Is it bad to spank your kids?

Brenda - posted on 07/14/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I try to put my child in time out most of the time but sometimes she still acts up. My husbands discipline her by spanking her and screaming at her. He always intimidates her and I am worried that this will hurt her self esteem. We are constantly bumping head on how to raise our daughter and sometimes argue in front of her about it. Usually I will get after him for screaming at her or disciplining her and we will be mad at each other. I am confused about this can someone give me some advise?

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Personally, I do think it is bad to spank your kids, however, from what you posted, I'd be more concerned that you and your husband are not consistent with discipline. The two of you need to come up with methods and rules that you can stick to and both be comfortable with. Consistency in discipline can be just as important as how you discipline.

Jen - posted on 07/14/2009

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Spanking is completely up to the parents. However, you should both agree on whether or not you will spank. Discipline must also be consistent from both parents or the child will get confused or stop paying attention to one of the parents. I agree with you in that your husband should not yell at her. Yelling doesn't get you anywhere. However, you guys probably shouldn't argue in front of her either. Try to go in the other room and talk it out or wait until she is in bed to discuss it. Parents are always going to disagree on something so maybe you and your husband should find a common ground. For example, if he thinks you don't do a time out successful let him show you how he would do it and you could show him something that you'd like him to do better. It goes both ways.



For our daughter, my husband and I do some spanking, but mostly time out. She usually gets a pop on the butt for not listening and then serves her time out. Some kids hate and are scared of time out and others just think it's a place to play around. Just make sure you explain to your daughter when she's doing something wrong and tell her how she can correct her behavior. Good luck.

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Sheila - posted on 07/15/2009

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After my 2yr old son gets mad because he can't have his way he will throw his toys or whatever else he can get his hands on. The thing is he thinks it's funny when he throws things. I have tried time out but it is a constant battle to get him to stay in the chair. Once I even had to hold him down in the chair. That didn't work to well. I always talk to my son and tell him what he has done wrong, but then he does it again. I do spank my son and for right now it seems to be working and geting him to go in timeout when I do spank him. At the end of the day I do feel bad sometimes but we do what we feel we have to. I have had the same problems as you with how to disapline and aslo the yelling. I hate it. I don't like to agrue infront of my son but his dad doesn't seem to care about that. My parents faught in front of me when I was a kid and that is something I don't want my son to have to see or hear.

Jamie - posted on 07/15/2009

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I dont see a problem with spanking. We spank, however, we dont scream at them thats a little over the top. We talk to them and tell them what they have done wrong and why they are getting a swat. This is only after time out has failed. I can say its been pretty effective. I couldnt tell you the last time my 7yr old got spanked. My 4 yr old, maybe once a week, my 3yr old, well hes testing his limits so its been a tad more frequent. I think you 2 need to sit down and discuss this calmly and not when the child is in trouble cause then its just more drama, hes pist and the child for being bad, your pist at him cause hes yelling and spanking and then hes pist at you for being pist at him. SO it turns into a pissing match. Good luck!

Natasha - posted on 07/15/2009

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I personally don't think spanking is the answer. I do believe it hurts their self esteem and isn't an effective form of discipline.
I think the reason she still acts up is because mummy does one thing, daddy does another.
Kids need consistent discipline, so if you are doing timeouts your husband needs to do time outs.

Jackie - posted on 07/15/2009

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I have 4 kids.I have identical twin boys that will be 5 in Sept.I have another lil boy that will be 4 in Nov.I also have a baby girl that is 1 years old.My three boys are old enough to know when they do something wrong.When they do something wrong i will pat not spank pat them on their butts and then i will take a toy away.I take a toy that they really like and tell them if they behave for me then they might can have it back,but if they dont behave for me then that toy gets throwed away and if that dosnt work then i give them a 5min time out,but i tell you from having 4kids the taking away their fav toy works bc if they dont stop doing what u asked them and they see u throw it away brakes their heart and they realize if they dont do what momma or daddy askes them to do they will loose a toy and no kid wants to see their toys get throwed away so that worked for me maybe something u can try.My lil girl well she is a lil mommas girl and right now she is to young to know when she is doing anything wrong so when she is into something that she isnt suppose to be in or doing something she isnt suppose to be doing i just tell her no in a mean voice and since her being a mommas girl it breaks her heart and she dosnt like when mommy says no to her,but i tell you she dosnt get back into or mess with what i told her no about,but like i said maybe taking a toy or anything they really like away worked for me and maybe it will for you.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 07/14/2009

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First of all, if you are getting onto him about his discipline techniches in front of her ... you NEED to stop! That is telling your daughter that you don't agree with your husband and she will learn how to work that in her favor VERY quickly. Secondly, I was spanked and turned out all right. I spank my kids and they are doing fine. It's a personal choice. My husband doesn't believe in it but doesn't stop me from doing it. If he ever feels like I went too far he will wait until the discipline is done and we're in our quiet time at the end of the night and will strike up a conversation about it. There are times I believe he is right and there are times when he believes I am right. The point is at the end of the day, we agree for the next time the situation occurs how we will handle it ... compromise - it's a coming together and promising to work it all out. Hope this helps. Good luck. And don't snub spanking too much ... it's not really a bad thing if done appropriately.

Brenda - posted on 07/14/2009

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Thanks a lot for all the good advise. I will share all these good ideas with my husband and we will figure out a consistent way of disciplining her without arguing about it.

Kelly - posted on 07/14/2009

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Treat a child as a mini adult if we break the law there a consequeces but we are not spanked, we have priviliges taken away so try to takeaway priviliges. Timeout is a good start but doesnt always work so try taking other things away maybe a favourite toy or activity she likes. If she sees you arguing over how to disipline her she will learn what is happening and play you against each other you need to discuss different strategies in private and work together to implement them. Good Luck

Melissa - posted on 07/14/2009

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I thoink kids are way to smart to have to resort to spanking most kids can learn effectively from proper consistent discipline. That is the most important thing to be consistent and for you and your husband to agree either way on the discipline or the child will be confused. I use 123 magic and love it My child was very wild and strong minded and it seriously worked the 1 st week was constant time outs but it paid out after all

Michelle - posted on 07/14/2009

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I dont think spanking is good, by doing it you are teaching them that if somone is doing somthing you dont like it is ok to hit them.

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