teach her about private parts rather than she be unimformed when talking to friends at school or not realise its not ok to take off her clothes infront of other people and other people should not take their clothes off infront of her. If you and your partner are both ok with it then it's fine, but if you're not ok with it then you need to talk to him.
Gina - posted on 12/10/2010
This is an issue I have been torn with. I have 2 wonderful stepchildren, a 3yr old boy and a 6 yr old girl. Now I grew up in a pretty relaxed household. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters we are all pretty close in age. My parents never made a big deal about nakedness. Now they didn't lounge around undressed, but if someone walked in on someone, or caught someone makin a break for their bedroom from the shower we didn't fuss. Now my childrens mom is very strict about it. The children both freak out if I see them naked, which makes bathing them kinda weird. Also just helping them out, my 3 yr old sometimes.needs help dressing properly or cleaning up after going potty and such, yet he has been tought to not ask for help, and to feel shy and uncomfortable when I try to assist him. It has gotten frustrating and I still have no idea how to handle it...
Nikkole - posted on 12/10/2010
@Ashley Grady how is a 3 year old not old enough to understand?? My son isn't 3 until the end of this month but he can tell me mom girls have different parts than boys! All you have to do is explain it in a way they can understand im not saying go into detail with a picture of private parts and have them name everything and talk about it all you have to say is little girls and little boys have different parts and we dont touch ok!! Im not saying you should do this if your not comfortable then your not but im just saying kids can understand more than what you think at young ages!
Wendy - posted on 12/10/2010
I think it depends on your family's comfort on nudity. Also on your willingness to answer some possibly awkward questions. My son is 14 months and is still BF. I don't tried to hide my body after a shower. I feel that by trying to hide my nakedness from him will either just make him more curious or teach him to be ashamed of his body. Do what you feel is right but just know that your husband is not doing anything wrong by being comfortable with himself and his family.
Jodi - posted on 12/10/2010
On this ridiculous molestation issue. 1) if you really think there is any chance your husband could actually molest your child why did you procreate and/or stay with him anyways? 2) Mothers are just as capable of molesting their children as fathers are, so take a good hard long look in the mirror if you're going to start pointing fingers at men.
To clarify, I do not think being naked in front of your child occasionally, of the same or opposite sex is pedophilia, child molestation, dangerous or traumatizing for anyone involved. I'm just saying, if you're going to start the molestation issue, make sure you're protecting your child from everyone...and that includes yourself. (Which I don't think is necessary, unless you have a sexual attraction or urge towards children obviously.)
Sabrina - posted on 12/10/2010
I say yes and the reason is when u start to explain things whether its for safety reasons, birds and bee's etc.He seeing daddies body will make it easier to understand.For example telling her not to let anyone touch her private areas and dont touch mens and u can say like daddy he has man parts or something along those lines.
Joyce - posted on 12/10/2010
This I is a very personal topic. However my opinion is that I see no problem with it. I have 2 kids a boy and a girl and although my husband and I dont walk around the house naked the kids have caught us from time to time. We are a house for the most part with open doors bathroom and what not. I grew up in a house where doors were shut and locked. And although I know my brother way different we didnt talk about that. So I have decided not to do that with my children. Of coarse there are times when the door is locked and my oldest know if the door is closed he needs to knock. But I can say with my son he never really had any problems. He didnt really giggle or make a big deal once it was simply explained to him. He is getting to an age where he wants more privacy and I am ok with that too. However he has no problem coming to me and telling me if something is wrong and that was our goal. I dont want them to hide or be ashamed of themselves. But again this is more a personal matter. And of coarse if you are open with your children you have to stress that just because it is ok to be open at home it is not ok to show anyone or let anyone touch them.
Yeah, Jodi, we have always just answered our 6-year-olds questions up front in an age appropriate way, and now he has no hesitation coming to us with the hard questions. In fact, he asked to be present at the home birth of our second baby so he could hold my hand "when the baby comes out of your pagina, because that has got to hurt!" Why is human nudity, our most natural state, taboo? Parents who are naked in front of their children are NOT PEDOPHILES! That was a horrible statement, and I agree with the moms who said that if you honestly think your husband is acting inappropriately with your daughter than you have much bigger problems.
Jodi - posted on 12/10/2010
"Not saying that anyone's hubby is one, just saying as a mother it's our job to protect."
And if anyone feels that they need to protect their children from their husband (or children's father), there are far bigger issues than nudity. I am surprised you are even still with the man if there is that little trust.
Oh, and I agree with Nikkole, just answer their damn questions. My 5 year old knows that babies come out of the vagina. She knows the correct names, and she knows daddy's penis is different to that of a little boy.
I also now have a 13 year old who has absolutely no hesitation to ask the awkward questions if he is puzzled about something or confused. There is no shame in nudity, no shame in our bodies, and no embarrassment in the facts of life in our home.
Ashley - posted on 12/09/2010
Absolutely NOT...a 3 year old is old enough to understand & ask questions...my husband won't even b naked around our 1 year old daughter & she doesn't understand that stuff yet. & they r old enough to go telling other people about it & others may take it the wrong way & u could end up in a LOT of hot water with that one. So i would say just to b safe not to do it.
Julia - posted on 12/09/2010
not after, but in the shower its fine if theyre both bathing. i stopped bathing with my son at 2.5 because he wanted to ask too many questions. curiosity is natural but unless you're prepared to answer those questions, tell him to knock it off.
Hayley - posted on 12/09/2010
I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Everyone at some point in my house has had to dart around the house butt naked trying to find that illusive piece of clothing that you could have sworn you ironed and hung on the back of the bedroom door yesterday :D
Maxine - posted on 12/09/2010
Not at all, even if they ask what is hanging between daddy's legs. What's wrong with being honest and telling your child it is daddy's penis and a part of the male anatomy. It only becomes something taboo/wrong/naughty when YOU make it into that.
Nikkole - posted on 12/09/2010
I don't see a big deal with it i mean my daughter is only 6 months but my son is 3 and he sometimes takes showers with us! my husband will ONLY walk around in boxers when he gets out of the shower then he puts on his comfy pants lol! But the ONLY time im embarrased by my son is when we are in a crowded store he will yell out "MOMMY HAS BIG BOOBS" and will point to them lol but sometimes i have to change in front of him i have no choice!
Nicole - posted on 12/09/2010
Sophia, are you implying that if a child sees a parent in the nude that the parent is committing child molestation???? That is a very loaded allegation if that is the case. AND I will have you know that if I thought there was any way that my husband was a child molester, I would not be married to him!!! Are you telling me that you treat your child's father as a child molester, "just in case"? Well, it is our job as mothers to protect our children, but I am not going to treat my hubby as a child molester just because the number of molesters is high. It does happen, yes, but if I treated my own husband as a molester, not only would I be driving myself crazy, but I would be divorced because my husband wouldn't put up with that and I wouldn't blame him! He's never given me any reason to believe that I can't trust him with our children. EVEN IF he doesn't mind my kids seeing him naked.
Please clarify if I misread both of your posts, but as it is, I was offended by both...
I have been wondering about this myself...since my son was born I've just thrown him in the bath with me. We've always had a good rapport about body parts and such, and he's very comfortable with it. But now he's 6 and I wonder if its time to stop...sometimes he asks me to get in the tub with him and I do, but usually he just bathes himself. I've just been following his lead I guess.
Sophia - posted on 12/09/2010
There is no type of person. Here's the legal definition
"Child molestation is a crime involving a range of indecent or sexual activities between an adult and a child, usually under the age of 14. In psychiatric terms, these acts are sometimes known as pedophilia. It is important, however, to keep in mind that child molestation and child Sexual Abuse refer to specific, legally defined actions. They do not necessarily imply that the perpetrator bears a particular psychological makeup or motive. For example, not all incidents of child molestation are perpetrated by pedophiles; sometimes the perpetrator has other motives for his or her actions and does not manifest an ongoing pattern of sexual attraction to children. Thus, not all child molestation is perpetrated by pedophiles, and not all pedophiles actually commit child molestation."
Danika - posted on 12/09/2010
i think its fine. my hubby doesn't agree so much but i figure i'd rather their curiosity come out at home then anywhere else. we have 2 girls 6 and 1.5 and another here next week (i hope) and i don't hide my body from them but i also teach them about whats your special private spots and why you can't just show people.
When i was young i was very close with my dad, and he was never shy about being naked and i think it helped me not be scared to go to him about my own body. when my parents divorced and my mother remarried i lost that sense of security as my step dad and i would have never of allowed each other to see ourselves naked. which i believe made things harder. i could never of gone to him if i got my period or anything while mum wasn't home or if anything had happened to my mum i wouldn't have had someone i was comfortable with about my body and to be able to ask questions etc. but nudity has its place too and shouldn't be something that embaresses anyone.
Sophia - posted on 12/09/2010
I don't know who has the MISCONSTRUED advice, but according to the Justice Department, there are approximately four million pedophiles in the United States. It is difficult, however, to accurately assess the number of child molesters because many child molesters are not caught. The Justice Department reports the alarming statistic that one in four girls and one in seven boys will experience sexual abuse before the age of 18.
Not saying that anyone's hubby is one, just saying as a mother it's our job to protect.
Jennifer - posted on 12/09/2010
I think it is appropriate!When her father walks from the bathroom to the bedroom or vice versa!Not naked 24/7!Kids should be allowed to ask questions!And its better they see your body parts and ask you questions then see some elses and ask questions to someone who is misinformed!My husband walks around naked and my 22 month old is around the house!She does not ask questions yet, but when she asks we will sit down and answer everything!If your daughter asks questions, sit her down and explain everything to her!
My friend has two daughters and her husband has let them shower with him since day one. Their ped told them it was fine as long as they stopped when they were old enough to notice the physical differences. The oldest is about to turn two and the first time she says "daddy whats that?" they are gonna stop. I'm not sure if it's the same the other way around I have boys and I don't feel uncomfortable with my son seeing me naked but he is still very young.
BTW... I was told to tell the child the correct name for the "parts" when he does start noticing.
Rooja - posted on 12/09/2010
Personally ... yes ... i would feel very uncomfortable, actually my hubby would feel even more uncomfortable about that. But ofcourse, if a family is ok with such a setup and its working, then fine with them.
To each their own
Nicole - posted on 12/09/2010
Why does everyone feel that when the child starts asking questions the parents should start covering up more???? This is a normal part of a child's curiosity! So what, we teach them nothing about the human body and make them feel that it is something "wrong" and "we don't ask"??? Will you EVER tell them about the human body? I am just confused... I wouldn't stand naked and let my sons *stare* at my naked body to teach them about the female body (and visa verse with my husband), but I would get dressed answer their questions and give them the impression that the human body is normal and not to be ashamed of. I think that if they start asking questions and we start to shield ourselves we teach them that the human body is taboo. I would rather my children learn about the human body from me because they innocently see me or my husband naked and rightfully ask questions than from the general public, or worse, a deviant. But, that's just me. I'm not saying anyone else is wrong, I am just trying to understand why a curious child asking questions would prompt a parent to start acting differently. I would think that this would make the child feel that they shouldn't ask questions when they are curious and may backfire on the parent in the end....
Summer - posted on 12/09/2010
Well to me once as it is being said that he is not parading naked then its not a problem, my son will be two tomorrow and he knows all his body parts and want to used the toilet as I do he don't have a male figure I asked his daddy to show him wat to do but I dont know if he does when he has him, my son also know my parts and I wear panty and also tries to put on panty shield and pad lol but at least he is learning the difference, the only things i dont understand he goes around raiseing everyone clothes and asked them if they toto or peepee
Jessica - posted on 12/09/2010
OMG some people have one track minds. Mothers and fathers should be able to shower their children without having people jump on the child abuse wagon. Yes little girls AND little boys get abused, and there are some very sick people out there. But children should be able to be comfoirtable with both their mum and dad, because sometimes dad is the only person around, or vice versa. Yes, when she starts asking questions, answer truthfully and yes, use this to teach children about the right and wrong touching, but don't make the child OR the father afraid to be around each other like that. I am a single mum with a two year old son and there isn't a man around to be taking my little man for a shower, or teaching him how to use the toilet, so I will be doing all that myself. And in doing so, I hope that itmeans that when he has a problem with his bits he won't be too embarrassed or afraid to come and tell me.
Autumn - posted on 12/09/2010
Personally I do not believe it is appropriate, But I came from an abusive past which is why my comfort level may be different from yours (OP) But thats not to say yay or nay either way. It is really up to you and the father. Now, if she starts to reach or ask about things then it might be time to stop and explain ( my opinion ) You will find alot of mixed emotions from this topic, and as I kind of read the comments, Misconstrued words. But do some research, ask the pediatrician.
Alecia - posted on 12/09/2010
I've read that 5 is the age for parents to start worrying about covering up. I have a 4 year old son and I cover up in front of him but I can see why they might say 5 to give them the chance to ask questions while they are starting to understand. At this point I have been covering up and wouldn't just stop but I might have waited a little longer had I thought about the learning experience.
Jodi - posted on 12/09/2010
Yeah, I'm kind of with Pamela on that one. You either trust him with your daughter or you don't. And believe me, him covering up and not letting her see him naked is not going to stop the molestation if that's the type of person he is.
Elisha - posted on 12/09/2010
Everyone has an opinion on here...but for the most part I have agree with the majority of those mom's who say, once the child starts asking questions then you should stop letting the child see the parent of the opposite sex's body when naked. My son is 3yr 4mos and we just decided to stop letting him take showers with me and his little sister. His daddy handles all of that now and I get dressed in a locked room so he won't barge in on me. I hope that helps :o)
Sophia - posted on 12/08/2010
No, it is not appropriate ESPECIALLY, ESPECIALLY if he wants to be naked around the girl. 1 in 4 girls are molested or sexually abused by the age of 4 - usually by a relative or someone living in their household. SAD BUT TRUE.
Pamela - posted on 12/08/2010
I think if I said that to my hubby he would just laugh at me also we live in perth australia and its get HOT! I walk around in my underwear and my boys both walk around in there underwear we must be funny for the neighbors heheehe
Christina - posted on 12/08/2010
I agree with you Jessica. If the parent and or child is uncomfortable, nudity needs to stop immediately. I am not allowed to see my 10yr old son naked. It embarrasses him. However, he can still walk in on me without being embarrassed. I respect his privacy. My husband is uncomfortable with the older three seeing him naked, so it does not happen. I just wish I was lucky enough to be naked in private. I long for the day that no one needs me every time I have to pee!
Pamela - posted on 12/08/2010
yes it is appropriate what utter nonsense ! I shower with my two boys nearly 3 and 20 months and so does my husband. there is nothing wrong with the naked body and I think its good for teaching her confidence in body image.. if she asked questions Answer them correctly ( no silly names or make believe answers) you tell her that daddys body is his body and you can't touch just like her body is private and no body is to touch her parts either.
this is a great and easy way to educate about appropriate behaviors and attitudes to body image. Children's brains don't think in a sexual nature so all questions she will ask will be about curiosity and deserve a honest answer ( nothing to complicated but completely honest)
I was baby sitting a little girl and both my boys and her were in the bath my 20 month old was shocked and said wheres her doodle ! I explained that Myla is a girl and girls have different parts just like mummy is a girl so she has different parts.
Kristy - posted on 12/08/2010
Jessica, i think we actually agree but just have obviously different comfort levels for different reasons :) the abuse comment i made was in now way directed at you, it was about a comment which must of been deleted as its not up there anymore, which implied that the mother should be watching for signs of sexual abuse by the father. I did aslo want to say if your daughter is trying to touch, then that would be a good opportunity to explain to her why we dont touch each other and explian "bad touch"
Momma - posted on 12/08/2010
I'm not saying that parents that choose to let their kids see them naked is wrong either. I'm only saying that it becomes a point when every parent has to decide when they are no longer comfortable about it. I come from a back ground where I was sexually abused as a child so I do tend to look at things in a very different way. That's where my comfort levels are and it's fine for me. I wasn't ever trying to make the accusations that parents that let their kids see them naked is abusing their kids. I don't know if that comment was to me or not so I'm only making it clean that I never tried to imply that. People have all different back grounds that shape us to who we are today and how we parent our children. There is no right or wrong as long as the children are being cared for. Regardless of the reason for a parent to allow or not to allow their kids to see them naked, it shouldn't be taken into the context that they are doing their kids harm.
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